Tag: Cambodia

BLOG: CAN-tonese or CANT-onese?

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Friday.

What a crazy week it’s been. Somehow I managed to accomplish everything on my To Do List except pay my phone bill. I don’t know how I forgot. I went to the phone store, I printed out my ticket, I planned to go pay it at 7/11, and then I forgot about it until this morning when I pulled said ticket out of my purse at the laundry.

I also ended up splitting my laundry into two portions again. I’ve learned it’s better not to dump all off at the same time in case something happens. There should always be a day for undergarments and a day for blankets, sheets, towels, and pillow cases. Never both at the same time.

I did a deep-clean of my studio this week and started making a bag of clothes that have shrunk, changed forms, or ended up destroyed somehow. It’s actually shocking how fast the clothes over here fall apart. How I long for stability so my brother can just ship me a crate with all of my clothes, shoes, books, and art in it. I think I miss my library the most. There’s just something about being able to pull out a book for a random reference check…

I’m definitely having some anxiety over my interview the other day. I’m trying to control it by making vision boards on Pinterest. I made one that just has memes on it that say things like, “The perfect job for me is already on its way to me!” And “Congratulations! You got the job!” Then I just scroll through it over and over and over again.

It really helped me because my inbox this week was otherwise full of more rejections. These jobs will literally put in the ad, “We provide visas!” and then they will auto-reject you if you say you need a visa. Make it make sense!

So yeah, definitely a lot of praying going on right now. Oh, I long for stability. The thought of having to pack everything up and start all over again somewhere else fills me with dread. I thought I would be into the nomadic lifestyle when I came to Asia, but now I see it really just is exhausting. I just want a steady job and a stable income and an apartment with a long lease that I feel comfortable in.

Thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers.

I have no idea what I’m going to do if I don’t get this job. This is the only interview I’ve gotten after almost a full year and hundreds of applications. I just pray and pray and pray and pray. More vision boards, more manifesting, more meditation, more cleansing rituals. Magic will get me a job. I truly believe that. I have no other choice than to believe it because if I don’t believe, things would be bad, and I didn’t risk everything and take a giant gamble to come here if it’s all just bad.

There has to be something good in this world. There just has to be.

Anyway, I do believe in the power of manifestation. I’ve been using my Pinterest account to make vision boards for like 10 years and most of the stuff I’ve put on there has, in fact, manifested. I traveled all over the US, I went to the Paris Writing Workshop, I did Yoga Teacher Training Courses in India and Bali, I’ve traveled to about a dozen countries, I did the TEFL, and I’ve lived in some amazing apartments. I’ve even built myself a whole new Island of Lost Guys and populated it with some real sexy international beefcakes instead of the abusive losers I was stuck with back home.

I can do this. I will just continue channeling all the positive energy and surrounding myself with light and love. I have completely avoided going out this week in favor of saving money and making better life choices. And by making better life choices, I definitely mean turning my studio into a meditation cave and visualizing the life I want in order to keep myself on track.

Oh god, I can’t get my mind off the job hunting thing. It’s been so stressful. I hope I get this job so bad. One interview out of a hundred or so applications. I still can’t believe it popped up. I was really frustrated with the job hunt, so I flipped a coin. Heads is Hong Kong, Tails is Cambodia. I got tails twice, so I reached out and contacted the yoga work trade person in Cambodia. Literally 15 minutes after I wrote the email, I got a call out of nowhere from this company here in HK and invited for an interview. Magic!

Later I received a message back from the work trade and the deal they are offering is even shadier than I expected. It’s so ridiculous how many people in the yoga “community” exploit the concept of “Bhakti” (service/devotion) for free labour. Let’s just say this person’s situation is one where they should definitely be paying someone professionally for what they are asking for. I was actually shocked by how exploitive the offer actually was. I haven’t even responded to it. It has “shady” written all over it. But, ya know, it is Cambodia, and if there’s one thing Cambodia is known for, it’s the fact that it’s shady AF.

Yet another reason to avoid the yoga “community” altogether. I started doing yoga for deeply intense spiritual reasons and for therapeutic purposes. Seeing how many people there are out there willing to exploit other people’s suffering for their own gain has really messed with me. Most of the people I’ve met through yoga have been straight-up gross. Selfish, narcissistic, very me-me-me-me-me-me. Exploitive. Manipulative. Just completely and totally unconcerned with the world around them. It’s definitely pushed me away from wanting to teach yoga or be around other yogis.

In the future, it’s something I plan to do just for me. I find I’m much happier when I’m alone in a park or on a rooftop or at the beach, moving my body in whatever way feels best for me in the moment. Being around the yoga community right now just completely kills my vibe. It’s just too much…

Okay, I’m off to meditate again now. I just talked to one of my friends from the coffee shop about my interview. He’s pretty positive for me. He says I have the “Hong Kong Can-Do Attitude.” He thinks anyone who can say they’ve been surviving in Hong Kong and SEA in general without a job is a good candidate. Hong Kongers tend to respect that. Game recognizes game. Sharks recognize sharks. Anyone who is willing to stay and fight for their place here deserves a spot. I love that. I hope he is right.

As they say, are you “CAN-tonese” or “CANT-onese”? Just kidding, I’m pretty sure no one here has ever said that. I just came up with it on my own. It’s a play on the whole “Ameri-CAN” or “Ameri-CANT” thing.

Oh god, please pray for me. I need this. I really, really need this.

Okay, time to go chill and meditate. The End.

BLOG: The Weekend Update

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Monday.

It was quite the weekend, wasn’t it? You know shit’s going down when I don’t post for two days in a row. So much to document. This is why I have to write daily or I will forget.

Friday night was… the most interesting. Honestly, I wasn’t expecting it to be since the vast majority was pretty lame. I watched Remarkably Bright Creatures, which made me cry my eyes out. I think I may have watched something else before that which also made me cry, but I can’t fully remember. Whatever it was also made me cry. I actually spent most of my night crying. That’s what I remember about it, lol.

It’s not a good weekend for me. It was my dead dad’s birthday and Mother’s Day. Not so fun for me. So I just planned to stay in and cry about it because I didn’t want to put that energy onto anyone else by going out in public.

Sometime around 3am, I decided to go up to the rooftop for a smoke. As I was coming back to the stairway, I heard someone coming up the stairs. I looked down to confirm it was my hot beefcake neighbor. I noticed he was staring at his phone and had his earbuds in. I decided to use the opportunity to scare him since that’s our little inside joke now. We are always startling each other unexpectedly, though I suspect he’s done it on purpose now at least once or twice. The last time was definitely intentional.

I decided to take revenge. I hid behind the door so he couldn’t see me. When he reached the top, I jumped out at him and yelled “Boo!” I got the full movie jump scare out of him. He genuinely looked terrified! I was laughing so hard! It was so funny! Just what I needed after a long night of crying…

It took him a minute or two to recover. Once he had regained his composure, he gave me a look I can only describe as “smoldering” and said, “Ohhh, you’re in trouble now. I’m gonna get you back. I am going to wreck you. Just absolutely wreck you. One of these days, I’m gonna come out here when you’re doing yoga and sneak up on you and absolutely ruin you.”

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Ummm… okay. Why does that sound less like a threat and more like a sexual innuendo? Is this one of these British English vs American English kind of situations? What’s going on here? What’s he actually saying? Am I supposed to be turned on right now? Because I’m actually kind of turned on right now.

As I was relaying this part of the story to my friend later, she raised her eyebrow and smirked at me.

“I think your neighbor has a thing for you,” she said.

“Maybe. I don’t know. Does saying ‘I’m going to wreck you’ mean something different in British? Because in America, that’s a very strong, very sexually-charged statement to make.”

My friend just laughed at me.

“Yeah, it means the same thing in British.”

“So he’s saying he wants to bang me?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Hmm. Interesting.”

Back to the rooftop. We ended up sitting out there chatting for like an hour and a half. He said to me, “You know, you are the strangest person I have ever met. I can’t figure you out at all. You’re such a little weirdo. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Well, you know us Americans. We’re all very strange and exotic to properly uptight British lads like yourself. It’s A Thing. They’re all into Asian girls until the moment they meet an American, and then it’s like, “Ooooooh, an American. I’m obsessed with Americans and America. I love America! I want to be American! If I put my penis inside of you, will I absorb your magical powers of Freedom, Liberty, and Justice for All?”

My British Guy in Bangkok was like this as well. He was utterly obsessed with my Americanness. Then he ran off with some Thai girl to an island and was never seen or heard from again. I don’t think he knows what he wants, tbh.

Anyway, so, back to my neighbor. He started asking me all these questions about South Dakota. This is also A Thing I’ve noticed with people who have fascinations with Americans. They hear me say “South Dakota” and they think Ye Olde Western Frontier. Cowboy boots. Gunslingers. Old-timey dive bars with a piano player and bathtub bourbon. Aces and Eights! The whole thing!

Truly, not that far off from reality, if you want my professional opinion.

So obviously the last thing I want to talk about to anyone ever is motherfucking South Dakota. Unfortunately, it turns out there is a whole untapped international market that is obsessed with it and wants to know everything there is to know about it. It is what it is. I could be angry, or I could exploit my 17 years of experience and knowledge for ca$$$h money, baby! What do you think I’ll end up choosing in the end?

As I mentioned previously, my neighbor is an Actor. He says he usually plays bad guys in Chinese movies. I told him he could also play bad guys in Bollywood movies since he’s British. He said, “No, I want to play a gunslinger in a movie about the American West.” Okay, okay, I can see it, I can see it. Let’s just sit here on the rooftop and work through this concept together until we have a decent script.

The story we ultimately worked out is basically just the male version of The Holiday. I have a friend back in SD who has the same name as my neighbor. We’ll use a fake name here to protect their identities: Dave. So this movie is temporarily titled “Dave vs. Dave.” Still working that one out.

In this movie, Hong Kong Dave and South Dakota Dave are both bored with their lives and looking for a change. They meet on an Internet forum and decide to trade lives. HK Dave goes to South Dakota, where he lives in SD Dave’s tiny house, drives his big pick-up truck, works at a dive bar on the edge of town, wears cowboy boots every day, and carries a gun around on his hip for absolutely no reason other than the fact that it looks cool.

Meanwhile, SD Dave goes to Hong Kong, where he lives in HK Dave’s tiny shoebox apartment and works as an actor. We get to see him scaling the bamboo scaffolding and doing kung fu and going on crazy car chases across the bridge to Kowloon and fighting off the Triads.

I sent this pitch to SD Dave and he absolutely LOVED it. He was like, “Can we make this actually happen?” IDK, maybe. I suppose anything is possible, right?

Right.

Sometime around 4:30am, we decided to call it a night. I was slightly disappointed that he did not make a move, but again, I suspect he has a girlfriend even though he says, “She’s not my girlfriend. She’s just a girl I see sometimes.” Sooooo basically… she’s your girlfriend, lol.

Men. Lol.

So that was Friday.

On Saturday, I went out with my girl friend, whose identity I prefer to protect by not “making her into a character.” We have talked about this. I told her that I mention in my blog that we frequently go out to different places together, but she’s not a “character” and I don’t write about her life. She’s cool with it.

So we went out for lunch, then we went up to The Sketchy Place. It was actually her suggestion. I had my doubts, but I mulled it over during lunch and decided it was a good idea to check in again after a month to see what’s up. As we were walking up, both of us had some doubts, but we decided to go through with it in the end.

Several mysteries were solved on this occasion. First, I figured out how I got “lost” and “separated” from her the last time we were there. It turns out, the bathroom is in a weird location. You have to walk back through the kitchen to get to it. If you come out and turn left immediately, there is an open door to the alleyway outside that splits into two directions. If you turn right, you go back through the kitchen and out into the bar. As soon as I saw this, I realized that what had happened before was that I was really drunk and confused and somehow got “lost” in this alleyway. I get lost in the dumbest ways in HK. It’s a real thing.

The second mystery we solved was the question of whether or not this place is frequented by drug dealers. The answer is yes. I saw the same guy from The Wolf who had given the coke to the Finance Bro I was with at the time. I observed him for some time. He kept going in and out, making phone calls, and “shaking hands” with randoms on the street. It appeared to be an open secret among the regulars there. Everyone knew what he was doing and nobody cared. It’s like… yeah, duh, that’s why he’s here.

The group of people he was with were the same sketchy crew of long-term expats as before. Once I sat in observation of their dynamic without involving myself, I understood exactly what was going on.

Somehow, our tab was mysteriously “taken care of,” even though we did not actually socialize much with anyone else that night. I don’t know who paid it. Was it the MAusGA guy? Was it my Irish friend? Was it someone else? We have no idea. All we know is that we didn’t have to pay for jack shit.

Hmm… I see your bribe for what it is and willingly accept it. I will no longer be reporting on The Sketchy Place. Really, what else is there to say? Everyone knows the daily consumption of Coke & Special K are an open secret in the Finance World. It is what it is. What else is there to say?

So at this point, I was pretty wasted. I know better than to daydrink with wine, but I was daydrinking wine. Questionable choices were made! All I can say is: Nothing good ever happens at the 7/11 by Peel Street. It is what it is!!!!

I made a deal not to write about what happened with the other person involved. We agreed it was a mistake and to just hit reset and move on. I am open to making deals with people not to use them as characters in my writing. You just have to approach it the right way. You’ll get much further by being respectful than you will by going on the attack. Going into Attack Mode against me will make it 1000x more likely that I’ll write about you. I reserve the right to defend myself at all times. My way of defending myself is with a Pen, not a Sword. It is what it is.

This is part of the reason why I ignored the Russian when he said he didn’t want to me to write about him. Okay, well, maybe you should have thought about that more before you used me for cheap work trip sex, tossed me aside like I was nothing, and then blocked me as soon as you got off the plane in Switzerland.

All of that says, “I have no respect for you as a human being.” So why would I have any respect for you in return? Fuck you, bro. I’ll write a story about you fighting a bear with your shirt off if I want to. What are you going to do? Cancel me for being a big, strong, alpha female?

*blows raspberry in his general direction*

Anyway, I was soooo hungover yesterday. It was not a good thing. I can’t live my life this way anymore. I am getting too old for this. My body absolutely fucking hates me right now. I need to do a cleanse. I need to do yoga. I need to drink some water and eat some fruit. Just… ugh.

I still have not made a decision about Cambodia. I need to do that like, today. I can’t just ghost this person. It’s been almost a week. I need to send them a response.

It’s hard. I love Hong Kong. I really want to make it work. I can see myself living here long-term. But I also feel like… this work trade in Cambodia is a rare opportunity and I should take it just for the experience. Cambodia is so beautiful. It has such a tragic backstory. It’s complicated. I want the chance to explore it. Isn’t that the point of coming to SEA? I gotta See the SEA! That’s why I’m here!

Plus, it might be good for me to go teach yoga and be out of the city and just do a little reset/detox to figure out my next steps. This year has been stressful and confusing. I’m so grateful to have left SD behind, but it’s been a lot.

I don’t know. I have to decide. I’m gonna do yoga on my rooftop and figure it out from there. I’ll just make sure my neighbor isn’t home first so he can’t sneak up on me and scare me, lol!

I told him this morning that he missed out on his revenge. I was walking down the stairs in my building and a GIGANTIC cockroach fell from the sky and bounced off my shoulder. I SCREAMED so loud that the entire building heard me.

I messaged him to tell him this story and he said, “Ah yes, I heard your shriek. I suspected that’s what happened. This is why I told you not to use the stairs.”

I was just trying to get my steps in, bro. Jesus. I hate cockroaches. They’re so gross. So gross! EWWWWW!!!!!

Phew! What a long post! What a weekend! What a life!

I really do love it. Even on the days when I’m sad and struggling and lost and confused. I love my life. I love Hong Kong. I love SEA. I feel so incredibly lucky to be here. I am grateful every single day. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world, for better or for worse. I never, ever thought I would live in Hong Kong (or Bangkok, for that matter). I wouldn’t trade this adventure for anything in the world.

Off now. I need to tidy up my studio and run errands and do all the boring stuff now. Not every day can be an adventure. Most days are very routine and boring. But still… I can’t help but find myself falling more in love with Hong Kong every day…

Have a good day!

BLOG: Me Want Deep-Fried Oreo Cookie!

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Friday.

At the coffee shop.

I brought in a screenshot of the SCMP article about the crazy Aussie who was here harassing myself and the staff. The staff were all thrilled to see it, but they don’t think the punishment is harsh enough. The guy went to court and had to pay a $3000 HKD fine. They say it’s not enough. He was only charged on three counts when, in fact, we all know there have been dozens of incidents in the last two months. I guess only two places had enough cojones to charge him.

One of the places was apparently a massage parlor. Not paying for a massage in SEA will screw you over every time. Massage therapists don’t play, especially if they are Thai women. You will be paying for that happy ending, whether your want to or not.

Anyone who grew up in NOVA will tell you that a massage parlor is never just a massage parlor. Most of the time, it’s just a front for shady activities. You don’t know who owns that place or what’s really going on in those back rooms. It’s very easy to draw the attention of the wrong person in a place like that. That’s why I tend to avoid them like the plague. I don’t do massages unless I’m at a fancy luxury 5-star spa. I pay extra for the illusion of safety from any potential gangster activity. It’s a real thing.

So as I said, zero surprise over here that it was the massage parlor that took him down. Nobody in this world gets jerked off for free. There’s always a price to pay.

I didn’t do much yesterday. I was feeling sad about missing out on drinks with the journalists. Then I looked up the place they went to on Instagram and discovered it was closed that night anyway. That explains why they all disappeared so suddenly. Oh well. It wasn’t meant to be.

I’m not worried about it. It’s a small island and there aren’t very many Americans on it. There is no doubt in my mind that I will run into them again eventually. I’ll just go to that bar they named by myself on a random night and see what’s up.

It’s an American place. A real American place. It’s so American, the only thing they have on their dessert menu is deep-fried Oreos. OMG hallelujah praise da lord! My salvation has come, y’all! Me want cookie! Om nom nom nom! Maybe someone will catch me in the middle of my binge and be like, “Wow, she’s so relatable to me, an American person who also lives in Asia and survives exclusively on noodles, rice, and a variety of brightly-colored fruits. Let’s give her a job!”

I still haven’t made a decision about Cambodia. I did, however, get another offer to interview with a local studio owner here in HK. I should go for it, just to see how the pay/visa situation works out.

It’s the visa thing I’m worried about. I feel like I don’t *exactly* understand my situation? I have an HKID card, so I am a resident and I can get a new job, but it’s still tied to my old visa, which was never canceled but does expire in a month and a half. So I will still need a new visa to legally work here. I think? It’s just 1000x easier for companies to hire me now because I already have the HKID card and I’m in their system. I think. I think that’s how it works. I’m like 98% sure this is my situation.

So the thing with the yoga studio that concerns me is that they cannot sponsor a visa, nor can they offer me full-time employment that will pay my rent. Teaching yoga is, unfortunately, a highly-glorified side-gig (unless you go full Cult Leader in order to turn a significant profit). I need something more substantial to pay the bills if I’m going to stay in HK.

As I said, the gig in Cambodia doesn’t come with a paycheck, but it does come with a house, a scooter, a dog, and two meals a day. So it would basically just be cheap, easy living for two and a half months, and then… nothing, again. Dead-end. Everything is a dead-end. Literally every road I travel down leads me to a dead-end. I just want to stay on the highway for a bit and hit cruise control. I don’t know how to accomplish that goal.

I’m not very good at being an adult. I have no idea how I survive most days. I still feel like I’m mentally 20 years old and out experiencing the real world for the first time like I was supposed to do in college. Unfortunately, my parents decided to drag me out to the middle of fucking nowhere and say, “You don’t get to experience real life. You have to stay in prison out on the lone prairie forever. You don’t get to make friends or date age-appropriate men or succeed in school or have a career. The only purpose for your existence is so we can have someone there to scream at every day and project our shitty, miserable marriage problems onto. Sure, I guess we could acknowledge that our children are grown adults capable of making their own choices, or we could just force them to do things our way and then act shocked and surprise when we don’t turn out to be functional human beings.”

I think if my parents could have, they would have just given me a lobotomy and let me rot in an asylum somewhere while using the story to garner sympathy from others. So gross. I really do hate them. Like, actually. I legitimately hate my parents.

I am legitimately happy my father is dead. I know I’m not supposed to say that, but wow, yes, I am so grateful that man is finally dead. Now I can live my life the way I always wanted to live it without being screamed at on a daily basis. Hurray!

I’m also grateful I never have to see or speak to my mother or any of her ridiculous family. I hate them too! I don’t care who knows it! I hate my family! I’ve always hated my family! I’m finally free of them forever now! Hurray!

I really wish there were more Grief resources out there specifically designed for people who were extremely relieved when their first parent died and now go around telling people their other, still living parent is also dead, simply because it’s easier to explain. People get judgy when you say you cut off your family because they are abusive, but they completely stop talking when you say they are dead. Silence is golden!

Oh, I feel so much better after saying that. Such a cathartic release! That yin yoga session I did on the rooftop yesterday really did make me feel so much better. I also haven’t thought about The Russian at all since, so it was extra good. Instead I decided to put on “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?” By Rod Stewart and pretend my Irish Family was there dancing around the room with me. Much happier memory, I think.

Life Lesson: When in doubt, channel the Irish Fam. Works every time!

What should I do today? More yoga? I think it would be nice. Find somewhere new to sit and people-watch? Write? Make new CVs on Canva? Apply for jobs? Watch Netflix? Climb The Peak? Clean my apartment, which I still haven’t done because I’ve been living in an isolated bubble of depression and loneliness?

No idea. I will figure it out later. I think more yoga is a good solution for today. I can really get into Yin now that it’s not destroying me emotionally. Before, I would do it and just break down for like 3 hours afterward. Yesterday I did a Yin sesh and I felt really calm and relaxed afterward. I went to the little health food shop down the street, got a fancy juice, got a wrap/fry/brownie combo, took a shower, did a face mask, and just relaxed. Let it all go.

It took YEARS for me to be able to do that. That’s new. That’s a brand new experience for me, and I’ve been doing yoga for like 12 years at this point. Wild. This is why I don’t concern myself with fancy tricks like Handstands and Side Crows. It’s not about the performance for me. It’s about finding peace with the universe and unifying my body, mind, and spirit. It’s about fixing myself after decades of compounding trauma broke me apart.

Handstand? Pshh! Who gives a fuck about your stupid little handstand? Any idiot off the street can do a handstand. It’s just a little parlour trick. The question is… can you actually do YOGA?

Off now. I need to get out into the world. I live in fricken Hong Kong! What am I doing with my life? UGH!

This is what happens when you hold your children hostage until their mid-30’s and never let them make their own choices. If I ever have children, I will never do this to them. No shrinks, no “therapy” for issues your parents are projecting onto you instead of getting help for themselves, no pharmaceutical drugs, no shitty schools, no “Troubled Teen Industry,” no living in isolation in the middle of fucking nowhere far away from any real opportunities, no forcing them into doing things they don’t want to do (especially as adults) or being people they don’t want to be, and no screaming meltdowns.

And probably no screens, either. No iPads for you, child. That shit will destroy your brain before you have a chance to use it. Books, pencils, pens, and paper only. You’ll speak three languages by the time you’re 7 and surpass all of your idiot peers in school who are still going to be drooling over their phones, staring off into space, and totally and completely incapable of face-to-face human interaction when they’re adults.

If there’s one thing that brings me peace in this life, it’s that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would make a good wife and mother. But I don’t have to do that shit anymore because I am a free woman living in the 21st century and I can do whatever the fuck I want! It’s these guys that are missing out, not me! I’m not worried about it. It’s always been my dream to be carried around on a golden throne and fanned with giant palm leaves by hot beefcakes dressed in loincloths. Now I’m basically doing that. It’s grand.

Off now. Have a lovely day!

BLOG: Cinco de Drinko

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Wednesday.

Went out with my friend last night for dinner in honor of Cinco de Mayo. We went to a place in Central that was running a “Free Flow” deal on tacos, margs, and Coronas. That means “All You Can Eat and Drink in 90 minutes.” Challenge Accepted.

I ate six tacos (one of every flavor they had) and drank approximately one million margs. Somehow, it did not affect me, probably because I am quite accustomed to partying Latinx style. Back in my NOVA days, we used to play beer pong with solo cups full of Corona and shots of Patron while bumping to reggaeton.

Ahhh, those were the good old days…

My friend, on the other hand, is a serious corporate professional who is not quite as accustomed to putting on a sombrero and throwing back tequila shots like there’s no tomorrow while screaming, “DAME MÁS GASOLINA!” She went out last night looking like Bad Bunny at the Super Bowl and woke up this morning looking like Bad Bunny at the Met Gala. She has now aged 9000 years on the Mayan calendar. She may never physically recover from this.

Oh, we had a grand ole time, though. I’m sure everyone at the restaurant really enjoyed my drunken rendition of “Oye Mi Canto” by Nina Sky that I mastered on my Costa Rica trip back in 2006. That song is such a banger. Their whole playlist was *FIRE!* I couldn’t have chosen better myself.

Anyway, it was fun, and somehow I am magically not hungover. I can’t explain that! Like I said, I guess I just have a lot of experience. I guess you could say I’m a professional.

Yeah, that Russian Guy is really missing out right now. I am The Most Fun. He can suffer all alone in his sad little apartment on his ugly leather couch. He wishes he could watch me put on a sombrero and drunkenly dance around the room to Pitbull. In his dreams! He would be like, “This is too woke for me!” and then go back to all his boring piles of paperwork, or whatever it is he does all day that affords him the opportunity to waste a perfectly good stay at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in Hong Kong.

Anyway, forget him. I have to decide if I want to take this Yoga Work Trade opportunity I was offered in Cambodia. I’ve been doing a lot of research. The visa is pretty easy to get and extend. The town itself is very expat-friendly and a surprisingly big yogi haven. There are other opportunities to teach both yoga and English, as well as the option to take the CELTA course in-person for cheap to level up my teaching skillset and boost my CV.

It seems like a good temporary situation to get some more experience under my belt. Then maybe my job hunt will be easier because I have something recent to put on my resume. Plus, it’s Cambodia, and I really, really, really want to go to Cambodia. It’s definitely a challenging situation there, but that’s why I want to go. I’ve studied the history and I want to go.

I can always come back to Hong Kong. As they say, once you’re in, you’re in. And I am definitely in…

It’s hard. I’m caught between my desire for stability and my desire to collect new experiences. I think right now it’s probably better to use the opportunity I have to collect more experiences. I can be stable when I’m 40. Let’s spend the last few years of my 30’s checking off items on my bucket list instead! It’s not like I’m going to get married or have children. I can’t be tamed. No man can tie me down, nor do they want to. They all flee the scene in fear of me once the night is through. It is what it is.

Hmmm… what should I do today while I mull over my decision? Perhaps finish cleaning my apartment since I “took a break” yesterday that led to me sitting in bed watching Netflix for several hours and never finished? Go to an actual yoga class instead of lying in bed doing meditation? Run errands? Watch more Netflix?

Who knows? Let’s find out.

BLOG: Man vs Bear vs Crocodile vs Lion

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Tuesday.

Rainy day. Stayed at home today. I am obsessed with this new instant coffee I bought. Indocafe. So good. Best instant coffee I’ve had in Asia so far, except for that rare mocha brand I got in Thailand once and then never saw ever again. Tragic. Truly tragic.

I need to clean my studio again today. I live in a very tiny little box. Things get disorganized quickly. I am not cleaning, however. I am writing and watching Pretty Woman on Netflix. LOL!

I’m definitely using this movie to measure my date with The Russian. So far, he has failed on multiple accounts. Obviously, there was the bathtub situation. In addition, he did not take me to dinner. He convinced me to skip dinner and go straight to the Red Room with him. How did I allow this man to completely steamroll over my boundaries? Ugh. Can you even believe that shit? How did I let him convince me to skip dinner?

Stingy.

Maybe we thought there would be food at the MO? Then there wasn’t. They gave us some pathetically small snack tray with olives and three cashews and salt & vinegar crisps. Then he wouldn’t let me raid the mini bar. Again, stingy.

What is the point of staying at a luxury hotel if you’re not going to raid the mini bar? Hello! They have room service and champagne and fancy chocolate and a gigantic bathtub with a speciality bath salt & oil mix and extra terry cloth robes and super soft towels.

And now you’re telling me you don’t want to actually take advantage of all of this after luring me in here with the promise of enjoying all of this? Do you even know how to have fun, bro, or do you only know how to suffer?

Ridiculous.

I’m never going to psychologically recover from this date. Ugh. Why did I do this to myself? Oh, right, so I could spend the next three months stewing over it and picking every little detail apart on the page so I would have material to write about on a rainy day.

He said, “Don’t fall in love with me.” He did not say, “Don’t obsess over me and turn me into a literary character.”

Anyway, the hotel room in the movie is actually pretty tacky. Pink carpet in the bathroom? Ew! All of it is just… yikes. Tacky. How much is he paying per night to stay in that penthouse suite? And it looks like that? I would change hotels right away, especially if I caught the staff talking about me like that.

That pink carpet is so distracting. It’s like… it’s trying to go for the “Oriental” theme, but the pink carpet is just… it’s so distracting. It doesn’t look right at all. Why? Can you even imagine how gross that carpet is? I can’t focus on anything else in this movie right now.

Hates it! Good balcony, tho. Love a good balcony. Essential real estate wishlist item.

There’s also a gigantic reddish pink velvet couch that matches the carpet. Oh my god! It’s awful. This is the perfect distraction right now. I literally can’t even.

Don’t even get me started on the outfits. I can’t. I just can’t.

I am also distracted by the fact that Julia Roberts has been living with this guy at a fancy hotel, presumably with a spa, for an entire week and still hasn’t had her eyebrows waxed. Was that just the style back then? Or is that done on purpose to show she’s low-class? Girl, what is you doing? Go get those cleaned up. Just put it on his tab!

LOL at these blue velvet drum chairs at the bar. What is this room? Why is the bedroom powder pink with pink bedding that matches the couch and the carpet?

Oh, I’m not watching this movie at all. I am fully focused on the hotel decor in the background. It’s definitely giving “Mandarin Oriental x Barbie” LOL. I think maybe this guy really did watch this movie on the plane…

I’m pretty sure all of the furniture came from Hong Kong. I see tables and chairs like that in store fronts all the time. That is definitely the style. The plants, the paintings, the lamps, the vases, the cabinets, all of it. It’s all Hong Kong. Wild.

I looked up the filming locations. It says the hotel lobby and exterior are from the Regent Beverly Wilshire in Beverly Hills and the hotel room is a set. That explains everything.

Aww, they’re so cute together.

Anyway, I also re-watched 365 Days the other night, which was hilarious. I laughed the entire time. That movie is just really funny. I don’t know why. It’s probably because the first I watched it, I was on magic mushrooms. Now I just laugh at how absurd it is. Like when they go down into the dungeon where he has that big portrait of himself with the lion head. I just laugh at that image alone for like 20 minutes. Men are so ridiculous! I think it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. Like, who does that?

I have so many questions. First and most important: was this a commission? Is it a photograph? Is it a painting? Did he sit for that portrait? Was there a live lion there with him at the time? Was it added in later at his request? Was that part of the original concept? Did he come up with that idea all by himself? Was it a suggestion? Even worse, was it a gift from someone else?

Do you think The Russian has a giant picture of himself wrestling a lion on his wall? Maybe. He might. Those guys do stuff like that. That’s why Vladimir Putin is always posting pictures of himself fighting lions and tigers and bears, oh my! The whole point is to show off how big and strong and manly they are.

Do you think my Russian has ever wrestled a bear? He is very tall and I found his Hyrox stats on Google. I think he could probably take on a bear. I have full confidence he would win. No problem. I would watch this fight on TV.

He’s really missing out right now by not reading this, don’t you think? He’s giving new life to our Feminist Man vs. Bear debate. I pose to you a new question: why not both?

Hey, wait, didn’t I say I wanted a guy on my Island who could wrestle a crocodile? Yes! Yes, I did say that! And whadayaknow? Along comes this Russian guy who actually does literally have a photograph of himself on his Facebook sitting on top of a crocodile with a harness, riding it as if it is a horse. This is real. I am not making this up. He really did wrestle the crocodile into submission.

Okay, I guess I don’t need an Aussie guy anymore. My Island is complete after all. In hindsight, I do think a Russian is better. They’re pretty tough. They know how to survive the Siberian winters. Very useful skillset, as I learned when I lived in the frozen tundra that is South Dakota.

I’m sure he would appreciate the fact that I actually took the time look over his CV and evaluate his skillset before going out on a real date with him. I didn’t “cancel him for being a big strong alpha male.” I gave him a real chance. Mostly because he fulfills the following very shallow list of requirements:

—Must be able to wrestle large, wild, exotic animals.

—Must be able to drive a motorcycle. You know, in case we need to make a quick escape from said large, wild, exotic animals.

—Must be able to afford a stay in 5-star luxury hotels once we have left the dangers of the jungle behind us on the motorcycle.

—Must look good in a leather jacket while doing it all.

Grand.

Yes, yes, I see how this all unfolded now. The heart wants what it wants. Sometimes the universe puts it in front of us, only to snatch it away again. Such is the lesson of the Russian: life is pain and sadness and cold. Love is temporary. Pain is forever. That is why we drink all the pain away, preferably with vodka. The end.

Hahahahaha!

Oh, I live for this. I could do this all day. Let’s see what they have on Netflix for Russian Love Stories, LOL! Spoiler Alert: They all end with someone dead in the snow and their lover left all alone in the cold.

Ugh, the algorithm didn’t give me anything. Netflix search is so useless lately. You can type in literally anything and it will give you the same 10 movies it’s already recommending on the main feed. Why am I paying so much money for this?

Alas, there is nothing to feed the obsession. I have no choice but to abandon this post and tidy up my studio. I see what they did there. Pain. More pain. All pain. Everything in this life is pain. Whyyyyy!!!!

All of this is just to distract me from reality right now. I was waitlisted for the professional conference I applied for here in HK, but offered a work-trade yoga gig in Cambodia, of all the places. It is not “paid,” but it does come with my own tiny house, two meals a day, a doggo friend, a scooter to ride to the yoga studio, and an exciting adventure in a brand new place I’ve never been to before.

So now I have a decision to make. Take a gamble and stay in HK, or pack my bags and head out on my own solo jungle adventure?

Hmmm… what to do, what to do?

Decisions, decisions.

The only decision I’m making right now is the decision to have a snack. I’m not eating enough, I know it. I need something more substantial than crackers and cheese, lol.

Off now. Hope you enjoyed this post. Have a nice day!

BLOG: See the SEA

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Thursday. Where does the time go? I do not know.

I am early to the coffee shop today. Early meaning 10:15am. Normally I come around lunchtime because the streets are busier and much more fun to watch. Today I came early just because I woke up at sunrise, a rarity for me here in Hong Kong.

I am doing a little bit better today. I went out for pizza on the patio last night, which I have not done in over a month. I’ve been going out to different places and trying new things in an effort to cease my reliance on my Western comforts. That being said, one can only eat rice and noodles for so long before they need a slice of pizza with hot sauce and a cup of ranch on the side.

In the case of Thailand, this particular craving manifests as a grilled cheese sandwich with a side of coleslaw and ketchup. I would never, ever eat such a thing in the US. But in Bangkok? Hell yes, give me that shit, I haven’t seen a single tomato in weeks.

I also did a really intense 3-hour Tibetan Buddhist meditation session last night. The drilling on the street was going until pretty late, so I put on my headphones and some chanting and vibed. I had a vision I was doing yoga in Rishikesh. I had a notebook with me full of bucket list items that I was checking off. A nice little reminder that I am, in fact, living my life to the fullest. It’s okay to give myself some space for rest.

Overall, I feel good about my decision to stay in SEA, for now. There is so much more to see and do! Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, Taiwan, Singapore, Japan, Korea, Mainland China, the Phillippeans, and, of course, everywhere in Thailand outside of Bangkok. I can go back West to study another time.

Everyone says the first year abroad is the hardest. I would agree with this. It’s been a lot of ups and downs. I’ve seen a mix of beautiful things and things no human being should ever see. It’s been an adventure I wouldn’t trade for the world. Resubscribe me for another year!

Now, if only my job applications would stop disappearing into the void. I need to find work, ASAP.

Anything to distract me from the intrusive thoughts I am having about The Russian. Ugh. Men. So annoying. I thought if I dated guys who just got on a plane and left, it would be much easier to cut the cord. However, this guy has proven it is not so easy, which sucks because I’m pretty sure he’s never coming back! So sad.

Why did I allow myself to be swept off my feet by his overwhelming charm? Probably because it had been five months since the Hot Beef Stew. I was ready to get him out of my system and fantasize about someone else! LOL! Well, I definitely got what I asked for. I am merely sitting in observation of my feelings now. I allow them to exist, but I take no action regarding them. There is no action to take. He is gone. The story is over. The End!

Anyway. Forget him. Let us focus on what is necessary and important: job hunting. Forever and always!

We need to step it up. Do the Hong Kong Hustle, as they say.

I have no idea how I live here some days. You’d think with my current energy levels, I’d be much happier rotting on a beach somewhere in Thailand or Vietnam. However, being here in Hong Kong and soaking up the professional vibes is good for me. It’s motivating. It’s inspiring. It pushes me to be something better than I am. That’s what I need right now in my life. I want to move up to the next level.

Just push me up the escalator to that next level. One more staircase, one more hill, just keep climbing and climbing and climbing until I reach the top…

BLOG: All Over The Place

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Here we are. Monday, again.

Still nothing to show for my efforts but some blog posts. I like to think it’s okay because I’m getting funnier, in spite of my occasional brush with darkness out here in SEA.

I applied for another crop of jobs last week. Nothing. It’s all the same recycled job postings that were there in January. So I am basically applying to be rejected by the same companies all over again. Fun.

I wish I knew how to do what I do all day and make money from it. All of my problems would be solved. No more pretending I like people. No more “networking.” No more masking. No more exhaustion that actively prevents me from writing and creating art. Just this, all day every day, for the rest of my life. I would be fine with that.

I thought about throwing in a random application for a Masters program at HKU. They would need to pay for literally everything though because I have no money for anything. Not school fees, not an apartment, nothing. I’m in the same position no matter where I move my piece on the board. Sucks.

I was feeling more motivated about it on Saturday morning. Now I don’t feel any motivation to do anything at all. I thought my depression would go away if I moved to the opposite side of the world, but it hasn’t gone anywhere. Some days I just get so lonely and overwhelmed here. I feel so lost. I don’t know who I am or what I want. I am just at the whim on the universe. I am not taking an active role in my own life at all. Honestly, I don’t think I even know how.

In the meantime, I am trying to make peace with things as they are. As I said the other day, I finally made peace with Bloody Mary’s. As we always knew, I was right and all of them were wrong. South Dakota people just enjoy being cruel for the sake of being cruel. They see someone out there doing something different and their first instinct is to burn the witch at the stake. That has literally nothing to do with me or my book. That state is just all bad vibes, all the time. It’s not about me.

I got rid of Andrew months ago, so that’s not an issue anymore. I’ve replaced him with true stories of ridiculous dates I’ve been out on with real men. Made peace with the deaths of Mad Dog, my dad, my aunt, my uncle, and my grandmother.

One thing I cannot make peace with is my living family. There is no peace to be made. It’s a source of constant struggle for me. I want to make peace with it, but I really struggle to accept how fucked up the situation is. It doesn’t help that my mom, grandmother, sisters and aunts basically stonewall me whenever I try to communicate. They really think they can just pretend nothing bad ever happened. They literally refuse to take any kind of accountability for anything. It is IMPOSSIBLE to communicate ANYTHING to them, at all. They will always DARVO me.

They still act like me moving abroad is the gravest crime ever to be committed on earth, which again, makes absolutely zero sense because my aunt literally lived here in Hong Kong for a year. You would think she would be happy for me or asking for pictures or checking in. But she doesn’t. It’s just… radio fucking silence from all of them. It’s so weird.

I swear it feels like leaving a cult, but I don’t know what cult it is or understand how it operates. I can only say that my cousins on my mom’s side are all also in the same situation where their parents are extremely controlling and keep them contained close to home in spite of the fact that they are all fully-grown adults. It’s weird. That whole family is weird. It’s only now that I am on the other side of the world, watching other people post pictures of their families visiting them, that I realize… that shit ain’t right.

I never speak to my dad’s side anymore. After he died, my aunt went full mask off and basically said, “You’re not my family anymore. I don’t want to spend time around you or invite you to things. I don’t want to deal with you at all.” Okay, crazy. I’m sure my Irish grandmother would love to see you treating your own blood relatives like that. I bet she’s really proud.

So yeah, I am definitely having a lot of trouble moving past the family stuff. As I’ve mentioned previously, I am the Family Scapegoat, which means everyone treats me like a punching bag they can take out all their negative emotions on. This is why nobody is happy for me and why they refuse to acknowledge my writing career. They don’t want me to succeed. They want me to fail so they can continue beating up on me. I refuse to accept that kind of treatment anymore, so they are vilifying me for walking away from it and setting up boundaries. It’s all very textbook for people with undiagnosed personality disorders.

I think it’s really hard knowing that they feel this way and act this way. I think I did something really brave by accepting a job on the other side of the world, getting on a plane to come here, and then sticking it out for the rest of the year when the job didn’t work out. I think it’s amazing that I’ve visited 12 countries, studied yoga in India and Bali, and lived in Bangkok and Hong Kong. I never, ever thought in a million years my life would look like this. This is everything I’ve ever dreamed of. And my family, the people who are supposed to be supportive and provide unconditional love, all hate me for it.

Why?

I have so much weighing on my mind right now. My date with the Russian was merely a distraction from all of this. Men are always just a distraction from all of this. They come and they go and, if we are lucky, they provide some entertainment along the way. That’s all we can hope for in this life. There’s no point in expecting anything more from any of them. Just get the story and leave. Don’t get attached. Don’t get hung up. Just take the story and leave.

I know I have this fantasy that if I go to Ireland to research my family history that I will find a new family that loves me and accepts me for who I am. I think this is very unrealistic. I should not go because I expect to find something or receive something in return. I should go because I want to spend my days unraveling old scrolls in the library just for the sake of learning and education. I’m setting myself up to fail by going there “for the people.” I should go for me, to find me, to learn to love me and understand who I am outside of my overly-controlling family.

Anyway, it’s not a good time right now. In addition to the housing crisis, now there is a fuel crisis affecting the entire country. All weekend my feed was dominated by footage of the protests across Ireland. I just felt like… maybe it’s not my time yet. Maybe I have more to learn out here in SEA before I go there.

I don’t know. I am so lost right now. I can’t pick a road to travel down. Some days I just want to go back to India to study more yoga. Some days I want to hop a flight to Vietnam or Cambodia. Some days I want to go to Ireland. Some days I want to dump off all my stuff at my brother’s apartment and just take a backpack all around Africa. Some days I just want to get married and have a nice apartment/condo/house/whatever to decorate. Some days I want to go to graduate school. I really am, as my AI-generated google search results say, “All Over The Place.”

Yeah, that’s exactly how I feel today: All Over the Place.