BLOG: The Hong Kong Judging Club

Friday.

At the brunch spot. It’s about 4pm. I decided to eat before I go out tonight because I have learned my lesson, theoretically.

The server is from Nepal. I chat with her every time I come here. She’s pretty cool. She just asked me for my contact info. She wants to meet me on her day off so she can sit down with me and tell me her story. She offered to pay me to write it for her, but I told her she can just gift me a bottle of wine instead.

She has told me before that she sends most of the money she makes working here in Hong Kong back home to her family in Nepal. I think we can all agree they need that money more than I do right now. Do I need money? Yes, of course I do. Do I need money badly enough to take it from a Nepalese person after a major catastrophic disaster directly caused by climate change wiped out dozens of villages and killed thousands of people?

No. No, I do not.

Honestly, she doesn’t even have to bring me the wine. It would be an honor for me to sit down with her and give her a chance to share her story and speak her truth. I am flattered that she asked me to take down her life story. She doesn’t have to give me anything in return. I know she feels like she should pay me for any and all services rendered, but I’m not taking it. I refuse.

It is what it is.

Now for the juicy stuff. And by that I mean, the Secret Society content we are all waiting for…

So, first thing is first, our friend from the bathroom is still a problem. I saw him at The Wolf on my way up to the Mid-Levels. Without revealing too much, I will explain that The Wolf is located on a corner with one side that opens directly to the street. I usually walk by there on my way up the hill to check who is in there. I pretend like I’m not looking, but I am 100% always looking!

On this evening, Mr. Bathroom was sitting there street-side with two of his friends. I walked right by him, heard him speaking Spanish, and recognized his voice. I pretended I hadn’t heard anything and kept staring straight ahead as I walked past. When I got on the escalator and was far enough up so as to no longer be seen, I peaked into the bar and confirmed that it was indeed him.

As soon as I saw him, I thought to myself, “He’s going to follow me up to the Secret Society. I bet any amount of money he’s going to finish this drink and suggest to his friends they move on. I know it. I just know it.”

As per usual, I was right in my assumption. I walked into the Secret Society and he showed up with his friends about 10-15 minutes later.

Like, OF COURSE he followed me. Of course he did! He knows I don’t like him or respect him and that I think he’s a disgusting pig. Why wouldn’t he follow me?

Men are weird like that. I told my neighbor I think he’s hot and he literally vanished into thin air overnight. I told this Finance Bro I think he sucks, so now he’s following me around like a stray dog. Ridiculous.

Auntie Bella WAS right: If you want real results with a man, Call Him Ugly.

I decided to ignore this intrusion and chat with my English and Irish banker friends instead. They were sitting with a friend who I had not previously met before. He was wearing floral swim trunks and a t-shirt. He told me he just got back from two months in Thailand. Lucky him!

He told me he “works with horses.” I googled him this morning and that’s… definitely an understatement, lol. I will not go into further detail because one of the conditions of my membership at this establishment (or so I perceive) is that I do not doxx the other members.

This establishment is the sort of place where the big wigs like to hang out without having to feel “special,” or however you want to say it. In their lives and their jobs, they are Very Important. At this place… they are just normal people out having the craic at the pub after work. They will be vague about what they do for work, they may or may not give you a fake name to throw you off their trail (I am guilty of doing this myself, so I get it), and they will undersell themselves every time. They could be the top person in their field in the entire fucking world and they will not tell you.

Do you follow me?

Yeah. Right. That’s why I’m calling it “The Secret Society.” It literally is what it is.

I digress. This gentleman did allude to the fact that he was kind of a big deal multiple times, but he kept derailing my questions about his job because he didn’t want to talk about it. Obviously, I thought this was quite hilarious when I looked him up later. I just laughed when I saw his CV like, “This is the same man I just met wearing floral swim trunks to the bar in his post-Thailand haze?”

As the kids say… Sometimes it really do be like that tho. *shrugs*

He asked me to come home with him, but I said no, because duh. Then he wanted to know if I would ever date a man twenty years older than myself (obviously I already have) and if I am looking for a boyfriend. I said, “Maybe, but it depends on what you’re offering me.”

“What do you want?”

“I just want to have fun. Get me out of this goddamn bar. Let’s go have fun adventures around Hong Kong. I’m fun to have on your arm at a really boring party. I’m a member of the HKJC: The Hong Kong Judging Club.”

He gave me a little smile and took down my number, then left to walk up the hill to his luxury apartment or whatever. I guess we’ll see what happens now. Haven’t heard from him yet! Next time remind me to call him ugly…

LMFAO!

Yeah, I know, it’s not great, but it is what it is. Banging random hot sexy beefcakes is fun, but it would be way more fun to have a rich boyfriend who takes me to horse races, yacht parties, and on impromptu trips to Thailand.

IT IS WHAT IT IS!

After he left, I realized I was alone in the bar with Mr. Bathroom, his friends, and a lady I’ve seen hanging around him many times. She says they are “very close friends.” Mmmmhmmmm. I bet you are, Ms. “Loudly Brags About Her Sex Toy Collection To Anyone in the Bar Who May or May Not Want to Hear This Information.”

Anyway, this gangbang-in-the-making had “NOPE” written all over it, so I left the bar and headed on back down the hill.

I stopped at the Cantina to visit with my friend, then ran into the SoHo Queen at the corner bar on Peel Street on my way home. Naturally, she wanted to hang out, so I agreed, but only upon the condition that she never take me back to Wan Chai ever again.

Instead we went to a random bar around the block and got shitfaced. I love that lady. She’s definitely scary and crazy and ridiculous, but she’s also a motherfucking gangsta-ass bitch and I have nothing but respect for her.

I know, I sound like a shallow social-climber who only cares about money, power, and status. What can I say? I just spent 17 years of my life living in South Dakota, being treated like shit and kicked around for sport by the dumbest of the dumb and the lowest of the low. We all know I’m better than that.

As we have seen by the EXTREME reactions to my writing in multiple parts of the world, I am a very powerful person. At this point in my life, I have simply chosen to align myself with the people I see as my equals in this world. In order to become my best self, I must surround myself with other powerful people who can elevate me to the level I should have been on this entire time. I’ve spent enough time running around with the riff-raff down by the docks. That’s not who I really am deep down in my soul.

And honestly? I just want the lifestyle I grew up with back. I’m sick of struggling. I’m sick of working low-level jobs that any idiot could do for scraps from the table. I’m sick of being surrounded by people who act like crabs in a bucket. I want to climb to the top of the Peak, dress up in all white, and look down at everyone in my old life like they are nothing but tiny little insignificant nobodies to me. I want to get to a point in my life where nobody can ever touch me again. I don’t know what I have to do to get to that point, but I do know the entire idea of it is motivating AF. I didn’t come to Hong Kong to be a teacher. I came to climb to the top of the motherfucking mountain. So that is what I am going to do…

Off now. I should be finishing my Island of Lost Guys story, but I’m still letting it simmer for a bit. My Neighbor’s character has a lot of things to say, I guess. Let the man speak!

In the meantime, I will enjoy this sudden role reversal where I am the one who is now sitting up on the hill dressed up in white looking down at him. Just kidding, of course. Afternoon tea on the veranda is soooooo not my thing! I much prefer a balcony decorated with Mardi Gras beads where I can chill in my mask with a frozen daiquiri and look down at the plebs drunkenly wandering the streets far below me. As we say in New Orleans, laissez les bons temps rouler!

It is what it is… 🙂 🙂 🙂

Welcome to the Hong Kong Judging Club!

BLOG: Mardi Gras Continued…

Thursday. I am… definitely hungover from yesterday. And by that I really mean the last few days. I was out daydrinking three days in a row. Not good, but also… it is Mardi Gras! And Chinese New Year! Laissez les bons temps rouler!

Yesterday was quite interesting. I got on the motorbike and ventured outside of my little bubble to a small Thai cafe to meet up with two of my friends mates. Just a couple of degenerate Bang lads, which I am now apparently one of. One is English, one is Irish. Both of them have lived here forever. One of them is more tolerable than the other. I’ll let you guess which one I prefer.

I sat with them all afternoon while they worked. I figured that if I can’t find a job, I should at least be hanging out with the people who have all the money. The things I witnessed… oh vey. This is exactly what people mean when they talk about white male privilege.

I didn’t realize they were working AND drinking, so I didn’t bring any of my work stuff with me. Instead I drew out my March calendar for my bullet journal, which I had to endure annoying comments about from the English guy. He wanted to know why I waste time making a schedule for myself if I have nothing to do. Haha, so funny. I pointed to a random day a couple weeks ago and said, “Look, I was very busy on this day. I went to the spa and I got my nails done!” My Irish friend, aka the Moose, found this amusing. My English friend did not.

He then proceeded to give me what I refer to as “The Caveman Lecture.” This is the speech men give where they mansplain the “natural way of men and women” according to how we behaved back in ye olde days when we all lived in caves.

I personally hate this speech. I find it obnoxious. Just because you personally have not evolved past your caveman mentality does not mean everyone else agrees with you. We don’t live in caves anymore, bro. We live in the 21st Century. Women have choices. We make them. Get the fuck over it already!

So he gave the big speech about how men are providers and women shouldn’t work and blah blah blah and then he stuck me with the tab. This is my biggest pet peeve! This is it, bro! This is your chance to provide! Show us the meats!

Show us the meats he did not. I should have expected as much given the fact that all of his afternoon work meetings were focused on the fact that a vendor hired by the multinational corporation he works for has not yet been paid after several months of delays.

As I said… white male privilege on full display right here in Bangkok, Thailand.

After all of that was over, I took a bike home. I made a trip to the pot shop to take advantage of their CNY special and then came back. I fell asleep really early because I was drinking all afternoon. I had a dream where a dinosaur had escaped from Jurassic Park and was running around terrorizing Bangkok. Interesting. It must have been inspired by the Caveman Speech…

Much to do today. I need to make plans to leave again. They’ve just changed the tourism visa laws again in Thailand. I definitely have to go now. It feels like Bangkok is a place I can come back to. I feel like I can go on whatever journey I decide now and come back here to my little Krewe and my little neighborhood and feel right at home. That’s quite nice to have…

What am I doing with my life? I have no idea!

Fun fun!

BLOG: Hail Zulu!

Trash Wednesday. The party is over. Another year has come and gone. I could not have guessed this time last year that I would be spending Mardi Gras sitting at a farang dive bar in Bangkok, but here we are.

It was not so bad. I started with a grilled cheese and then drank very, very slowly. For awhile I got stuck talking to this weird American guy. Another crazy Californian. They truly are next level. He was starting to annoy me when my friend The Moose texted me and invited me to come to another pub. I was going to get up and leave when he and his other friend came in. I know the other friend but I don’t have a name for him. I was at his house with some friends a few weeks ago.

So they came in and rescued me from the crazy Californian guy, who continued hovering around and inserting himself into our conversation at random times. I, myself, was still trying to pretend that I’m not still secretly stewing over my Stew.

Had a couple of rounds of drinks, then the two of them exited. A different American friend from New York approached me. He asked me what happened on Saturday night with Uncle Jason. I said I had no memory of that. I was really drunk and watching rugby. He said “words were exchanged.” I was like, “Were those words, ‘fuck off, I’m watching rugby?’” Lol.

Shortly thereafter, Uncle Jason appeared, once again looking at me in bewilderment. I love knowing how much this guy hates me and trolling him this way. It’s hilarious to me. Sometimes when people mess with you, you just gotta mess with people right back.

Finally, Old Man Smiley appeared and took me aside. He said, “Betsey, listen to me. I’ve been trying to tell you in my own way. I’ve lived here a long time. There are people here who are very dangerous. You don’t want to be messing with them. Do you understand me?”

Yes, I finally understand you. I did not understand you before. Now I understand you. I understand exactly what you are getting at now. I’m learning the rules now. I didn’t know them before.

I went home after that. Found a New Orleans-style restaurant and ordered a spread. It was actually pretty good. The Jambalaya is more like a Thai fried rice style but the flavoring is on-point. Creole spice game strong. These people know NOLA.

Later, as I stood by the window overlooking the city, eating my rice with chop sticks, I wondered about my life again. I have no idea what I’m doing. Dead-end job. Dead-end career. Dead-end city. Dead-end book. Dead-end relationship. Dead-end everything.

What am I doing with my life?

I have no idea!!!

BLOG: Red Envelope Special

Tuesday. Lunar New Year. Mardi Gras! Happy holidays!

I am wearing a special outfit I got from India today. It is red and white gold. Very beautiful. Perfect for the New Year.

I did not think the coffee shop would be open today, but it is. I admit I was actually on my way to the American Bar for some good old fashioned Bangkok degenerate daydrinking, but I decided to stop here for my daily iced mocha and write first. We must catch up on yesterday’s events before we go out and collect more stories.

Yesterday was… interesting. I decided to go to the pot shop and day drink, which was a mistake because my friend called me around 7pm and asked me to meet him at the American Bar. I know better than to mix daytime and nighttime drinking in Thailand, but I ignored my better instincts and did it anyway. It ended with me getting sick and running home and forgetting to pay my tab, which is why I was on my way to said bar to fix the situation.

Anyway, before all of that happened, I went to meet my friend, who is Irish. I have mentioned him on here before. I call him The Moose because he is obsessed with his Canadian Girl who left him long ago. He always likes to talk about how much land he has back home in Ireland. I learned recently that this means he is flirting with me. This is how Irish men flirt, apparently. They constantly talk about how much land they have.

He is also friends with the Hot Beef Stew. I tried to ignore this fact so I could be at peace and just let the whole situation go, but he brought it up! I had to sit there and sip my drink to hide my excitement when he mentioned his name.

The Moose said, “Well, you know we were here a couple weeks back. He was asking on about you.”

Really? He was asking on about me? I must sit perfectly still and pretend I have not secretly been dying to hear this exact sentence for the last three months. Keep it together, Betsey. Just play it cool.

“Yeah, he wanted to know what kind of person I thought you were. I said I thought you were really cool. You’re just the kind of person people have to get to know first.”

“Oh, thank you. I thought you were going to say that I was crazy.”

“You’re not crazy, you’re just Irish. Very Irish. You don’t even know how Irish you are. I feel sorry for you because you don’t know anything about it at all. You don’t know your own people. You’ve never been to your homeland. You don’t know who you are at all. That’s very sad to me.”

“Right, yeah, I know all that, but what did he say about me?”

“He agreed with me.”

“Yes, well, he would, wouldn’t he? He got to know me quite well that evening. Got to hear the whole story and see the whole spectrum of emotion that comes with it. And then some. Ha ha.”

“We didn’t like what you were saying about us Irish guys though.”

“Oh, don’t be too upset about that. It’s not just Irish guys. Trust me. I’ve dated men from all over the world and all of them are the same. I think it’s just a problem with men in general.”

“I believe you.”

“Anyway, I’m not dating right now. I am looking for purpose, meaning, and fulfillment outside of a relationship. I am focusing on myself instead.”

And not-so-secretly obsessing over your friend, of course. Obviously.

“Are you going to go back to Hong Kong?”

“Well, I have to because I put my luggage into storage there, but I don’t think I will stay. It’s a money issue. I have no job or income or apartment. I have no purpose there. I have no purpose anywhere. I think I will just go bum around the beach for a month and then go take another Yoga Teacher Training course in India.”

“That makes sense. You hated Hong Kong. You wrote to me every day.”

“I didn’t hate it, I was just very lonely there. I wrote to a lot of people every day. I keep regular correspondence with quite a few of my friends. It’s not limited just to you. Don’t feel like you’re special in any way.”

“I don’t. We all know how much you like your conquests.”

“I don’t go out conquesting anymore. Your friend took all the fun out of it for me.”

Because he lied about being married, then shamed me for acting like a ‘slut,’ as if I was the one who was doing something wrong by being there.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“No you’re not.”

“You’re right. I’m not.”

The conversation turned away from this subject and returned to all things Irish. The Hot Beef Stew did not come up again, even though I had a million questions and was dying to ask them all. I told myself I would not feed my own obsessive compulsion and refrained from saying anything at all. I just let my friend talk about his huge tracts of land back in Ireland and speculate how many millions they might be worth. Meanwhile, I stared off into space at the wall behind him, continuing to stew over the Stew.

At some point he had to leave. That was when I started feeling really sick and had to run home. Now I have to go in today and make sure my tab is paid. Hate it when that happens.

Still have no idea what I am doing with my life beyond that. It’s okay! I’ll figure it out! Somehow?

The only thing I’ve figured out is that I want a grilled cheese sandwich. Good thing I have to go pay my tab…

That is all for today. We shall see what else develops as the week continues on…