BLOG: All Over The Place

Here we are. Monday, again.

Still nothing to show for my efforts but some blog posts. I like to think it’s okay because I’m getting funnier, in spite of my occasional brush with darkness out here in SEA.

I applied for another crop of jobs last week. Nothing. It’s all the same recycled job postings that were there in January. So I am basically applying to be rejected by the same companies all over again. Fun.

I wish I knew how to do what I do all day and make money from it. All of my problems would be solved. No more pretending I like people. No more “networking.” No more masking. No more exhaustion that actively prevents me from writing and creating art. Just this, all day every day, for the rest of my life. I would be fine with that.

I thought about throwing in a random application for a Masters program at HKU. They would need to pay for literally everything though because I have no money for anything. Not school fees, not an apartment, nothing. I’m in the same position no matter where I move my piece on the board. Sucks.

I was feeling more motivated about it on Saturday morning. Now I don’t feel any motivation to do anything at all. I thought my depression would go away if I moved to the opposite side of the world, but it hasn’t gone anywhere. Some days I just get so lonely and overwhelmed here. I feel so lost. I don’t know who I am or what I want. I am just at the whim on the universe. I am not taking an active role in my own life at all. Honestly, I don’t think I even know how.

In the meantime, I am trying to make peace with things as they are. As I said the other day, I finally made peace with Bloody Mary’s. As we always knew, I was right and all of them were wrong. South Dakota people just enjoy being cruel for the sake of being cruel. They see someone out there doing something different and their first instinct is to burn the witch at the stake. That has literally nothing to do with me or my book. That state is just all bad vibes, all the time. It’s not about me.

I got rid of Andrew months ago, so that’s not an issue anymore. I’ve replaced him with true stories of ridiculous dates I’ve been out on with real men. Made peace with the deaths of Mad Dog, my dad, my aunt, my uncle, and my grandmother.

One thing I cannot make peace with is my living family. There is no peace to be made. It’s a source of constant struggle for me. I want to make peace with it, but I really struggle to accept how fucked up the situation is. It doesn’t help that my mom, grandmother, sisters and aunts basically stonewall me whenever I try to communicate. They really think they can just pretend nothing bad ever happened. They literally refuse to take any kind of accountability for anything. It is IMPOSSIBLE to communicate ANYTHING to them, at all. They will always DARVO me.

They still act like me moving abroad is the gravest crime ever to be committed on earth, which again, makes absolutely zero sense because my aunt literally lived here in Hong Kong for a year. You would think she would be happy for me or asking for pictures or checking in. But she doesn’t. It’s just… radio fucking silence from all of them. It’s so weird.

I swear it feels like leaving a cult, but I don’t know what cult it is or understand how it operates. I can only say that my cousins on my mom’s side are all also in the same situation where their parents are extremely controlling and keep them contained close to home in spite of the fact that they are all fully-grown adults. It’s weird. That whole family is weird. It’s only now that I am on the other side of the world, watching other people post pictures of their families visiting them, that I realize… that shit ain’t right.

I never speak to my dad’s side anymore. After he died, my aunt went full mask off and basically said, “You’re not my family anymore. I don’t want to spend time around you or invite you to things. I don’t want to deal with you at all.” Okay, crazy. I’m sure my Irish grandmother would love to see you treating your own blood relatives like that. I bet she’s really proud.

So yeah, I am definitely having a lot of trouble moving past the family stuff. As I’ve mentioned previously, I am the Family Scapegoat, which means everyone treats me like a punching bag they can take out all their negative emotions on. This is why nobody is happy for me and why they refuse to acknowledge my writing career. They don’t want me to succeed. They want me to fail so they can continue beating up on me. I refuse to accept that kind of treatment anymore, so they are vilifying me for walking away from it and setting up boundaries. It’s all very textbook for people with undiagnosed personality disorders.

I think it’s really hard knowing that they feel this way and act this way. I think I did something really brave by accepting a job on the other side of the world, getting on a plane to come here, and then sticking it out for the rest of the year when the job didn’t work out. I think it’s amazing that I’ve visited 12 countries, studied yoga in India and Bali, and lived in Bangkok and Hong Kong. I never, ever thought in a million years my life would look like this. This is everything I’ve ever dreamed of. And my family, the people who are supposed to be supportive and provide unconditional love, all hate me for it.

Why?

I have so much weighing on my mind right now. My date with the Russian was merely a distraction from all of this. Men are always just a distraction from all of this. They come and they go and, if we are lucky, they provide some entertainment along the way. That’s all we can hope for in this life. There’s no point in expecting anything more from any of them. Just get the story and leave. Don’t get attached. Don’t get hung up. Just take the story and leave.

I know I have this fantasy that if I go to Ireland to research my family history that I will find a new family that loves me and accepts me for who I am. I think this is very unrealistic. I should not go because I expect to find something or receive something in return. I should go because I want to spend my days unraveling old scrolls in the library just for the sake of learning and education. I’m setting myself up to fail by going there “for the people.” I should go for me, to find me, to learn to love me and understand who I am outside of my overly-controlling family.

Anyway, it’s not a good time right now. In addition to the housing crisis, now there is a fuel crisis affecting the entire country. All weekend my feed was dominated by footage of the protests across Ireland. I just felt like… maybe it’s not my time yet. Maybe I have more to learn out here in SEA before I go there.

I don’t know. I am so lost right now. I can’t pick a road to travel down. Some days I just want to go back to India to study more yoga. Some days I want to hop a flight to Vietnam or Cambodia. Some days I want to go to Ireland. Some days I want to dump off all my stuff at my brother’s apartment and just take a backpack all around Africa. Some days I just want to get married and have a nice apartment/condo/house/whatever to decorate. Some days I want to go to graduate school. I really am, as my AI-generated google search results say, “All Over The Place.”

Yeah, that’s exactly how I feel today: All Over the Place.

BLOG: I Think We Lost The Plot

Thursday. Where did the week go? Oh yes, I know. I spent all day yesterday sucked into Netflix while actively avoiding reality. Nothing like a good true crime docu trio to wake you up to all of the different ways life could go wrong.

I’m not really partial to the murders myself. I like the documentaries about cults and cult psychology. I have watched ALL of the cult documentaries. Unemployment Level 100. I am also fascinated by cult psychology because, as an American, I recognize that my country has been taken over by a very dangerous cult.

This particular documentary was about the FLDS in Utah. It is absolutely terrifying to watch as a woman. I have nothing but respect for Dr. Christine Marie. She is definitely one of my new role models. That documentary was harrowing.

Then I watched the one about the pro cyclist who was murdered by the jealous girlfriend of some loser guy. The girlfriend took off to Costa Rica, where she was hiding out at various yoga retreats. That one definitely made me think a lot. I just looked back at some of the people I met in India and Bali and was like, “WTF were they running from?”

Some of them were really strange and off. As I’ve said before, I’m not sure I would go back to Bali again after what I experienced there. Bangkok, yes. Bali, no.

I found people in Bangkok were generally more open about the fact that they are running away from something. Maybe they won’t tell you what it is, but it’s kinda just the general vibe of the expat community in Thailand. It’s like walking into the Mos Eisley Cantina in Star Wars. You know everyone in there has come from somewhere else to do some kind of shady business. It’s just better not to ask too many questions about it.

In Bali, people are presenting themselves to be something they are not, and what that something is generally involves grifting off of people struggling with mental health, grief, spiritual questions, and a lack of meaning/purpose. I definitely saw some cult-adjacent shit while I was there. I also met people who were just… way, way, way off. Like “maybe they should be in the Hotel California and not running a yoga studio in Bali” kinds of off. Ya know what I’m saying?

It did feel validating in that way. I think sometimes I can be sensitive and take other people’s weird behavior super personally when in reality it has nothing to do with me at all. Like, maybe that lady wasn’t mean to me because I’m a bad person who deserves it. Maybe she killed her husband’s affair partner and went on the run and now she’s hiding out in Bali and she’s worried some writer is going to go snooping around and find out the truth.

Maybe.

Or maybe she was just having a bad day. Either way, this isn’t about me. Don’t take it personally. I’m perfectly grand just the way I am.

Right now I am sitting outside the coffee shop, watching people on the street. I just love Hong Kong. I really do. Every day I wake up and think, “Wow, I can’t believe I get to live here. This is the most incredible opportunity of my entire life. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for it every single day.”

I was meditating last night before bed and the spirit of my Irish grandmother showed up to talk to me. She said, “Do you know what the Irish Dream is? Not the American Dream. The Irish Dream. The Irish Dream is for our children to be free to become writers, poets, artists, musicians, filmmakers. It’s to give them the gift of free time so they can create. You don’t have to slave away at the docks or in the factories or give up your education to take care of a dozen children. We did all of this so you can sit outside on the rooftop and write your book and enjoy life in Hong Kong. Stop feeling guilty about it. Enjoy it. We did it all for you.”

Okay, okay, okay. I get it. My sole purpose on this earth is to Create. I must honor my ancestors by finding a way to become a serious, professional writer. Well, we all know the first two steps: money and a room of one’s own. I have that right now, yes, but how to maintain it over time is a problem.

I don’t know. Somehow I keep making it work. Failing upward, as they say. Perhaps a reminder to focus on manifesting simple things like a fabulous apartment that someone else is paying for so I can just sit there and write all day. Hahaha.

I’m not joking. That’s a real thing. It’s called “patronage.” It’s where rich people give you money and a room of your own so you can create art all day. I’ve actually had several patrons in my life, including my father, my uncle, my aunt, and The Publisher. It really is the best way to go. At least, for now.

That’s what I have to manifest: a patron! Ah, yes, so simple. Why did I not think of it before? Patron, patron, patron.

Brilliant.

Haha, aww, the song “I’ll Be Missing You” just came on the street stereo the delivery guy always plays around this time of day. Definitely a message from my ancestors. My dad always does that. Communicate through music, I mean. Sometimes I’ll just be sitting somewhere random and a playlist comes on that only he would make and I just know he’s there.

Oh yeah, they’re definitely there right now. It just switched to “Empire State of Mind.” Big New York City energy coming in right now. It’s a whole thing.

Now I am sitting here thinking about my book/Netflix show, lol. I’ve been going through my manuscript I made in January and I just hate it. The first half is such a slog. I just want to delete it all, speed up the timeline, and just have the first 10 pages/minutes be a montage of my dad’s funeral, getting fired from Starbucks, car breaking down, losing the house, getting a giant check in the mail, and buying a one-way ticket to India. That’s it. Fuck South Dakota. This is the terrible Prequel series no one asked for. Everything since India is like… my actual real life as I have always wanted to live it finally began. That’s the real story here!

I think we’ve kind of lost the plot a little bit here. Yes, I have meaning. I have purpose. I am a writer. It’s my dream to become a professional writer. That is why I am here. I got on that plane to have a crazy adventure and write it all down. Take whatever comes at me along the way. I did that. I’ve done it. I am actively doing it, even when it comes at a cost, like my little adventure up to the Mid-Levels.

So now we have to figure out how to steer the career into professional mode. I have no idea how to do that. I have no talent for business whatsoever. I need an agent/editor type to guide me in the right direction. Someone who has that eye for business in the way that I don’t and all of the connections I need but don’t have. Again, a patron type.

Okay, I feel like I’m back to normal now after my date with the Russian. Wow, what was that? Hmm. Wild. I don’t actually have anything else I want to say about him here. I just wanted him to know… I could have easily ripped you apart, but I didn’t. But I could. So just… know that.

Honestly, couldn’t even tell ya what he does for a living. You could be water boarding me old school Soviet style and I’d be like, “I swear to you, I don’t know! It sounded so boring. I checked out halfway through his explanation and started examining the crystal chandelier and hanging gardens at the Four Seasons. I can list off every plant and flower in the terrarium. Couldn’t tell ya what he does for work. Something with Finance, maybe? I thought he said he owned his own business. I honestly have no idea.”

The world will never know. Furthermore, the world does not care. The world cares about the part where two Scorpios went on a date to a bar that looks like an old-timey opium den/brothel and it was the most on-brand thing ever for both of them. Show us those terrible red leather couches from the 80’s! That’s what the world really wants to see!

Netflix execs will be like, “How is this even relevant to the plot?”

It’s not, it’s just an excuse to film at the Mandarin Oriental in Hong Kong. Since when do we need a plot for sex? Spoiler alert: there is no plot. This is just a random, gratuitous sex scene with no purpose or relevance whatsoever. Since when do you have a problem including that in your shows?!

They’ll be like, “You’re right. Let’s make sure we get a top-notch intimacy coordinator on board with this production.”

IDK, I think that might be too “woke” for the Russian. I can just imagine the look of outrage on his face right now…

Ha ha ha!

I think I’m hilarious.

Off now. To do what, we don’t know. We know we’re not going back to the Mid-Levels anytime soon!

The battle of Hong Kong Island neighborhoods continues. So far I’ve eliminated Causeway Bay (too busy), Wan Chai (too wild), Central (too expensive), Happy Valley (too far), and the Mid-Levels (too bougie). I’m actually quite happy in Sheung Wan. It’s very… French. Close to everything, but easy to escape from the chaos of the city with a quick trip up to my rooftop.

I think I’ll go do that right now, actually. Then I have to clean my apartment because it’s a mess. All of my clothes are piled onto “the chair” instead of hanging in my closet, where they should be. Alas, I am not fancy enough to have a “helper” or live in an upscale “serviced apartment.” I am confined to my tiny little coffin box with the rats and the cockroaches, living off snacks and instant noodles from 7-11.

It is what it is.

BLOG: This Is Not Normal

Wednesday in Hong Kong. Looks like it might rain soon. Luckily I managed to rescue my umbrella from the bar now known as “The Sketchy Place.”

This story is not-so-fun. Get ready. It might be triggering if you’ve ever been drugged at a bar before.

A few weeks back, I mentioned a story where I was walking home from the fancy grocery store up in the Mid-Levels and was roped into this random bar by the MAusGA. As you may recall, I blacked out there and can’t remember how I got home. I really thought it was just me not handling my wine, but the other night brought this theory into question.

Here’s the timeline:

  1. Met the MAusGa’s at The Sketchy Place, which is allegedly a small neighborhood bar frequented by the wealthy business class of the Mid-Levels.
  2. Finance Bro I met that night invited me for Happy Hour at a different bar, which I will call “The Wolf” after The Wolf of Wall Street. As you may recall, this “date” ended with him offering me a line of coke off of a dirty bar toilet and groping me behind the bar in front of the entire staff.
  3. Made a new friend that night, who is Irish and here on a long-stay work exchange with his company in Dublin. I met up with him a second time at The Sketchy Place. Nothing shady or questionable occurred.
  4. Fast-forward to Monday night, when I was back up in the Mid-Levels at this same bougie grocery store that I’m starting to suspect might actually suck.
  5. I walked down the same route, and one of the MAusGA’s from the first night was sitting outside The Sketchy Place. Pretty sure it was the same guy who roped me in the first time. It was definitely the same guy who I mentioned I saw mean-mugging me from a distance when I walked by The Wolf. He invited me in, but I only agreed because I saw my Irish friend there. I invited my other friend to meet me there as well. You know, for “networking,” as they say.
  6. Everything was normal until my other friend arrived. This is when I blacked out, again. I literally have no memory of anything that transpired after this. No memory. I don’t remember leaving, I don’t remember walking home, nothing. I definitely don’t remember how I fucked up my knees and elbows, or why my shoulder is suddenly in so much pain.
  7. I woke up the next day to messages from both of my friends in a panic. They told me I disappeared and neither of them could find me. Then my lady friend told me the same MAusGA guy was creeping on her hardcore and trying to get her to go home with him. She couldn’t find me, so she left and got home safe. Both of my friends were seriously, legitimately concerned for my safety.
  8. Are the alarm bells going off in your head yet?

Right. Yeah. If they’re not, they should be.

I told my bartender friend about this incident last night and she also freaked out. She was like, “Wait a minute. That’s not right. I’ve seen you drunk before. You’ve never blacked out here, have you?”

“No, just at the Sketchy Place.”

“And it happened to you twice in the span of a couple of weeks?”

“Right.”

“And you’ve already said that you’ve had problematic interactions involving drugs with the regulars there before?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, yeah, don’t go there again. I know that place you’re talking about. The vibe is very off there. I don’t like the bartenders. They seem sketchy. Just don’t go back there.”

I sat and thought about it for a moment before I remembered the day I was up on the rooftop and watched an obvious dealer lurk around outside. He was shaking hands with a lot of business types on their way home from work, if you know what I’m saying.

So yeah, not really too far out of the ordinary to think there might be something shady going on up there. So much for “networking” and “rubbing shoulders with the elite.”

As I’ve stated before, if this is the kind of crap people are doing to get ahead and stay ahead in that world, I want absolutely no part of it whatsoever.

What am I going to do about what I’ve seen and now suspect I know? Oh, well, you know, after repeatedly reporting incidents like this while living in South Dakota and being treated like literal human garbage as a result, my plan is simply to write about it.

Obviously, this is the shittiest solution ever. But, really, what can I do? There are CCTV cameras everywhere. If the Chinese know this stuff is going on and turn a blind eye to it, what hope do I have?

Still, if it’s happening to me, it must be happening to other people as well. There’s never just one of us. Predators usually have an established pattern. I must be someone’s type, or whatever they think their type is: young, vulnerable, alone in the big city for the first time, lonely, isolated from family, few friends, no job, no safety net, no purpose or direction.

Ahhh, but what you don’t know about me is that I wield the most powerful weapon of all: the pen.

Anyway, yeah, so needless to say that between this incident and The Russian, I have decided to slow down on the so-called “networking.” It’s not working for me. I have made some actual friends, which is good! However, all of this is just too much for me. This “corporate finance tech bro culture” is so toxic and sickening. It’s just not… the vibe for me. Like at all.

Meanwhile, we never heard anything from The Russian ever again. He has officially disappeared off the face of Planet Earth. Grand! This means I can now write whatever the fuck I want to write and I don’t have to worry about him checking up on me or getting in my business or trying to derail the one thing that keeps me sane in this world. He’s gone full ghost mode and he still has more class than the jerks from Bloody Mary’s Bar back in South Dakota. Love that for him!

My friend told me last night that I shouldn’t have texted him the paragraphs. I disagree. The paragraphs were not about my feelings. The paragraphs were summarizing what I’ve already said here and other jokes I planned to make. I sent that to cover my own ass and show that I did inform him. Just in case of any legal entanglements that may potentially arise…

My friend specifically said, “Don’t message him anymore. You’re giving away all your power. He has all the power now.”

I mean… does he really, though? He’s the punchline of my latest joke. Whatever power he thinks he has over me is purely in his mind. Frankly, if all he wants is power, then he can be all alone with his power. I don’t give a fuck. I’ll take my jokes about scorpion mating rituals and bad James Bond films and continue living my life the way I please.

I don’t think he ever really had the power. I just kinda let him pretend he did because it was fun. Deep down I think we all know I analyzed this situation with a clear, sober mind and thought, “Fuck yeah I want to stay in the Mandarin Oriental for a night on someone else’s dime. Show me the bathtub!”

This is why I say… next time, I’m using the bathtub. I don’t give a fuck what he says. I’m doing it anyway. Just like I’m doing with my writing right now. What is he going to do? Cancel me? Ha!

So… what’s on the menu for today? Oh nothing, just going through all of my finances and crying because I can’t make Ireland work right now. I can’t make anything work right now. But hey, at least I have some great stories to tell from my time in SEA! That’s all that really matters, right? Right!

Off now!

And always remember: safety first!

That means…

If I don’t update this blog or my social media for 48 hours straight, call in Liam Neeson.

I am literally not even joking right now.

BLOG: Reality vs Faerie Land

Friday.

How am I today? Oh, I just feel like I’m drowning, as per usual. I try to always remember what my favourite little group of expats in Thailand would say: “The first year away is always the hardest. You’re still caught up in all the shit you left behind. You still don’t know who you are or where you are or what you’re even doing. But rest assured, you’ll find your way around in time, just like the rest of us did.”

I don’t feel like I’m finding my way. I feel like I’m way in over my head and I have no idea what I’ve gotten myself into.

This week I have definitely felt the weight of my old life weighing upon me. I don’t know why I am getting so triggered by everything this week. I just keep having flashbacks and night terrors about the situations and people I left behind. I’m just not on my A-game right now.

I should be more excited than I am. Unfortunately, I can only think of how upset and angry my family will be, and wonder how they will conspire to sabotage it, and how I am going to manifest the money I need to chase this relatively new dream.

I feel very conflicted right now. I’ve struggled so hard to find a place in Hong Kong just to live and now I’m just going to give it up so I can run off somewhere new and take the exact same gamble on housing and employment to pursue a degree that I have no real way to pay for?

Well, I guess the way I’ve seen it, there is no pay off in this world anymore. You just have to do what you have to do to survive.

It’s just hard. I feel like every day I’m just sitting there like, “I know there is more to life than sitting on rooftops sipping wine and writing about all of the ridiculous people I randomly meet. I just don’t know how to switch out of this mode into money-making mode. My only real skill other than writing and creative, critical thinking is making drinks. What am I doing here? What am I doing anywhere? Everywhere I go, it will always be the same.”

If only I could wrangle me one of these hot fintech bros that keep walking by and then I would never have to worry about money ever again. I could just have a nice apartment with a roof of my own located somewhere within and just write. Alas, they look good on the outside, but the reality is they are all just one ketamine-fueled crash out away from ending up on the street.

Oh yeah, that reminds me. I had to stop checking out Neighbor Guy after I saw some chick carrying a bag of takeout go into his apartment the other day. She had a key. So now I’ve just started avoiding him by taking the stairwells again. Always the same story with these guys, isn’t it? I really must see that witch under the bridge about breaking whatever curse this is.

Well, I’ve checked on flight prices and they’re not great. If I want to fly to the US and then to Dublin, it’s like $1500-$2000 and I have to deal with ALL of the insanity. Upside: 12 hour layover in Tokyo, which I’ve never been to.

Meanwhile, good guy Ireland is keeping flight prices to Dublin from SEA very low. I’m looking at $500-$800 there, depending on which hub I go through.

Istanbul is probably best. They probably just fly over Mainland China and then up through the Stans. Skip the GCC entirely. That’s a hell of a flight though. And I don’t get the luxuries of Emirates or Qatar Airways for the long-haul. Disappointing.

I just don’t know what else to do. I’m not getting anywhere with my job hunt. AI just eats my applications. Besides, I have terrible luck with jobs. I always end up working for and with the worst people. Starbucks is the brightest, shiniest example. I will never forget how my co-workers treated me after my father died. Pure human garbage, the whole lot of them. I am convinced that most of Gen-Z is dysfunctional and rotten to the core.

So now I am trying to work through my actual, literal fear of going back to work after what happened with Starbucks and with the South African company that brought me to HK in the first place. I really have terrible anxiety about working with other people now. I’m just afraid I will be targeted and vilified for defending myself and then I have to sit back and watch as my source of income and health insurance is ripped away, yet again, just so someone else can make some kind of temporary gains.

So I do realize that people in the corporate world only get increasingly more psychotic from here. The world we live in is a terrible place. I just don’t want to be around monstrous people like that anymore. Like I literally just cannot do it. I have no tolerance for it anymore. It’s so much easier to just hide in my room and sleep and pretend the world doesn’t exist outside of my blog or my notebook.

I know it’s a problem. I just don’t know how to solve it. I only know that I’m out here all on my own and that I am the only person who can solve it. I’m just… not solving it. I don’t think I want to solve it. I think I just want to hop that flight to Ireland and run away to a magical fairy land where I can write in a castle overlooking the sea.

Yes, right, that sounds very realistic, Betsey. Let us all know how that goes for you when you find yourself broke and homeless and left alone out on the street in the rain.

I swear to you, my fear of being homeless is seriously the only thing motivating me at times. I refuse to live in a tent or sleep on a bench. But I am also an Artiste and I live to create and I don’t know how else to live aside from Creation.

And no one likes me. I suck at networking and socializing. Everyone always ends up hating me. I’m definitely going to die alone on the street in the rain.

Oh god, I think I might have an anxiety attack. God help me.

I’m sure it would probably help a lot if I just went for a walk and ate something aside from 7/11 snacks and ramen noodles.

🙁 🙁 🙁

BLOG: To Ireland!

Thursday. Here we are at the coffee shop. I am finally sitting inside today. We agreed it was better in case that crazy Aussie guy comes back.

I received some very exciting news yesterday: I was accepted into the Irish Studies program in Galway this summer. Yes, yes, I know, it’s very exciting, but this is only Part 1. I still have another application out for a full-year program I am completing right now. The real celebration will come if and when I finally get my Letter to Hogwarts!

The summer program is only for a month. That’s not going to be enough time for me. I need at least a full year. I decided to start researching Masters programs again and found some good options. I’ve realized that I just want to get it done already. I feel like I’m not going to be able to get ahead in my career until I get my Masters Degree. I’ve always wanted one, I just… had some rejections and a few opportunities that didn’t quite work out.

Maybe this one will work out since I’m already in! That’s what I’m hoping for. Then I can magically find a place to live (which I hear is very hard in Ireland right now) and not move anywhere again for a full year, or longer. I’ll just study and work in a coffee shop and learn Irish and write.

I can always come back to Hong Kong to if I want to. The door is now open to me forever because I’ve already lived here. I’m in da Club. I can come back any time. Ideally, next time I would like to be more prepared on a professional level. It’s really hard to get started here on my own. I just feel so lost all the time. School is a better option. I need the structure.

All of this being said, I am excited to go to Ireland. I’m gonna take courses on Irish History, Irish Society, and Irish Language. I’m excited to add another language to my ever-growing repertoire. Hopefully I’ll be much better at it than I am at Thai or Cantonese. Lol, I know, I know. Hey, I know the basics of getting around town! It’s not that bad! But I could also be trying harder, lol. Personally, I think I’m better at Hindi than both of those combined, but I was also in a relationship with an Indian man for a year, so…

Right now I’m trying to find a good spot to write my application essays in. This coffee shop is too loud. The library is too intense. The rooftop I was chillin’ on is too casual. My home studio works okay, but I do get a bit claustrophobic if I stay in there for too long. I can’t imagine trying to live here during Covid. I can’t even last 12 hours in there before popping over to 7/11. I would have lost my goddamn mind.

I’ve been doing some research on living in Ireland. It looks like it has the exact same problems literally everywhere else in the world does: high cost of living, housing shortage, stagnant low wages. Grand.

I have started looking at the housing situation. It’s definitely bad, but it’s not Hong Kong bad. Once you deal with the harsh, unforgivable realities of the Hong Kong housing market, everything else looks like a piece of cake in comparison.

Well, I’m dealing with the exact same issue here in Hong Kong, as I was before in the USA. It is what it is. It’s really about what I make of the opportunity in the end. If all else fails, I can always give up on life and go waste away in Thailand forever, lol.

There is no winning anywhere in this world right now. Everyone everywhere is drowning. There is no hope for the future. Might as well try to learn about my family heritage while I’m on my way out, I guess. It’s what my grandmother and father would want.

I always felt like I tried so hard to make something out of living in South Dakota. I traveled, I learn about Native American history and culture, I started this blog, I wrote so many stories, I followed around Mad Dog, took a lot of classes online, became a yoga teacher. In the end, it just wasn’t the right place for me. The people there are so, so, so toxic. I am grateful every day I left that world behind forever. I never, ever have to go back there ever again.

Ugh, I am feeling overwhelmed right now. I need to take a break. I am trying to do research online but everyone is SO NEGATIVE ALL THE TIME. The housing market sucks. The job market sucks. Everything sucks everywhere.

Like, yes, we know, the world sucks. Everything sucks. It is what it is!

Well, it’s fine. My ancestors survived crossing the ocean to come to America just to be treated like shit and discriminated against and denied jobs and housing. Somehow they still made it work. I’m sure I can survive one year in a dilapidated Irish boarding house by the seaside in Ireland proper.

I’ve got it pretty good compared to my ancestors, so, whatever. At least I don’t have to work down by the docks or toil away in the factories or camp out in the woods for weeks at a time to avoid getting caught by the feds for illegal rum-running between the US and Canada during prohibition. That’s a true story, btw!

Maybe I’ll just find myself one of these big strapping Irish lads with lots of property he inherited from his grandmother and make him some tea and then cozy up by him next to the fire place on a rainy, windy, foggy day after the car breaks down in the mud and he comes home drenched from head to toe and shivering cold. Then I will enchant him by whispering the magic words every Irishman wants to hear directly into his ear: “I know the recipe for my great-great-grandmother’s traditional Irish stew.”

It’ll be just like in the movies! 😀

Yeah, that doesn’t sound so bad to me…

Housing crisis, schmousing crisis. Reality cannot interfere with my romcom fantasy dream life!

Except for when it inevitably does…

Whatever, don’t interrupt me while I’m fantasizing! I have an award-winning romance series to pen. Everyone loves hot Irish guys in cozy sweaters, okay?! These are just facts!

Alright, well, I am going to quit reading all of this negativity on reddit and finish my essays. It goes…

161 years ago, my family looked around the famine-ridden nation of Ireland and said, “Fuck this shit, we’re going to America!”

Now, six generations later, their totally disillusioned American descendant is getting right back on that boat and saying, “Fuck this shit, I’m going back to Ireland!”

*sings*

It’s the circleeeeeeee, the circle of liiiiiife!

*ba dum*

BLOG: We Need Some Boundaries

Saturday. Rainy day in Hong Kong.

I spent the morning sitting at my favourite coffee shop, watching people as they walked past and taking note of the umbrellas they carry. The umbrella in Hong Kong is a big deal. It’s people’s way of expressing their individual personality. It’s one of the little details I like to observe.

The baristas at the coffee shop were happy to see me back. They even gave me a free coffee as a Lai See (Chinese New Year red envelope gift). The other day I sat and chatted with one of them. She was pretty cool. She is definitely not what you call “traditional” in any sense of the word, especially for a Hong Konger. It was so interesting to hear her story of how she came to work at the cafe. We had a good talk.

That’s just how I roll, I guess. Always making new friends wherever I go. Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe I used to be so introverted and afraid to talk to strangers. Now I can sit down with anyone at any time and just start chatting away.

Went to the Chinese New Year Happy Hour party at the horse track on Wednesday. It was really fun! I love horses and equestrian sports. My HongKonger friend was being kind of annoying, though. He kept bitching about it being “too touristy.” It made me realize how not fun he actually is.

It was like when I went to Macau with that random Indian chick and all she did the entire time was complain. I’m just over it. Why suggest doing activities if all you’re going to do is be negative about the entire thing?

I don’t think I want to hang out with him anymore, to be honest. He’s starting to show himself in a way that I don’t particularly care for. He told me at the beginning that he was Christian, but I’m open-minded so I wasn’t going to hold it against him. It’s one of those things like… okay, cool, you go to church, awesome. That’s not a big deal. Having religious beliefs is totally cool!

HOWEVER…

I think you already know what’s coming.

He makes a lot of weird comments about LGBTQIA+ people that make me feel icky. He also says racist shit all the time and defends it by saying people are racist towards him so it’s okay. He calls Irish people “Leprechauns,” which I have repeatedly told him not to do because it’s disrespectful and offensive. It doesn’t stop there, of course. He just goes on and on and on sometimes.

I just keep thinking to myself, “I left South Dakota so that I wouldn’t have to spend time around people like this anymore. Why am I sitting across the table listening to this person rant about trans people? Does he even know any trans people? Because I do and I’m not trying to listen to this shit anymore.”

Yeah, so, we haven’t talked since that night, but I’m fine with it. I just don’t think we can be friends anymore if this is how he thinks about the world. I can’t fix that or change that. I’d rather just… not be around people like that anymore.

Nothing much to report otherwise. Pretty boring. It was easy to settle back into my old routine. I like the layout of this apartment better than the other one. It works better for me. I Unpacked and went grocery shopping. Watched a lot of TV. Rested. Haven’t been out to check in with my usual spots yet. Just chillin, for now. Processing everything that has happened so far this year.

How’s the planning going? Meh. I contacted a couple places asking about volunteer opportunities but received no response. I never get a response anymore. It all just goes into the void. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. The job market is just a black hole now. I’ve re-done my CV 80,000 times. I apply for jobs and hear nothing. I apply for volunteer opps and hear nothing. I go out and meet new people all the time. I attend events. I keep a blog. I made a portfolio. I sent my stuff to that reporter and never heard back. I wrote another book and threw it in the trash. I followed all the advice I was given and nothing has come back.

So, yeah, it just sucks out there right now. There’s no point in giving myself anxiety over it anymore. Clearly the plan is just to fire everyone and destroy everything and replace it all with AI without any concern for the people left behind. I can’t do anything about that. So why bother?

Whatever is meant to be will be. I am not stressing over it. In Bangkok they would always say to me, “You need to find a man who will take care of you.” Hahahahaha! Yeah right. What a joke! There’s no man out there who is going to take care of me! Are you kidding? Most of them are just liars, cheaters, and whores. They can’t even be honest about being married to someone else. It’s legitimately sociopathic.

So, yeah, not likely, bro. A man is not a plan, fam. It’s just not.

Yeh, so, I don’t really know what the solution is other than to keep moving forward. For now, I’m perfectly content to make myself a cup of tea, put on Netflix, and watch the rain fall outside…

SCRIPT: Under Surveillance

Disclaimer: This Story is a Work of Fiction, Except for the Parts that Aren’t.

EXT: Daytime — A busy street in Bangkok, Thailand.

A short man with dark hair and a designer messenger bag strapped to his chest hops on a scooter and takes off across town. The scenery changes from local Thai apartments covered in hanging gardens to luxury high-rise condos surrounded by luxury malls to a suburban-style gated community full of large, spacious villas that require staff for upkeep. The guard checks the man’s ID and waves him through the gate. He eventually arrives at his intended destination and parks the scooter outside of an especially lovely-looking villa. As he makes his way towards the front door, a hurried-looking old man in a suit, clearly the BUTLER, comes rushing out the front door.

BUTLER: What are you doing here, Billy? Mr. Antony specifically commanded you not to come here. You know he doesn’t approve of riff raff like you anywhere near his family’s home.

BILLY: [nonchalantly pulls a flash drive out of his bag] Ah, yes, about that. I have some information he wants. It was far too important to be delayin’ now.

BUTLER: What is this regarding?

BILLY: The documents he requested regarding the Lady Elizabeth Catherine from the House of Horton.

BUTLER: Who?

BILLY: Better known by her pen name… Ms. Betsey Horton, Writer Extraordinaire?

BUTLER: And you’re certain this is important enough to visit the house for?

BILLY: Oh, yes. He’s going to want to hear this story. Trust me.

BUTLER: Very well, Billy. I’ll let Mr. Antony know you’re here. Please, wait outside.

BILLY stands outside on the front steps waiting as the gardening crew take turns giving him disapproving looks. He puts his hands in his pockets and starts whistling an old Irish hymn. A few minutes later, the front doors burst open. A handsome gentleman in his 40’s with dark hair and eyes like a storm at sea sticks his head out and glares at BILLY.

ANTONY: I told you to use the back door so no one would see you! Eejit!

BILLY: Well, top o’ the morning to you too.

ANTONY: Get the hell in this house right now before anyone else sees you! You’re lucky my wife isn’t home today!

ANTONY grabs BILLY by the arm and pulls him inside the house. He looks both ways outside before slamming the doors shut. He gives BILLY an annoyed look before leading him to the study, or as we say in the post-pandemic era, the home office. He is just about to slam the door before the BUTLER puts his hand out to stop it.

ANTONY: What is it, Jeeves? What do you want?!

BUTLER: Sorry, sir, just wanting to know if you’ll be needing any tea?

ANTONY: For god’s sake, man, this is no time for tea!

BILLY: You’re right. Better make it a whiskey. You’re going to need it after hearing this.

ANTONY: Very well. Make it a whiskey.

BILLY: Oh, and get us the good stuff, Jeeves. From the family’s private stock!

ANTONY gives BILLY a loathsome look and mutters something under his breath. He exchanges a look with the BUTLER but nods anyway. The BUTLER leaves and returns with the fancy whiskey. They wait until he is gone from the room before speaking to each other again.

ANTONY: Go on now, speak your peace. What did you discover about our Posh Irish-American Lady Friend running around with all that riff raff down by the docks?

BILLY: Generally harmless, as you suspected. She’s just another rich girl out here blowing her inheritance on some kind of Eat, Pray, Love journey. Travels a lot. LA, New York, London, Paris, Dubai, Doha, India, Hong Kong, Bali, Kuala Lumpur. She has a big thing for New Orleans in particular.

ANTONY: New Orleans?

BILLY: That’s right. New Orleans. There’s a large Irish population there.

ANTONY: Interesting. Who does she work for?

BILLY: She doesn’t work, for anyone, or at all in general, as far as I can tell. Her Daddy was taking care of her until he died. She just writes in her little blog and thinks it will make her a real author some day.

ANTONY: Yes, yes, we knew all of that. Tell me what else you found.

BILLY: Now, that’s the interesting part. She herself is not that interesting, but her collection of ex-lovers are.

ANTONY: Go on.

BILLY takes out the flash drive again and hands it over to ANTONY. ANTONY looks at it as if it is a piece of kryptonite glowing in his hand. He downs his glass of whiskey and immediately pours another one before plugging the flash drive into his desktop computer. He sits down in his chair as BILLY stands behind him and begins navigating the file with the mouse. He pulls up a video showing a montage of the writer in question making out with four different men in the same elevator over a period of four months. The first man featured is none other than ANTONY himself.

BILLY: Look, there you are!

ANTONY grabs the mouse and fast-forwards through his section of the montage. He pauses it when the next man comes up to look at his face.

BILLY: That’s the Englishman she was crying over the night you met her. You can see here he visited her there at least twice. I also got footage of them in the bar together from back in August. You can see they didn’t talk for very long before leaving together.

ANTONY: Who is he?

BILLY: No one, really. Just some freelance web developer guy who got roped into taking care of a local water buffalo farm.

ANTONY: [scoffs and shakes his head as he continues moving the cursor through the video] And who is this one?

BILLY: Ah, Panama Guy. I also have footage of her in the condo building down the street the same night, and at the bar all week. He’s some American military contractor type on vacation. Not in town long.

ANTONY: And this one?

BILLY: That’s her Mexican Guy. It was easy to track him down. He’s just some cruise ship sound tech guy. Also on vacation.

ANTONY: Also a no one. You came all this way to waste my time for THIS?!

BILLY: Now, now, calm yourself down there, buddy boy. There’s more.

BILLY clicks out of the montage and pulls up a new file. It’s a whole folder with the designated name, “Indian Guy.” BILLY opens it to reveal a series of photos of a young, handsome Indian man shaking hands with some of the biggest BJP Party leaders in India today. A video clip shows him riding in a brand-new Jeep with party flags being waved through a highway checkpoint somewhere outside of New Delhi. There is also a series of photographs of his mother, a former politician for the BJP Party, engaged in various political activities, surrounded by the same prominent collection of leaders. ANTONY stares at the computer screen in horror as his jaw drops open.

BILLY: According to her blog, this was the man she was engaged to marry.

ANTONY: Did she know about this when she entered into the agreement?

BILLY: I don’t think she did, no. It’s hard to say. It’s hard to tell what she knows, what she’s pretending to know, and what she doesn’t know. She’s a very good bullshitter. Americans are like that, ya know.

ANTONY: She told me she met him at a yoga retreat.

BILLY: She did. I believe she fell for Ye Olde Indian Marriage Scamme.

ANTONY: That’s… actually pretty sad.

BILLY: It really is.

ANTONY: She must be very lonely.

BILLY: She is.

ANTONY: How do you know that?

BILLY: I’ve been watching her Instagram stories the last few days.

ANTONY: I see. And just how many more of these gentlemen are there?

BILLY: See, now that’s where the story gets interesting. Everything I just showed you? That’s just from this year. The Personal Data Package I paid for got me the password to her blog archives. I could see everything she has hidden on there. Her website is ten years old! There’s thousands of stories on there.

ANTONY: Thousands?

BILLY: That’s right. Thousands.

ANTONY: And what about this other bar? This Bloody Mary’s place? What did you find out about this Andrew character?

BILLY moves the mouse and clicks on the file labeled “Bloody Mary’s.” A photo of a dingy old dive bar with a distinctly Irish name flashes up on the screen. It is followed by photos of the town of Vermillion and the University of South Dakota. A montage of photos shows Betsey Horton sitting in the bar with a frail old man wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses, laughing as the handsome bartender looks on from afar with a saddened look. The next photo shows her and the bartender looking directly at each other from across the room, holding their gaze on each other a little too long to be considered proper or appropriate.

ANTONY: Is that her Andrew?

BILLY: Yes, sir. That’s her Andrew.

ANTONY: What did you get on him?

BILLY: His real name is [redacted]. He’s Big Money. Wife is a Doctor. He just sold the bar last year. Moved to a different state with his family. Here they are now.

The image on the screen changes to a wholesome family photo taken in front of a beautiful restored farm house out in a random field somewhere. ANTONY looks it over and makes a face.

ANTONY: She said they weren’t together. What did you find out?

BILLY: Again, it’s hard to say. What I can tell you is that she was writing stories about him and the bar every day for about two years before it became a ‘problem’ and he banned her for life from the bar.

ANTONY: Because of the stories, not because they had a relationship?

BILLY looks ANTONY up and down and clicks his tongue.

BILLY: I don’t know about that one, Boss. Like I said, it’s very hard to say. But I can show this video, which was taken about two years after she was banned.

BILLY pulls up another montage. This one shows Betsey sitting at a proper Irish Pub down the street, playing bar games with a bunch of local townie riff raff and taking way too many shots. By the end of the montage, she is clearly not herself anymore. She disappears from the bar and reappears in the next scene on police bodycam footage, standing behind Bloody Mary’s, clearly drunk out of her right mind and sporting purple hair.

OFFICER: Ma’am, we received a report that you were out her vandalizing the bar.

BETSEY: I’m just writing in my notebook.

OFFICER: Can we check the contents of your bag, ma’am?

Betsey sits down on the ground and promptly starts removing a pile of notebooks, folders, pens, and devices from her large suitcase-like bag. Even in her clearly blackout state, she still takes the time to explain the contents of each folder. The officers can be heard on the police-cam footage exchanging the following words:

OFFICER 1: I don’t see any spray paint in there. No chalk, no nothing. There’s no graffiti on the fence or the sidewalk or anywhere. I don’t see anything like the call we received.

OFFICER 2: No, the call clearly stated she was out her writing graffiti. I don’t see anything like that. It must be someone making a false report.

OFFICER 1: She is very drunk though.

OFFICER 2: Yeah.

OFFICER 1: Okay, ma’am, ma’am, it’s time for you to go home now. Can we take you home?

BETSEY: No, it’s fine, I’ll just get back there myself. Thank you!

The bodycam footage shuts off. The two sit together in silence for a moment.

ANTONY: Is there more?

BILLY: Oh, there’s more.

Right at the moment, the BUTLER knocks on the door and sticks his head into the study.

BUTLER: Sir, your appointment is here.

ANTONY looks at the computer, looks at the BUTLER, looks at BILLY, looks back at the computer, and then looks back at the BUTLER.

ANTONY: Cancel my meeting, Jeeves. It turns out this is an emergency after all.

BUTLER: But sir-

ANTONY: Don’t argue with me, Jeeves. Just go and get us another bottle of whiskey. The good kind this time, please.

BILLY: Ah, I knew ya had it in ya!

ANTONY: Shut up, Billy. Jeeves, the whiskey!

BUTLER: As you say, sir.

The BUTLER leaves again and returns with a second, better-quality bottle of whiskey. ANTONY practically grabs it out of his hands and pours himself a stiff glass before the next video plays.

BILLY: So this one was taken about two years after that one.

ANTONY watches as Betsey walks up outside the bar and sets up a bright pink fold-up chair in the middle of the street outside. The street has been blocked off to make outdoor seating for the pandemic. She sits downs in the chair, takes out her notebook and starts scribbling away with a smile on her face. In the background, he can see a crowd gathering inside the bar by the window, making a big commotion about her presence. In the next clip they watch as two police officers dressed in full military riot gear run up the sidewalk and grab her. They watch her fighting back with every ounce of her being as they drag her inside the police vehicle. Andrew steps outside the bar and starts ranting at the police officer about how she has been trespassed from the property. Inside the vehicle, they can see Betsey screaming as she tries to pull her wrists out of the handcuffs.

BETSEY: LET ME GO! LET ME FUCKING GO! THIS IS A VIOLATION OF MY FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS TO FREEDOM OF SPEECH, FREEDOM OF PRESS, AND FREEDOM OF ASSEMBLY TO AIR MY GRIEVANCES AGAINST THIS FUCKED UP BULLSHIT! YOU CAN’T DO THIS! YOU DIDN’T READ ME MY MIRANDA RIGHTS OR TELL ME WHY I AM BEING DETAINED. I WANT TO TALK TO MY LAWYER! GET ME MY LAWYER! GET ME MY FUCKING LAWYER RIGHT NOW! AHHHHHHHHH!!!! I WANT MY LAWYER!

BILLY watches as ANTONY’s jaw drops to the floor in total and complete shock. He pauses the video right at the perfect moment to capture Betsey’s face looking like a wild, wild cat howling at the moon.

ANTONY: Woah.

BILLY: [cheerfully] See, I told ya she was Irish!

ANTONY: [downs another glass of whiskey and pours them both another] Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. She’s Irish, alright.

BILLY: I respect her. She’s got that Irish fire inside. That lass wasn’t about to go down without a proper fight. I respect the fuck outta her for that.

ANTONY: And what became of this mess?

BILLY: According to the court documents, her daddy bailed her out. Again.

ANTONY: And how many times has he done that?

BILLY: Well, that’s the thing. She’s a good girl otherwise. Generally well-behaved. A right proper Lady, I would say, as she was raised to be. The only other thing I could find in the police files was this.

BILLY pulls up a series of PDF’s detailing the arrest of a man for assaulting Betsey. His identification page shows him to be the spoiled, arrogant son of a local businessman and politician. The police report describes an encounter where Betsey’s “sometimes boyfriend” threw her across the room into a wall during an argument they had while lying in bed naked together. The file includes a medical report taken from the hospital that morning, a protection order, and a court report detailing the case being dropped due to Rich White Male Privilege.

ANTONY: Wow. She really knows how to pick ’em, huh?

BILLY: So it would seem.

ANTONY: And what else is there?

BILLY pulls up the last file, labeled “Mental Health Report.”

BILLY: Some of this was harder to find, but I managed. It’s all from before she turned 21. She was hospitalized for multiple suicide attempts as a teenager and drugged up on pharmaceuticals for several years before and after. It seemed to stop when she became an adult, because there’s no records of her receiving any kind of significant treatment for any mental health conditions after she turned 22. Apparently she’s a yoga teacher now.

ANTONY: I see. And you’re telling me this is everything you were able to find out about this woman? There’s nothing more?

BILLY: Eh, a couple more boyfriends here and there. Most recently, a rich married guy who she helped get a divorce, a New York Times bestselling author who owns a restaurant she used to work at, and a secret one I couldn’t find any information about. Less recently, an older guy who took advantage of her when she was young, one of her teachers, some asshole who cheated on her a bunch of times and left her unable to love anyone the same way ever again.

ANTONY: I see. Sad.

BILLY: And what say you about this information, sir?

ANTONY: I’m not sure what to say right now, Billy. Thank you for bringing me this information. I’ll forgive your unwelcome intrusion into the family household. For now. Don’t think you’re welcome back here again.

BILLY: And what is it you intend to do, sir?

ANTONY: I have no idea. Just… mind after her for now.

BILLY: Pardon me for saying so, sir, but you know I have my own sick water buffalo to tend to at home. I can’t just be minding after your girlfriends for free.

ANTONY scoffs and rolls his eyes. He gets up from the desk, walks over to the bookshelf and pulls out the book that opens the secret door to the safe. He grabs a duffle bag full of cash and throws it at BILLY.

ANTONY: That should be enough to cover the cost of the data file your purchased, the information you brought me today, and whatever future work you do.

BILLY: As you say, sir. Thank you, sir. I won’t be disappointing you now, sir.

ANTONY: Just get out, Billy. You’ve given me enough information for today.

BILLY: Just one last thing, sir. The Lady herself requested I ask you one thing.

ANTONY: Oh? And what is that?

BILLY: [pulls out a post-it note from his messenger bag and clears his throat] “How does it feel to cancel a meeting to deal with me?”

ANTONY immediately freezes and looks up at BILLY in shock as the realization slowly washes over him that he’s been had.

BILLY: [smirks and looks back down at the post- it note] The Lady suggests that next time, you schedule an appointment specifically for her in order to avoid any unwelcome intrusions into your private time.

ANTONY: GET OUT!

BILLY laughs, folds up the note, and sticks it back into his bag. He finishes his whiskey, puts his hands in his pockets, and whistles as he walks out of the villa and back to his bike. He barely registers the sound of the door slamming behind him as he goes. He gets on his scooter with his giant bag of money and takes off into the mountains far away.

The End

SCRIPT: High School Reunion

Betsey has recently been invited to the ten-year-reunion at her public high school. In spite of the fact that she switched to private school halfway though, she still grew up with all of these people and wanted to see them again. Unfortunately, the scheduled date is inconvenient for anyone whose family no longer lives in the area. In order to make herself feel better about missing the event that someone was kind enough to invite her to anyway, she decides to imagine how it would go if she was actually present.

First, Betsey goes to Andrew. She decides to bring up the subject when he is most amiable to granting requests. That is to say, when he is lying in bed naked and half-asleep after several rounds of hot sex.

Betsey: Darling, will you buy me a plane ticket to D.C. so I can go to my high school reunion?

Andrew: Why would you want to go to your high school reunion? I thought you hated high school.

Betsey: I did, but not all of my classmates were terrible. Some of them were really cool. Those are the people I’d like to see again. How often are they all going to be in the same room together? I mean, these are the people I grew up with, Andrew. I’ve known them my whole life. Facebook is cool and all, but it’s not the same as hanging out in person.

Andrew: Yeah, but everyone knows the cool people are too cool to go to those things. They moved on with their lives and never looked back.

Betsey: True, but I still want to go.

Andrew: What about Single White Female? I mean… Taylor. Aren’t you worried she’ll be there?

Betsey: Oh, I didn’t even think about that. Yeah, that would be awkward AF, especially since she named her baby Merrick after my nickname for my Vampire ex-boyfriend. But, it’s whatever. I still think it would be fun to go. Just so I could walk away with a story to tell.

Andrew: When is it?

Betsey: Two days before Christmas.

Andrew: Wow, that is really shitty planning.

Betsey: Yeah, I know. But you know how hometown people are. They don’t consider anyone outside of their own little insular group.

Andrew: True.

Andrew thinks about it for a moment.

Andrew: Does it really mean that much to you?

Betsey: Yes.

Andrew: Okay. I’ll buy you a plane ticket. But you owe me lots of hot sex in return.

Betsey: Done!

Andrew buys Betsey her plane ticket and puts her up in a Holiday Inn located within walking distance of a Potbelly’s, Starbucks, and Metro stop. On the evening of the reunion, Betsey gets dressed up and goes to the unbearably douchey bar the reunion is being held at. Betsey orders a glass of wine and starts circulating around the room.

Rich White Girls: We’re just as bitchy and cliquey as we always were. You can’t sit with us!

Rich White Boys: We’re just as douchey and superficial as we always were. Also, you got hot!

Cool People: We’re just as cool as we always were. We’re doing interesting things with our lives. We’re happy you came all this way just to see us. What about you, Betsey?

Betsey: I’m the same as I always was. I’m still sitting alone in the corner, writing in my notebook, causing trouble, and pissing everyone off. The only real difference is that I got hot and dress a lot better now.

Cool People: Haha, oh Betsey! Some things never change!

High School Crush: Hey, I never paid attention you ever, except to make fun of you along with everyone else! You got really hot! Do you wanna go bang?

Betsey: No, sorry, I can’t. My boyfriend wouldn’t like it. He gets really jealous.

High School Crush: Isn’t your boyfriend married with kids?

Betsey: [laughs awkwardly and puts on a huge, fake, plastic grin] Uhh… It’s complicated.

High School Crush: Doesn’t sound that complicated to me.

Betsey: Well, I tried to reject him multiple times but he was very persistent. He just kept showing up and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Finally I just gave in and stopped resisting.

High School Crush: That sounds messed up.

Betsey: It’s not so bad. It’s just… not exactly the situation I was hoping for.

High School Crush: Whatever. You should have a drunken, meaningless, totally unfulfilling one-night-stand with me instead. I won’t even take you out for brunch tomorrow morning. I’ll just leave right after we’re done.

Betsey: Uhh… no thanks.

Betsey goes back to the bar and orders another glass of wine. She continues circulating and catching up with the people whose lives she genuinely cares about. After she finishes her second glass, she orders another one and decides to confront Taylor. Everyone in the room is watching in excitement. They love a good public fight.

Betsey: So, how’s your baby that you named after my ex-boyfriend?

Taylor: [defensively] I DIDN’T STEAL YOUR NAME. I JUST REALLY LIKED IT, OKAY? IT’S NOT LIKE IT’S WEIRDLY UNCOMMON OR ANYTHING!

Betsey: You are the same as you always were. First you fuck around with my first ex-boyfriend Maverick behind my back, then you pursue my teacher/mentor, then you follow me to college and major in the same subject, then you go after my vampire, then you pretend you’re a writer and start a little blog. After I dropped out and you had no one to follow anymore, you decide you’re obsessed with another guy, obsessively stalk his ex-girlfriend’s social media and blog for years, literally become her, and then marry the guy! And now you’re naming your child Merrick after my Vampire ex-boyfriend?! YOU KNEW THAT WAS HIS NICKNAME. What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you even have your own personality?

Taylor: I’M NOT COPYING YOU. YOU’RE SUCH A FUCKING BITCH. I JUST HAPPEN TO LIKE ALL OF THE SAME THINGS RIGHT AFTER YOU’VE EXPRESSED AN INTEREST IN THEM. I’M THE REAL VICTIM HERE BECAUSE I WAS JEALOUS OF YOUR PERFECT LIFE.

Betsey: Ah, yes. The Perfect Life where I had a nervous breakdown, tried to kill myself, stayed in a psychiatric hospital where I was basically experimented on, and had to change schools. But I had forest green mini van and a credit card that I abused the shit out of, so my life was Perfect! Yeah, you’re still the same fucking crazyass bitch you always were. Like, you are literally The Single White Female. It’s creepy AF. So, I’m just going to tell you this straight-up right now: If you ever come to my town looking for my Andrew, my bar, or any of the other people in my stories, you are going to find yourself in a world of pain. Stay in your crazy little world of delusion and leave me the hell alone. You are not welcome in South Dakota. Do you understand me? Now kindly fuck off and die.

Taylor starts crying and runs into the bathroom. Everyone in the room cheers. Betsey finishes her wine and looks at the crowd.

Betsey: Well, I’ve had just about enough of this. Who wants to get stoned and go to Bob & Edith’s?

A small group of cool people catch a Lyft with Betsey to the next location. They party all night and get brunch in the morning. The next afternoon, Betsey boards her flight back to Omaha. Much to her surprise, Andrew is waiting for her at the airport.

Betsey: What are you doing here?

Andrew: I missed you.

Betsey: It’s Christmas Eve. Aren’t you supposed to be with The Family?

Andrew shrugs, looks at the ground, and shuffles his feet.

Andrew: Yeah… I mean… you know how it is.

Betsey looks at him sadly but takes his hand anyway. They walk through the terminal together.

Andrew: So how was your reunion?

Betsey: Oh, you know. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Andrew: That bad, huh?

Betsey: [shrugs] Not really. It was actually pretty fun. I’m really glad I went. It’s always worth it to go back there just to eat at Bob & Edith’s again. I’m just happy to be home.

Andrew: Maybe next time you can bring me.

Betsey: Okay, but you have to let me drive. You can’t handle the traffic out there. Trust me.

Andrew: I believe you.

Betsey: So what should we do now?

Andrew: Do you wanna get a hotel room and watch HGTV?

Betsey: Definitely.

They leave the airport and head on over to Downtown Omaha.

The End

STORY: The House of Ill-Repute

Somewhere in the remote desert of Nevada, I passed a sign for the infamous Moonlite Bunny Ranch. I was pleasantly surprised to stumble upon the world-famous brothel. In fact, I had already encountered it twice before on my journey. First, as the subject of a documentary I watched in my “Philosophy of Sex and Love” class in college. Second, as the site of the near-fatal drug overdose of Khloé Kardashian’s ex-husband just a week before.

I’ve never been one to judge someone for participating in the world’s oldest profession. As far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing wrong with exchanging sex for money as long as all parties involved are consenting. Unfortunately, far too many are forced into the industry against their will.

I admit that the well-being of prostitutes had never been a concern of mine until I encountered some in the small South Dakota town where I live. The circumstances surrounding it are strange, but it really did happen.

One completely ordinary summer night, I accidentally stumbled into a brothel. I was walking home alone one night from a party when I suddenly felt the unwanted presence of someone behind me. I heard the sound of an evil laugh and booked it across the street as fast as possible. I ran up the front steps of the first house with its lights on and banged on the door. A group of girls was standing on the porch.

“Let me in!” I screamed. “Please let me in! There’s something following me. Please let me in!”

As soon as the screen door opened, I stumbled inside and collapsed into the floor. I’m not sure how long the panic attack lasted or how long I was passed out. All I knew was that when I finally woke up and looked around, I was in a house of ill-repute.

I looked at the faces of the four women surrounding me. All four of them were staring at me with concern. The first, a tall, skinny girl with her wig askew atop her head. The second, a petite, curvy girl with long, natural hair. The third, a pasty, pregnant girl with broken teeth and unnaturally long toenails. Finally, a beautiful, young blonde girl whose face I was certain I’d seen somewhere many years before.

“Are you okay?” asked the Blonde Girl. “You totally freaked out.”

“What happened?” I asked. “Where am I?”

All four women looked at each other at once.

“We can’t tell you,” said the Blonde Girl. “This isn’t our house. We’re only staying here temporarily.”

I looked up at her and nodded understandingly. We maintained eye-contact for just a moment. I was certain I’d seen her somewhere else before.

“Who are you?” asked the little girl.

“I’m Betsey Horton, Writer Extraordinaire.”

The pregnant girl smiled wide at me, fully revealing the scariest set of sharp, jagged teeth I’ve ever seen.

“Betsey?!” she exclaimed with a cackle. Her Southern accent was thick and heavy. “I got another personality named Betsey!”

I stared at her in horror. She cackled again.

“I’m just kidding, Sugar!” she said. “Liz is the one with the crazy split personality.”

I looked at the Blonde Girl again. Suddenly I remembered exactly where I’d seen her before.

“I’m Shirley,” said the little girl.

“Like Shirley Temple?” I asked.

“Thats right, sweetie. Just like Shirley Temple. I’ve got the curls but I don’t like to dye my hair blonde anymore. I like to keep my hair natural. You know, keep in line with The Movement.”

“Not me,” said the tall girl sassily. “I am all about the wigs, baby!”

“That’s just cause you was born a man.”

“Honey, those days are over! My name is Shantae now. I got me a different hairdo for every day of the week. Someday, I’m gonna get me a different hairdo for every day of the year. That’s my American Dream, baby!”

“And I’m Ellie Mae,” said the scary, pregnant girl. She pointed down at the pouch between her unbuttoned Daisy Dukes and shrunken crop top. “And this here is my baby, Kelsey Kaye Covington. I just love that triple-K sound, don’t you?”

Both Shirley and Shantae exchanged a sideways glance.

“So it’s a girl?” I asked curiously.

“Oh honey, I don’t know what it is! It could be a demon baby for all I know! I just know Satan’s comin’ for me! I haven’t been to church in years! The Devil always gets his due!”

I stared at her for just a moment with wide eyes before turning my attention back to Liz.

“And you’re Liz,” I said slowly.

“I’m Liz.”

We stared at each other again. Was I her alter-ego, or was she mine?

“You said you’re a writer,” said Liz. “What do you write?”

“Nothing interesting right now,” I said. “It’s hard to explain. I don’t think I could do it if I tried.”

“I’m not stupid,” said Liz defensively. “I used to read a lot of books. I know a lot more than you think. You can explain it to me. I can understand.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to imply you were stupid. I would never think that about you.”

Liz’s gaze softened.

“Do you want something to drink?” she asked. “I’ll go inside and get you some water.”

“Tell Big Mama we gotss ourselves a visitor!” said Ellie Mae. “I’m gonna stay out here and talk to the writer!”

Liz disappeared inside while the other girls crowded around.

“Are you a student at the school here?” asked Shirley.

“I actually just graduated,” I said.

“Do you have a student ID?” she asked hopefully.

“Actually yes, as a matter of fact I do.”

“Can I see it?”

“Uhh… sure. I guess.”

I took out my wallet and fished out my student ID. Shirley snatched it out of my hands and looked at it longingly.

“Wow,” she said. “So this is what they look like. I’ve always wanted one of these. Someday I’ll get one. I always wanted to go to school to be a veterinarian. Nobody believes me when I say I can talk to animals, but I can. I really can. I just want to help them. I know I can do it. I know it. That’s my American Dream.”

“You can do it,” I said. “You can do anything you put your mind to.”

Shirley laughed at me and handed back my ID.

“Maybe in a different life,” she said ruefully. “But not this one.”

Suddenly I heard the thunderous sound of heavy footsteps approaching from behind me. I turned around to see a big, bossy-looking lady glaring at me.

“Who are you?” she demanded angrily. “And what are you doing in my house?”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t know it was your house. I was walking home from a party and I thought I heard somebody following me, so I ran over here for safety.”

“Who are you?” Big Mama asked again.

“I’m just a writer. I wasn’t looking for any trouble, I swear.”

Big Mama looked at me suspiciously.

“You’re a writer?”

“Yes, a writer.”

“But you say you’re not looking for trouble.”

“No. I was just freaked out that someone was following me home.”

“I don’t believe you,” she said. “If it’s true you’re a writer, I don’t want you snooping around my house. Writers are always looking for trouble.”

“Are you saying you have something to hide from me?”

“Maybe I am. What’s it to you?”

“Nothing.”

“In that case, I’d appreciate it if you’d get up out my business right about now.” Big Mama stormed across the porch and pulled open the door. “Get out of here right now!”

“Wait,” said Liz. “You’re not just going to let her go back out there alone, are you?”

“What’s it to you?” asked Big Mama.

“She said someone was following her. That’s why she came here.”

“Why should I believe her?”

“Because it’s true! She was totally freaked out when she came in here. She was hyperventilating and collapsed on the floor and everything.”

“I was?” I asked.

“See?” said Liz. “She doesn’t even remember what happened. She’s just like me.”

Liz and I made eye-contact with each other once again.

“How far are you going?” asked Big Mama.

“I just need to get to my car,” I said. “It’s parked right across the street from Bloody Mary’s.”

“Have you been drinking tonight?”

“Not really. I only had two drinks at the bar and just smoked pot at the party.”

“Maybe that’s why you freaked out.”

“Maybe,” I said. “But I doubt it. I was brought to this house for a reason.”

Big Mama gave me the once-over judgmentally, then let out a heavy sigh.

“All right,” she said. “We can walk you as far as the gas station, but you’ll have to carry on from there alone.”

The four girls jumped around excitedly.

“Oh boy!” exclaimed Ellie Mae. “I can’t wait to get out this house, ya’ll! I am going stir crazy in here!”

“Aren’t we all?” asked Liz dryly.

The six of us made our way down Main Street together in a huddle. We talked and laughed together, getting along as if nothing was out of the ordinary. When we finally reached the gas station, I was sad to see my new group of girlfriends go. As the girls gave me a group hug and said their goodbyes, Liz and I looked at each other one last time.

“Thanks again,” I said.

“Anytime.”

“I hope I see you again someday soon.”

Liz smiled at me and tossed back her blonde hair.

“Maybe you will.”

I parted ways from the prostitutes and continued on my journey alone.

STORY: The Haunted Highway

ROSEBUD, SOUTH DAKOTA — Sometime after midnight, I passed over into the Rosebud Reservation. The Pow Wow music had long since faded into static and the stars the only source of light on the road.

Highway 18 spans the southern length of South Dakota and passes through three Indian reservations. It is notorious for being haunted by trickster spirits, especially along the Rosebud Reservation. I could have turned West and stayed in Hot Springs for the night, but I decided to try my luck with the spirits instead. I wanted to see if I could get a vision.

I’d heard stories about Highway 18 since I started researching Wounded Knee. I was especially warned about the area I was passing through now. Cars were always breaking down at random, and it was the last place you wanted to be stranded at night.

My first source had her first highway encounter as a teenager. One night, she and her best friend were out smoking and driving. A tall, shadowy figure with evil eyes crossed the road in front of them. They screamed and slammed on the breaks, but the figure disappeared. After collecting their composure, they drove straight home and didn’t leave the house again.

My second source was driving down the highway when she spotted a crying child alone on the side of the road. When she stopped to ask him where his parents were, the little boy didn’t say a word. He only looked into her with his strange eyes. The woman put him in the backseat and drove to the police station. When she parked the car and turned around, the little boy was gone.

A third source recalled the night he was almost lured off the road while drunkenly stumbling home. The lights beckoned to him, motioning to follow them into an abandoned farmhouse far off the road. He shook his head and refused their call. He decided to play it safe and passed out in the ditch beside the road instead.

Much to my simultaneous relief and disappointment, I had yet to meet any spirits on the road. Unfortunately, my energy was fading fast. I knew there was nowhere to stay on the Rez when I came here, but I decided to go for it when the last motel I passed in Nebraska had MURDER written all over it. I noped right out of that one, much preferring the company of a few trickster spirits over Nebraska’s very own Norman Bates.

In spite of my exhaustion, I decided to press on. I knew my vision was close at hand. I lit another cigarette and rolled the windows down to give my head a lift. I checked the mirrors behind me. No other cars were on the road and I hadn’t passed any in some time. The nearest town was miles out of the way; more like a collection of trailer houses than actual place.

I was all alone late at night in the middle of nowhere on a poverty-stricken Indian Reservation. Yet I felt safer than I had in a long time. Maybe burning all that sage and sweetgrass beforehand was more effective than I thought.

The road in front of me began to twinkle and blur. The wheels of my car swerved further to the right. I was just beginning to nod off when suddenly a bright white light appeared before me. I snapped awake just in time to slam on the breaks. The ball of light exploded in a flash and transformed into a crow taking flight on the road in front of me. It looked at me for just a moment before disappearing into the night.

When I recovered from the shock, I noticed the lights of a gas station flickering close by. It wasn’t there before, but I drove up to it anyway. It looked like it had been abandoned for years. To be honest, I wasn’t even sure it was real. For all I knew, I was being lured into a trap by a trickster spirit. It was no matter. If it was some kind of elaborate death trap, it was a good day to die.

An abandoned gas station on the Rez wasn’t exactly my first choice for a safe place to stay, but it wasn’t giving me MURDER vibes either. Under the circumstances, it would have to do. I resolved to take a short power nap and stop again in a more populated location.

I offered the spirits some tobacco and asked for protection. I left an open bag of chips outside of the car as an offering and smudged with sage again. I crawled into the backseat of my Jeep into my cocoon of blankets. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was fast asleep.

The old tribal cop pulled up to the gas station and looked around. No bodies on the ground, two vehicles in the lot. The first, a semi truck with the driver fast asleep inside. The second, a Jeep he had seen only once before. The cop looked at the bumper sticker on the rear and contemplated “The End.”

His suspicions were confirmed as soon as he ran the plates. So, the Wašíču writer had remained a loyal ally after all. He knew she was a keeper when he met her at Wounded Knee. But what the hell was she doing here at this time of night?

The cop wondered if the vehicle was stolen and decided to investigate. The name RUSSELL flashed across his badge as he climbed out of the car. He checked on the semi again before approaching the Jeep with caution. He put his hand on his gun, his heart pounding as he crept closer.

He looked through the window and gasped. Asleep in the back was the same beautiful young woman he had met before. Accompanying her was a wild assortment of her belongings. She looked like she had been living out of her car for sometime.

The cop shook his head. He didn’t know what she was doing out here, but he knew she had to be protected. Now he understood why he’d suddenly been called all the way out here at this time of night.

He picked up the tobacco and bag of chips off the ground, then returned to his vehicle to keep watch. He kicked the seat back and put his boot heels up on the dash, singing to himself softly as he ate his snack and smoked his pipe.

When I woke up again, I saw the cop car and panicked immediately. I didn’t even take the time to consider who or what I was seeing. I made sure my souvenirs from Colorado were stashed safely In the back and hopped back in the front seat. I took off flying across the reservation and didn’t look back. The cop car followed me until I crossed the border, then suddenly vanished into thin air.