Saturday. Here I am again at my beloved coffee stand. At least the aunties here like me, if no one else does.

The smog is bad today. The heavy exhaust fumes are making my eyes water. I knew it would be bad, but wow. Yeah. It’s much worse than I thought.

Today I am feeling more lost than ever. I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. I have no direction or focus at all. It’s very frustrating.

The only thing I can think of to do is yoga. And to go get my nails done, which I really need to do today. Non-negotiable.

Last night was strange. “Old Man Smiley” is still mad at me. Why I do not understand. I thought we had resolved things, but apparently he has chosen to be undiplomatic in his dealings. I don’t really understand, but whatever.

At the end of the day, these people chose to talk to me. I told them upfront I was a writer. They all said, “Go ahead and write about me! I don’t care!” And then I did, and what do you know? Looks like they do care after all.

Anyway I’ve barely featured him at all since I came back because of his request. I don’t know what he’s mad about. I really don’t. You guys can all sit there and call me a whore, a slut, a bitch, a cunt, whatever you want, and I’m just supposed to laugh it off. But if I write down a funny conversation or exchange I had, suddenly it’s a problem.

Whatever.

Men are fragile creatures. What did you really expect? They’re always complaining about something. Three months ago, they were mad at me because I was “acting like a slut” and now they are mad at me because I keep an online diary. Whatever.

I mean, it could be worse. I could actually be writing about what these guys are doing in Pattaya, but I’m not. Instead I’m focused on me and whatever chaos is happening around me in this exact moment.

It doesn’t matter anyway. He’s just a mean old drunk. A Barfly. His opinion doesn’t really count.

He said, “I can’t believe they let you back into the country.”

Like, why? I didn’t actually do anything wrong. I just didn’t book a return flight, which was dumb. I had a whole situation to sort out with Hong Kong immigration anyway. Otherwise, I have not insulted the Kingdom or the Royal Family, I do not interfere with Thai politics in any way, I don’t do anything illegal, I didn’t overstay my visa, I’m not working or getting paid, and I’ve spent a ridiculous amount of money supporting Thai-owned businesses here.

I’m sorry you’re mad that I posted a selfie of us smiling together and a video of me dancing. That doesn’t mean I actually did anything wrong. I am who I am. I’ve made it very clear that I write what I write because I think it’s interesting to watch, not because I have an agenda to write bad things about people. If you don’t like the image of yourself that you see reflected here, that is your problem, not mine.

So, just fuck off with this bullshit already. Going around badmouthing me behind my back to anyone who will listen is not an acceptable way to handle the problem.

I’m just a woman on a journey trying to find myself. It’s not that big of a deal.

Anyway, I don’t have a problem with them. They have a problem with me. I am not involved with whatever this is. If anyone needs me, I’ll just sitting over here in the corner watching rugby alone while eating my Hot Beef Stew. Who needs one man for Valentine’s Day when you can have the whole Irish rugby team? Slainte, fam! Slainte!

Okay, off to make my daily contribution to the sick water buffalo farm known as Bangkok. Manicure, pedicure, looking fresh, feeling fly! Happy Valentine’s Day to me, from me, love you, gurl!