Monday Morning. Balcony time. Back on a regular sleep schedule. Up early every day, going to bed early every night. Back on my Duolingo streak. It’s really important to have that daily sense of achievement in my life. It’s a small way of setting goals and taking pride in my progress over time. I mean, yesterday I watched a TV show in Brazilian Portuguese and understood about half of it. That’s so wild to me. A year and a half ago, I did not speak a word of Portuguese. One day I just decided on a whim to start learning it. Now, here I am, watching Netflix Brazil on a regular basis. Wild.
I decided to give myself a break after last week’s disaster to refocus. I put on “Get Organized with The Home Edit” to motivate myself and spent the next two rainy days reorganizing my closet and office. I had to take a break over the weekend because it was a lot, but I just have one basket of laundry to fold and a bunch of pens to test and I’ll be done. Finally, my room is starting to resemble an actual work space instead of a crash pad. Personally, I find the organizing does wonders for my anxiety. It really helped me settle down my emotions and focus on something productive. Now I have a nice, organized, clean space I can work in and feel good about. It’s all about small goals with measurable results. Also, therapy comes in more than one form and we as a society should really start embracing that.
After watching The Home Edit twice, I decided to go on a “Queer Eye” binge. Many tears and smiles and laughs and uplifting moments later, I am transformed once again. I thought to myself, “This is exactly what I need. A team of highly-trained professionals to just come in here, take control of the situation, and give me makeover. Re-do my CV, help me get connected with the right people, show me that I can live a happy life and care for myself and give back to others. They’re kind, non-judgmental, empathetic, and understanding. Amazing. This is exactly the kind of inspiration I’m looking for. Thank you, Fab Five! You’ve changed my life!”
I was so inspired, I even put together a special chicken and veggie pasta dish with my brother’s help. I picked out all the ingredients and he showed me how to cook the meat and veggies. I added herbs from my garden and lots of Creole spice. It’s so delicious. I just know Antoni would be proud. I really took what he said about turning cooking into a self-care routine to heart. It really does feel good to create something delicious, healthy, and nourishing. Again, Thank You Fab Five! I am officially #Obsessed!
Obviously, the TV show I was referring to in my first post was “Queer Eye: Brazil,” which is somehow even more emotional than the American version. I loved both equally, though. I can definitely say I’m walking away from this weekend binge-watching experience with a sense of refreshment and renewal, a feeling of universal love and inspiration, and the motivation to make the positive changes I want in my life. I also have a much more positive view of men. Not all men, obviously, but some of them are okay. It’s always nice to know there are good people in the world. I’ve clearly spent too much time around the wrong people. Now TV is my way of spending time around the right people.
This morning I woke up and felt good again. I did not go out this weekend and attempt to solve my problems by getting trashed. Instead, I refocused that energy into positive, constructive activities that gave me a sense of power and control over my own life. I learned I can be myself and care for myself and live a happy life. I also recognize that what happened last week happened because I was not in touch with myself. I was not honoring my true intentions and desires. I tried to force myself into environments I knew were not right for me, so my body revolted against me by shutting down. Now I understand why this happens to me, so moving forward, I need to honor my true self and only explore potential opportunities that align with my creative spirit.
I’m now inspired to write a script of an episode of this TV show. Also, just to write a few random scripts of reality TV shows in general. Like, one for Queer Eye, The Home Edit, House Hunters International, etc and just make a little portfolio showing I can write formulaic, episodic TV. Why not? Why not become a freelance TV writer and share my expert analysis with the world? Why not do a whole blog focused on self-care and positivity and doing the things you love for you? Why don’t I do these things? There’s no one here to stop me now.
And let’s be real. I am NOT a failure as a writer. I just really haven’t given myself a chance because I’ve been too caught up in emotions and drama and surrounded by the completely wrong people. But let’s really sit down and examine my writing career. Star Wars fanfic era? Success. College Newspaper Column? Controversial, maybe, back in the day, anyway, but safe to say it was a big Success. Website? Success. Bloody Mary’s? Nuclear Success. So, it’s fine. I’ll be fine. I was admitted into the Paris Writing Workshop, I received a scholarship to attend to Desert Nights, Rising Stars Writing Conference during Covid, I got retweeted 100x by writing-affiliated organizations. I can totally do this. I just need to honor myself and share my creative spirit with the world.
My time to shine is now! It’s my turn to be happy! I can live the life I want to live. There’s no one there to stop me or hold me back now! Thank you, Fab Five, American and Brazilian, for showing me how to change my life. You really are “Os Cincos Santos” (The Five Saints). Thank you for bringing some much-needed love and positivity to this dark, cold, cruel, indifferent universe. I feel more sparkly and fabulous already.
Off to finish my organization projects and maybe write something?! Exciting! More of this vibe, please and thank you.
Have a good day, ya’ll!