Sunday.

At brunch. And by brunch, I mean I woke up at 2:30pm after staying out all night partying at the gay club and somehow dragged myself up the stairs for a Bloody Mary.

Who am I? Where am I? Ugh.

Yesterday was ridiculous. I went to the reggae festival and it was a whole thing. So in my mind, I thought… outdoors, sunshine, everyone dressed in rainbows, chill vibes. I brought a blanket in my bag for the lawn and an extra bottle of water. Then I got there and it was a bunch of super upright people standing around in a dark room. Very jarring. Not what I was expecting at all.

I immediately freaked out and had an anxiety attack. I really, really, really struggle to face down a room full of strangers like that alone. It’s literally, like, my worst fear on earth. I cannot handle it at all. So I freaked out and left. I ran all the way back to the safety of my apartment (which was like 5 blocks away) and calmed myself down. I gave myself a pep talk, then I went back for the headliners. I’m not going to miss out on seeing reggae legends live just because I had some stupid anxiety attack.

I went back and enjoyed the last two sets. I still hate being alone in a room full of people like that. It was like… really hard. I felt more like I was trying to just get through the experience rather than fully enjoying it. Not quite the chill, relaxed rastamon vibes I was going for, but whatever.

Anyway, yeah, I got through it, so… yeah.

Afterwards, I went to the Cantina. There I made a new friend. We went to the gay club together and danced all night. I think we were out until like 4 or 5am? Something like that. Don’t really remember tbh. I just remember dancing a lot, because that’s what I always do when I’m there. I love the gay club. It’s very safe there. I can be in there surrounded by beautiful men without having to worry about anything.

That being said, I do have some weird interactions there. There are the regulars, of course, but then there are the weird tourists who come through. They tend to be… how do I say this politely? Somewhat messy.

I meet a lot of people who pretend to be one person in their every day lives and then live a secret life they are ashamed of by night. I find it very sad sometimes. They should just be free to be themselves and live their truths without fear or shame. Instead they are hiding in the darkness, crying on my shoulder in the bathroom while coked up to the max. Sad.

We still have fun anyway. It is what it is.

One thing that bothers me still is when I tell people there I am bi and they ask me to “pick a side.” That’s literally not the point at all. The point is to have whatever you want at the all-you-can-eat buffet. It’s not to order the same meal from the same restaurant. Plus, it’s not really about the person’s gender. It’s about their soul. Yeah, I mean, sometimes, I can be really shallow and go for attractive people simply because they are attractive. But when it comes to a potential partner, I’m looking for a soul match. I’m not so concerned with the packaging it comes in.

That being said… I think it’s very obvious what my preference is. I just don’t have enough experience with women to really talk about it. Men are easy. They will never say no to sex. They will literally stick their dick into a pie. They do not care at all. Women, however… women are not so easy. That’s why I’ve never managed to bed one. It’s too much goddamn work! Yet somehow, you do not see me turning my ability to fuck a woman into a memeable grift preying on lonely, vulnerable teenagers. Amazing.

I have been attracted to women before but I have not been intimate with one, so I do not actually know what I prefer. I mean, you know, maybe I think I want to be with a man, but it’s only because I don’t have any experience with women. Maybe I’ll meet a woman who blows my mind. Who knows? I think it’s best to stay open.

Anyway, blah blah blah, no one cares. What’s important is the results of my job application spamming yesterday. I can’t remember if I said this, but I heard back from one place almost immediately. Like maybe one hour later? They sent me a list of questions, I filled it out, and they sent me back an offer immediately.

The other place did not do that. They interviewed me, but they never put any kind of offer on the table. They didn’t even tell me what kind of contract they would theoretically offer me. They just said they would call me at the end of the month, which they have yet to do.

The current offer on the table is pretty solid. The hours are better, the pay is better, and they have health insurance. They’re also offering me a two year contract, which is great because most of the apartments here ask for a two-year lease.

It looks very stable. I want stable. I want to be able to work and not worry about it. I’m definitely a commitment phobe because the idea of me signing away my life for two years freaks me out, but it means two years in Hong Kong, and that’s what I want.

Also, I hate job hunting. I don’t want to job hunt anymore. I just want to lock in. Show up and do the damn thing. Get my money and go home. I don’t want to stress out, I don’t want to think about it, I don’t want to take it home, I don’t want any drama whatsoever. I just want to clock in, make money, clock out, and go home to write and eat in my fabulous apartment. The end.

I have to complete a little English test for them, which I am not in the right frame of mind to do because I am hungover, but I will do it anyway. It’s not hard. It’s just correcting spelling and punctuation and grammar and all that. Very easy.

Easy except for the part where they are expecting to hear from me today and all I want to do is go home and get in bed and pass out. I haven’t stayed out all night in months and now the one time I do, it’s when I suddenly and unexpectedly need to get something done on a short timeline. Ridiculous.

The tone of the email they sent back after I filled out the questionnaire was very amusing. I could tell they were familiar with my old company’s reputation because they emphasized the fact that they believe in diversity and value work-life balance. These things matter to me. That is literally the reason I left my last company, which they did ask me to explain on the questionnaire. I said I liked the job but the company wasn’t a good fit, so I left to go on an adventure and write a book about it. Now I’ve been back in HK for 6 months job hunting. The recruiter’s response was really enthusiastic. She was like, “Oh you sound like you would be perfect for our team!”

One of the things that helped me was my neighbor’s advice about embracing my Americanness. Hong Kongers love Americans, especially when it comes to English teachers.

The reason is because Hong Kongers value speed, efficiency, and directness over all things. American English tends to be extremely direct (at least if you are on the coasts), as opposed to British English, which is generally much more abstract and elaborate. British people use a lot of extra words that don’t need to be there. They use large words nobody knows the meaning of. They speak in metaphor. They will talk circles around you for 7 hours and never make their point.

Americans, especially East Coasters like myself, do not have time for any of that bullshit. Neither do Hong Kongers. Hong Kongers don’t have time for anything. They’re busy AF. You better make your point fast, or else. So I have learned they value American English more because of its efficiency. As it turns out, I also value efficiency, which is why I hated the “Fake Midwest Nice” passive-aggression so much. It’s such a waste of time. Like, why are you making everything 100x harder than it needs to be? Just be honest and direct and upfront. Stop wasting everyone’s fucking time with your crazy drama and inability to communicate. JFC. What are you even doing right now?

They’ve turned out all the lights in the restaurant. Lol. This is the hot new thing because of the energy crisis. Nothing says “l’ambiance” like candlelight, amiright?

I’ve actually gotten quite used to blackouts. They don’t happen here, but I did deal with them in India, Thailand, and Indonesia. I also dealt with them during hurricane season on the East Coast. I remember one year we didn’t have power for like 5 days. Rough. Anyway, I can handle it. Also, it’s a vibe.

When I was living in my traditional Thai-style apartment (not the giant loft) last summer, everyone in my neighborhood would turn their lights out at the same time every night and use tea lights instead. It would just get so hot outside. All you could really do was sit in front of the fan in total darkness.

Always good to know I can survive an apocalypse, I guess? Lol, it is what it is.

Soooo tired. Done writing for now. I want to finish this drink and head home. It feels like I’m at a turning point right now. A new era begins….