Tuesday.

The morning started out rough. I had a nightmare, which is normal at this point, but still extremely triggering. Got upset. Left the apartment as soon as possible to come to the coffee shop and write.

Writing is the only thing that keeps me sane in this world. Writing and yoga, but only as long as I’m doing yoga by myself. I get stressed out if I have to be around other Yogis. Most of them are just… yikes on bikes. Not exactly a community I’m proud to be part of at this point. It’s a lot of “Being totally and completely selfish is the only way to be happy! You don’t owe anyone anything!”

Uhh… except for the part where that statement literally goes against the spiritual dharma of yoga. Like, actually, you do owe your community and the planet something, you fucking asshole. But sure, go off about how filming a handstand for IG helped you find your center, or whatever. Really doing yoga there.

I really did not like the people I met in Bali, lol. Can you tell?

I hate how negative people who say negative things to me stay stuck in my brain. Like, why the fuck do I care what people with no empathy think of me? They have no empathy! They’re horrible to everyone! That’s what people like that do. Why do I let it affect me?

New rule: anyone who makes me feel bad is not allowed in my space or my life. If someone comes at me and tries to lecture me out of “concern” or whatever, they’re getting blocked immediately.

Did I ask for your advice? No. So why are you talking at me like I give a fuck? Do you really think what you’re saying right now is relevant? It’s not, and I’m tired of pretending it is.

Let us take a moment of peace to be calm and enjoy our coffee.

Breathe it in real deep on this rainy, miserable day. We have a long day ahead of us.

So much for my “Week of No Regrets.” I already regret wasting my Sunday with that person. Their negativity is sticking to me now and I can’t shake it. I need to go out on a fun adventure or something. Too bad it’s raining. Alas.

Okay, new rules for socializing:

-If the person speaking is under the age of 30, don’t listen to anything they have to say. They have not passed The Age of Wisdom yet. I am 37. I am closer to 40 than 20 at this point. That age gap is real AF and I’m tired of pretending it’s not. Plus, Gen-Zs are fucking weird. Over it. Done. Under 30’s are not friend material. Period. Old people FTW. They have knowledge, expertise, wisdom, connections, and life experience. All your new friends are in their mid-to-late 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, and 60’s now, Betsey. Welcome to real life. These 20-something’s you’ve been running around don’t know shit about shit. Cut them all off. They’re annoying AF.

-If the person speaking is not a creative or artist, do not listen to anything they have to say. If the person in question tries to suggest that writing is not a real career or source of livelihood, cut them off forever.

-If the person speaking is being mean, judgmental, or cruel in any way, cut them off and block them immediately. I deserve to be happy in my life. I deserve to be around people who are kind. I don’t need any more “tough love” or “brutal honesty.” You’re not saying anything new. You’re just being mean for the sake of being mean.

-If the person speaking defends my toxic family at any point for any reason, they’re gone. Cut them off. They are also toxic. I don’t need that energy in my life.

-If the person speaking tries to lecture me about anything, cut them off.

-If the person speaking refuses to acknowledge mental health, trauma, and grief are real issues that cannot simply be “pushed through,” block, delete, and cut off forever. These people don’t believe in science. They’re worse than anti-vaxxers. Nothing they have to say is relevant or valuable. They’re just going to be mean for the sake of being mean.

-If the person speaking is promising you something or giving you advice without taking any real action to help you achieve a specific goal, stop listening to and spending time around them. They’re not going to help you. They’re just being mean for the sake of being mean.

-If the person in question spends most of their time locked into a device with earbuds in, disregard everything they say about anything. These people are not living in the real world. Who wants to take life advice from someone on Zombie Mode?

That’s all I can think of right now. It’s unbelievable how many idiots in this world are walking around acting like they know everything when they’ve barely even read one piece of literary fiction.

Like, literally… be real with yourself for one minute. What qualifications do you actually have that allow you to make these judgments right now? Seriously. WHY would I listen to you?

I just accomplished something I’ve been dreaming of doing my entire life, and you’re trying to tear me down for it. Why? What is that? Why are you out here being mean just for the sake of being mean?

Okay, anyway, I’m done listening to any and all negative feedback. It’s not useful or productive. It just makes me lose respect instantly for whoever it’s coming from, mostly because I’m not sitting there tearing them apart to their face under the guise of “brutal honesty.”

I am very angry and annoyed today. I was very sad yesterday. Hmm. I should check my calendar. Maybe it’s my PMS week? That would explain the weird ups and downs in mood. It’s a real issue for me. I have to mark it out on my calendar specifically so I can self-isolate from other people.

It’s okay. We’ve learned a valuable lesson here. This is like, what? The fourth or fifth time I’ve encountered someone on my writing journey who promised up and down they would help me, only to completely tear me down?

I know it’s not helpful, they know it’s not helpful, everyone knows it’s not helpful. Most people just want their chance to take a shot at me. I don’t know why. I barely have self-esteem as it is. What are they perceiving about me that makes them want to tear me down and “humble” me so bad?

I will truly never understand. As I’ve stated repeatedly in this post, most people in this world are mean just for the sake of being mean. They hate themselves and their own lives, so they have to target others to make themselves feel important. It is what it is. It has nothing to do with me.

Anyway, sometimes you’re just not on the same page. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that it’s important to be on the same page as your Agent/Editor/Publisher. If they’re not going to help you succeed in the art world, there’s no point in keeping them around. There are real professionals in this world whose job it is to help me get published and make a career out of what I do. I just need to find one of them and be done with it.

That’s it. That’s the whole point of this post.

The End.