Trash Wednesday. The party is over. Another year has come and gone. I could not have guessed this time last year that I would be spending Mardi Gras sitting at a farang dive bar in Bangkok, but here we are.

It was not so bad. I started with a grilled cheese and then drank very, very slowly. For awhile I got stuck talking to this weird American guy. Another crazy Californian. They truly are next level. He was starting to annoy me when my friend The Moose texted me and invited me to come to another pub. I was going to get up and leave when he and his other friend came in. I know the other friend but I don’t have a name for him. I was at his house with some friends a few weeks ago.

So they came in and rescued me from the crazy Californian guy, who continued hovering around and inserting himself into our conversation at random times. I, myself, was still trying to pretend that I’m not still secretly stewing over my Stew.

Had a couple of rounds of drinks, then the two of them exited. A different American friend from New York approached me. He asked me what happened on Saturday night with Uncle Jason. I said I had no memory of that. I was really drunk and watching rugby. He said “words were exchanged.” I was like, “Were those words, ‘fuck off, I’m watching rugby?’” Lol.

Shortly thereafter, Uncle Jason appeared, once again looking at me in bewilderment. I love knowing how much this guy hates me and trolling him this way. It’s hilarious to me. Sometimes when people mess with you, you just gotta mess with people right back.

Finally, Old Man Smiley appeared and took me aside. He said, “Betsey, listen to me. I’ve been trying to tell you in my own way. I’ve lived here a long time. There are people here who are very dangerous. You don’t want to be messing with them. Do you understand me?”

Yes, I finally understand you. I did not understand you before. Now I understand you. I understand exactly what you are getting at now. I’m learning the rules now. I didn’t know them before.

I went home after that. Found a New Orleans-style restaurant and ordered a spread. It was actually pretty good. The Jambalaya is more like a Thai fried rice style but the flavoring is on-point. Creole spice game strong. These people know NOLA.

Later, as I stood by the window overlooking the city, eating my rice with chop sticks, I wondered about my life again. I have no idea what I’m doing. Dead-end job. Dead-end career. Dead-end city. Dead-end book. Dead-end relationship. Dead-end everything.

What am I doing with my life?

I have no idea!!!