Saturday evening.

Here I am at one of the Irish pubs in Bangkok. I won’t tell you the name, but I will tell you that it rhymes with Potato O’Lays, lol. I was told this is the best one. I was definitely lied to. It’s not that exciting. It’s mostly the weekend afternoon post-golf crowd. Snooze fest!

Still, I have a feeling something weird is going to happen today, so I will just sit here and wait for whatever it is. Based on the kind of things I’ve seen in Bangkok so far, I can’t even imagine.

Big Trouble in Little Bangkok, as they say…

I’m sure that sitting here on my iPad writing will not help my situation. I do not plan to stay for very long. I think I would rather stick with what is close and familiar, even if it does not like me in return.

I hope I do not see anyone I know. Based on the type of people I know, that would not be a good thing. Welcome to Bangkok, I guess. That’s just how it is here. The whole place is just full of degenerate lads. Luckily for me, I don’t recognize any of them from my so-called Krewe of degenerate lads.

That doesn’t mean no one recognizes me. Like “hey, isn’t that that writer my friend talks about?”

I will say the atmosphere in here is way different. I think I might be the youngest person here aside from actual children. So fun. No attractive men at all. Of course.

I swear to you, Mr. Hot Beef Stew has completely taken all of the fun out of trophy hunting for me. What a bummer. It’s like I look around and hear him saying, “How would you like to take home another random stranger who turns out to be married?!” No thank you! Fun ruined. He’s a fun-ruiner. Sigh.

I am very much not relaxed right now, even though I am completely surrounded by middle-aged people. I guess now I’m starting to get to the age where I will be middle-aged people.

There is no one questionable in the area that I’ve seen. I guess I just have to sit here and wait for something interesting to happen…

I don’t usually venture out this far from home alone. I have been to this neighborhood before, but I was with other people. It’s sad how little I actually explore outside of my bubble. In truth, I spend most of my time here sleeping and doing yoga. Then apparently go out and get into trouble just by sitting down at a bar full of questionable men.

Yes, it’s good to get out of the bubble, even if I am alone on Valentine’s Day. I don’t really care about that. I’m always alone. It’s just another day. Besides, I’m in Thailand, and there’s rugby on TV, so… I’m doing just grand!

I really want some French fries. Give me the potatoes!

Hmm… I feel I will be writing a story about Hermes soon. He is a very strong character. He comes through loud and clear. I think he might be my favourite character from SEA so far. I enjoy unraveling the complexity going on over there.

Naturally, my fascination with him is not of the romantic kind. It’s more like studying an individual human mind. The only fascination I have with anyone of the romantic kind is the Hot Beef Stew, which I know I must let go of, but which a chemical compound known as oxytocin still binds me to. We will simply have to wait until it all burns off. There’s nothing else to be done. I should be doing more hot yoga to help the process along, I know.

Anyway, the situation at the American Bar is quite funny now. They are all afraid of me. None of them dare utter a word when I come around, lest I record it via written word and immediately post it on the internet for 12 whole people to see! Oh no! Watch out! She might put you on her highlight reel for the year! Heaven forbid this woman make an actual friend!

Funny. Also never going to happen.

Happy Valentine’s Day to me! All I need is a spa, a drink, some rugby on TV, and French fries and I am good to go!

I do have to say this is the worst table set-up I’ve encountered so far here in SEA. Like, period. Is this booth made for a giant? Why is the table so small and why is it so far away from the booth seat? Why is there a whole foot of space between my chest and the table and an additional foot of space between my back and the booth? Not a fan!

Also the service is questionable, at best.

I do wish I was sitting outside on the patio, but it’s too damn hot. Hong Kong is cold. Not as cold as South Dakota, but still cold. Here it is very, very hot. I do prefer the hot, sunny weather overall, but still.

You know what’s hot? These rugby players on TV. Yes and yes. BTW, do you guys know what Gaelic Football is? Neither do I. However, I have recently learned that A, it exists and B, that hot men in tight shorts play it! Amazing! Will settle for a Gaelic Footballer if a rugby player is not available! I am extremely open-minded! Athletes in general are HOT!

I learned about it because I am learned to be Irish, so obviously the Gaelic Sports had to pop up at some point. I’m not that big on sports in general, but again, I’m open-minded. Athletes are hot!

…

I know, I really need something to do with my infinite amount of free time. That’s why I keep getting into trouble instead of doing something worthwhile.

I finally had to pull the table closer to me. I am a very tiny person. I cannot take the large distance. Anymore!

What am I doing with my life? What am I doing with my life? I don’t know. I have no idea. I think I should just go to Ireland and get a Masters Degree and find me an Irish hottie with a body while I’m at it. Forget the Hot Beef Stew! Yes, he is hot and sexy and very, very fit, but he is also married. Therefore, he can and will be replaced by someone who is not married!

I hate him for lying to me about that. So unfair! So deceitful! Especially because I was already upset about the stupid British Guy!

Nothing I have to say is important or relevant to anything or anyone in the modern-day world. I am just sitting here recording what I go through on a daily basis just for the sake of documenting my experience as a human being on this earth.

Okay, the results are officially in. How did their Irish Stew compare to the others I’ve had out here in SEA?

Meh!

It was very bland, actually. Definitely… Unfulfilled. Like it could be so much more but it’s just a massive disappointment instead. Welcome to the perfect metaphor for life at SEA.

I’m not convinced that was worth coming all the way up here for. Oh well. That’s just my luck, I guess. That’s what happens when I listen to voices in my head say, “Go to this one! I have a gut feeling something interesting is going to happen here!”

And then nothing happened, and the stew was unfulfilled, and it was all a perfect metaphor for my general experience of living in SEA. And then maybe she lived happy ever after? The end?

Yeah right.

Okay, time to ditch this banana stand and go back to my neighborhood. Should be a bit more lively over there. It usually is! Let’s just drink until I forget that I have any feelings whatsoever, lol.

Have a nice day!