Thursday.

Hello, yes, it’s me. I’m still alive. I haven’t written in a week and a half. This time of year is hard for me, in spite of the fact that it was my birthday last week. Tomorrow is the anniversary of the day my dad died four years ago. It’s also my mother’s birthday. So yeah… complicated AF! Plus there was the US Mid-Term Election, which was stressing me out until I got the good news.

I’ve been trapped in an unproductive, catatonic state in the time between my birthday and tomorrow. Today I finally got out of bed and gave myself a motivational speech. I can’t stay trapped in this negative headspace or else I WILL end up homeless. It is what it is.

So, obviously, I started slowly. First was taking a shower… then doing the dishes… taking out the trash… tidying up my desk… making my way over to the pile of dirty laundry after this blog post. I do feel better already. Just gotta keep calm and carry on, as the Brits say. It’s hard right now, but things will get better soon. They always do!

I managed to get out of my head long enough to head up to the Secret Society on Tuesday. I was planning to write, but I got roped into a conversation with one of the regulars instead. My English Uncle showed up a bit later. Much to my disappointment, he was in the company of two people I don’t particularly like.

One of them was Mr. Pig, who seems to have backed off since they all discovered my blog. Guess someone figured out who he was and informed him that I’ve been documenting his creepy behavior towards me. He hasn’t been quite as “friendly” with me the last few times I’ve seen him. What a relief!

The second was the shady guy I mentioned like two or three posts ago. He’s so shady. SO SHADY! We’ll just call him Mr. Shady. He does not have a good reputation in this club, as far as I can tell. He’s been back in HK for a short time now, and I’ve already heard most of the people I know there talking shit about him.

In spite of the fact that Sober Me doesn’t want to be anywhere near him, Drunk Me has a different agenda. Apparently I approached him when I was wasted on my birthday and told him he could tell me his story in his own words. You know… just in case he has something to say in defense of himself.

Apparently he does not, because he was a total fucking dick to me for absolutely no reason on Tuesday night. I was left alone with him for one minute and he started running his fucking mouth.

He was like, “You know we all laugh at you in our Group Chat, right?”

Wow, really? I didn’t realize I was dealing with a teenaged mean girl, but okay, go off, go off.

Personally I would be disappointed if they weren’t laughing at me. I’m hilarious! If they weren’t laughing, that would be a sign that I’m not doing my job very well.

That aside, he continued on by saying that no one up there likes me and they all talk about me behind my back all the time. I was like, “Bro, what? Are you kidding me right now? Are you an IMAX Theater because you are the biggest, most powerful projector ever!”

It was insane. I had no patience for any of it. I was like… really? You’re gonna talk shit to me right now? Are you aware of the fact that I’ve already documented you selling and using coke? Yeah, that was way back in March, bro. I’ve been onto you for awhile. And that incident was NOTHING compared to some of the shit I’ve overheard about you VERY recently.

So yeah, go ahead and laugh it up. Laugh all you want. You can enjoy my stand-up comedy routine from prison whenever you inevitably end up there.

Whatever.

I also don’t care if anyone up there actually likes me or not. I’m not always the biggest fan of them either! However, I see them as an important life lesson for me. I joined this club so I could learn how to peacefully co-exist in a room with people I don’t always enjoy being around. I’m there to learn from people who are more successful in life than I am.

My English Uncle is the perfect example of this. We both straight-up admitted to each other that we did not like each other when we first met. Now we’ve gotten to know each other and we’ve grown on one another. This isn’t someone I have very much in common with. I never would have met him otherwise. And yet… here we are… getting along quite diplomatically.

Also, I like being in close proximity to money and power. It makes me feel like I, too, can acquire money and power. It gives me confidence to walk into that room and talk to anyone in there regardless of whether I like them or they like me or whatever. I need that confidence right now.

I know I’m not the most popular person on Earth. I never have been. I am actually quite accustomed to being disliked. It is what it is. It doesn’t affect me anymore. It just is what it is. I have to like me because I’m the only person I see every day of my life. I’m comfortable with who I am. I’m not where I want to be in life right now, but that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with who I am as a person. I know that now.

That’s why I was able to step back from this situation and say, “I’m not taking anything this guy says to or about me seriously at all. This is a person who gets up and goes to the bathroom for a bump every 30 minutes. He doesn’t have shit on me.”

It was just rude, honestly. There was no reason for him to behave that way towards me. Ridiculous. I was told very specifically that he has a reputation for picking fights with people, so I guess I’m the person he chose on this occasion. Mistake!

People like this always make this mistake with me. You gotta get me on your side so that I DON’T write about you. You gotta make your ally. I’m a very powerful ally to have. However, if you cross me again, you will not like the results.

Honestly, I would extort him for cash, but it’s pretty clear he doesn’t have much of it. Alas! How will I ever pay my rent now?!

Hmm… I was right. I do feel much better now that I’ve written something. I need to get back into my daily habit. I’ve been slacking off!

In the meantime, I will keep myself occupied with Mr. S, who recently popped up again. He’s away on another business trip right now. He’s always away on a business trip. This is one of like, three things I know about him. He travels so much that he’s sick of airplane food and he’s fiercely loyal to his credit card/airline/hotel rewards programs.

I’m seriously not kidding when I say this is all I know about him. I don’t want to know about him. I just want to bang him. That will get complicated for me if I learn too much about him and start liking him. Not interested in the feelings side of things right now.

I haven’t seen him since our Saturday Afternoon Date, but we are keeping a very sexy correspondence. It’s fun! Let’s just say… he’s a very good writer, lol. Not as good as me (obviously), but he paints a pretty detailed picture, if you follow what I’m saying. It’s fun. He’s fun. Just fun. Nothing more, nothing less. It is what it is!

I’m glad he showed up. It helped me get over my obsession with Mr. Next Door. I can’t quite shake the feeling that there is still something there, but I’ve chosen not to allow it to occupy my thoughts anymore. It’s just a proximity issue. We are two sexy Scorpios sharing a very thin wall in a very tiny space. It is natural that I would develop an attraction to him. I just had to let it pass, which it did.

At least… I thought it had until Sunday morning when I was outside talking to my neighbor in the building next door. He’s the beefcake who likes to sit on the wall and chat with me. I call him Mr. Suave because he is Filipino and very “suave,” as they say down there. He’s too young for me, but I enjoy our little chats together. On this occasion, we were out there chatting and suddenly he stopped mid-sentence, looked at something behind me, and his eyes got really wide.

I turned around to see Mr. Next Door storming off the rooftop in a huff.

“Wow,” said Mr. Suave. “He looked really pissed off when he saw us out here talking together. He just gave me the dirtiest look! What did you do to him?”

“I didn’t do anything,” I said. “I wrote a story about him and instead of laughing at it like he was supposed to, he got all butthurt about it. He’s barely spoken to me since. It’s actually insane because some of the stuff he said to me directly to my face was way worse.”

“Well, whatever you wrote must have really gotten to him. You’ve got him scared pretty bad.”

“I’m sure he’ll get over it.”

I say as I sit here writing this blog while wearing his sweatpants, lol. I really can’t explain the sweatpants thing, to be honest. I know it’s weird. I think there’s something very grounding and homey about wearing them. Like… when I put them on, I just feel better. Like… more motivated, or something. I just call them the “magic pants” now because I’m always so productive on the days I wear them.

What’s funny is that he’s never seen me wearing his sweatpants. Ever. I’m honestly afraid of the day when I go up to the rooftop to smoke and I come back to him sitting in the doorway and he finally catches me in the act. I feel like he’s just going to glare at me and be like, “What are THOSE? Are… those… MY… sweatpants?” Yes, yes they are. I know, I know, I’m a certified freak, seven days a week. It is what it is. But in my defense… they are really comfortable!

Okay, I’m out of things to write about and I’m hungry. Time to have a snack and then go to the market and then finish cleaning the apartment. And then start hustling!

Do the hustle, Betsey. You got this. The last round of job applications got you 4 interviews and an offer, which you fucked up because of your raging anxiety. You got this!

Right. I’ve got this!