BLOG: Fury of the Dragon

Saturday.

Currently at a new place in my neighborhood. Shocking, I know. One of the servers from my regular brunch spot moved over here because it’s part of the same restaurant group, so I came to visit her.

We are planning to meet next week so I can interview her about her life growing up in Nepal and how she came to Hong Kong. I am very excited to sit down with her for this interview! She is actually the one who initially approached me about it, but she has been too busy with work to meet. I think she approached me a few days after that horrible flood and landslide that made international headlines. Something in the universe told her she should share her story. I am honored she chose me to help her tell it.

I’ve never done a proper sit-down interview like this before, so I will have to take some time to prepare. Pretty sure I can do it, no problem. I have studied many of the greats who came before me. Also, I do this all the time with random people on a very informal level. No problemo!

What news do I have from this week? Oh, you mean aside from the fact that I managed to make a total and complete ass out of myself at the Secret Society on Wednesday night after taking too many shots at the birthday party and had to go on an apology tour?

It’s fine. They didn’t immediately ban me for life because of one shitty thing I said, unlike CERTAIN people who shall not be named. *cough hack* ANDREW *cough hack*

The first two people I apologized to were pretty cool with it. It’s the lady friend of Mr. Bathroom who is holding the grudge. Oh, right, like she didn’t already hate me before and was just looking for an excuse to really hate me. I’m sure it will be fine. She’s pretty low on my priority list, so as long as we can smile and be polite to each other when in the same room, I don’t really give a fuck if she hates me or not.

——

Okay, here we are now at the Secret Society. Horse Guy is here. Too busy watching his races, as per usual. I really don’t give a fuck. I have exactly two things on my agenda right now: write this stupid fucking story about my stupid neighbor and apologize to this lady because she got offended by a comment that probably wasn’t directed at her.

Well, I already told one of these stories, so clearly now I have to tell the other story.

Ugh. My neighbor. Ugh.

As previously established, this guy is definitely crazier than I am. Once again, he proved it to me last night, or should I say this morning.

So allow me to preface this by saying I have not had the best two weeks. All week long, I have been doing everything in my power to be as productive as possible without having a total fucking meltdown.

I admit I have not been as successful with this goal as I hoped. I definitely had multiple meltdowns this week. The whole Cornell 7 case definitely triggered a full-blown angry meltdown that was far beyond my control. These things happen. I’m working on it! Yoga, meditation, quality social time, Netflix, reading, working on grad school and job applications, the usual.

So after Wednesday, I told myself I was going to be a good girl and isolate myself at home until I could come back to my center and behave myself properly in public again. I gave myself a week. Well… that didn’t work out. I deeply regret not going out last night because I had multiple messages from friends asking for me and I chose to isolate at home instead. Right, because I came all the way to Hong Kong to do that, right?

Right.

Didn’t drink at all, watched some TV, ate some noodles, drank some tea, went to bed early. Boring!

Fast forward to 6:30am.

Here comes my shitass fucking neighbor coming home from wherever the fuck he was, in whatever state of mind he was, choosing to be loud enough to wake me up from whatever nightmare I was having. fine. I heard him banging around on the other side of the wall, so I decided to calm myself down by heading up to the rooftop to have a cigarette.

Just as I was finishing up, here he comes with his stupid fucking Eminem hair out onto the rooftop. As soon as he saw me, he loudly exclaimed “Are you fucking shitting me?!” You know, as if he had not been the one rude enough to wake me from my unpleasant slumber. Okay, that’s my cue to go back inside and leave him alone to have whatever fucking meltdown he’s having.

Does he step off to the side of the garden to give me enough personal space to pass by without direct engagement? No. Of course not. Instead, he chose to sit right in the fucking doorway like the gatekeeping little troll he is and directly block my way back down the stairs. As I was turning the corner, I heard him muttering some weird passive-aggressive shit to himself.

Having seen him in this state of mind before, I chose not to engage him. Instead, I had to step over his fucking gigantic leg because he was manspreading wide enough to block the entire doorway, all while making a big show out of deeply sighing with annoyance and glaring down angrily at his phone. I said nothing and walked down the stairs. He continued muttering passive-aggressively to himself, at just a low enough volume so that I could not hear whatever insults he was lobbing my way. So annoying.

What is this, South Dakota?

I chose to ignore him and go back to sleep. Unfortunately for him, I had YET ANOTHER nightmare during my second sleep (because I literally have nightmares about my old life every single night), which triggered me so badly that I immediately had an epic meltdown as soon as I woke up.

Believe me when I say, I had a full-blown screaming meltdown at him straight through that stupid fucking wall. I didn’t even waste time with the little spoon, you know what I’m saying? I have had it up to here with this overgrown manbaby and his self-pitying spoiled rich boy shit. I went straight for the extra large wooden spoon and gave him the verbal spanking he so desperately needs. I got MEAN, and when I say MEAN, it really was… MEAN.

I literally said, “Do you know how lucky you are to even be featured as a character in my writing right now? You wouldn’t even be on my radar if we weren’t sharing a fucking wall! You’re not even a real actor, okay? What do you even do? Your granddaddy was someone important, your daddy was someone important, and meanwhile you’re over here ‘cruising the mom’s groups on Facebook.’ Seriously?! GROW. THE. FUCK. UP!”

I will not repeat the rest of what I said here. Just know it was not nice. I am so over this shit. The last thing I need in my life is to come home to some random fucking man who adds to fucking stress levels instead of finding a way to alleviate them.

I need someone who will lower my cortisol levels, not increase them. I need someone who sees that I’m Hulking out and says, “Hey, babe, have you eaten anything today? Should we take a walk? Maybe watch a movie? We could just fuck that anger out of your system instead! Works every time!”

But no. I get stuck with these miserable assholes instead. Ridiculous.

I truly mean this when I say I feel genuinely bad for whatever poor, unfortunate soul he may or may not be sticking his dick in right now. She has no idea what a fucking nightmare he actually is. Guess now we know why he’s where he is in life. This man isn’t lonely enough!

But hey, bro, according to what I’ve heard, you’ve been talking about moving to Lamma Island forever, so maybe this ongoing conflict between us (that you started, by the way) will inspire you to finally get off your lazy fucking ass and do it. Good fucking riddance to you.

I don’t need this shit in my life. I have real problems I’m dealing with right now. I don’t need this guy and his ridiculously stupid hair adding to it further.

I’m getting stressed out right now just writing about it. So triggering. Even my friend expressed concern when I recounted this story to her. Like, I literally don’t need this shit.

SO OVER IT.

Not enough men in this world fear me. I need more of that Secret Society speciality Kool-Aid with an extra shot of Power. Give it to me. I am ready to crush the hearts and minds of men under my bigass dragon feet.

UGH!

Anyway, I need to take a break from my screen now. I just want to sit in the A/C in silence and fucking watch people.

Over it. So over it.

The End.

BLOG: Found the Book, Lost the Plot

Monday.

Here we are, back at the Secret Society, as per usual. There is no one here at the moment. Just me and the bartender. Perfect. Now I can write something.

Yesterday was… strange, but it ended relatively well. My Horse Guy was too busy watching “footy” and horse races with his friend to give me any attention. Typical.

They stayed here all day long. At a certain point it started to feel like we were playing chicken and just waiting each other out. In the end, he left without making a move, which was disappointing. Instead his friend walked up to me when I was having a chat with someone else and said, “I’m watching you.”

Yeah, who isn’t, right?

I just laughed at him and said, “Well, I hope you enjoy the show!”

He just gave me a weird look and left. Whatever.

Yeah, I know how it looks for me to be sitting in here chatting with all of these old guys. But you also have to remember that I’m a writer and I consider what I’m doing to be work. Engaging in flirtatious banter with these old bankers doesn’t make me a sex worker. I don’t just go home with anyone. I choose who I go home with. I chose your friend, aka the Horse Guy, for a reason. Maybe you should trust that reason instead of making assumptions about me.

Jerk.

Anyway, fuck these guys. I don’t need this shit in my life. I deserve to be with someone who doesn’t fuck me one time and then ignore me the next time we’re in the same room together.

MEN!

UGH!

Otherwise, the day was pretty boring. It got interesting when my “Uncle” showed up. We were just having a chat like we usually do, but then he got handsy with me in front of Horse Guy. I realized how it looked, so I told him to stop. He got weird about it and we had an argument over it.

Obviously, I didn’t want to just come out and say, “Hey, the guy I just fucked two weeks ago is sitting right over there. I’m concerned he’s going to think of me differently if he sees me allowing any old random man off the street to put their hands all over me.” But we all know that’s why it was upsetting me.

I could literally see the wheels turning in Horse Guy’s head as he was watching this exchange. It did not make me feel good to see him looking at me that way.

Of course, being very English, my Uncle decided to make his argument the hill he dies on. He just wouldn’t let it go. He kept insisting he wasn’t getting touchy-feely with me because he had bad intentions. Like, yes, I get it, but I’m still sitting here telling you I personally feel uncomfortable right now and I want you to stop. So just fucking stop!

Finally, the bartender intervened and separated us because we were causing a disruption. My Uncle went off to the bathroom. When he came back, he had a strange look on his face. He apologized to me, so I invited him to sit back down in the seat next to me. We just sat there together in silence until he finished his drink and left.

Luckily, right at that moment, the Scottish writer I was tracking down appeared. He walked over to me and said, “Hey, I brought you a gift. Come sit down with me at my table over there.”

I got up and went to his table to chat with him. He pulled out a copy of his book and handed it to me. He signed it for me and wished me well on my writing journey. He left shortly after and I sat back down at the bar with said book. It’s really good, actually. It made me feel seen and heard in a way I haven’t felt in a very long time.

This was when Horse Guy’s friend walked by me and said he was watching me. Yeah, so awkward, right? Jesus tap dancing Christ.

Ridiculous.

At this point, I just packed up and left because I was over it. I walked down to the Cantina to visit my friends. They were making me feel guilty for not visiting them recently. They think I ditched them for the Secret Society, which is not true. I pulled out the book the writer gave me and explained that I’ve been on a specific mission to acquire it. Then I promised to come in to visit them later on this week.

I left so they could close down, then stopped by the Corner Bar on Peel Street so I could hide in the shadows and just take a moment alone to recover from whatever the fuck that entire day was. I wasn’t ready to run home to my neighbor’s sweatpants at all. In fact, I realized I was actually dreading it.

Also, I was pissed off about the way Horse Guy acted. I was specifically hoping that would work out so I wouldn’t have to go back to that goddamn apartment and share that fucking wall with my neighbor anymore.

Nope! No boyfriend for me! Instead I get to go home and share a paper-thin wall with this ridiculously hot sexy beefcake who I don’t even get to fuck! It is actually starting to drive me insane. Even right now I can feel myself longing to scratch the itch, but I can’t. It’s like… I literally can’t do this anymore. ALL I can think about is fucking this guy’s brains out. Meanwhile, he’s sitting on the other side of the wall thinking to himself, “This bitch is fucking C R A Z Y. Maybe I should get up off my lazy ass and move to Lamma Island after all.”

Yeah, go, please. I can’t do this anymore. I had a whole meltdown over it this morning. That, and many other things, all coming together in one moment to push me right over the fucking edge. It was so bad. I completely lost my shit. Even my other neighbor approached me on the rooftop later like, “You good, girl?”

No. No, I’m not good. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep doing this alone. I just want a boyfriend who will fuck me every day and take me out on fun dates! Why is that so hard to find?!?! I’m so over it!

Okay, I’m starting to get stressed out from writing this post. I’m going to have a cigarette. Oh my god, I would give ANYTHING to smoke a big fat joint right now. It’s the only thing that keeps me sane in this ridiculous world, I swear.

Farewell.

BLOG: The Haunted Island

Sunday.

Here we are, back at my preferred brunch spot.

The ladies at the table next to me are being annoying and difficult. You know, the type that look at the menu and say, “Is there anyway I can order the XYZ, but change literally all of the ingredients so it’s actually a completely different dish that you don’t even serve here?”

LOL, that one gets me every single time. Some people are so entitled.

This is why I can’t wait tables anymore. The anger issues are real…

The same person just asked to change tables because she’s “too cold.” Yeah, maybe it’s because you’re wearing a strapless, backless, high-cut leggy dress with no underwear on? Yes, I can see that. Everyone can see that.

Just asking questions!

So Ridiculous.

Some people’s children…

Blah blah blah, enough about that. We all know you’re here because you want to read about the Full Moon Party I went to on Lamma Island yesterday. As previously mentioned, I was invited by some friends I met at the Secret Society. This is not an adventure I would have otherwise been able to brave on my own.

As you may recall, my neighbor is a big fan of Lamma Island. Now I know why. It’s easy to see why he made it into his entire personality. It’s like the Thailand of Hong Kong. They even had Big Changs and elephant pants! Love it.

Obviously, I took the opportunity to stock up on incense. I forgot to buy a fan though, which is annoying because I really need one. I guess I’ll pick that up today. Memo to myself…

Hmm… sorry, got derailed for a minute there. I had to eat my avocado toast. Now, where was I? Ah yes, Lamma Island.

I wandered about for a bit trying to get some sense of where I was. It’s a small island, but it’s very jungly. Can’t say I loved walking around alone in said jungle alone at the end of the night when I was trying to find my way back to the ferry. It was quiet. Too quiet. Like, eerily, spookily, unsettling quiet. That’s never a good sign, as far as I’m concerned. The jungle should sound like a symphony at night.

Anyway, I tried to go to the chill, local restaurant that was recommended to me at the Secret Society, but it was too full. I used the opportunity to check out the place that was described to me as “very douchey.” It was a fancy restaurant right by the sea with a lovely view and extremely overpriced menu. I loved it, lol.

And as I sat there with my glass of French rosé and my mini hummus platter, looking around at all of the douchebags surrounding me, I couldn’t help but wonder… Am I a douchebag too?

Lol, I might be!

I received the answer to this question soon after, when I finally met up with my friend and we walked down to the beach together. There, she introduced me to everyone. They were all very hippie dippie. Very relaxed, very chill. Perhaps a little too chill. It was giving Bali yoga shala vibes, which, in my experience, is never a good thing.

As we all know, as a neurodivergent person, I am extremely uptight and weird all the time. I have exactly ZERO chill. I could definitely tell some of them were put off by my general aura. I thought to myself, “Yup, I’m definitely a douchebag. It’s okay! At least I’m self-aware!”

It was in this moment I realized exactly why I love the Secret Society. They’re a bunch of uptight douchebags who don’t know how to have fun, and so am I.

This was re-confirmed to me later in the evening, when the sun was setting and it was time to stop by the beach bar. I went to shower off and change. As I was standing in the dressing room, I heard the Canadian chick talking shit about me to her American friend. I just laughed to myself. Like I’ve never had this happen to me before, right?

I waited a minute and allowed the conversation to pass. Then I walked out with my head held high, made direct eye-contact with her, and smiled at her in a way that said, “You know I just heard all of that right?” without me actually having to say it.

Then I walked up to the bar and bought her a drink. She tried to refuse three times, but I insisted. I said, “I’m just being nice” and gave her the same sneaky little smile again. She did not look happy AT ALL! Mwa Hahahaha! I win.

I know. Impressive, right? It’s called a Power Move. Look it up.

We all sat down around the table and began chatting again. The American guy wanted to rant about the train system in the US, but I stopped him and said, “Hey, I would love to catch up with you sometime about American politics, but right now we are in mixed company and we need to respect the other members of the group.” That worked! Shut him right down.

That was when they subtly turned the topic of conversation to my neighbor. Oh yeah, they definitely knew him. They were subtle about it, but it was obvious to me what they were doing. He must have warned them I was coming, lol.

I’m speculating this because he left to go to 7/11 about five minutes before I left to catch the ferry so he could walk out of the elevator at the same time I was walking in. He also chose to make the same trip with the exact same timing when I came home. Pretty weird coincidence after two months of avoiding me at every opportunity possible. He knows what he’s doing. I know he can hear me through the wall.

Or perhaps it wasn’t him at all. It was me all along. I’m the one who asked early in the day if any of them knew him. Of course, no one knew him at all. Sure, Jan. He talks about it all the time, but no one on this tiny little island knows him at all? Yeah, I’ve seen this tactic deployed in HK before.

They all pretended not to know him until this conversation. I am not the one who brought it up. They took care of that for me, as I knew they would.

Hahaha, suddenly I understood why that Canadian chick had such a sharp stick up her ass. She was acting WEIRD! She was not subtle about it at all. In the back of my mind I wondered if they’d had a thing at some point.

Not gonna lie, I did judge him for that. Just a little bit. Really, bro? A Canadian? I have a whole Island of Lost Guys and even I’ve never fucked a Canadian. How do you even talk dirty to them in bed? What do you say? How does that conversation go?

“Oh baby, oh baby, show me how sweet that Maple Syrup tastes.”

“Oooh yaaaahhh, dontcha know it, eh?”

Yeah, no, can’t do it. Too close to South Dakota. Not for me!

I digress. Back to whatever I was talking about before.

I would not call this an in-depth conversation. I would say they wanted to ask me one question, and one question only. They wanted to know why he talks about moving over there all the time but hasn’t done it yet. I just shrugged and said, “I don’t know. Maybe there’s something keeping him where he is right now.”

They just look at me like, “What?”

That was when the guy sitting right across the table looked right at me and gave me this weird knowing look. I looked back at him and realized he looked really familiar. Like I knew him from somewhere, but I didn’t know where. Hmmm… strange, indeed.

And that was it!

I do have a theory about that now, upon further reflection.

To me, that place felt like a dead end. You go there, you settle down, you live your little paradise Island life, and you never leave again. It’s giving Land of the Lotus Eaters vibes, you know?

I thought about the night he flipped out on me on the rooftop and realized he wasn’t actually yelling at me. He was yelling at himself. I don’t think he really wants to settle into another dead end. I think he’s like me. He’s more interested in figuring out how to elevate himself.

I could be wrong, of course. We could just be projecting random bullshit onto each other through that paper-thin, cockroach-infested wall. Who even knows at this point?

The conversation moved along and they all went their own ways shortly thereafter. They invited me to some bar for the live music, but I wanted to go off on my own.

I chatted with the bartender for a bit before heading off. As I was leaving, I said to him, “Sorry, what did you say your name was again?”

“Andrew.”

Fuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkk!

Now THAT… THAT was too much for me. I promptly went back down to the beach and sat alone under the full moon, drinking my Big Chang and processing all of my thoughts. I did a Moon Salutation on the shore and let my spirit become one with the sea. Then I decided to catch the ferry back home.

This was the part when I got lost in the jungle. Not fun! Not for me! Like I said, it was too quiet for me. Freaked me out. It reminded me of South Dakota, and not in a good way. All I wanted in that moment was to get the fuck off that haunted island and get back home.

That was when the freakiest part happened: a little Indian boy on an orange bicycle that looked just like Mad Dog’s appeared. He motioned for me to follow him, so I did. He led me right back to the ferry before picking up speed and disappearing somewhere far ahead. He never came back down the pier, and I didn’t see him at the end of the dock by the ferry.

SPOOKY AF!

I’m so into that shit. I love it when I have weird spiritual encounters. I mean, I definitely don’t like them when they’re happening to me in the moment because it’s pretty much always weird and freaky, but it’s always fun to write about them later!

Finally made my way home, only for my neighbor to make another one of his dramatic appearances. I just gave him the side-eye as I passed him like, “Wow, what the fuck, bro?”

I was high on the adrenaline rush of getting lost and trying to find my way home, so I went to meet my new American friend at the bar he works at on Peel Street. He promised me a free beer if I came to their anniversary party, so I took him up on the offer as a show of solidarity with my fellow Americans in Hong Kong. You know, all five of us, lol.

Peel Street was popping, but it was way too messy and overstimulating for me. Can’t do it. Not for me. Especially after the general weirdness of yesterday. I took my free beer in a to-geaux cup and headed back home. At this point, I was much calmer. Mission Accomplished!

I stayed up for awhile writing jokes to calm myself down. It felt like it took FOREVER to bring my cortisol levels back down to normal. I finally went to sleep, but did not dream that I can recall, which was a relief after all of the crazy nightmares I had this week.

Today I woke up and everything went back to normal. I did a really intense yoga session on the rooftop, took a shower, did a soothing aloe face mask, then got dressed and came out for brunch. Now I’m writing and judging the fuck out of the weird characters currently sitting in this room.

Well, Mr. Next Door, did you learn a lesson today? Just because I’m obsessed with you doesn’t mean you’re the only character on the island. Don’t take it too personally. After all, I’m not convinced it’s really you I’m obsessed with. Honestly, I think it might just be the super comfy sweatpants I stole from you. We’re in a pretty serious relationship now. I wear them like, every single day, literally.

LOL!

Okay, I’m off to bum around the Secret Society now. Oh, look, my Aussie Horse Guy is here. Fun!

Have a nice day! I know mine will be…

BLOG: What A Week!

Friday.

At the Secret Society.

I should be socializing right now, but I had to get all of my thoughts out of my head first. It’s been a very long day…

Hmmm…

Where exactly does said day begin?

Where did I leave off last? I think it was… Wednesday?

Yes, that sounds right.

Okay, so I did nothing on Wednesday but take time to recover from that absurd argument with my absolutely ridiculous family. That conversation made me ask myself, “How the fuck did this bitch even get into law school when she never even asks any questions?”

She just comes at me with all of these absolutely insane assumptions. She doesn’t even take her time to do her research at all. How can I even have a conversation with someone when they literally do not acknowledge my reality at all?

Anyway, yeah, that was insane. All of them are insane. I’m so grateful the chances of ever seeing them again are as low as they are. Even having to stand in the same room as them is just… grating.

Okay, so… what did I do on Thursday? Oh, right, I got my financial shit together, sort of. Then I went out to the Secret Society to socialize. This is where my story really begins…

How did last night go?

Hmm…

Let me try to remember…

Well, it started with me sitting down next to this guy who I can only describe as the Irish Slytherin. Slytherin McSlithery, if you will, haha. He definitely doesn’t like me. Every time I see him, he makes a cringey face at me. I called him out on it last night. I did an imitation of said face and said, “I love the fact that every time I see you, you make a face at me like this. So honest. So real. I really appreciate that about you.”

He just narrowed his eyes and made the same face at me again, lol. He’s actually sitting across the way from me right now. He already asked to borrow my lighter. I lent it to him because I don’t have any hard feelings about it. It is what it is. I don’t give a fuck if he likes me.

Then I was greeted by Mr. Bathroom Guy, which, as we all know, I never really enjoy. I know in his culture they do the kiss-on-the-cheek thing, but he definitely tries to use that as an excuse to get super handsy with me. I’ve told him not to do it, but he doesn’t listen to me. It makes me uncomfortable. Everyone in the room can see it, so therefore it makes them uncomfortable. It’s just… uncomfortable. He just can’t keep his dirty little paws off of me. Hates it!

On this particular day, he used the opportunity to whisper in my ear, “Remember what I said to you to the other day?” Then he switched to the other side. “Remember the offer I made?”

Oh yes, I definitely remember that. As we all know, I wrote that shit down as soon as I escaped this place. And wouldn’t you know it? The answer is still… NO!

Ugh.

In case you’ve already forgotten, the offer this sleazeball made me was to find me a nicer apartment and pay for it on the condition that I essentially become his mistress. I said no for obvious reasons, the biggest being that I don’t actually like him! I’m not attracted to him at all. He’s so slimy and gross! My family just cut me off and I still won’t debase myself enough to sleep with him just to pay my rent.

Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing to watch this incredibly uncomfortable interaction as if they were waiting to see what I would do and say. I just made a cringey face behind his back and rolled my eyes. Next time I see him I just want to say, “Please don’t touch me like that again. I’ve asked you multiple times now to stop. Please just stop.”

Yeah, we’ll see if that actually works, haha.

Meanwhile, his lady friend (not the girlfriend) was watching this interaction with a look of pure jealousy on her face. Like, girl… I’ve told you before. If you want him, you can have him. Please take him away from me. I don’t like him at all. I only socialize with him because I have to. I am not into this man at all.

I’m still secretly obsessing over my neighbor, who has suddenly decided to appear three times this week after two months of nothing. Weird. I just glare at him and roll my eyes when I see him. I think we both know it’s just for show.

I think we also both know he looks absolutely ridiculous with his new bleach blonde hair. Like, what even is that look, bro? Did you pay actual money to get that terrible dye job, or did you just pour peroxide on your head after a bad day while listening to Eminem?

The world may never know. The only question we can ask now is…

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Hahahahahaha!

I can’t.

I think he might actually be crazier than I am, which is… definitely some food for thought. Is this just another Andrew? Because I don’t think I can handle another Andrew.

Anyway…

Meanwhile, back at the Secret Society…

I chatted with one of the old Finance guys for awhile and asked him some finance questions that I already knew the answer to. I just wanted to make sure I was actually right and not deluding myself again. As per usual, I was right. I am definitely way smarter than any of the idiots in my family give me credit for. It is what it is.

Hmmm… then that lawyer kid was here. He’s pretty chill. He’s super young but it’s cool.

Hmm… that’s all I remember for now. Who else is in this room right now?

Oh yes, I completely failed to mention the fact that the writer guy whose identity I was investigating a few weeks ago was here on Monday. He acted like a total fucking misogynist jerk to me. He also mansplained how to open a jar to the bartender after she had already opened said jar, which was just… annoying. I guess that’s why they say the phrase, “Don’t ever meet your heroes.”

He’s actually here right now. I have no interest in talking to him anymore. I tried to talk to him the other day and he was pretty rude to me. He was telling me to stop talking and making side-jokes to his friend about how women should be silent and obedient and that’s why he married his Japanese wife. So Gross, I know.

It’s just like… jail… straight to jail.

That happened before he mansplained how to open the jar to the bartender. Once he did that, it was game over for me forever. I have zero interest in ever engaging him again. It is what it is.

Hmm…

I tried not to stay out late last night. In fact, my lawyer friend walked me back down the hill to the Cantina so I could introduce him to my friends there. He said he likes to go there and write sometimes, so I thought it was a good idea to introduce him to the staff. Everyone got along, which was grand.

I was on my way home when the SoHo Queen spotted me and dragged me into whichever bar she was in on Peel Street. We had a drink and then she dragged me over to a French bar, where she introduced me to several Frenchmen I’ve never met before.

It’s funny how the different expat bubbles work here. Usually I do not meet French people, even though there many of them here. The Secret Society is generally a place where English speakers hang out, meaning it’s primarily English, Irish, Scotch, Aussie, Canadian, and American. The French have their own spots in HK. It is what it is.

I do not remember much about this part of the night except for the fact that I attempted to use my broken French and they weren’t mad about it. This is the first time in my life I’ve spoken to a French person without them getting angry, correcting me, or them changing the language to English. I understand far more than I can speak, so I told them just to speak in French and I would respond in French or English depending on how deep I needed to go in thought. It went pretty well, I think. Then again, we were all pretty drunk at that point, so who really knows?

I find French people in HK are generally way chiller than French people in France. That’s why they’re here, after all. They didn’t come here because they only want to speak French to French people. They come here because want to mix with an international community. That’s why all the expats come here. That’s definitely why I came here.

At some point I decided to wander home and go to sleep. Sometime during the night, I had a nightmare and woke up screaming. I have no idea what the nightmare was about. I don’t remember it at all. The only reason I know I had a nightmare is because I woke up screaming “NO, NO, NO! I WON’T GO BACK! I WON’T GO BACK!” I jumped out of bed and immediately started crying. It took a minute to realize I was actually in the middle of a full-blown panic attack. Grand!

It took some time for me to recover from said panic attack. Usually I can talk myself through it, but I had trouble this time because I had no idea what I was melting down over in the first place. Yeah, it sucked. No idea what triggered it or what it was about. I can only imagine it involved my family or South Dakota. That’s usually what my nightmares are about.

I had a To Do list I was planning to work through today, but I was so distressed about my unknown nightmare and subsequent panic attack that I had to take another day to recover. I just stayed in bed and watched Disney movies all day. Then I finally got up, showered, got dressed, went to grab some food, and made my way up here.

All of the regulars are here, but I honestly don’t feel like socializing with anyone at all. I thought I did but now that I’m here, I just want to go home and put on my annoyingly hot neighbor’s sweatpants and go to bed. I do have a long day on Lamma Island planned for tomorrow, after all.

Yeah, I’m not even drinking my drink right now. I’m just sitting here in the corner typing away and side-eyeing Slytherin McSlithery for blatantly stealing my lighter from me. So annoying. I better get that back before he wanders off with it.

Hmm… was there anything else I wanted to say? I don’t think so. I just had to get all of the thoughts out of my head before I started chatting with everyone. I guess I’ve done that now.

I guess I’m off to do that now. I have to pretend like my life isn’t falling apart and that I actually find their finance chat interesting. Yawn. Like I said… I think I’d rather be at home right now, even though Mr. Next Door is literally fucking driving me crazy by just silently existing on the other side of the wall.

Ugh.

Okay, off now. Ta ta!

BLOG: Rich Man, Poor Man

Sunday.

Here I am at the brunch spot. This weekend was definitely eventful. Never a dull moment here in my Home Kong, especially for me.

On Friday evening, I went out to the Secret Society, as per usual. It was PACKED with Irishmen celebrating a birthday party. I didn’t know any of them. I just thought to myself, “This is the most Irish people I’ve ever been around in my entire life.” Wild.

The evening unfolded as it usually does. I hung out with the regulars and chatted with some new people. I ended up so drunk that I lost my wallet, which created a HUGE problem for me. It’s all taken care of now, thankfully. Well, almost…

Definitely gotta make that whole job thing a priority now, haha!

As you can probably guess, Saturday was a journey for me. I called the Secret Society first to make sure they did not have said wallet, which they obviously did not. Luckily, they know me pretty well now, so they gave me very specific and clear instructions on what to do. I had to go to the police station and file a report, cancel my cards, and get in contact with my family (which I was NOT looking forward to).

I also had to talk myself down from a full-blown panic attack, which always sucks. My anxiety spirals are truly insane sometimes. As we all know, I am *clearly* one lost wallet away from becoming a crackwhore on the streets. Clearly!

I got everything sorted out, then went up to the Secret Society to check in with them again. I felt very grateful to have them there. I felt so weird about joining that club at first, but now I am happy to be part of it. They were happy to see me when I returned from my trip and they were there for me at a low moment. It’s good to be well-connected in Hong Kong Society.

Luckily for me, my bad day took a turn for the better when I walked in. The Aussie Horse Guy I met a few weeks back was in there again. He looked happy to see me, which was surprising given the fact that he never called/texted me. I called him out on it. He gave me some half-assed excuse about it. Whatever.

We chatted for a bit, then his “mentee” arrived and pulled up a stool right between us. They were watching the Aussie football game. No idea what this sport is, don’t really care. All I know is that it’s a bunch of hot, fit lads running around in shorts. Grand. That’s good enough for me!

I left them to it and chatted with some randoms. I mentioned my neighbor again, much to the bartender’s dismay. She came over to me and said, “You need to stop. You are OBSESSED! Just forget him, okay? You are giving him too much power and energy by thinking about him all the time. I guarantee he’s not thinking about you. He doesn’t care about you. He never did. Just let it go.”

Thank god this lady was here to slap some New York sense back into me. I needed it. I admitted that she was right. At this, my Aussie perked up with interest again.

“What is this story?” He asked.

“Oh, it’s just my neighbor. It’s a whole thing.”

“What, like In the Mood for Love?”

“More like I actively fantasize about punching him in the face on a daily basis. He pissed me off.”

He laughed at me. “How did this happen?”

“Well, I was totally ignoring him for the few months I lived there. Apparently he wasn’t ignoring me. In fact, he made it clear he could hear everything I was saying and doing through the wall. Then he approached me on the roof and started giving me unsolicited advice based off his judgments. I didn’t like it very much. Now he’s disappeared on me.”

He and the bartender exchanged looks with each other.

“I see,” he said. “So he had his ear to wall and was listening to you while jerking himself off.”

I finally cracked a smile, while the bartender just rolled her eyes and walked away.

“Well… when you put it like that… I guess so!”

To this man’s credit, he saw the opening there and took it.

“You deserve better than that. You need a real man who can take care of you. Do you want me to take care of you?”

Hahahaha, I’ve heard this line before! See what I meant about how there’s always another man ready to take the previous man’s place!

I decided to take him up on his offer this time and go back to his luxury apartment with him. Why? Just because I can. He paid my tab, bought me a bottle of rosé from the market next door, and hailed us a taxi. Off we went so I could play House Hunters International in Hong Kong.

And wow, this place was NICE! Three bedrooms, two bathrooms (one with a gigantic bathtub), a balcony, a huge kitchen, and a very spacious living room. Lovely elevator to make out in, lol. We know how much I love to do that! It’s one of my favourite hobbies!

He also had a framed Wolf of Wall Street poster. It had a red background with a black wolf howling. It had the caption “I’ve been a rich man and I’ve been a poor man, and I choose rich every time.” That made me laugh so loud when I saw it, hahahaha! Ridiculous!

In the back of my mind, I was still wondering if he was secretly married, even though he told me he’s not. Let’s just say it was very obvious that the only woman who spends time in that apartment on a regular basis is his maid, lol. It was definitely lacking a woman’s touch.

As you can imagine, we didn’t waste much time before getting down to business. Fun times, fun times! Very fun, actually. I would see him again! I hope I do… It would be nice to enjoy the perks of the Hong Kong Jockey Club life, lol.

I wanted to stay longer, but I had to go because of my scheduled phone call with my family at midnight. He said, “Don’t worry. It’s better when it’s a slow boil.” Okay!!!! He packed me up a bag of groceries to take with me and called me an Uber. Classy! Nice touch, nice touch. Way to show me you can provide!

As he walked me downstairs, he gave me these last parting words, “Hong Kong is a good place to be. I came here when I was young with nothing and built a whole life for myself. If you’re doing something they like, they will elevate you in whatever way they can. Do whatever you have to do to stay here.”

And that’s the story of how I wrangled myself an Aussie for my Island of Lost Guys. Love it. Way to turn a shitty day around! Amazing.

Love this for me. Whoever said women hit a wall at age 30 is clearly deluding themselves. I’ve pulled in more dick since I turned 35 than I ever have in my whole life. Amazing!

Obviously I don’t want to talk about my family stuff here. Ugh. Tiring. It went much better than I thought it would. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Today before I came over here to write, I went up to the rooftop to have a cigarette. I told my other neighbor about my evening with my Horse Guy. As we were walking back inside, we turned the corner and discovered Mr. Next Door sitting in the doorway on his phone. I was SO shocked to see him. It startled me more than usual, probably because I haven’t seen him in two months. I gave him the stink eye, walked past him, and continued loudly bragging about My Horse Guy as we descended the stairs. When we got back down to the hallway, she made a comment about how irritated and upset he looked, but I just shrugged and said, “I don’t give a fuck!”

When I got back inside, I checked Instagram and saw he had finally unblocked me. He also changed his profile picture. I just laughed when I saw it. As I’ve said before… call him ugly! It works!

Off now. Back to my apartment so I can clean up the mess I made tearing it apart while desperately searching for my wallet. Alas!

BLOG: I’m on a Boat!

Friday.

Just boarded the ferry back to Hong Kong from Macau. My trip to Macau was quite lovely. I stayed at an adorable little Portuguese-style inn by the seaside with a balcony and a gigantic bathtub. I brought the leftover bath bombs from my last trip to Macau just for that. I definitely needed the relaxation time, especially after I locked myself in my shoebox for 48 hours on Sunday and Monday to watch a bunch of 9/11 documentaries. What can I say? Exposure therapy is helpful for trauma.

I tried a few new Macanese dishes I’ve never tried before, including octopus (which I will not be eating again for various reasons). I went to the beach for a bit yesterday and got some sunshine. Then I went to a seaside cafe in the afternoon and drank a “small jar” of Sangria, which is probably the reason why I could not finish my octopus dinner last night. I felt weirdly guilty about eating it, so I started composing a story about what the octopus would say to me if it was sitting in front of me.

I posted about it on Threads, which immediately invited in all the loneliest men on the planet to harass me. So crazy. Imagine waking up one morning and saying to yourself, “You know what I’m going to do today? Harass random women on the internet who believe animals have a soul and are capable of intelligent thought.” It’s 100% giving small dick energy. Stay lonely, bro!

Now I’m on my way back to HK. Ready to take on my manuscript and job hunt with extra vigor. Less male distractions, more work work work. More networking. More taking myself seriously and not looking for validation from others. And definitely not thinking about my neighbor. Forget him! There are plenty of other fish in the sea! I can’t worry about that anymore. I have to get my shit the fuck together!

I really do love Macau. I wish I could have stayed longer, but duty calls. I have a book to write, a career to build, and a work visa to acquire. I can’t just check out from reality for an extended period of time like I did when I was living in Thailand. Shit’s getting real now. It’s hustle or go back home to the US, and as we all know, I do not have a home back in the US anymore. HK is my home now. If I want it to stay that way, I have to get the paperwork sorted out. It is what it is.

I was quite happy to receive several messages from my HK friends at the Secret Society while I was gone. It’s nice to be wanted, I guess. I made plans to meet up with a new friend there next week. Otherwise I will just go over there tonight to see who is around. As I’ve said before, it was weird for me at first to be in that room, but now it’s okay. Maybe I just felt weird because I was insecure about my identity and purpose. What I’ve learned is that it’s okay to be myself. There’s nothing wrong with me. I just wasn’t in the right rooms before. It’s all about finding your people, right? Exactly.

I know the first order of business when I get back is to make a hair appointment. It’s time. I believe hair carries memories and right now my hair is the longest it’s ever been in my entire life. It just feels heavy; like all the memories are weighing me down. I’m ready to give it the big chop and start over again. It’s something I must do to move forward on my spiritual journey.

Yes, I am a spiritual person. I believe all life on this earth has a soul. I believe in ghosts and spirits. I believe in the power of manifestation. I believe in a lot of stuff. If random men on the internet want to shame me for it, they can stay lonely. My spirituality has given me so much peace in this life. I used to believe in nothing and that got me nowhere. Now, I am quite happy to have my faith. It’s gotten me through some of the darkest times of my life. It’s getting me through life right now. I am proud to believe in something greater than myself.

Okay, I’m off now. We’ve hit some rough waters and if I keep staring at a screen I’m going to get seasick. As I’ve repeatedly stated, I am not a fan of boats! I can’t even imagine spending seven hours drinking on one. Too much, too much…

bn

BLOG: My Very Own Personal Harem of Men

Wednesday morning.

Chillin’ in my apartment. Going to Macau today. I am very excited because the weather is going to be really nice, unlike last time. Hello adventures! I got an excellent deal on a really fancy hotel with beach access. My only priority for the next few days is to fix the farmer’s tan I acquired from doing yoga on the rooftop in shorts.

I am SO ready to get the fuck away from my ridiculous neighbor, who has mostly vanished and isn’t around anyway. Doesn’t matter. I just need a break from his general energy. Too much, too much.

See, here’s the thing: I know myself very well at this point. Sometimes I get these random fixations with dudes, then I write about them for awhile, then I get over it and move onto the next one. It is what it is. Men have to be useful for something in this world. As far as I can tell, it’s just for me to take their essence and use it for my own creative purposes. What else do they actually provide other than that? Nothing.

I had a weird dream the other night where I wandered into some random bar in HK and I guess it was the one he goes to all the time. Everyone in there was his friend. They said, “He told us about you. He said you’re a stalker.”

Oh, right. Just like he told me he was “poor” and “literally had cancer last year.” Then there was that weird story he told me about how he “saved” a girl from jumping off a rooftop, which sounded weirdly scripted and rehearsed at the time. Now that I know he’s an actor, I realize it probably was. Oh, and then there was the story he told me about getting punched in the face on Lamma Island. He said he deserved it. I believe him.

Yeah, you know what this sounds like to me? Someone who tries to elicit sympathy from people by telling them straight-up lies.

RED FLAG!

There was also some chick in the dream saying she’s his girlfriend. Girl, good luck with that. I mean it. You can have him. I don’t want him. All of my friends and I have already come to the collective agreement that he’s a giant douche.

I just needed to borrow his essence for a bit to inspire me. It is what it is. You’ll understand when you read my new Island of Lost Guys story. Maybe. Or maybe not! Reading is hard, I know. If it’s not a 10 second TikTok video, it literally cannot be comprehended!

Whatever.

Anyway, that part is over now. I have no shortage of gentleman callers in my life. I was just hanging out with one of them on Monday night. He was there for me when I needed someone after spending 48 hours locked in my apartment watching 9/11 documentaries (real ones, not that crazy conspiracy theory shit) like the masochist I am.

Mr. Next Door would never do that. He would just say, “Where’s the plane?! Where’s the fucking plane?!” As someone on Threads said, “It’s like a neurosurgeon looking inside your head and saying, “Where’s the brain?! Where’s the fucking brain?!”

It’s gonna take a lot to convince me that he actually has one, to be honest. It doesn’t really seem like there’s too much going on upstairs with that guy. It is what it is.

I guess my only question is, “Is this chick someone he picked up while ‘cruising the moms groups on Facebook?’”

HAHAHAHAHA

Sorry, I can’t. That had to be the worst piece of job hunting advice I’ve ever heard in my life. What is that? Are you moonlighting as a gigolo for bored, unhappy married women whose husbands are away traveling for work all the time? Because that’s what it sounds like to me.

We are living in two different worlds over here, that’s for sure.

You know I love that shit though. I could make a whole soap opera out of that one sentence alone. Brilliant. Thanks for being the Muse. You’ve truly inspired me today, bro. So grateful. So blessed. Thanks for bringing me back to life after I spent way too much time crying alone on the rooftop over my dead daddy issues.

Anyway…

I really need this mini-break to the beach. I can’t deal with this guy. I need a new Muse. Who among the men out there is brave enough to volunteer as tribute?!

No one?

That’s what I thought. No worries, I’m sure one will pop up in no time. For everyone one man that vanishes into thin air, three more immediately appear in his place. It is what it is. Male attention is the most abundant resource on the planet. It means absolutely nothing to me. It’s just, “Onto the next one, onto the next one, onto the next one.”

In the meantime, the hot beefcake in the building next door has started flirting with me. He likes to sit outside on the wall dividing out rooftops without a shirt on. He’s wayyyyy too young for me. Like 24 or 25, maybe? Too young. I told him as much, which only made him flirt with me more. He says he likes older women. Yeah, I’ve heard that one before. I’m not interested in being your mommy, bro. But sure, I’ll let you compliment me all you want. I need the self-esteem boost. I do enjoy the attention from men sometimes. I really do. I just… don’t find them to be very useful to me beyond that.

This kid told me I’m scaring off potential guys by saying I don’t want a relationship. Okay, well, in my experience, I scare off more guys by saying I DO want a relationship. Honestly, it doesn’t really take much to scare away a man. I’ve come to enjoy the experience. It’s like a game to me now. I love to strike fear into the hearts of men. It’s funny to me how fast they crumple.

As the world-renowned poet Jay-Z once said, “You know I thug ‘em, fuck ‘em, love ‘em, leave ‘em, cuz I don’t fuckin’ need ‘em.”

What do I want from men? Honestly, I just want to be carried around in a luxury sedan chair by hot sexy beefcakes. That’s about all I can think of at this point.

I guess that explains why I had that dream about Mr. Next Door dressed up as one of the Avengers. I’m assembling a team for a special mission. And that mission is to yeet me straight up to the top of The Peak.

Hahahahaha! I just think I’m sooooooooooo funny, don’t I?! And I am. I really am. 🙂 🙂 🙂

I’m just so tired at this point. I’ve been through so much in my life. Most people have trauma from one thing. I have trauma from about a dozen different things, one of which is being lied to, cheated on, assaulted, and raped. My first two major relationships when I was 16 and 19 were with guys who unapologetically cheated on me and whored themselves around to any woman they could manipulate into taking off their pants. Then I was raped by the person I considered my best friend at the time, and later assaulted by a guy the police report refered to as my “sometimes boyfriend.”

And you wonder why I treat men like they’re part of my own personal harem? Who do you think you taught me to do that? You think I would have learned that behavior on my own? No! Of course not! I just treat men the exact same way they have always treated me; like an object to be used, abused, and tossed away when they become an inconvenience.

I know, it’s a pretty ugly reflection to look at in the mirror. I don’t always feel good about it. After all, I was once brainwashed by the Disney Princess Fairytale too. I truly believed in my heart that I would meet “The One” and we would get married and run off into the sunset and live happily ever after. Now I understand that’s a lie perpetuated by the patriarchy to keep women in chains. So forgive me if I take a page from the movie “Down with Love” and take my men like I take my dessert: à la carte!

Okay, I’ve said all I have to say about this matter, for now. I have to pack for my “mini-break,” as the Brits say. I don’t need a man to take me on a mini-break. I can take myself on my own mini-break, if only so I can have a mini-break from all of them.

See, I say this, but we all know there’s a 99% some random dude is gonna see me chillin’ in my bikini by the hotel pool and invite himself to my private party with absolutely ZERO consideration for the fact that I’m there alone because I literally want to be alone. It is what it is.

Off now. I’ve got laundry to pick-up and drop-off, a suitcase to pack, and a ferry to catch.

Bye, Felicia!

BLOG: Turn the Page

Saturday morning.

Up on the rooftop with my coffee. I did not go out last night. I was just too exhausted after this week. It was a lot. I needed a break. I just watched Gossip Girl and scrolled through reddit. Nothing exciting to report.

The only thing I could decide on for sure was to let the whole issue with my neighbor go. Like, yeah, he’s pretty weird and judgy. Not really someone I can take practical life advice from. Doesn’t listen to me. Spends all his time staring at his phone. It’s very clear he has his own issues that have nothing to do with me. Therefore, I must focus on myself. I have real problems to take care of.

Besides, if he’s anything like most of the men I’ve met in my life, I already know he can’t handle a woman who is equal or better to him in any way. He’s probably one of those types that goes for women in their early 20’s so they don’t realize what a loser he is for someone in his mid-30’s.

It is what it is.

Men are nothing but a distraction anyway. I’m going to turn 38 soon and I’ve never once met one who contributed anything positive to my life. Most of them are more trouble than they’re worth. I have to figure this shit out all on my own because none of them are going to be useful in any way whatsoever.

All of that being said, I’m still planning to go to Lamma Island for a day. I really don’t give a fuck if he’s there or not. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I will encounter far more interesting characters than him.

At the end of the day, I wanted to find something to judge him for. I wanted to judge him the way that he judged me that night on the rooftop when he randomly launched into attack mode and ripped me apart for no reason. I have accomplished that goal. Now we can finally move forward.

I mean, really. Cosplaying as poor when you come from old money and refusing to acknowledge the privilege you’ve had in life is pretty far up there for me. Honestly, I don’t think I can come back from that. I just instantly lost whatever tiny amount of respect I still had for him the moment I learned that.

I can’t stand it when people refuse to acknowledge their privilege. I see it all the time. So many people I knew back in the States are like this. They tell themselves their little fantasy fairytale story that they “made it on their own” and “never had any help from anyone.” It’s pure narcissism. It’s gross.

At least I acknowledge the fact that I’ve had a significant amount of privilege and financial assistance in my life. The least I can do is use it to give something back to the world. I just don’t know how to do that…

End Chapter. New Chapter.

I don’t know when I’ll get around to that trip, truth be told. I need to plan a trip to Macau before I do anything else. Nothing crazy. It’s supposed to rain again so I’ll just do what I did last time and enjoy the epically large bathtub and room service.

I have absolutely zero desire to go anywhere near a casino, especially by myself. I’m just not the gambling type. It’s not fun to me. Then again, I lived in South Dakota, a place where video lottery and sports betting are legal, for 17 years. I’ve seen some pretty dark shit in those gas station casinos. It’s not for me.

What’s on the agenda for today, other than trying to get my shit together? Ummm… that’s pretty much it. Maybe I will go hike The Peak to motivate myself. Always a good idea.

Or maybe I’ll just stay inside and sleep in the A/C all day. I couldn’t sleep for the life of me last night. I just kept tossing and turning all night. My sleep has been pretty bad this week in general.

Right now I’m processing what the bartender told me at the Secret Society the other night. I have to stop running away and hiding from who I am. I am Betsey Horton, Writer Extraordinaire, whether I want to be or not. I can move to a different country, change my name, and try to be someone I’m not, but in the end… it’s always going to find me. It’s my destiny. Therefore, I must embrace it for what it is. I possess the power of the pen. I have a responsibility to wield that power in a way that helps others, not hurts them.

I’ll be marinating on that for awhile. In the meantime, back to the usual. Same routine, different day. Coffee, yoga, meditation, vision boarding, writing, hacking away at this book, TV, takeout, laundry, chores, rinse and repeat.

Life goes on…

BLOG: And That’s How I Became A REAL Writer…

Friday.

It is 9/11 today. That means no internet for me today. Speaking as a person who grew up in the DC area, that day was horrible. I do not care to relive it. I do not care to listen to people spew out conspiracy theories about it. I especially do not care to re-watch any of the footage from that day. Horrible. Just horrible.

Moving on…

When did I last post? Wednesday? Hmmm… what has happened since then?

Wednesday night I went to the Cantina to visit a friend who just returned from several months abroad. I was so happy to see her. We chatted and caught up. I told her everything that had happened with my neighbor in the last few months. She just laughed at me and said, “You two fight the way old married couples do. You know that, right?”

My other friend started cackling. “I know, right?” she exclaimed. “That’s exactly what I said! We need to stage an intervention to get them back together so this movie has a happy ending.”

“Ha ha, very funny. How can you reunite us if we were never together? He’s made it clear he hates me and wants nothing to do with me. I’m just the freak who stole his sweatpants in a misguided attempt at revenge.”

My friend called me out immediately. “You’re so full of shit! You took them because you miss him.”

“There’s nothing going on! We had a few conversations in the roof, after which he randomly decided to start picking these weird, random fights with me. He just freaked out because he didn’t realize I was going to fight back, which is ridiculous because it’s clear to anyone with eyes that I have an anger problem.”

The two of them just laughed and laughed. We hung around for a bit longer, then my friends went their way and I went mine.

On my way home, I stumbled upon the infamous SoHo Queen. Naturally, she wanted me to join her for a drink. One drink turned into many. Before I knew it, I was frat house wasted. I have no idea how this lady does it. She could drink an Irish sailor under the table. It’s actually insane.

I told her I have to go to Macau next week. She wants to come with me. Like, I love her, but there is no way I can ever go to a Macanese casino with her. It’s going to turn into The Hangover sequel no one asked for.

Eventually I stumbled home, where I promptly passed out in my street clothes. Big no no here in Asia. You have your outside clothes and your inside clothes, just like you have your outside shoes and your inside shoes. That’s how drunk I was. I didn’t even bother to change into my neighbor’s sweatpants first.

Oh, speaking of my neighbor, I have a fun little story about him, but I’ll get to that later. Haha, it’s a good one.

Okay, back to my timeline.

I woke up several hours later a complete mess. I did not know what to do with myself. I swear to god, y’all. I’m holding it together with a single brain cell right now. I just reiterated to myself that I cannot go out drinking with the SoHo Queen and this is exactly why.

In spite of my hangover, I spent the next few hours working on my book. I managed to get something done. No idea how. There is definitely a reason why all of these famous authors went crazy and killed themselves. Locking yourself in a tiny room with your manuscript will drive you crazy after awhile.

Upon the realization that I was going to lose it if I stared at my fucking wall any longer, I decided to leave and take a walk. Naturally, my walk led me up to the Mid-Levels and straight into the Secret Society. I think I got there at like 4pm or something? Insane.

I told the bartender I was losing my shit and had to escape my apartment. We chatted for awhile. She asked me why I keep insisting everyone call me Liz instead of Betsey. I explained to her about my “Small Town Famous” past as a writer in South Dakota and what happened in Bangkok. I straight up said, “I was trying to hide my identity here because I’m afraid of going through that again. I really don’t like the attention as much as people think, especially because a lot of it is negative.”

She just shook her head at me. “I get it. I’m an artist too, but you can’t run away from it. You just have to be who you are. It’s okay. You’re in here for a reason. Remember that.”

That was the moment I suddenly remembered I had a question for her. I saw a picture of that writer I met up there a few weeks back on their instagram page, so I asked her if she knew who he was. She did, but she did not know his name either. I explained that he had given me a lot of writing advice but refused to tell me his name. He specifically said to me, “If you are a real writer, you’ll figure out who I am.”

Challenge Accepted!

We decided to make this my mission for the afternoon. She said, “There’s a guy who comes in here who always sits with him and reads his work. I think you’ve met him before, but I’ll make sure you’re introduced to him when he comes in later. Otherwise, just ask around when the regulars come in and see what you can find.”

I said, “I bet you any amount of money that (NAME REDACTED) and (NAME REDACTED) are going to know who he is. They know everyone here.”

She nodded and said, “You’re right. This is good. You’re learning.”

While we waited, we decided to ask AI if it could find him. We uploaded his picture to the AI and compiled a list of everything we knew about him. The AI gave us about 5 or 6 completely wrong answers before we completely gave up on it. AI is seriously the most useless shit I’ve ever encountered, and I have met a great deal of completely useless idiots in my life. What a waste of time!

While I waited around for our three most promising sources to arrive, I chatted with a few different people and made some new connections. Hashtag: Networking. I am getting much better about not sitting on my iPad when I am in there. As I said in my previous post, they expect me to socialize when I am there, not to sit in the corner and write. It’s hard for me because I am not naturally a socially gifted person, but I recognize the fact that it is a skill I can learn. So now I am learning!

When Source #1 showed up, I immediately asked him what he knew about our mysterious writer friend. He said he knew exactly who he was, but he also did not know his name! He asked around and we discovered very quickly that this man has apparently never told anyone in that room his name. Ridiculous.

The bartender and I were both annoyed by this. I said to her, “If he doesn’t know, I bet you any amount of money Source #2 will.” Luckily, right at that moment, Source #2 walked in. I walked right up to him and asked him if he knew who the writer was. He was like, “Oh, yes, of course I know him. Do you want a copy of his book?”

BAM!

Called it!

I went back to the bartender to report on my discovery. I said, “See, I told you he was going to know.”

She just smiled at me.

“I guess that means you’re a real writer now.”

Yes, I am.

I admit it was fun to watch everyone in the room try to solve the mystery. It was like that scene in The Season where they’re all on the yacht and the party gets boring so they swipe a piece of jewelry from a guest and everyone plays the mystery game to figure out who the “thief” is. I thought that was fake, but no… they really do play games like that. Apparently, this was one of those games.

I see what you did there, sir. Mad respect.

This was when Source #3 appeared. The bartender introduced me to him and we chatted for a minute. He asked me if I had a card. I actually had multiple people ask me for my card last night. I used to have one, but I don’t anymore. I guess I need to design a new one and take it to the printing shop. Put that on my To Do list.

I just wrote down my info and gave him a barnap instead. I can’t say what his name is, but I can tell you that it’s a name that is well known in the publishing industry. I guess that’s why he’s always reading that writer’s manuscripts. I could be wrong, of course. I guess we’ll find out.

I went back over to Source #2 and started chatting with him again. I thought to myself, “If he knows everyone here, I wonder if he knows who my neighbor’s family is?”

I took out a picture of him and asked. Source #2 did not immediately recognize him, but he said, “He looks familiar, but I don’t know from where. You said he is English? What is his last name?”

I gave him the name and his eyes widened.

“Ohhhhhh. That is a very, very, very old English name. Very proper. I don’t know them personally, but I can tell you that he comes from money. Old money. Very old money.

“That’s exactly what I thought,” I said. “We aren’t speaking right now because I called him a spoiled, rich, overgrown party boy.”

He laughed at me and shook his head.

“He is,” he replied. “Someone else is paying for those boat parties. He’s probably trying to escape from his family and make his own way.”

“That’s exactly what I thought.”

“You’re the same. That’s why he’s angry with you. You can see through whatever act he’s putting on right now.”

I was surprised by how straightforward he was. It’s like… he knows him, but he’s doesn’t? Maybe he just recognizes “the type.” Personally, I know that type VERY well. I grew up around it. I can spot it from a mile away. I mean, I am that type. It’s not exactly a secret that I’m a spoiled little princess! How else would I be living in HK this long without a job? It’s not that hard to put 2 and 2 together on this one. The only real difference between us is that I’m a nerd who spends most of her time in the library, while he’s a jock running around outside in the field. It is what it is.

“He’s been avoiding me. I haven’t seen him in about a month and a half.”

“Are you sure he didn’t move out?”

“Yes.”

“He’s definitely avoiding you on purpose then.”

“That’s what I thought. I think he’s got a girl somewhere too.”

“Oh, he’s not serious about her. If he was, he wouldn’t be living there next door to you.”

“How do you know that?”

“I just know.”

See? I know what I’m doing! I can read people! I need to learn to trust my instincts. Living in South Dakota fucked me up way more than people realize. I was treated so badly there. Everyone would call me crazy and make me doubt my sanity. Turns out I was right all along, and that’s why they all hated me so much.

I guess that means I’ve been right about My Andrew all along too. I knew that fucker was contributing energy to his character. You can’t fool me, bro. I know exactly what that sneaky little fucking snake was up to all along. Somehow, I still love him anyway. That’s the last time I pay a witch under a bridge to curse someone. It didn’t fucking work!

It’s like… Really? All of that for a man who I stared at from across the room like five times? Ridiculous! Who the fuck do you think you are, Betsey? Sir Philip Sidney?!

That joke is funny AF, btw. If you don’t get it, you don’t get it.

ANYWAY, that aside, I guess we’re going to start calling my neighbor “Mr. Bridgerton” now. Hahahaha! That’s funny as fuck, actually. I guess that means I’ve gotta go stalk him on Lamma Island. That’s his “hangout spot.”

I told the bartender this and she was sooooo here for it! She lives there. She immediately wrote down the directions for me and gave me the name of “the good spot.” She was like, “I can’t wait to read about what you find over there.”

Oh god, I can’t even imagine. I can only assume the dress code is “All White Everythang.” I guess that means I have to go shopping now. Believe it or not, I don’t wear a lot of white clothing. I much prefer black. You know, like Johnny Cash.

Until we start to make a move to make a few things right, you’ll never see me wear a suit of white…

BLOG: The Judgmental Fox

Wednesday.

Currently in my apartment having a coffee. It’s been a strange week so far. Things are getting better for me in general, but I’m still not where I want to be in life. I choose to be patient with myself and give myself the space and time I need to grow. I’m only 15 months into my new life. It’s okay to be at peace with where I am now.

Monday was weird. I went up to the Secret Society, which I am rapidly figuring out is not a “Bloody Mary’s-Bangkok” type of situation. The bartenders and other members are really forcing me out of my habit of sitting alone in the corner writing about people instead of talking to them. It is a social club, after all. I joined so I could be social, even if I feel awkward and totally out of my comfort zone. It’s not that bad, really.

I find quite a bit of value in being around non-creative people. They are the consumers of creative content, after all. I was invited to sit at a table with some people, so I asked them what they like to watch in terms of movies and TV. I grabbed a napkin and wrote down all the titles so I could study the screenplays. The list is pretty solid, actually. I was quite impressed. They have good taste, even if they may not think so.

Unfortunately for me, one of the people sitting at this table was Mr. Bathroom. I am still not a fan. He, however, is clearly obsessed with me now. I treat it like an opportunity to set boundaries and say No.

On this evening, I was explaining how artistic patronage works and how I’ve used it in the past to accomplish various creative tasks, such as writing a book. I could see the wheels turning inside Mr. Bathroom’s head as I explained, which is never good.

He looked at me and said, “Okay, let’s role play this scenario. Let’s say I’m the rich guy…”

I already knew where he was going with this. I’m sure you can guess too.

“I get you your own apartment with a studio space for your writing and art. I pay for everything, I visit you whenever I want, and if you don’t produce anything, I take it all away.”

His friend looked at him with an eyebrow raised. “That sounds like a Mistress,” she said. She turned her head back to look at me. “You know what he’s really saying right? He expects sex in return.”

O RLY?! You don’t fucking say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Right,” I said. “So the only problem with your ‘roleplay scenario’ is that I’m not interested in you, like at all. Also, you have a long-term partner you live with, whose children you take care of. I think you should focus on your family instead.”

He just looked at me with that little sparkle in his eyes and said, “Okay, your loss.”

Hmm… somehow I highly doubt that!

He got up and left. The woman then said, “This is why I’m independent. I make my own money. I control my own fate. I never have to rely on men in that way. Neither should you.”

Noted! I agree COMPLETELY!

Seriously, though. How does this guy keep getting worse? ¿Como se dice “scumbag” en español?

Anyway, thank you for giving me yet another push I need in life! I really need the motivation right now. I need to get cracking on the whole job/visa paperwork thing. I took my little vacation from reality and used my time to work on my book. Now it’s time to get serious again.

Also, thank you for reminding me why I still continue to come back here in spite of the fact that I don’t necessarily like every person I meet. I don’t have to like them. I just have to be in the same room with them. It is what it is.

Yeah, I’m definitely learning a lot. I appreciate the fact that they are welcoming of me in their space. In South Dakota I was treated like the town punching bag and in Bangkok I was treated with suspicion. Very difficult to network and make proper connections of any kind. This is a very important life skill to have. I feel like I am learning how to do it when I go up there, for better or for worse.

Luckily, right at that moment, another lady walked into the bar and approached the table. The three of them all knew each other, but I had never met her before. She said hello and politely introduced herself, then essentially cut me out of the conversation. I was relieved to be ignored for a moment, so I took the opportunity to go outside for a cigarette break.

I got into a conversation with the guys standing outside about James Bond. They had a completely inaccurate reading of the Daniel Craig films, but I didn’t try to argue with them. I just listened. Sure, I was sitting there thinking, “Wrong. Wrong. You’re so wrong!” but it doesn’t matter. The point is to take a step back and listen.

One of them lives in the same neighborhood as me, so after the bar closed, we walked down the hill together. We went to the corner bar on Peel Street and chatted for a very long time. So long that we closed down that bar as well. Then we just sat on Peel Street chatting for awhile. He walked me home. I realized when I came in that it was FIVE O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING! What!!!! Disaster!

This one was pushing me to look for marketing jobs. He says his company in particular isn’t into AI and believes in human creativity and storytelling. He was going on and on about the importance of storytelling and how having creative minds of the team is extremely valuable to people like himself who don’t think that way. He was encouraging me to get back on the job hunt and go for this industry. He said, “I know we are drinking, but I can tell from our brief conversation that you have a significant mountain of talent and skill you are not using right now. You should be using it, especially in this day and age. We need people like you now more than ever.”

I thought to myself, “He is right. Thank you again, Secret Society, for pushing me to better than I am. I came to climb the ladder, they see it for what it is, and now they are pulling me up with them. This is great! Much better than that bucket of crabs back in South Dakota. All they did was drag me down into that miserable blackhole with them.”

I made a note of this and went to bed. When I woke up again a few hours later, I felt an extremely strong urge to make peace with my dad. I talked to him a little bit then decided to go out for a walk “with” him. I went to get my glasses fixed, stopped at the bookstore, then picked up some Lebanese food for lunch. He lived in Lebanon for a year, so I always feel closer to him in spirit when I go out for Lebanese. It was a good day. It was peaceful.

My trip to the bookstore was fun. I visualized my book on display at the front of the shop, picked up a new notebook to write said book in, and went to look for coloring books. They only had the kid kind, not the therapeutic adult kind, but it doesn’t really matter. A coloring book is a coloring book. The first one they pulled out for me was a Dr. Seuss coloring book. I just looked at it and teared up and whispered softly, “Daddy?” He used to always read Dr. Seuss to me when I was little. I just got so overwhelmed in that moment. I mean, I’m sitting here in tears just writing about it. Imagine trying not to break down in tears in the middle of a store in Central during lunch hour. Yeah. It was A LOT.

Somehow I pulled it together long enough to pay for the books and get out. I picked up my food and went home to cry into my chicken shawarma, lol. I did some yoga, went to the shrine to make an offering, and then decided to stay in for the night and watch TV.

I got antsy after awhile and decided to head over to the Cantina around 10pm. My friends were working and I knew it would be empty. I was hoping to finish my new Island of Lost Guys script, but I realized I’m nowhere near completing it. Mostly, I just felt relief that whatever weird fixation I briefly developed with my neighbor got poured out onto the page and is no longer negatively affecting me.

I don’t really care about him anymore. He’s disappeared from my life now. I’m just keeping the sweatpants as a souvenir. I’m also keeping the weird little stuffed animal he gave me way back in the Spring after one of our first conversations. He called it “The Judgmental Fox.” It’s a little white fox with crazy eyes. I set it high up on the shelf so it can look down at me and judge me in that very English way. He said it’s supposed to be a reminder to hold myself to a higher standard and take myself more seriously because I’m always being watched and judged.

At first, I was like, “Uhhhh…. Okay?” but now I understand what he was saying. I just had to spend more time in the Mid-Levels, I guess. I finally get it. I am definitely being watched and judged at all times. Luckily for me, it seems like the judgment is skewing towards “Extremely Skilled, Talented, and Valuable, but Without Direction, Purpose, and Opportunity.”

I would definitely call that an improvement over my South Dakota days when the judgment skewed towards “CrAzY bItCh!” Yeah, of course I look crazy to a bunch of negative, ignorant people who will never leave their sad little town. That doesn’t mean I have to define myself that way. I was just trapped out there for so long I completely forgot who I was and how to make proper use of my skills and talents.

Now I’m in a better place. I just have to pull myself up again. It is what it is.

I can do this. I know it. I made it this far. I’m not giving up. This is my life now. I am here by choice. I have the opportunity to do anything I want. I just have to give myself a real chance and go for it.

Thank you, Mr. Judgmental Fox. I appreciate you now that I see what you did there. I’m sending you back that same energy now. I wish you well on your spiritual journey, wherever it may take you in life.

Thank you.