Here we are. 2023. The sequel to 2020 no one asked for. Everything in my life is the same, except for the fact that everything has changed and will continue to change in the next few months. I’m kinda looking forward to it, but kinda not. As we all know, all I want to do is leave this town behind forever, but… there’s always a But and it’s keeping me stuck here like superglue. I have no idea what’s happening right now. I have my life planned out as far as next week and that’s as far as it goes.
What’s happening next week? Well, I’m ditching town to take a mini break, also known as my own personal writer’s retreat. That’s right. It’s just me, my manuscripts, and an approximate fuckton of legal marijuana all alone in a fancy hotel suite I got on an insane discount because I’ve spent years honing my travel booking skillz.
Stay tuned for my exciting new blog “Paris in South Dakota,” where I share my secrets for traveling, dressing, and generally just existing in style in spite of the fact that I live in the middle of bumfuck nowheresville. Hopefully I’ll be working on that (and the edited manuscript I just received back) while locked away in hiding for 48 whole hours.
I wish I could stay longer but I need to go back to work. Believe me when I say I am looking forward to getting away from my real life for a few days. I’m over it. All of it. It’s all just so… ugh. I swear to god, if I wasn’t dedicating 99% of my free time to watching TV and movies, I would go insane. Luckily for me, I’ve lived here so long that I’ve already drank my way through downtown and back, so it no longer holds any thrill for me. I’d much rather disappear into a fictional wonderland for the day while studying the fine art of screenwriting, and, of course, keeping up with my foreign languages.
I’ve been doing a cycle of English, French, Spanish, and Brazilian Portuguese. I’ve just spent the holidays watching multiple comfort shows in English after my last F/S/BP cycle, so I’m ready to start up again. I’m especially excited for my next Spanish cycle, where I plan to watch a trilogy of Period Dramas: Hernán (focused on the conquest of Mexico with multiple Indigenous languages featured!), The Queen and the Conqueror (love/revenge story between a conquistador and an Indigenous woman set in Colombia), and Bolívar (focused on the liberation of several Latin American countries from Spain). I’ve been wondering forever why no one ever made any TV shows covering these fascinating periods of history. Turns out I was just browsing the vault in the wrong language. Who knew?
In other exciting news, taking up Brazilian Portuguese will be significantly more useful that I originally anticipated. You know, considering the fact that they’re remaking the hit reality TV series no one asked for, also known as “Donald Trump Makes America Great Again.” They’re just calling their version “Jair Bolsonaro Makes Brazil Great Again.” January riots and everything. It’s been fascinating to watch, especially since Bolsonaro gives off the vibe that he can transform into a giant lizard and trawl the rainforest looking for small indigenous children to eat. I really feel like he’s a real life Captain Planet villain in the flesh. It’s wild, and has also inspired me to learn more about both environmental terrorism and more about the history/cultures in South America. Fascinating subject, really. Yep, these are just random things I read about in my free time. And here people downtown wonder why I “never listen” to them. Uhhh… it’s because I’m too busy listening to the news in Brazilian Portuguese. Next time be more interesting.
How am I dealing with my dad’s death? Oh, you know, it’s a lot of ups and downs. Lots of unpleasant feelings. As we all know, my relationship with my parents is… complicated, at best. I hold a lot of resentment towards them because they made a lot of important decisions for me when I was younger that quite frankly, I should have been making myself. I often feel like they’ve been holding me prisoner for over a decade and now I’ve finally been released. I’m not having a great time with it! Do I hold the good memories of my dad from my childhood near and dear? Yes, of course I do. But I also had a lot of problems with them as an adult, and that complicates things. Generally I’ve been pretty good about sitting with the feelings and just feeling them without numbing them, but it sucks. It really, really sucks. To be honest, I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone, but I guess it has to be done. Like I said, I already drank my way through downtown. It’s not doing it for me anymore. I just have to sit with it. Unfortunately that means I can’t go do yoga (or dance) in public right now, because every time I do it, all of my emotions come out and I end up a sobbing mess. Not really something anyone needs to see at 7am when they’re trying to start their day. It’s better if I’m just doing it on my own for now. I guess now I have to actually do it instead of lounging in bed indulging in my extremely unhealthy social media addiction. UGH! All of my genius is going towards Twitter and Reddit right now. It’s so embarrassing for my life and my soul. At least I can say I quit Facebook forever and put a healthy distance between myself and Snapchat/Instagram. But really I just need to delete Twitter forever and replace Reddit with actual books/magazines/blogs, especially given the fact that Reddit is actually a disgusting platform run by disgusting people with disgusting, misogynist, pedophelliac agendas. I feel so dirty for using it. Really, I do, but it’s the only place I can indulge my not-so-secret obsession with the Kardashians with like-minded fans. I’ve also been invited to multiple secret Fourth Wave Feminism/women-only safe spaces that I desperately need to stay sane in this bizarre patriarchal void I’m living in.
Anything else to say right now? No, not really. Just paying very close attention to my mental health and relationships with other people, which have remained about the same as usual. Meh. It’s South Dakota. People here are weird. I’m over it, and by that I mean I’ve accepted it for what it is. It is what it is. And on that note, my charcuterie board has arrived, so I’m going to go focus my full attention on that. And by focus my full attention on it, I mean mindlessly scroll Reddit in the background. Ugh. I hate myself. Truly.
Okay, well, I hope you all have a lovely evening. Please send me good vibes for my mini break, mostly so all of you can read something other than “Betsey’s mental health updates.” What can I say? Healing trauma takes time, and as I’m sure you can tell by my fabulous collection of short stories centered on Bloody Mary’s, I have plenty of it to go around.