Monday.

I am back at the coffee shop after a two-week hiatus. I haven’t been feeling well, so I have been staying in my apartment in the mornings. It’s good to be back at the coffee shop. The Krewe that works here is super fun. Plus, the theme is cats, dogs, and other adorable animals. Pet-friendly! Love!

Yesterday was somewhat frustrating for me. I went out with another friend, which I found to be somewhat frustrating. A few months back, he helped me make a plan for my book. Now he acts like he doesn’t remember. He doesn’t check in on my progress at all. He just lectures me, just like everyone else. It’s starting to get really old.

I decided to be kind to myself this morning and give myself the gift of delicious iced coffee instead of getting mad about it. It’s frustrating, but I just have to get over it. People tend to be very tightly-wound here, if you take my meaning. A lot of workaholics and high-achievers. They can be very judgmental sometimes.

I think they are just measuring progress by the wrong metrics. For example, in this last year alone, I have run a blog and IG account, written a book, designed a new website, made a new business plan, prepped half a dozen screenplay treatments, completed a second yoga teacher training course, and traveled to 7 countries. That’s a lot!

So it’s just a matter of translating that into cash money, which is… much harder to do than I realized. Still, I’ve made it this far. There is no turning back now. The only way through is forward.

It’s a weird position to be in. When I was in Thailand, I felt quite comfortable doing absolutely nothing all day. Life moved at a slow pace. I had my little daily routine. Coffee stand in the morning to write, bar at night to collect stories. Eat, drink, smoke, have a bit o’ craic with the lads, and be merry. All that jazz.

But as time went on, it started to feel like the Land of the Lotus Eaters. It was like being trapped in a time warp. Every day started to feel the same. It was too much like South Dakota. I started losing my inspiration fast. I realized I couldn’t stay there and live like that forever. I had to come back here to Hong Kong and learn how to be a real, functioning adult person who has a professional career in a writing-adjacent field.

Unfortunately, as inspired as I was to climb straight to the top of The Peak, I’ve ended up plateauing instead. I can’t quite elevate myself the way I was hoping. I’m stuck at this same level, trapped in this same routine, endlessly overwhelmed as I struggle to figure out my next steps forward.

I think to myself, “What on earth did I get myself into?” Especially when my friends sit there across the table from me and judge me for being stuck in the position I’m in. It’s frustrating. I don’t want to be this person. I have a vision board.

Honestly it’s still sinking in for me that I even made it this far. 7 countries in a year? Seriously? And I lived in both Hong Kong and Bangkok? That’s insane. I never thought I would see the day. I guess you could say I’m still frozen in shock. I’m here but I can’t even really enjoy it because it’s such a shock to my system. I suppose that’s just what happens when you move abroad. You think it will be so glamorous and then you find out it’s not. It’s just regular everyday life, but everything is so much harder.

Anyway, I’m working on it. The goal is there. The plan is there. The vision is there. It’s just taking a bit more time to manifest than I thought. It’s fine. Everything will be fine. Focus on the vision but be open to new opportunities. You never know what will pop up.

I’ve decided this week is my “Week of No Regrets.” I will do something different every day that inspires me or pushes me out of my comfort zone. I feel like I’m missing out on certain aspects of Hong Kong because I’m always so deep in my feelings. I should just go be deep in my feelings at the beach on a random island instead. Change it up. Use my opportunity to my advantage instead of being depressed every day.

Be present in the moment, etc, etc.

I should go see a fortune teller or something. I just feel so lost right now.