BLOG: The Wolf of Peel Street

Wednesday. Here we are at the coffee shop. Same as always, same as always.

What is there to write about today? Hmm… Well…

Once upon a time (aa back in December), I met some random expat bro at The Wolf. Can’t quite remember where he said he was from. Hungary? Bulgaria? Something like that. He worked in Shenzhen at the time, but now he has moved here. Somehow, he remembered me (they always do) and messaged me out of the blue to ask me out for “coffee.” Apparently, by coffee, he actually meant Prime Time Happy Hour at The Wolf.

As you may recall, The Wolf is the Finance Bro Bar where I was offered a line of cocaine off of a dirty bar toilet, then groped outside of the bathroom while everyone at the bar watched and did nothing. Sounds like a pretty unsafe situation to return to, right? Right.

On the one hand, I could go and write about my observations in a cleverly-titled blog called “The Wolf of Peel Street.”

On the other hand, I’ve been to this place before, I’ve calculated the risk factor there, and I just don’t think it’s worth it to put myself in a dangerous situation like that again. As we all know, Men + Bars = Disaster Waiting to Happen.

I’m also trying to make healthier life choices, like doing more yoga, eating more salads, and frequenting the neighborhood juice bar instead of an actual bar. Nothing about this situation screams “healthy.”

I’m thinking… not. I guess we’ll see if I change my mind at 5pm. I don’t think I will. I’m still mooning over The Russian. I don’t need more problems coming from the Eastern Bloc. Let’s change regions next time, shall we? Maybe take a trip back to Latin America, where the men know how to rolls their tongues and move their hips.

Just saying.

What other news in the world is there? Oh yes, only the most exciting kind of news: The Kardashians are Taking Hong Kong!

Yes! It’s true. Kim K herself is opening a SKIMS store in my old neighborhood (aka Times Square, Causeway Bay). I don’t know if that means she will physically be here filming the show, but I strongly suspect it does. I’m not crazy enough to think I could meet her, but maybe I could stand in line at the store and see her from a short distance away. Assuming I am still living here in November, of course. And that I don’t get crushed by a flock of tourists from the Mainland in the process…

Love it. I don’t care what anyone thinks. KUWTK has gotten me through some hard times in life. They’ve been my imaginary family when my real family has let me down. It’s one of my ultimate comfort shows. Sometimes I just want to sit around the table and eat a giant salad and talk shit about whatever with my sisters. Unfortunately, my real sisters are not in my life. That’s why I watch the Kardashians do it on their show. It’s not that deep. It just is what it is.

I wonder which hotel she will stay at? The Peninsula? The Mandarin Oriental? The Four Seasons? Will she go on the Escalator? Will she take the Star Ferry to Kowloon? Will she visit Macau?

I hope it’s not one of those trips like the India episode where they flew there for like two days and were too jet-lagged to do anything. I was pretty disappointed in that episode, honestly. I was just hoping for so much more.

Lol, I remember last year when I was doing magic mushroom therapy and I kept hallucinating that Kim K and Paris Hilton were dressed up in lab coats asking me questions and talking to me. That was wild.

I remember watching the India episode before doing my MM therapy session and I got caught in some weird loop where I was wandering through a spice market looking for Aladdin. I kept pacing around my apartment asking aloud, “Where’s Aladdin? Where’s Aladdin? where’s Aladdin?” My brother and cat were both like… WTF. Then I got really sick and had a super intense flashback of my relationship with my Persian ex-boyfriend, whose favourite childhood movie was… you guessed it… Aladdin.

Wild.

Brains are crazy, like I’ve said. I actually really benefitted from doing magic mushroom therapy. You have to treat it like actual therapy though. It can be really, really, really ugly and unpleasant. I basically had to take a dose, intentionally expose myself to various things that would trigger my worst traumas, and then relive them from a significant distance in a safe space. It really sucked while I was doing it, but it worked. I don’t get the flashbacks or nightmares anymore, at least not specifically related to that time in my life. I still get them in regards to my family, but hopefully that will go away with time.

I mainly used it to work through my PTSD related to my time in the Troubled Teen Industry. That is why I was specifically hallucinating Paris Hilton standing there talking to me. She’s leading the charge on the TTI stuff. Kim K was her lawyer.

Yet another one of those experiences I could write about for a legitimate publication if only I had my shit together. I do not have my shit together. Sigh.

What else happened? Hmm. Well, I talked to The Publisher. I haven’t talked to him in two months, apparently. Whoops! He was very happy to hear about my progress. At least someone is. He just said, “You did it, Betsey. You went there and you did the thing and you survived and you wrote about the entire experience. You did it. I’m proud of you.”

Thank you. Like I said, at least someone is proud of me, lol. No one, including myself, thought I was going to make it this far. But here I am, standing tall and proud, alive and well in Hong Kong SAR today!

I explained I’m only in documentation mode right now in regards to my daily adventures. I officially have a plan for this book, which I developed after piecing together that first manuscript draft back in January. I have a certain endpoint in mind now. I just need to manifest it!

Speaking of manifesting, I need to manifest a clean apartment. I picked up my second load of laundry late last night, so it’s all still sitting in the bag. I need to put it all away. It’s the perfect excuse to stay in my little cave and enjoy the aircon, which I definitely want to do today. The heat index is… yeah. Plus I was already outside doing yoga earlier this morning. No need to be out in the mid-afternoon sun.

Anything to take my mind off of the job thing. More rejections in my inbox. Really starting to panic now. I’m so ready to go back to work and open a new bank account and sign a two-year apartment lease and pay off my credit card bills. I don’t want to pack up and move, again, and start all over with the paperwork, again, and go into debt, again, and feel like this year was nothing more than a vacation from reality I took on a whim.

Manifesting. Manifesting. Manifesting.

I am a Hong Konger!

STORY: The House of Ill-Repute

Somewhere in the remote desert of Nevada, I passed a sign for the infamous Moonlite Bunny Ranch. I was pleasantly surprised to stumble upon the world-famous brothel. In fact, I had already encountered it twice before on my journey. First, as the subject of a documentary I watched in my “Philosophy of Sex and Love” class in college. Second, as the site of the near-fatal drug overdose of Khloé Kardashian’s ex-husband just a week before.

I’ve never been one to judge someone for participating in the world’s oldest profession. As far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing wrong with exchanging sex for money as long as all parties involved are consenting. Unfortunately, far too many are forced into the industry against their will.

I admit that the well-being of prostitutes had never been a concern of mine until I encountered some in the small South Dakota town where I live. The circumstances surrounding it are strange, but it really did happen.

One completely ordinary summer night, I accidentally stumbled into a brothel. I was walking home alone one night from a party when I suddenly felt the unwanted presence of someone behind me. I heard the sound of an evil laugh and booked it across the street as fast as possible. I ran up the front steps of the first house with its lights on and banged on the door. A group of girls was standing on the porch.

“Let me in!” I screamed. “Please let me in! There’s something following me. Please let me in!”

As soon as the screen door opened, I stumbled inside and collapsed into the floor. I’m not sure how long the panic attack lasted or how long I was passed out. All I knew was that when I finally woke up and looked around, I was in a house of ill-repute.

I looked at the faces of the four women surrounding me. All four of them were staring at me with concern. The first, a tall, skinny girl with her wig askew atop her head. The second, a petite, curvy girl with long, natural hair. The third, a pasty, pregnant girl with broken teeth and unnaturally long toenails. Finally, a beautiful, young blonde girl whose face I was certain I’d seen somewhere many years before.

“Are you okay?” asked the Blonde Girl. “You totally freaked out.”

“What happened?” I asked. “Where am I?”

All four women looked at each other at once.

“We can’t tell you,” said the Blonde Girl. “This isn’t our house. We’re only staying here temporarily.”

I looked up at her and nodded understandingly. We maintained eye-contact for just a moment. I was certain I’d seen her somewhere else before.

“Who are you?” asked the little girl.

“I’m Betsey Horton, Writer Extraordinaire.”

The pregnant girl smiled wide at me, fully revealing the scariest set of sharp, jagged teeth I’ve ever seen.

“Betsey?!” she exclaimed with a cackle. Her Southern accent was thick and heavy. “I got another personality named Betsey!”

I stared at her in horror. She cackled again.

“I’m just kidding, Sugar!” she said. “Liz is the one with the crazy split personality.”

I looked at the Blonde Girl again. Suddenly I remembered exactly where I’d seen her before.

“I’m Shirley,” said the little girl.

“Like Shirley Temple?” I asked.

“Thats right, sweetie. Just like Shirley Temple. I’ve got the curls but I don’t like to dye my hair blonde anymore. I like to keep my hair natural. You know, keep in line with The Movement.”

“Not me,” said the tall girl sassily. “I am all about the wigs, baby!”

“That’s just cause you was born a man.”

“Honey, those days are over! My name is Shantae now. I got me a different hairdo for every day of the week. Someday, I’m gonna get me a different hairdo for every day of the year. That’s my American Dream, baby!”

“And I’m Ellie Mae,” said the scary, pregnant girl. She pointed down at the pouch between her unbuttoned Daisy Dukes and shrunken crop top. “And this here is my baby, Kelsey Kaye Covington. I just love that triple-K sound, don’t you?”

Both Shirley and Shantae exchanged a sideways glance.

“So it’s a girl?” I asked curiously.

“Oh honey, I don’t know what it is! It could be a demon baby for all I know! I just know Satan’s comin’ for me! I haven’t been to church in years! The Devil always gets his due!”

I stared at her for just a moment with wide eyes before turning my attention back to Liz.

“And you’re Liz,” I said slowly.

“I’m Liz.”

We stared at each other again. Was I her alter-ego, or was she mine?

“You said you’re a writer,” said Liz. “What do you write?”

“Nothing interesting right now,” I said. “It’s hard to explain. I don’t think I could do it if I tried.”

“I’m not stupid,” said Liz defensively. “I used to read a lot of books. I know a lot more than you think. You can explain it to me. I can understand.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to imply you were stupid. I would never think that about you.”

Liz’s gaze softened.

“Do you want something to drink?” she asked. “I’ll go inside and get you some water.”

“Tell Big Mama we gotss ourselves a visitor!” said Ellie Mae. “I’m gonna stay out here and talk to the writer!”

Liz disappeared inside while the other girls crowded around.

“Are you a student at the school here?” asked Shirley.

“I actually just graduated,” I said.

“Do you have a student ID?” she asked hopefully.

“Actually yes, as a matter of fact I do.”

“Can I see it?”

“Uhh… sure. I guess.”

I took out my wallet and fished out my student ID. Shirley snatched it out of my hands and looked at it longingly.

“Wow,” she said. “So this is what they look like. I’ve always wanted one of these. Someday I’ll get one. I always wanted to go to school to be a veterinarian. Nobody believes me when I say I can talk to animals, but I can. I really can. I just want to help them. I know I can do it. I know it. That’s my American Dream.”

“You can do it,” I said. “You can do anything you put your mind to.”

Shirley laughed at me and handed back my ID.

“Maybe in a different life,” she said ruefully. “But not this one.”

Suddenly I heard the thunderous sound of heavy footsteps approaching from behind me. I turned around to see a big, bossy-looking lady glaring at me.

“Who are you?” she demanded angrily. “And what are you doing in my house?”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t know it was your house. I was walking home from a party and I thought I heard somebody following me, so I ran over here for safety.”

“Who are you?” Big Mama asked again.

“I’m just a writer. I wasn’t looking for any trouble, I swear.”

Big Mama looked at me suspiciously.

“You’re a writer?”

“Yes, a writer.”

“But you say you’re not looking for trouble.”

“No. I was just freaked out that someone was following me home.”

“I don’t believe you,” she said. “If it’s true you’re a writer, I don’t want you snooping around my house. Writers are always looking for trouble.”

“Are you saying you have something to hide from me?”

“Maybe I am. What’s it to you?”

“Nothing.”

“In that case, I’d appreciate it if you’d get up out my business right about now.” Big Mama stormed across the porch and pulled open the door. “Get out of here right now!”

“Wait,” said Liz. “You’re not just going to let her go back out there alone, are you?”

“What’s it to you?” asked Big Mama.

“She said someone was following her. That’s why she came here.”

“Why should I believe her?”

“Because it’s true! She was totally freaked out when she came in here. She was hyperventilating and collapsed on the floor and everything.”

“I was?” I asked.

“See?” said Liz. “She doesn’t even remember what happened. She’s just like me.”

Liz and I made eye-contact with each other once again.

“How far are you going?” asked Big Mama.

“I just need to get to my car,” I said. “It’s parked right across the street from Bloody Mary’s.”

“Have you been drinking tonight?”

“Not really. I only had two drinks at the bar and just smoked pot at the party.”

“Maybe that’s why you freaked out.”

“Maybe,” I said. “But I doubt it. I was brought to this house for a reason.”

Big Mama gave me the once-over judgmentally, then let out a heavy sigh.

“All right,” she said. “We can walk you as far as the gas station, but you’ll have to carry on from there alone.”

The four girls jumped around excitedly.

“Oh boy!” exclaimed Ellie Mae. “I can’t wait to get out this house, ya’ll! I am going stir crazy in here!”

“Aren’t we all?” asked Liz dryly.

The six of us made our way down Main Street together in a huddle. We talked and laughed together, getting along as if nothing was out of the ordinary. When we finally reached the gas station, I was sad to see my new group of girlfriends go. As the girls gave me a group hug and said their goodbyes, Liz and I looked at each other one last time.

“Thanks again,” I said.

“Anytime.”

“I hope I see you again someday soon.”

Liz smiled at me and tossed back her blonde hair.

“Maybe you will.”

I parted ways from the prostitutes and continued on my journey alone.