Bloody Mary’s Bar

Bloody Mary’s Bar (2016-2018) is a series of short stories, scripts, and character sketches I developed based on a local dive bar I used to frequent when I was in college. These stories don’t necessarily have an order or a point. They are mainly for me to practice character development, dialogue, and script writing. Really, I just wrote them for fun! Please enjoy them for free!

Some Very Important Disclaimers:

  1. Some characters have multiple names. A helpful guide can be found here. Andrew and Sam are the same person.
  2. These stories and scripts are sort of based on real people and events. Some of it is made up for entertainment. Any similarity to persons dead or alive is totally *not* intentional, wink wink, nudge nudge. It’s called creative nonfiction, you guys. It’s a totally legitimate literary genre. Look it up.
  3. If you have a complaint, it is your responsibility to contact me directly and communicate that problem in a calm, mature, respectful, constructive manner. I will not respond to:
    • screaming meltdowns
    • personal attacks
    • negative references to my mental health
    • misogyny
    • unfounded, baseless accusations
    • fake Twitter accounts
    • screenshots
    • threats of any kind
    • swatting
    • smear campaigns
    • Any attempt to stand ten feet away from me and say something to/about me loud enough for me to hear. That’s weird and passive-aggressive. Who does that?
    • Any reference to conversations you have about me behind my back. I wasn’t there. I have no way of knowing you’re telling the truth.

Let’s be honest, though: Why would you think I would want to listen to anyone who behaves in the ways I just described? Exactly. Now learn to be respectful of my professional personhood or keep your so-called “feedback” to yourself.

As you can see, a lot of people weren’t very happy with these stories. Why? Because it’s a small town in the middle of nowhere and they need a punching bag because they’re miserable with their own pathetic lives? I don’t know. Who cares anymore? Let’s just say it’s a miracle I was able to overcome all of that and produce this hilarious collection of short stories for your entertainment!

Here are my personal favorites from my vast collection:

The Legend of Chico
Betsey investigates the truth behind the mysterious former owner, “Chico,” who was allegedly found dead in a canyon half-eaten by wolves.

Mad Dog’s Associations
Mad Dog, a local figure of historical importance, is questioned by the current owner, Andrew, about his associations with various unsavory characters, including Betsey Horton, Writer Extraordinaire.

The Owl
Betsey speculates that Bloody Mary’s most famous bartender might not actually be human after all.

Betsey re-imagines the epically badass life of the bar’s only female owner as a Hollywood Blockbuster action film.

A Breath of Fresh Air
Betsey is unsuspectingly lured into a trap by Andrew, the devious owner of Bloody Mary’s Bar.

That Awkward Moment
Betsey learns a valuable lesson about why one should never talk about another person behind their back.

Sam’s Little Sister
Andrew’s Mom tells Betsey a cautionary tale about her oh-so-charming son.

Place Your Bets
Betsey discovers Andrew and the Line of Death (a group of crotchety old men who think they own the place) betting on a baseball game and decides to buy her way in.

Three Little Birds
The Turkey, The Pheasant, and The Owl meet to discuss Betsey Horton, Writer Extraordinaire.

Sneaking Out, Sneaking In
Betsey recounts two occasions where she went to great lengths to escape the de La Salle brothers.

Commercial Break
Betsey imagines the bartenders as commercial spokesmen for their favourite beers.

The Mural on the Wall
Have you ever wondered how that mural on the patio came to be?

The Untimely Death of Betsey Horton, Writer Extraordinaire
The crowd gathers around to mourn the loss of a beloved downtown fixture.

Overheard at Bloody Mary’s Bar
A compilation of real quotes I overheard at the bar IRL.