Tag: TEFL

BLOG: Train to Somewhere

Posted on Posted in BlogTagged , , , Leave a comment

Thursday.

Sitting in the coffee shop. The vibe in my world today is very “Now What?”

Now what, indeed.

Okay, I’ve been gone for exactly one year now. I gone on a crazy adventure and spent most of my money. I do have the makings for a decent book manuscript, but no real job or career prospects. Yeah, it’s definitely a “Now what?” Type of situation for sure.

I admit that I am very disappointed in myself about yesterday, but there’s nothing to be done about it now. It’s like Belfast, okay? One moment everything seems fine, the next minute it’s engulfed in flames. Welcome to my life.

In my epic levels of frustration, I ripped up one of the paper copies of my resume I got from the print shop the other day and threw the pieces into my offering bowl to Ganesha. I feel like that’s a pretty universal symbol for “Please help me sort this out because it’s a fucking mess and a half.”

Looking back on where I was a year ago, I feel like an idiot now. I really thought I was just going to move to HK, keep dating my long-distance boyfriend until we got married, and then move to some other random country together. That did not happen. Instead I went to Thailand and Bali and Malaysia and Macao. I banged a bunch of random guys from all over the world and did a second YTTC and wrote a bunch of short stories about the crazy expats I met in Bangkok and HK.

Now what? Now what?

How am I going to survive? How am I going to pay rent? How am I going to get healthcare? I can’t do anything! Well, I can, I just hate it. I hate working jobs that require me to be social and smiley. I can’t do it. It will break me down every time. Even now I get anxiety just from thinking about walking into a room full of children and trying to teach them vocabulary words. I’m really not great at it. I know the bar is set really low over here and I’ve met some real idiots that can somehow do it, but I can’t. It’s just not for me.

I just don’t know what is for me.

Nothing is for me, apparently. I can’t even get one of these “Housewife who does Pilates and Brunch” gigs. You literally do not even need a brain to get that job and yet I still can’t even get that. Bare minimum! Ridiculous.

I feel very useless to society right now. I have no plan at all anymore whatsoever. Every time I try to make a plan, it all blows up in my face. It just does not come naturally to be “normal.” But going with the flow also doesn’t seem to work. I just end up stagnating. Nothing ever really changes for me except the scenery.

I feel like I don’t know who I am. What am I doing? Why am I here? Why do I have absolutely no purpose?

I have no idea. All I know right now is that I’m on the train and the train is going somewhere. I have no idea where the train is going. It’s a surprise. I can try to steer the train, but it’s just going to take me off-track. So I’ll just wait for it to stop and see where I land.

Definitely feeling really depressed today. I wish I had someone to talk to about it. But I don’t. People just try to “fix” it and I wish they would stop. It cannot be fixed, okay? Stop trying to fix it. Just let it hang in the air for a moment and let it be what it is. Then perhaps a solution will present itself on its own. The last thing I need or want at this point is another fucking lecture. What if… and this is a very radical idea, I know… what if we just went out to a party and forgot about it for a night and just had fun?

Wow! Radical! I know!

I need a fun friend. I don’t have any fun friends. They’re always working. I need to rope in one of these hot guys in his 40’s who has all the money but none of the fun. Then we can just have fun spending his money together! True love! Yay!

No plan for today. Maybe just go out for a walk around Hong Kong and let the universe dump something exciting on me randomly? Right, because that always ends so well for me!

Sad. Disappointing and sad.

Who am I? What am I doing? Why can’t I just get my shit together? Who knows?

BLOG: Failure, but with Style & Confidence!

Posted on Posted in BlogTagged , , , , , , Leave a comment

Wednesday.

Here we are.

How did my job thing go today?

Oh, it didn’t.

Why?

The usual, well-documented reason. I freaked out, had an anxiety attack, started crying, went into full meltdown mode, and then locked myself in my room and shut off my phone.

Sadly, this is normal for me.

I don’t understand what happened. I did everything right. I prepared. I got enough sleep. I woke up early. I had my coffee, smoked a cigarette, did yoga, wrote a blog post, showered, got dressed, gave myself two extra hours to get there… and then… somehow… I just fell totally and completely apart within the span of about 15 minutes.

Grand.

Maybe I’m just not a people person and that’s why I have an anxiety attack every time I try to force myself to put on the mask and pretend I am a people person?

Maybe I just can’t do these jobs. I can’t be a waitress or a bartender or a barista. I can’t be a yoga teacher or an English teacher. I can’t get up in a room full of people like that and act like a completely different person. I just cannot do that. I would be so much happier if I could choose when I interact with people and how. I want it to all be on my terms. I can’t have it be on their terms.

Yeah so I just… really fucked it all up today. But also… maybe it’s better this way. Maybe I’m just not meant to teach a kindergarten class, or a primary school class, or a secondary school class, or any class in general. And you know what? Honestly… like… no fucking duh!

So what can I do? Ummm… sit alone in the corner, watch people from a safe distance away, and write ridiculous made-up stories about them? I don’t even know anymore. All I know is that I sit here every day watching the people go up and down the Escalator like, “Why can’t I just be normal like them?”

I finally forced myself out of the house after playing Mah Jong for an hour and half straight. I came up the escalator to my fav Greek place. Much to my surprise, my favourite Hong Kong “Auntie” was sitting in the window enjoying a glass of wine alone.

I absolutely love this lady. She has lived in Hong Kong forever! She has all the best stories from the pre-handover, post-handover, pre-Covid, and post-Covid eras of Hong Kong history. She was here for all of it. She watched this neighborhood in Central go from dark allies full of print shops and dirty restaurants to the lively, bright, crowded social scene it is today. Every restaurant and bar owner in Central and Wan Chai knows her. She is the best Auntie to have!

Seeing her instantly put a smile on my face. I was so relieved. I came over to her right away and greeted her. She was so happy to see me. She gave me a big hug. It felt really good after such a shitty, disappointing day.

I told her about my day and she nodded understandingly. “It’s good you find out now it’s not right for you,” she said. “Now you can do better! You have so much talent, so much beauty. You have the most beautiful gift for writing. I see it! Why you not do something with that instead?!”

Everyone knows but me. I’m the only one who doesn’t know it. I’m the only who doesn’t have it figured out. I’m the one who doesn’t know how to take what I have and make it work. That’s why I will always fail…

Ugh, see? Even the restaurant manager just came over to ask me how my book is going. Everyone knows but me. So why can’t I figure out how to make a career and/or money out of this?

I had the most intense vision during meditation this morning. This week I am using the visualization technique of imagining myself packing up a suitcase full of memorabilia representing my past, running to catch the train, dropping the suitcase, and leaving it all behind as I wave goodbye.

Today I took the suitcase and threw it as hard as I could off the back of the train. I watched it explode into a thousand pieces in the station behind me. Each piece turned into a beam of light and took a place on the train platform. The lights hovered in the air for just a moment before transforming into the ghosts of everyone I’ve loved who has passed on. They were all standing on the platform, smiling and waving at me as I headed off on my adventure.

I saw my dad, my grandparents, my friends, my family, my pets. Everyone was there. Even Mad Dog rolled up on his shitty old orange bicycle with a little caddy attached to bag reading “Lemonade Stand.” Each one took a moment to give me a hug and say something special to me before sending me off to Hong Kong. The last thing I saw was my dad looking at me proudly saying, “I’m so proud of you. We are all so proud of you.”

Aww… and now I’m crying in the middle of the restaurant. So embarrassing for my life and my soul. Oh well. The manager literally just told me to make it dramatic. What is more dramatic than bringing yourself to tears while penning your own memoir? Exactly.

Side Bar: This is exactly why I didn’t bother wearing make-up today. I knew I was just going to sit here and write and cry it all off anyway. Pointless. Not even the most waterproof liquid eyeliner can last through my writing process. Trust me; I’ve tried them all.

So yeah, it was a rough day. I just had to sit with myself for a time today and say to myself, “It’s okay if you don’t want to work with children, or people in general. It’s not the right job for you. Trust in the process. Trust in the journey. Trust there is something better ahead for you. You made it this far already, didn’t you?”

I really do love living in Hong Kong. I feel like there is so much here I have yet to see and explore. I’ve been so caught up in trying to be the person everyone else wants me to be or who I think I should be that I’ve forgotten who I really am. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Right now, I feel like I am more lost than ever.

Welcome to life at SEA: Drifting from one shipwreck to another, desperately trying to keep your head above water and avoid all the sharks along the way.

Speaking of sharks, a big old English one dressed in purple just rolled up. I just watched him knock an older Chinese tourist lady out of the way on the Escalator and then mutter an insult to himself on his way across the street. Naturally, he looked right at me in the window, walked in, and sat down one chair away from me. Now he’s talking to himself.

That’s my cue to GTFO! Time to go anywhere that’s not here…

Have a good one!

BLOG: Irish Dancing in the Rain

Posted on Posted in BlogTagged , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Monday.

Here I am at ye olde Irish pub.

And may I just say… HELLLOOOOO sexy beefcake! Who is this hottie with a body who just walked in and sat right across the bar from me? I can hear a faint accent. Is it an Irish accent? Gurl ‘cause if it is… sign me up to climb that hill today.

Anyway, insert something about rewarding myself for my job interview today with a bowl of hot beef stew and mashed potatoes with extra, extra butter?

Ummmm I think this lad over here might be the comforting side dish I’m looking for today.

I don’t see a wedding ring! HAHA but as we all learned from the last Irish lad… that doesn’t mean anything at all.

Hmmm he might not be Irish. He said “great” instead of “grand.” Now it’s officially up in the air. Anyway, I need to stop looking at him and drink my Guinness.

He reminds me of someone… I think it’s…. Nick Jonas? Right? Is that the one who is married to Priyanka Chopra? Or is that Joe? Or was he the one married to the chick from Game of Thrones? I still haven’t seen that show to this day and have no plans to ever watch it. Anyway, I don’t actually know the difference between the Jonas Brothers. I’m too old for that shit. He looks like at least one of them. Maybe. I think.

Anyway, a little thirsty there, Bets? Maybe you should have split your G before you looked up from your iPad. It doesn’t matter anyway. He’s not looking at you. He’s looking at his phone with that weird little twisted smirk I recognize so well. I already know exactly what that means.

Thank you, next.

ANYWAY WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUT?!

I have no idea. Where am I? Why did I come here?

I don’t remember who I am anymore.

Okay.

I have now eaten my potatoes and stew. I have had half of a pint of Guinness. I’m chillin’ in the Irish Pub listening to Irish Music. I’m grand. My spirit is officially recharged. Sometimes I feel myself running on empty and then I come here for a meal and it’s like I’ve magically sorted myself out again. Love that for me. Nothing like a bit of Irish magic to set me right when I need it the most.

Anyway, so I had a job interview today, which is what I actually came here to say. It was okay. I think teaching adults might be a better fit but I don’t know about this company. They said they’re undergoing “restructuring,” whatever that means. The online reviews aren’t great. I wonder if that has anything to do with the “restructuring?” Probably.

My interviewer was American, which was great because bonus points for me, duh! Do you know how hard it is to find other Americans in Hong Kong? It’s a challenge! So that already puts me slightly ahead of the competition. Plus he had some similar experiences so he could vibe.

The office itself was definitely giving “bro” vibes. I looked around that room and it was all bros. I could feel it before I looked because I walked in and everyone stopped and stared at me. I could feel the male gaze upon me. Then I looked up and around and sure enough… it was mostly bros.

So, yeah, obviously I don’t know about that one. I’m not exactly enthusiastic about working with mostly men. I feel like it could be… distracting? Problematic? Better to avoid altogether?

I don’t know. I’m not in a position to be picky, so let’s just see how my follow-up interview for the other place goes on Wednesday. Then I gotta make my visa run to Macau this weekend. So much to do, so little time.

Let’s just say I’ve definitely learned the importance of shopping around today, lol. I’m still freaking out, of course, but I have nothing left to lose at this point, so I just have to keep pushing through, whatever that means…

How am I feeling right now? Mostly like I just want to go home and get in bed and wrap myself up in a blanket and watch Netflix while the thunderstorms rage on outside. Instead I decided to hope the MTR over to the Kowloon side in the middle of a major thunderstorm warning and live dangerously.

I’ll be sure to take the Star Ferry back just so I can get the whole “Irish Ancestors leaving behind their barren, empty, famine-ridden homeland and crossing the stormy seas to find their way in a brave new world” vibe. Really makes the meal worth it, to be honest. You really need to suffer through the rainy slurry on a rickety old boat…

Just kidding. There’s no ferry service in this weather. I just gotta hop the MTR and be done with it.

Well… best get to it before the weather gets even worse.

Have a nice day!

BLOG: Make Me An Offer I Can’t Refuse

Posted on Posted in BlogTagged , , , Leave a comment

Sunday.

At brunch. And by brunch, I mean I woke up at 2:30pm after staying out all night partying at the gay club and somehow dragged myself up the stairs for a Bloody Mary.

Who am I? Where am I? Ugh.

Yesterday was ridiculous. I went to the reggae festival and it was a whole thing. So in my mind, I thought… outdoors, sunshine, everyone dressed in rainbows, chill vibes. I brought a blanket in my bag for the lawn and an extra bottle of water. Then I got there and it was a bunch of super upright people standing around in a dark room. Very jarring. Not what I was expecting at all.

I immediately freaked out and had an anxiety attack. I really, really, really struggle to face down a room full of strangers like that alone. It’s literally, like, my worst fear on earth. I cannot handle it at all. So I freaked out and left. I ran all the way back to the safety of my apartment (which was like 5 blocks away) and calmed myself down. I gave myself a pep talk, then I went back for the headliners. I’m not going to miss out on seeing reggae legends live just because I had some stupid anxiety attack.

I went back and enjoyed the last two sets. I still hate being alone in a room full of people like that. It was like… really hard. I felt more like I was trying to just get through the experience rather than fully enjoying it. Not quite the chill, relaxed rastamon vibes I was going for, but whatever.

Anyway, yeah, I got through it, so… yeah.

Afterwards, I went to the Cantina. There I made a new friend. We went to the gay club together and danced all night. I think we were out until like 4 or 5am? Something like that. Don’t really remember tbh. I just remember dancing a lot, because that’s what I always do when I’m there. I love the gay club. It’s very safe there. I can be in there surrounded by beautiful men without having to worry about anything.

That being said, I do have some weird interactions there. There are the regulars, of course, but then there are the weird tourists who come through. They tend to be… how do I say this politely? Somewhat messy.

I meet a lot of people who pretend to be one person in their every day lives and then live a secret life they are ashamed of by night. I find it very sad sometimes. They should just be free to be themselves and live their truths without fear or shame. Instead they are hiding in the darkness, crying on my shoulder in the bathroom while coked up to the max. Sad.

We still have fun anyway. It is what it is.

One thing that bothers me still is when I tell people there I am bi and they ask me to “pick a side.” That’s literally not the point at all. The point is to have whatever you want at the all-you-can-eat buffet. It’s not to order the same meal from the same restaurant. Plus, it’s not really about the person’s gender. It’s about their soul. Yeah, I mean, sometimes, I can be really shallow and go for attractive people simply because they are attractive. But when it comes to a potential partner, I’m looking for a soul match. I’m not so concerned with the packaging it comes in.

That being said… I think it’s very obvious what my preference is. I just don’t have enough experience with women to really talk about it. Men are easy. They will never say no to sex. They will literally stick their dick into a pie. They do not care at all. Women, however… women are not so easy. That’s why I’ve never managed to bed one. It’s too much goddamn work! Yet somehow, you do not see me turning my ability to fuck a woman into a memeable grift preying on lonely, vulnerable teenagers. Amazing.

I have been attracted to women before but I have not been intimate with one, so I do not actually know what I prefer. I mean, you know, maybe I think I want to be with a man, but it’s only because I don’t have any experience with women. Maybe I’ll meet a woman who blows my mind. Who knows? I think it’s best to stay open.

Anyway, blah blah blah, no one cares. What’s important is the results of my job application spamming yesterday. I can’t remember if I said this, but I heard back from one place almost immediately. Like maybe one hour later? They sent me a list of questions, I filled it out, and they sent me back an offer immediately.

The other place did not do that. They interviewed me, but they never put any kind of offer on the table. They didn’t even tell me what kind of contract they would theoretically offer me. They just said they would call me at the end of the month, which they have yet to do.

The current offer on the table is pretty solid. The hours are better, the pay is better, and they have health insurance. They’re also offering me a two year contract, which is great because most of the apartments here ask for a two-year lease.

It looks very stable. I want stable. I want to be able to work and not worry about it. I’m definitely a commitment phobe because the idea of me signing away my life for two years freaks me out, but it means two years in Hong Kong, and that’s what I want.

Also, I hate job hunting. I don’t want to job hunt anymore. I just want to lock in. Show up and do the damn thing. Get my money and go home. I don’t want to stress out, I don’t want to think about it, I don’t want to take it home, I don’t want any drama whatsoever. I just want to clock in, make money, clock out, and go home to write and eat in my fabulous apartment. The end.

I have to complete a little English test for them, which I am not in the right frame of mind to do because I am hungover, but I will do it anyway. It’s not hard. It’s just correcting spelling and punctuation and grammar and all that. Very easy.

Easy except for the part where they are expecting to hear from me today and all I want to do is go home and get in bed and pass out. I haven’t stayed out all night in months and now the one time I do, it’s when I suddenly and unexpectedly need to get something done on a short timeline. Ridiculous.

The tone of the email they sent back after I filled out the questionnaire was very amusing. I could tell they were familiar with my old company’s reputation because they emphasized the fact that they believe in diversity and value work-life balance. These things matter to me. That is literally the reason I left my last company, which they did ask me to explain on the questionnaire. I said I liked the job but the company wasn’t a good fit, so I left to go on an adventure and write a book about it. Now I’ve been back in HK for 6 months job hunting. The recruiter’s response was really enthusiastic. She was like, “Oh you sound like you would be perfect for our team!”

One of the things that helped me was my neighbor’s advice about embracing my Americanness. Hong Kongers love Americans, especially when it comes to English teachers.

The reason is because Hong Kongers value speed, efficiency, and directness over all things. American English tends to be extremely direct (at least if you are on the coasts), as opposed to British English, which is generally much more abstract and elaborate. British people use a lot of extra words that don’t need to be there. They use large words nobody knows the meaning of. They speak in metaphor. They will talk circles around you for 7 hours and never make their point.

Americans, especially East Coasters like myself, do not have time for any of that bullshit. Neither do Hong Kongers. Hong Kongers don’t have time for anything. They’re busy AF. You better make your point fast, or else. So I have learned they value American English more because of its efficiency. As it turns out, I also value efficiency, which is why I hated the “Fake Midwest Nice” passive-aggression so much. It’s such a waste of time. Like, why are you making everything 100x harder than it needs to be? Just be honest and direct and upfront. Stop wasting everyone’s fucking time with your crazy drama and inability to communicate. JFC. What are you even doing right now?

They’ve turned out all the lights in the restaurant. Lol. This is the hot new thing because of the energy crisis. Nothing says “l’ambiance” like candlelight, amiright?

I’ve actually gotten quite used to blackouts. They don’t happen here, but I did deal with them in India, Thailand, and Indonesia. I also dealt with them during hurricane season on the East Coast. I remember one year we didn’t have power for like 5 days. Rough. Anyway, I can handle it. Also, it’s a vibe.

When I was living in my traditional Thai-style apartment (not the giant loft) last summer, everyone in my neighborhood would turn their lights out at the same time every night and use tea lights instead. It would just get so hot outside. All you could really do was sit in front of the fan in total darkness.

Always good to know I can survive an apocalypse, I guess? Lol, it is what it is.

Soooo tired. Done writing for now. I want to finish this drink and head home. It feels like I’m at a turning point right now. A new era begins….

BLOG: Shark Fin Soup

Posted on Posted in BlogTagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Friday. At the coffee shop. It’s raining today. It rained all last night. The construction was still going on outside until about 2am when the rain started, so the very loud sounds of the drilling were replaced by impossibly loud, extremely terrifying thunder claps. Needless to say, I did not get a lot of sleep last night.

Instead I stayed up late into the night vision boarding and life planning. I was looking at everything I was doing this time last year before Hong Kong. So much hope for the future, lol. Looking back now, I can see why I immediately fell into a deep depression when that first TEFL job went off the rails. Mistake! It wasn’t my fault. This company has a terrible reputation here in Hong Kong!

Still, most people I’ve met out here are better about jumping back fast. It took me more time than I thought it would to jump back. Then again, I was carrying a lot with me when I came here. Like I’ve said, it took me six months just to feel safe in the fact that I don’t have to go back to SD. There was also the breakup, all of the unprocessed feelings about my dad’s death, etc etc etc. I was in pretty rough shape.

Luckily for me, Bali and Thailand’s expertise is nursing sick water buffalo like me back to health, so here I am now. Back in Hong Kong. Recovering after a mysterious set of injuries appeared after I blacked out at the Sevens. Grand.

The good news is that I did get another ping from a source regarding the shadiness of one of those bars, so I’m not wrong to be concerned there might be more to the story. Maybe I was actually followed and attacked? It’s not out of the realm of possibility. I guess I would rather think I fell down the stairs because it’s a more pleasant version of reality…

Anyway, going over my old Pinterest boards always kicks my ass back into gear. I had a plan once. I had motivation. I had goals and dreams and a notebook full of financial worksheets and fancy charts. All of my academic dreams are well within my reach. Ireland is within my reach. The whole world is within my reach. I just have to work for it.

Let’s just channel The Russian’s energy here for a second, just to help me be less messy for five seconds. This is a person who is very educated, has traveled extensively, and started his own business. This is basically just the male version of the person I would like to be. It’s a good thing I fucked him, because now I have his energy inside me and I can be more like that.

It’s like how some Chinese people snort ground up rhino horns or eat shark fin soup or whatever. They do it because they think they’re absorbing the power of that animal. This is my new strategy with men: absorb the power of the animal, which in this case is a scorpion. So just more of the same, but manlier, lol.

That’s actually not limited to the Chinese at all. Wasn’t there an English king who ate a lion’s heart because he thought it would make him more powerful in the Crusades or something? Yeah, Richard the Lionheart. From Robin Hood. I think? Somebody fact check that for me later. I’m in the middle of a flow and now I’m moving on to the part about West African War Lords in eating children’s hearts and snorting gunpowder or whatever.

Hmm… I think I’m starting to figure out why men are so afraid of women, lol.

Anyway, that was a neurodivergent side quest into history. Side bar over. What was I talking about again? Absorbing Finance Bro energy to make myself stronger and more powerful? Yeah, that sounds about right. Somehow this has something to do with making vision boards on Pinterest. I have no idea, lol. Maybe I hit my head harder than I thought. Or maybe I just haven’t finished my coffee yet.

I think my goal for the day was to re-do my resume for the billionth time, split it into multiple versions, and start sending it out, again. I was using a local job board, but I have gotten nothing back from it, so I’m switching to a different tactic. Be open. Embrace the chaos. Get that passport stamped. Worry less, travel more. See the world! Save money! Go back to school! Write about it all later!

Hmm.

Too bad The Russian ghosted me. I’m sure he would really appreciate me comparing his dick to illegally-poached ivory products and shark fin soup. I can imagine him doubled over laughing hysterically on the red leather couch right now.

Alas.

I just have to remember: I am not helpless. I am awesome! I am empowered! I’ve made it this far, and by this far, I mean traveling to a dozen countries in two years, attending two yoga teacher training courses in India and Bali, surviving life in Hong Kong after a failed TEFL job, finding my inspiration to write again while briefly living in Bangkok, and adding more characters to my Island of Lost Guys along the way.

I’d say I’m doing pretty well for someone who was intentionally pushed into a mental breakdown after her father died by her incredibly sick-minded co-workers from Starbucks for entertainment. That was three years ago! Wow! And where are those jerks now? Well, one of them definitely went to jail for assault, so there you have it!

Thank god I escaped that place. I hated South Dakota so much. There are no words. I don’t know what’s wrong with those people. They choose conflict and drama every time. Now that I’m far away from it and I don’t have to deal with it anymore or be an active target, I can see how wrong it really was. Sick, sick, sick people. Just sick, twisted, and evil.

Okay. Forget all of that. It’s hard. I still try to drown it out every day. It still affects my confidence. I still have flashbacks about the days I was constantly being attacked online, at work, around town, by my family, by my exes. It went on for years and years and years and years. It’s not easy to forget. I just have to keep adding new memories, new languages, new travels, new stories, new media, new everything to my brain to replace it all.

It is like Kim Kardashian says. “You just need to do so many photoshoots. The good pictures will replace all the bad pictures and soon everyone will forget the bad pictures altogether.”

I can’t remember if she said that in the show or if she said it to me in a dream. That happens sometimes. I have dreams about her coming to me and giving me life advice. Kim K and Paris Hilton. It’s a whole thing. Judge me all you want. I don’t care. I’m willing to take the L on this one. I shamelessly Keep Up and I have no regrets about it.

Okay, I had a mission today. That mission is to get up off my ass and work. Try to find a way to keep the past from haunting me forever. Move forward. Find a new job. Live a new life. Save money. Go back to school. The whole jam.

Motivated AF!

The Chinese guy sitting next to me at the cafe just looked at the bottom of his mug and read his foam the same way one would read tea leaves. How fun! I’m going to try that now. Let’s see what comes up…

Ohhhhhh I definitely got a heart! And a snake. So love is coming, but there will be obstacles along the way. No worries. That’s why I’ve got not one, but two statues of Ganesha, as well as a giant rainbow tapestry depicting him. Obstacles? No problem! We’ll be cruising on through like we’re on a TukTuk ride through New Delhi at rush hour!