Tag: Writing

Not Another Progress Report

Posted on by Betsey Horton

Hello, world. Betsey Horton here. Sorry for leaving you on read. I’m still here, somehow, even though I totally got wasted and tried to pull a Tiger Woods the other night. BTW, am I the only one who thinks this car wreck has “suicide attempt” written all over it, or am I just projecting my own sadness onto a celebrity? Hard to say. Especially when I’m currently in the middle of my “Elle Woods quitting her prestigious internship, dropping out of Harvard Law School, and packing up to go back home to dat Beverly Hills Barbie life” moment in the movie of my life. It’s like I’ve done all this work on my self-improvement journey and yet I’m still failing so hard at life. Yeah, dark night of the soul moment for sure.

Anyway, here’s how life has progressed since my last update (approximately one whole millennium ago):

Novel

As I mentioned in my last entry, I was gearing up to pitch my novel about Verm to an agent for the first time. I was very nervous, so I was completely avoiding any thoughts about it altogether. I did the responsible thing and attended a pre-pitch session at the Desert Nights, Rising Stars conference in order to properly prepare. Once I understood the expectations, I decided to be slightly more realistic about the meeting. My manuscript is very much incomplete. I decided to treat it like practice and then all of my anxiety went away.

The meeting went as well as it could have. I did that thing where I freaked out and held back too much. The agent liked my overall concept, but essentially told me I was guilty of over-summarizing instead of being specific. Fair and also true. What did I learn? Go straight for the jugular. Mad Dog, crazy bar owners, shady underground gambling rings, the works! Suck ’em straight down into the Verm Hole! Also, her agency does not work with my proposed genre, so she gave me a list of agencies that do and wished me luck. I would consider it a “soft” rejection because the future potential is definitely there.

After the meeting, I decided to step away from my manuscript for awhile. I need more perspective. There’s a lot of things that have happened in the last year and a half that I haven’t really properly processed. Mostly because I don’t understand why the people I’m dealing with are so ridiculous, unreasonable, and honestly, just straight-up insane. Ultimately, it all means something in the end. Besides, I am the hero of the book. I’m supposed to overcome whatever adversity presents itself to me. Since that adversity is appearing in the form of misogynists and their loyal army of cool girls, I guess I have permission to just laugh it off and focus on other things. Lol at small towns in the middle of nowhere. What am I going to do, change them? HA HA HA HA HA! That’s a good one. Oh, I crack myself up sometimes.

Blog

Listen, I know what I’ve told you about what I’m planning, but I’m not writing shit. At all. Nothing. It sucks. I know. Especially when I have the most amazing new blog neatly planned out in a notebook! It’s so amazing. It’s so cool. Unfortunately, I am totally not cool. I spend all my time being sad instead of just writing. It’s totally lame.

I also haven’t been able to come up with a new name. I need an actual name for my entire brand/concept/plan. I need it for the url, social media accounts, email, affiliate marketing, ads, everything. Yet I have no name. Content plan? Check! No problem there! A name? Impossible. Thus, I am delayed from making any actual progress until I can come up with one. Sad.

Courses

I signed up for a lot of these, so I’m just taking my time to work my way through them. I spend a lot of time studying other blogs, business, influencer marketing, and social media strategy. I feel like I’ve learned a lot about digital marketing in general the last year. Hopefully this leads to a job.

It’s hard to say since social media companies just change everything up on a whim because they don’t care that people are using their services to run businesses. It’s actually really frustrating. I was trying to learn Pinterest marketing yesterday and the damn site just wouldn’t cooperate. It’s like they decided to take everything useful and functional away from their platform and turn it into a useless lump. I know I’m not alone in this struggle because I joined a bunch of social media marketing groups on Facebook.

Overall, I just have to say I’m having a really good experience with Udemy. Yes, it’s cheap online classes, but it’s not like I need a *degree* to do digital marketing. I just need to learn how social media works beyond just shitposting and arguing with trolls. I think Udemy is perfect for people who want to boost their practical skill sets without going back to school and taking on a fuckton of debt. No need for elitism here, folks. I’ll go get my Masters when the time is right. For now, it’s a fuckton of super practical $12 coding, marketing, and writing classes that supposedly will help me get a job.

Job Search

It is a universally agreed-upon fact that job hunting sucks. I know it, you know it, everybody knows it. I’ve joined job hunting groups where people with STEM degrees are talking about not finding anything after sending out 200 applications. It’s scary.

I’m not really sure what to say about this other than that it sucks. It’s draining, demoralizing, and frustrating. The pandemic is making it worse. I used to torture myself with anxiety over it, but since I joined these groups, I’ve just let it go. Yup, it sucks for everyone out there. Sometimes all you can do is turn off the computer and watch Netflix for the rest of the day. Sometimes you spend lots of time applying for jobs and you never hear back from anyone except for the occasional rejection. It happens to literally everyone.

I tried to start a restaurant gig last week and failed. Of course. I tried everything I could think of to motivate myself and hype myself up to get the cash, but I knew it was over when I saw that greasy, disgusting, dirty bar. I can’t do it anymore. I especially couldn’t do it after almost a year of not doing it. Seriously, no more. I’m just torturing myself at this point. It’s a waste of time and energy. I just want to focus on getting a remote job with benefits. Yes, I’ll be broke in the meantime, but I’ll also be a lot saner than I would be if I was waiting tables.

Networking

February and March were really busy for me. I went to lots of online events and conferences. I attended the Paris International Film Festival, the Official(TM) virtual Mardi Gras party in New Orleans, the ASU Piper Center for Creative Writing’s Desert Nights Rising Stars Writers Conference, AWP (one of the largest national writing conferences in the US), a Gatsby-themed virtual murder mystery party, a virtual film industry panel for women, and, of course, March Madness, baby!

I admit that I was doing well until March Madness. Why? Because that’s when the drinking reared its ugly head up again. I usually don’t drink home at alone because that’s just sad. I like to go out and drink at bars, especially during basketball season. This is pretty much always a mistake. I get way too drunk, end up feeling really sad, and then think about death a lot. So, maybe just stick with the virtual events instead of going to the bars for any reason whatsoever.

Unfortunately, the common theme throughout all of these events has been the insane amounts of social anxiety. I don’t know how to get over this. I have skipped every single virtual meet-and-greet event and in-person party I’ve been invited to in the last two months. I am terrified of dealing with other people. I blame all of the shitty, toxic, fake “friends” I’ve entertained throughout life for getting me to this point. I’m legitimately afraid of interacting with other people after what they did to me at Bloody Mary’s.

This is really fucking dumb because I literally went to two WRITING conferences full of WRITERS. I went to a panel with a happy hour for FILMMAKERS. I was hanging out with artists, writers, filmmakers, actors, directors, editors, etc, aka the kind of people I WANT to be around because I have things in common with them. Instead it’s like… “No, scary, bad, run away because everyone will just think you’re annoying and hate you.”

No idea how to get over this at all. Zoom doesn’t help at all. Zoom anxiety is real AF. I hate being on that tiny little screen. It makes me way too self-conscious to watch myself try to interact with other people. I know I cannot possibly be alone in this, but ugh. Wow. It really fucking sucks.

Routine

My routine has changed recently. I’ve been staying at home more and going to the cafe less. I haven’t been productive at the cafe at all. I’m also not productive at home. I’m not really that productive at all. I’m mostly just reading and watching a lot of movies/tv, as I have done for the entirety of the pandemic. Some weeks I’m totally on, getting shit done, cruising through my courses, outlining ideas, hacking away at my business plan, looking for jobs, and submitting resumes. Other weeks I’m still in my pajamas at 3pm and watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians for the 80 millionth time. Welcome to the pandemic lifestyles of the perpetually broke and small town famous.

Mental Health

Not so good. Not so healthy. So many ups and downs. Mostly downs. I’ve had a few major downs in the last few months. Struggling a lot right now. Its hard. I feel so alone sometimes. I feel like nothing will ever change in my life. I just feel sad and empty all the time, no matter what I do.

My current attempts to counteract said depression include going vegetarian, drinking more water, buying new activewear, signing up for a Zumba class, and purchasing some Vitamin D supplements.

You know what would probably fix the problem? NOT DRINKING! DUH! So, yeah, still gotta work on that. At least I refuse to work in a bar anymore, so that is progress. Now that basketball season is over, I have no real reason to go downtown to fraternize with people who hate me. You know what happens when I do that? I get really sad. That’s not okay! That’s why I need to cut it out of my life altogether. The drinking, that is. The basketball isn’t going anywhere.

Therefore, I shall go on a fitness kick instead. I will get really into my home dance cardio classes, walks with the dogs, and outdoor yoga/meditation sessions. Spring at last, spring at last.

I know you’re asking yourselves why I don’t go to therapy, right? Well, the truth is that I have already been through extensive amounts of therapy in my life. In my case, it has 100% caused more harm than good. The medications fuck with my brain, no one will work with me to actually make a real therapy plan with an end goal in mind, and the diagnoses are constantly changing into everything aside from anxiety, which is what I actually struggle with the most. Seriously, one Xanax prescription and it would be all over for me. So simple, right?

Wrong! That’s not what Big Phama and Big Psychiatry want! They want to hook you on drugs and self-pity so you’ll keep pouring money into the system forever. Meanwhile, they’re out drinking top shelf booze and eating expensive caviar on the yachts they bought with the kickback money from shelling out poisonous prescription cocktails to children. I’m not here for it. I’m way more into trying alternative therapies. I’ve tried so many, I could write an entire book about it. I should get off my ass and actually do that. I have it all planned out. But nothing. Yay!

—–

So, there you have it, all. That’s my life. Look at me, trying to get her shit together so she will no longer be a glorified mess with amazing taste in shoes. It’s hard. I feel like throwing in the towel most of the time. I want to give up. Luckily for me, many people have reached out to me on social media with positive, encouraging messages. I’ve taken screenshots of all of them. I read through them now when I’m sad and want to give up. It is so important to remember that not everyone is a negative, energy-sucking douchebag. I do have friends and family who love me, want to see me happy, and hope for me to succeed.

So hopefully all of this will work out, even if it seems like nothing is working for me ever. Maybe I’ll update in another millennium, maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll just be sad forever. Stay tuned to find out!

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5 Things People Say & Do When You Write About Your Mental Health

Posted on by Betsey Horton

Writing about mental health struggles isn’t easy. If you’re doing it for any kind of audience, be prepared for an onslaught of criticism. While 1 in 4 Americans suffer from some form of mental illness, it remains largely misunderstood by the general populace. Reactions are rarely positive, and while you may receive the occasional message from someone praising you for your bravery and thanking you for inspiring them to deal with theirs, the overall reaction is pretty unpleasant.

Here are some examples of the kinds of things people say and do when you write about your struggles with your mental health:

1. Downplay your feelings.
Most people can’t deal with their emotions in a healthy way. Instead, they find other outlets for them. When people see someone actively and openly fighting their mental illness, it makes them uncomfortable. They don’t want to admit that there might be something wrong with them too. That’s why they will make every effort under the sun to downplay your feelings. Why can’t you just get over it already? Something bad happened to them once and they got over it! You know, by bottling it up deep inside and drowning it in alcohol. That’s the healthy solution! Therapy is for weak people who make excuses for themselves. This brings me to…

2. Say that you’re just being lazy, imagining it, and/or making excuses not to work.
As previously stated, mental illness is vastly misunderstood. Most people just don’t take the time to sit down and read the DSM. They aren’t interested in learning how brain chemistry works and how it contributes to difficulties functioning. It’s much easier for the average person to lump people into categories, such as “lazy,” “delusional,” and “liars.” Again, this is most likely because they are struggling with something deep down and don’t want anybody to know about it. It’s much easier to put on a “strong” front than actually deal with your issues.

3. Accuse you of lying and/or making things up for attention.
If you’re writing about the emotional fallout you suffered from assault, rape, bullying, and other forms of abuse, people will bend over backwards to defend your abuser. They will come up with any and every reason to call you a liar. After all, what kind of attention is better than everyone you know turning against you because that guy you thought was so nice decided to get wasted one night and force you into doing degrading sexual acts in your own bed?

Did you have to go to court to get a restraining order against a guy who threw you into a wall? You’re obviously just making that up too! Don’t even waste your time showing them the physical evidence. These people don’t care. They are uncomfortable with the fact that they personally know someone who committed an assault. They would rather see the accuser burn at the stake. Why is this? I don’t know. The short answer is that most people are just plain assholes.

4. Retaliate against you.
If you’re writing about your abuser, get ready for the flying monkeys to come after you in response. The worst thing you can do to a narcissist and/or abuser is call them out publicly. They cannot stand being told they are anything but perfect. Should someone point out that they are, in fact, a jerk who hurts other people for fun, they WILL retaliate against you. They will destroy your reputation, turn your friends and family members against you, jeopardize your employment, and even run you out of your home.

Sure, it’s scary now, but all they’re really doing is proving you right. You may feel the need to apologize in order to mend things, but it’s already too late. Abusers get off on abusing people. They want to see you hurt. They will do anything and everything in their power to manipulate those around them into hurting you. There’s nothing you can do. It’s just how they roll.

Your only option is to escape and cut them out of your life forever. It may seem difficult at first, especially if said abuser is a family member hellbent on isolating you from your blood, but it really is the best option in the end. Don’t worry, eventually the people around you will see how unhinged they really are. If not, hey! At least you finally got away!

5. Call you crazy and/or toxic.
This one is a classic. Mental illness comes in many forms. It can range from mood disorders such as depression to full-blown, degenerative diseases like schizophrenia. The spectrum is incredibly wide and diverse. Unfortunately, people who don’t understand mental illness also don’t understand this spectrum. It’s much easier to lump everyone into the “crazy” category. This is so things are simpler to process. Why take the time to listen to someone who is struggling when you can just slap a label on them and move on? Exactly.

Struggling with mental health issues is hard. Don’t make it harder by wasting your time worrying about what other people think. Abusers are going to abuse, people are going to use labels, and haters are going to run their mouths. Don’t take it personally. It has nothing to do with you. You are the one who is brave for standing up for yourself and fighting back against your illness. Your journey is an inspiration to others who struggle just like you. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll inspire the people who hurt you to face their own issues too.

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10 Things You Need to Be A Successful Writer

Posted on by Betsey Horton

As a small town famous writer with over 20 years of experience not getting paid for her work, published, or produced, I know all about what it takes to keep your dream of becoming a real writer alive in a cold, cruel, indifferent world. Here are the Top Ten things you absolutely NEED in order to sustain yourself in the face of improbability.

  1. A Room of Your Own
    Don’t take it from me, take it from Virginia Woolf. If you want to be productive, you need a room of your own. Ideally, this means a studio and/or 1-bedroom apartment so you can do whatever you want whenever you want. Of course, living with roommates or family can be more practical for a variety of reasons. Just make sure you carve out a space that is YOURS and YOURS alone where you can listen to music, talk to yourself, converse with your characters, dance around, or do whatever else it is you need to do in order to achieve maximum productivity.
  2. A Viable Business Plan
    The #1 reason most freelancers fail is because they don’t have a plan. They just go into it with this vague idea of what freelancing means. This is a mistake. You need to think of it as a Business. Would you start a business without a viable plan for profit? No. Treat freelancing the same way. Take the time to make a plan. Take courses if need be. Seek out other freelancers and learn from them. Treat yourself like a small business owner because that is exactly what you are.
  3. A Diversified Skillset
    Writing alone isn’t going to make you money. Trust me, I would know. As of today, I have made exactly $0 from writing. It’s a good idea to have other skills that you can monetize so you aren’t relying on writing alone. I sustain myself in other ways. These ways are not glamorous. Mostly, they involve mixing drinks and waiting tables. This was a great back-up plan until Covid. Well, not really. I don’t really do well working for other people. I could not keep a job for the life of me, but I was also living in South Dakota and people there are… well… different. That’s why I’m starting my own online business now! I’m taking the numerous skills I’ve learned and developed over the last two decades and turning them into something profitable! At least, we hope…
  4. Lots of Ideas
    Don’t get hung up on one idea. Let’s say you’re really dedicated to one manuscript. Finally, after years of struggle, that book gets published or that movie gets made. Now what? Do you have another idea to develop, or are you just going to become yet another One Hit Wonder? The more you write, the more likely you are to develop a real, sustainable, long-term career. You have to keep writing, no matter what. That’s the real secret ingredient to success. Or so I hear. You’re looking at a Work-in-Progress here, people. I’m not trying to pretend I’m something I’m not in order to profit from your naivety.
  5. A Good Attitude
    This part is very important! Put down the “I can’t” excuses and start telling yourself you can! You can do this. You are a writer. Be confident in that fact! If you want to be a writer, tell everyone you are a writer. Don’t wait around for other people to give you that validation. Fake it until you make it, like I’m doing right now with this blog. Most important of all, you need to have a thick skin. There are going to be so many people who are going to doubt you, tear you down, rip you apart, and tell you that no, you can’t do this. You will endure failure. You will face rejection. You will get bad reviews. You will get banned from your favourite bar. But you can’t let any of that stop you. Start developing a sense of humor now and it will be your best weapon when it feels like the world is against you. Your success will be found in your resiliency.
  6. A Sense of Dignity
    Let me explain what dignity means, says the person who was arrested for setting up a chair to write in outside of her favourite bar after getting kicked out and refusing to “just let it go.” Dignity means knowing your value. That means getting paid for your services. It means not taking assignments “for experience” after a certain point in time. It means walking away from unhealthy situations. It means not staying in bad relationships. It also means ghostwriting is a scam and if you really valued yourself, you wouldn’t let someone else take credit for your work and reap the profits from it. Just saying.
  7. Orderly Finances
    If you’re planning to quit that job you hate, tell your Boss to get bent, and live your dream of becoming a traveling writer, make sure you have your financial house in order first. Pay off any significant debt you may have so it doesn’t hover you when you can’t afford groceries because you spent the last of your money on booze. Maintain a solid credit score. Seek out benefactors and/or patrons, aka family members who are willing to give you cash so you can eat. Make long-term investments. And most importantly, figure out how your taxes work BEFORE you become an “independent contractor.” Pro Tip: Maintain residency in a state with no income tax, like South Dakota. Sure, it’s a third world shithole with a crazy two-bit dictator of governor who is totally and completely out-of-touch with reality, but at least I have Muh Freedoms.
  8. Professional Support
    There are three very important people you need in your career as a professional writer. The first is a great agent. You will never get anywhere in any industry without an agent. It is what it is. Keep querying until you find one. Eventually that day will come.

    The second is your lawyer. Yes, you need one. The first reason is because you should never, ever, EVER sign any kind of contract without consulting a legal mind first. Do not trust anyone who asks you to sign something without a lawyer present. Furthermore, do not trust anyone who threatens to rescind an offer if you don’t immediately sign the contract without reviewing it. Contracts should always be negotiated to protect your own long-term self-interest.

    The second reason you need a lawyer is because you might potentially piss people off with your writing. Should you offend the fragile ego of a raging narcissist, he will send his flying monkeys after you in the hopes of destroying your career, your life, and your sanity. A lawyer will protect you from this person’s attempts at sabotage. A lawyer is also great to have around should you deal with a client who tries to screw you over. You have rights as a small business owner. Know them. If you can’t be bothered, keep someone on retainer who will know them for you. Your career will thank you later.

    The last person you need is an accountant. If you’re shitty with money, numbers, and finances, it’s worth it to keep someone around who you can trust to take care of it for you. They may find things you never thought of, like clever tax write-offs or investments with long-term potential. They will also help you translate the utter gibberish that is the US tax code.
  9. A Stone-Cold SOLID Self-Care System
    Writers are not well-known for their exceptional mental health. In fact, we’re quite famous for the opposite. How many of your favourites have had epic breakdowns and interesting suicide attempts? If you’re going to be a writer, there WILL be days when you seriously contemplate sticking your head in an oven or stuffing your pockets full of rocks and wandering out into the sea. You have to be prepared for this. Develop the self-care routine that is right for YOU. Do whatever it takes to fight for your sanity. This business is not easy. Creativity is both a blessing and a curse. Figure out your counter-curse.
  10. No Fear!
    Don’t be afraid of failure or rejection. It is inevitable, like death is inevitable. Learn to face your fears and carry on without them holding you back. The world has always been a hard place for writers, artists, and creatives of all types. You are no exception to this rule. Hashtag, Live Fearlessly. Yes, even if that means letting the spider in the corner of the room stay. Spiders are good spirit guides for writers, but we’ll talk about that later.

There you have it, friends! It’s not so hard after all. Just work hard, stay positive, and never forget your dreams. Someday they’ll all finally come true.

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How to Be A Writer Extraordinaire

Posted on by Betsey Horton

YEAR 1:

Purchase domain name and set up blog. Write whatever comes to mind. Write creative nonfiction stories/scripts about real people who have hurt you, using fake names of course. Update website daily. Share content across your personal social media accounts. Leverage the ridiculously untrue rumors you’ve heard about yourself into publicity. Now, anyone who uses your name is advertising your work. Write your website URL all over the bathroom walls and sidewalk with chalk. Hand out homemade business cards advertising your site to everyone you meet. Get into an ongoing, public argument with the owner of your favourite local dive bar, who just so happens to be your secret Muse. Don’t be fooled by the mask. He is 100% in on it. He’s shady AF.

YEAR 2:

Piss everyone off. Everyone. They may hate you, but they definitely KNOW who you are. Everyone knows who you are. In fact, now you can’t go out in public without being recognized. Everyone is talking about you, and not in a nice way. Even people you’ve never met are talking about you. Bitch, you’re small town famous! #Progress

YEAR 3:

Realize you’ve gained fame, but not fortune. Now you’re broke, stuck in a small town in the middle of nowhere, AND everyone hates you. Drink bourbon to cope. Lots of bourbon. Put James Bond to shame with the amount of bourbon you’re consuming in a single night. Throw some drugs and bad decisions in there while you’re at it, just for funsies.

YEAR 4:

Go to the Paris Writing Workshop so you can get your shit together. It takes awhile to sink in, but eventually you figure out wtf you need to do to fix your shit, make money, and become the professional writer you were always destined to be. Finally find the courage to flee the small town in the middle of nowhere to come back East and start over.

YEAR 5:

Profit?????

I think I’m doing pretty well, you guys! Time to take the next step! Stay tuned for the exciting revival of the BetseyHorton.com blog! Coming Soon to an Interweb near you…

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