Monday morning. Here we are at the early morning Super Bowl breakfast party. It’s not that exciting. Honestly, I dislike American football. I’m only here for the bottomless mimosas.

I wanted to know who would get up at 6am to come to this bar to watch the game. The answer: a bunch of old people. I am definitely the youngest person in here by far, except for maybe the barmaid.

The only people I know are my Old Irish Uncle and his wife, who I’ve learned to avoid after she yelled at me at Hermes’ going away party. Otherwise there is no one of particular interest. I am somewhat grateful for this as it is way too early to deal with anyone or anything interesting.

So now we are just here doing game event coverage. So far, it’s very boring. It’s not exactly rugby, is it? Or anything rugby-adjacent, like a new sport I’ve recently discovered that is now all over my feed thanks to one lengthy creeping session. I’ll be an inadvertent expert by the end of the week.

I’m definitely going to leave after the halftime show. I already woke up at 5am. I’m now putting in the least amount of effort possible to write this so-called “sports report.”

I am disappointed. I really hoped for more interesting people-watching. But, you know, it is Monday morning, so I imagine most normal people are on their way to work right now. They are not total and complete degenerates like I apparently am.

I didn’t think this through. Now I am stuck watching this very boring sport that I actively dislike. Alas.

The commercials this year are definitely giving an, “America, are you okay?” vibe. No, no we are not okay. We are definitely not okay.

The halftime show has everyone in the bar totally captivated. After all, who doesn’t love Latin music? And Latin dance? I know I do! Have you ever seen Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights? Best movie ever, thankunext!

Oh, the dancing is so good. I just love Latin dance. Give me the time and the space and the soundtrack and I will go all out. Love it.

Everyone in here loves the Halftime Show. No one is complaining at all. Well, we are Americans in Thailand. Why would anyone be hating on this performance? They just gave it a standing ovation, as did I.

Honestly I was afraid ICE was going to burst in halfway through and arrest Bad Bunny, or worse. Thankfully that did not happen.

Okay, I am officially bored with this entire event. I just don’t feel like being alone right now and I want something familiar, so… America, fuck yeah.

Off now.