BLOG: This Is Not Normal

Wednesday in Hong Kong. Looks like it might rain soon. Luckily I managed to rescue my umbrella from the bar now known as “The Sketchy Place.”

This story is not-so-fun. Get ready. It might be triggering if you’ve ever been drugged at a bar before.

A few weeks back, I mentioned a story where I was walking home from the fancy grocery store up in the Mid-Levels and was roped into this random bar by the MAusGA. As you may recall, I blacked out there and can’t remember how I got home. I really thought it was just me not handling my wine, but the other night brought this theory into question.

Here’s the timeline:

  1. Met the MAusGa’s at The Sketchy Place, which is allegedly a small neighborhood bar frequented by the wealthy business class of the Mid-Levels.
  2. Finance Bro I met that night invited me for Happy Hour at a different bar, which I will call “The Wolf” after The Wolf of Wall Street. As you may recall, this “date” ended with him offering me a line of coke off of a dirty bar toilet and groping me behind the bar in front of the entire staff.
  3. Made a new friend that night, who is Irish and here on a long-stay work exchange with his company in Dublin. I met up with him a second time at The Sketchy Place. Nothing shady or questionable occurred.
  4. Fast-forward to Monday night, when I was back up in the Mid-Levels at this same bougie grocery store that I’m starting to suspect might actually suck.
  5. I walked down the same route, and one of the MAusGA’s from the first night was sitting outside The Sketchy Place. Pretty sure it was the same guy who roped me in the first time. It was definitely the same guy who I mentioned I saw mean-mugging me from a distance when I walked by The Wolf. He invited me in, but I only agreed because I saw my Irish friend there. I invited my other friend to meet me there as well. You know, for “networking,” as they say.
  6. Everything was normal until my other friend arrived. This is when I blacked out, again. I literally have no memory of anything that transpired after this. No memory. I don’t remember leaving, I don’t remember walking home, nothing. I definitely don’t remember how I fucked up my knees and elbows, or why my shoulder is suddenly in so much pain.
  7. I woke up the next day to messages from both of my friends in a panic. They told me I disappeared and neither of them could find me. Then my lady friend told me the same MAusGA guy was creeping on her hardcore and trying to get her to go home with him. She couldn’t find me, so she left and got home safe. Both of my friends were seriously, legitimately concerned for my safety.
  8. Are the alarm bells going off in your head yet?

Right. Yeah. If they’re not, they should be.

I told my bartender friend about this incident last night and she also freaked out. She was like, “Wait a minute. That’s not right. I’ve seen you drunk before. You’ve never blacked out here, have you?”

“No, just at the Sketchy Place.”

“And it happened to you twice in the span of a couple of weeks?”

“Right.”

“And you’ve already said that you’ve had problematic interactions involving drugs with the regulars there before?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, yeah, don’t go there again. I know that place you’re talking about. The vibe is very off there. I don’t like the bartenders. They seem sketchy. Just don’t go back there.”

I sat and thought about it for a moment before I remembered the day I was up on the rooftop and watched an obvious dealer lurk around outside. He was shaking hands with a lot of business types on their way home from work, if you know what I’m saying.

So yeah, not really too far out of the ordinary to think there might be something shady going on up there. So much for “networking” and “rubbing shoulders with the elite.”

As I’ve stated before, if this is the kind of crap people are doing to get ahead and stay ahead in that world, I want absolutely no part of it whatsoever.

What am I going to do about what I’ve seen and now suspect I know? Oh, well, you know, after repeatedly reporting incidents like this while living in South Dakota and being treated like literal human garbage as a result, my plan is simply to write about it.

Obviously, this is the shittiest solution ever. But, really, what can I do? There are CCTV cameras everywhere. If the Chinese know this stuff is going on and turn a blind eye to it, what hope do I have?

Still, if it’s happening to me, it must be happening to other people as well. There’s never just one of us. Predators usually have an established pattern. I must be someone’s type, or whatever they think their type is: young, vulnerable, alone in the big city for the first time, lonely, isolated from family, few friends, no job, no safety net, no purpose or direction.

Ahhh, but what you don’t know about me is that I wield the most powerful weapon of all: the pen.

Anyway, yeah, so needless to say that between this incident and The Russian, I have decided to slow down on the so-called “networking.” It’s not working for me. I have made some actual friends, which is good! However, all of this is just too much for me. This “corporate finance tech bro culture” is so toxic and sickening. It’s just not… the vibe for me. Like at all.

Meanwhile, we never heard anything from The Russian ever again. He has officially disappeared off the face of Planet Earth. Grand! This means I can now write whatever the fuck I want to write and I don’t have to worry about him checking up on me or getting in my business or trying to derail the one thing that keeps me sane in this world. He’s gone full ghost mode and he still has more class than the jerks from Bloody Mary’s Bar back in South Dakota. Love that for him!

My friend told me last night that I shouldn’t have texted him the paragraphs. I disagree. The paragraphs were not about my feelings. The paragraphs were summarizing what I’ve already said here and other jokes I planned to make. I sent that to cover my own ass and show that I did inform him. Just in case of any legal entanglements that may potentially arise…

My friend specifically said, “Don’t message him anymore. You’re giving away all your power. He has all the power now.”

I mean… does he really, though? He’s the punchline of my latest joke. Whatever power he thinks he has over me is purely in his mind. Frankly, if all he wants is power, then he can be all alone with his power. I don’t give a fuck. I’ll take my jokes about scorpion mating rituals and bad James Bond films and continue living my life the way I please.

I don’t think he ever really had the power. I just kinda let him pretend he did because it was fun. Deep down I think we all know I analyzed this situation with a clear, sober mind and thought, “Fuck yeah I want to stay in the Mandarin Oriental for a night on someone else’s dime. Show me the bathtub!”

This is why I say… next time, I’m using the bathtub. I don’t give a fuck what he says. I’m doing it anyway. Just like I’m doing with my writing right now. What is he going to do? Cancel me? Ha!

So… what’s on the menu for today? Oh nothing, just going through all of my finances and crying because I can’t make Ireland work right now. I can’t make anything work right now. But hey, at least I have some great stories to tell from my time in SEA! That’s all that really matters, right? Right!

Off now!

And always remember: safety first!

That means…

If I don’t update this blog or my social media for 48 hours straight, call in Liam Neeson.

I am literally not even joking right now.

BLOG: Sex and the SEA-ty

Wednesday. April 1st. I have officially been living in Asia for ten months now. Crazy.

How am I doing today? Uhh, pretty good, I guess, aside from the ongoing existential crisis I am currently undergoing. At least I have a never-ending rotation of hot international beefcakes going on in my calendar! Cheers to that!

I have become exactly like the men I hate. Well done, me. Well done, indeed. Way to win the battle of the sexes on behalf of feminism and equality and justice for all!

Don’t hate the player, hate the game!

And so we say farewell to our lovely Russian gentleman caller. It was fun! I had a good time. Nothing like a casual encounter between two consenting adults!

Anyway, that story is over, at least for now. Maybe he will pop up in Hong Kong again and invite me to stay with him at a different luxury hotel. Or maybe he will go home and fix his relationship with his ex-wife (never got a clear answer on that situation btw) and I will never see or hear from him ever again. Who knows!

Meanwhile, back in Central, I went out to get dinner last night and write. I passed by the Finance Bro Bar on my way up the escalator. As I crossed the street, I looked inside and saw the same group of men from Friday night all staring directly at me.

I remembered one of them as a very loud, outspoken, Baby Boomer MAusGA. He was mean-mugging me so hard. Everything about his face said, “You better not come back in here.”

I was just like, “Bitch, I don’t want to. Why would I want to watch you snort coke off of a dirty bar toilet when I can lounge around the Mandarin Oriental, casually making fun of the tacky decor with a man who is decidedly not doing cocaine? At least the Russian guy had some class!”

Ridiculous.

I fully plan to avoid that place like the plague. I was going through job postings recently and thought to myself, “I should just get one of these boring corporate jobs and I’ll be taken care of for awhile.”

Then I walked straight into the lion’s den, aka Happy Hour with all the bankers and fin-tech bros. I walked away thinking… “This world is not for me. The money? Yes. The luxury? Yes. The culture of pure degeneracy and total moral decay? No.”

And so I returned to the world I did know: the bars and the men and the stories about it all. And now here we are, with yet another story about meeting a random man in a random bar. I fully admit that it’s getting really boring, but I also don’t know what else to do right now. I am just giving myself some extra kindness and grace this week because… ugh.

Okay, well, new month, new me! I say this all the time, but… yeah. Let’s just keep going. We will figure it all out, somehow!

I don’t know what we are figuring out, but… whatever. Let’s just go with the flow!

BLOG: Just Say No To Finance Bros

Saturday.

I am ridiculously hungover after my little adventure out in Central yesterday afternoon. I don’t even know how in the fuck this happened, but it happened.

Where to start?

As previously mentioned, last Sunday I got sucked into a random bar by the Escalator by a group MAusGAs. While I was there, I met a man from Mexico who worked in finance. I gave him my number. Yesterday, he messaged me around 2pm and asked if I wanted to meet him at a different place for Happy Hour.

I decided to go meet him, because why not go meet a rich guy for drinks, right? After all, how bad could it really be? Surely not all finance bros live their lives like Wolf of Wall Street, right?

Wrong.

This is how I ended up in the situation I ended up in.

At first, the date seemed promising. He talked about working in London and going skydiving when he turned 40. He showed me a few art pieces he was thinking about buying for his $100,000 HKD per month apartment and showed me pictures of the terrace. I talked about living in a tiny little studio and being a penniless writer. He said he would introduce me to some people who could help me find a job. You know, just normal Hong Kong things.

As we were talking, I noticed a lot of people passing by and saying hello to him. All of them were giving me strange looks. I thought it was because I was new. I was wrong.

Later on, his friends started showing up and coming over to the table to say hello. He left me to chat with his friends while he went to take a business call. Three of them were Irish. One of them was giving big time Slytherin vibes.

Have you ever looked at someone and instantly knew they were in Slytherin House? Like they are just pure evil at heart and they know it and somehow it’s kinda hot? That was this Irish guy. He kept looking at me the same way Uncle Jason would look at me in Bangkok. Like he was thinking to himself, “This woman is here to make trouble for us and I don’t like it.”

Things started getting pretty crazy after the Finance Bro got back. While I was having a side conversation with one of his friends, a particularly shady-looking individual cozied up to the Finance Bro and slipped him something discreetly.

Suddenly, The Finance Bro grabbed me by the hand and pulled me away from the table and towards the bathroom. He motioned for me to follow him into the men’s bathroom. Just like that, right there, in broad daylight, in the middle of the whole restaurant, and in front of my special Parisian scarf.

There was an older Indian woman waiting in line outside the women’s room. We both gave each other a look like, “Is he gonna whip his dick out?” She gave me a nod like she would be waiting for me outside.

Of course I had to know what he was going to show me in the bathroom. Of course I did. Luckily, it was not his dick. It was a vial of cocaine that he opened and started making lines out of right on the toilet of this public men’s bathroom! EWWWW! Gross!

I was like, “Bro, you’re rich. You don’t have to do this. A toilet? Really? That’s sick. Grow up and invest in a compact mirror. I don’t even do cocaine and even I know it’s the must-have accessory of the season.”

I refused the line and walked out of the bathroom. The Indian woman looked at me expectantly.

“I didn’t see anything,” I said calmly.

She nodded at me understandingly, as if this was something she was used to seeing every day. She let me go ahead of her to the bathroom so I could have a chance to calm down. When I came out, he was standing outside the door waiting for me. He grabbed me and tried to kiss me. Right there in broad daylight, in front of the whole restaurant, and in front of my special Parisian scarf!

I pushed him off of me and said, “What the fuck, dude? What kind of woman do you think I am?”

I walked back over to the table to finish my drink. He came back over and said, “Sorry I can’t take you to dinner. My girlfriend is at home waiting for me.”

Wow. Just fucking Wow.

“Does your girlfriend know you kiss her with the same mouth that was just an inch away from a public toilet seat?”

Fucking gross.

He left me there alone, surrounded by his friends, most of whom either ignored me completely or wanted to explain to me why they think Trump should be the King of Australia and Canada, which is honestly just fucking insane.

Many drinks later, I finally extracted myself from this ridiculous situation and walked home alone. I stopped by McDonald’s to get something to eat. I stood there staring at the ground while I waited for my food. I felt empty and sad as the realization set in that I had basically just been assaulted, again, and it did not feel very good.

I missed Bangkok in that moment. Yeah, I acted slutty, but at least everyone involved was consenting and having a good time. And yeah, those expat guys were all pretty ridiculous, but at least none of them ever invited me to do a line of cocaine off of a public toilet seat. That’s just nasty!

I woke up today with a massive hangover and the same feeling of emptiness inside. I thought to myself that maybe it’s a sign I should go to Ireland after all…

Now I am just sitting here processing what happened. I know, I know, I’m sure that I come off as really naive right now, but I am just not a person who is heavily involved in drug culture like that. I never have been. In my mind, this only happens in movies. Surely no one is actually trashy enough to do lines of coke off of a public toilet seat. Oh, right, I guess they are.

Okay, so, that happened. Time for me to reward myself for dealing with that ridiculous situation with a rice bowl. Hell yes.

Onward and forward…