Saturday morning. Having my much-believed iced mocha from the random coffee stand and a chocolate croissant for breakfast. This is my one true joy in this life.

I was supposed to go out again last night but I fell asleep and missed the adventure. Luckily, I randomly woke up at about 5am and decided to venture up to the roof top for a smoke. There were all of my new friends, sitting there waiting for me. I was surprised by how happy they were to see me. They were worried because I didn’t answer the phone last night. I felt bad, but they had just ordered delivery from Burger King so we all hung out on the roof top for a bit longer.

Met some new people who had joined the group as well. Two more Americans (specifically Californians) and a German woman of West African descent. I love hearing all the different perspectives and life experiences everyone brings to the table.

We are all planning to go out again tonight. This time I will not miss out because of a hangover!

The German woman was pretty savvy and well-traveled, so I asked her what she thought about my weird night in Dubai that I’ve been obsessing over. She immediately said, “Those were probably sex workers and that guy was probably trying to traffic you. Talking to that trans person probably saved your life because they’re all so homophobic there that you being seen associating with a trans person so openly would instantly make you look dirty in their eyes. And honestly, that person probably knew that, which is why they were sticking so close to you all night. They were protecting you. They knew what you didn’t know.”

This is why it’s important to collect outside opinions from people whose opinions I can actually trust. Not only have my initial thoughts on the matter been confirmed correct, but I also realized just how fucked up my brain actually is. So I had this experience and my brain was like, “Let’s turn it into a romance novel like 365 Days.” Am I part of the problem? Yes. But I don’t have to be now that I have this information.

So thank god I met her, right? Right. She also told me she has been in Thailand for two months and her least favourite part are the islands because the sex tourism and trafficking is so open there. It’s everywhere. I was already iffy on dragging all my luggage onto a ferry, but that kinda sealed the deal for me.

All I know right now is that I am naive. I thought I knew so much about the world because of all the books I read and documentaries I watched and classes I took and languages I learned, but in reality… I know nothing. Nothing at all. And it just becomes more and more obvious to me with each day that passes just how naive I truly am about the world.

Also, fuck the glorification of sex workers in American culture. I already hated it and felt it was something sinister, but now that I’m out in the world, I hate it even more. I really can see it for what it is. It’s sick, actually. Sex work is not glamorous. It is not a desirable profession. These women, children, and yes, even the men are not “empowered.” They are not “liberated.” They’re slaves. It’s horrifying.

So, we are writing a horror movie. Okay. Great. Now I know which direction to take it. Or maybe I’ll just rip it up and start over fresh with a completely different idea. I like that better. Yep, for sure.

This is why I have to go back to the yoga school. Discipline. Don’t get caught up in these crazy little sideshows. Focus on the work.

She continued on by talking about how unsafe Europe has become. When I originally did the TEFL course, I was thinking about moving to Barcelona. I was thinking to myself in the last few weeks that maybe I should go there instead. Nope. She changed my mind on that.

She lived in Barcelona for several months. During that period, she was robbed three different times, once at knifepoint. She couldn’t walk around after dark. She said there are guys in masks who get on the scooters and just snatch purses and bags as they roll by. The police don’t do anything. You can’t even take your phone out in public or set your bag down.

She says many Europeans cities are like this now. The “fascist governments” don’t do anything to help. She said the right wing movement is taking over Europe fast and white supremacy is all the rage again. She left because she felt unsafe and wanted to see how different countries operate. Same same, same same.

Now here we are on a roof top in Thailand, connecting over shared horror stories. What a life.

She also hated Bali because it’s full of scams and drugs and Westerners behaving badly. Now I have to see it for myself. I need to know the reality Behind the ‘Gram. There’s a story there waiting to be told. I can feel it.

One thing I know for sure… the trans person I met in Dubai is literally a hero and I will remember them for the rest of my life. I will remember their story and how they confided in me that their dream was to be an American and be free. What a beautiful human being. Thank you for protecting me that night. I will always fight to defend the freedom and livelihood of LGBTQIA+ people wherever I go in this world.

Whoever you are, you’ll always be an American to me. I know that doesn’t mean much, but… I’ll always remember you as someone who displayed the traits of a true American in a difficult moment. Thank you.

Oh Thailand, there is so much I have learned from you. There is still so much more to learn. I know now I cannot be afraid of leaving my comfy little bubble now. I must go out and face the horrors of this world, of which there are many. I cannot be afraid to walk down this path any longer.

Oof, yeah, what a trip this has been. Scams, sex workers, slavery, illegal immigration schemes, animal exploitation, corruption, bribery, oppression, child abuse, trafficking of all kinds (whether it be drug, animal, human, or something else), oppressive work culture, Passport Bros, women without rights or voices, extreme levels of homophobia and racism, colonizer culture, just everything terrible you can imagine under the sun. It’s all here.

This conversation definitely makes me look at these stories I’ve just written in a very different light. But that’s the crazy thing about them… this character… she knows exactly what he’s doing, and yet she’s turning it on his head and using it against him to gadget her power back. It’s weird. I don’t know what to make of it. Best to just throw it in the trash I think. Or let it sit and marinate for a few more years while I do more research on this matter.

Not that I need to do anymore research. It’s pretty clear that this is the most political story I’ve ever written. What is it they say? “Everything is about sex but sex. Sex is about power.” Yes, this is definitely a story about power and politics and privilege. Yet it’s being acted out in this very sexual manner. So, there you have it, I guess. Maybe this is what they mean by “empowerment” and “liberation.” I’m not sure about that though. I don’t really know what’s happening on these pages right now. I just know that it’s not about sex. It’s about power, politics, and privilege. 100%. The sex is just a metaphor.

Yet another reason why I don’t believe men are superior. They don’t think about shit like this. They just stick their dicks into whoever or whatever they feel entitled to at the moment and pass out in a minute when they’re done. They collect their notches in their bedposts and out their trophies on display for other men to admire. It’s gross. The whole thing is gross.

Maybe I can make it work if I make the main character a spy. Yeah, okay, so I’ll just write a whole spy series. One is set in Dubai, one in Hong Kong, one in Thailand, you get the idea.

One is definitely set in India. That’s why her ex is a BJP goon. Because… why else would that happen if not for me to make a story out of it?

I blocked him again, btw. He is so annoying. He is talking to me as if nothing happened and we just had a small little fight. He literally told me I need to apologize to HIM. I was like, “Bitch, are you for real? No. Just no. Hell to the no. Hell naw, hell naw, naw, naw, naw…”

This “relationship” is way over, dude. Maybe I’ll just respond by doing exactly what he did, which is by blocking, ghosting, and disappearing altogether. Have fun translating this blog into Hindi, bro.

Yet another reason why I chose my new yoga school more carefully this time. I needed a place that was going to be stricter on the rules so I wouldn’t end up in that same situation again. Nothing against my first school. I just didn’t like the way they handled the situation with him. I clearly lacked the knowledge and boundaries I needed at the time, but now I know better. I’ve learned the hard way. This is why they have rules against romance in the yoga shala.

Hopefully this time I will not have to deal with that. Fingers crossed.

Okay, well, my iPad is dying and I’m out of things to say. It’s a good thing I’m getting out of my apartment. Isolation is not good for me. I need to be meeting more people. I love hearing these stories and perspectives. It’s so refreshing. It’s nothing like being trapped in that horrible little town, caught up in the endless cycle of stupid sideshow drama. What a massive waste of time and energy. Ugh. Never again.

Off to do yoga on the rooftop now. Cant wait to see what I will learn and discover about the world when I go out tonight.