Friday morning. In the usual spot.
The new reno is going really well. She had a new bar built and added matching panels to the back wall. The panels on the wall and the bar match so it flows very nicely. I love watching the progress coming along every day. I love that she has taken this dingy little corner space and turned it into a cute little coffee shop. I can see the vision. So here for it. I love spending my money here every single day. I like to know where my money is going. It makes me feel so good when I see it being used for projects like this.
I was feeling really depressed yesterday over my dad and whole family situation, so I decided to go to the American Bar to take my mind off of everything. It worked, as per usual. I got some very interesting stories. Very interesting indeed. I’m debating which one to start with…
Well, I know which one I want to start with… lol.
I sat with a friend of mine who is a regular. For the purposes of this post, I choose to keep their identity anonymous.
We were out having a smoke when my friend said to me, “Hey, I heard about what happened with you and Antony (Irish Guy). I just want to say that I think he was wrong to do that to you. He should have been upfront about the fact that he is married. Don’t blame yourself for that. Nobody thinks it’s your fault. He’s a man. He just wanted to get laid and my understanding is that you were into it.”
“I was definitely into it, yeah.”
“Yeah, and we all know that. We know you like your men. Don’t feel so bad about it anymore.”
“This is why I like the Irish. They are such reasonable people.”
“Yeah, they’re really not that bad. And they like you because you’re Irish too. Just be careful about who you’re hanging out with. I told you. There are some bad people in Bangkok.”
“Do you know who he is?”
“Who? Antony? Oh, I know about as much as you. I don’t know what he does for work, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“No one will tell me anything about him.”
“And they won’t. They all cover for each other. They’re not all in the same circles, but they all know each other. They won’t tell you anything. They’re like that.”
“I figure out as much. Do you think he’s a gangster?”
“No, but your Irish Minder definitely is. He’s into all sorts of shady shit. You remember who he was standing with last Friday night? Those are the gangsters.”
“That’s what I thought. So then Antony is just some rich guy then?”
“He does come off as very posh, now that you mention it. But the truth is that I don’t know. I don’t see him as often as some of the other ones.”
“So the Irish Minder is the only one of this group here that’s actually a real gangster?”
“Oh yes, definitely. He gets into all sorts of things here. How do you think he makes his money? He’s like a messenger boy type. He does the dirty work for the bigger guys.”
“He came to see me last week. He told me he got my entire digital data file and had me under surveillance. Do you think that’s something he chose to do himself or do you think someone hired him to do that?”
My friend gasped and looked at me in surprise.
“Oh, Betsey, I told you to be careful.”
“I was being careful. It came as a surprise. Tell me, do you think someone hired him to do that?”
“Oh yes, definitely. That’s what he does. He does all sorts of stuff for other people like that.”
“Do you think it was Antony or someone else?”
“I don’t know, but someone wanted to know everything about you and they paid him to find out.”
“I see.”
“I do know they respect you. I’ve heard them talking about you. They respect you, but by god, Betsey, you be careful. You don’t know who you’re messing with. These guys are dangerous.”
I sat with this information quite uncomfortably for some time. While I had written my story in jest as a response to what I felt was a blatant intimidation scheme, I was now forced to contend with the fact that it was much, much closer to reality than I thought, and that yes, someone is indeed watching me.
That’s why the concierge was acting weird. I knew it. I knew something weird was going on. That’s fucking crazy!
I don’t know what to do with this information. I’m just sitting here like… hey, um, if you can pay this guy money to get all my data, do you think you can throw some cash my way as compensation for wasting my time? I actually have a specific amount in mind and intended purpose for it. It’s actually kind of a “Bail Out” situation. You know us Americans. Always in debt! Also, I got robbed in KL. Anyway, I can show you the receipts! Not that you need them since you have all my financial data sitting right in front of you. So you already know. Great! You can just drop that duffle bag full of cash right outside my door any time. Happy to be doing business with ya. Have a great day!
This is how we learned that my silence can, in fact, be bought, if the price is right.
Anyway, so that happened. It’s funny, actually. Two weeks ago I was so concerned about this floppy cold fish known as the British Guy, and now I’m being stalked by an Irish gangster who is selling whatever information he finds out about me to some unknown party that may or may not be the random Irish guy I pulled out of the bar after the British Guy broke my heart.
So that’s a real story that actually happened, live, here, today in Bangkok, Thailand. I am the subject of someone’s fascination right now and I don’t even know who it is. That’s funny. This is funny. It’s like a movie. So hilarious!
Is it really that funny, though? I mean, no. It’s scary. Uh, yeah, lol, you’re telling me this dude that was with the IRA and does all this shady shit for the local Irish mafia went to my hotel and got CCTV footage of me making out with random guys in the elevator and bought my entire digital data file on the black market? Yeah, no, that’s definitely terrifying. And yet I’m just sitting here laughing and smiling because why the fuck wouldn’t that happen to me here in Thailand?
This is why I call it the Star Wars Cantina Bar. It’s literally Jabba the Hutt’s sail barge up in this bar all the time. I am so here for it. It’s like being hunted by Boba Fett, lol. If I’m gonna get taken out by any of the bounty hunters in the Star Wars Universe, it would be an honor and a privilege for it to be Boba Fett, you know what I’m saying? Why shove me into the Rancor pit so I can get eaten alive in one go? That’s not very fun to watch. It’s much more entertaining to send someone after me to monitor my activities as I fly across the universe.
See, I’m not a serious person at all. Most people would be boarding a plane and fleeing the country right now. Meanwhile, I’m about to extend my visa another 30 days. Sign me up for more of this. I am here to watch the show.
Speaking of the show, this brings me to my other story from the American Bar last night. We finally got the low-down on this shady guy from Liverpool who hangs around the bar in the mornings. For whatever reason, he was in the bar last night, and invited me to sit with him to share his story.
I knew it was gonna be a good one because all the bartenders were giving me That Look like, “Girl, you better pass whatever information he gives you immediately back to us.” The reason is because this guy has been messing around with one of the bartenders, who is very young and naive and thinks he is something more than he is. I’ve been watching him for several weeks because I heard the bartenders talking about him negatively and saw him flirting with this girl on multiple occasions. I was just waiting for them to dump the full story into my lap.
He told me that his girlfriend (not the bar girl) had just left him due to this flirtation. The bar girl was living in an apartment upstairs from the bar, but was kicked out after being caught kissing this guy at work. He felt bad, so he gave her the money she needed to get a new place. The girlfriend found out and immediately dumped his bitchass. She went full Black Chyna on him. She took everything, even the Eggo waffles. Then she replaced his laundry detergent with shampoo so it would destroy his clothes and flood his apartment with bubbles.
Imagine me listening to this story and trying not to laugh. I was desperately trying to keep a straight face because we all know I am 100% on the girlfriend’s side. Can you even believe the audacity of this man?!
As if this was not enough, he then told me he took a job in Gaza of all places and is planning to leave soon. Why did he take this job in Gaza? Because no one else wanted it and he felt called to go. So off he goes to Gaza, leaving a trail of destruction in his wake, and off he went from the bar, only to return this morning at precisely 10am on the dot. I am not sure how he plans to work in Gaza while being absolutely sloshed, but I’m sure he’ll manage somehow.
After he left, I immediately went to Linda and repeated everything he told me to her. The girl’s former roommate came and stood behind me, listening intently. We all looked at each other and just shook our heads.
“I no like him,” Linda said. “He come here, he try to have two girlfriends, no. We try to warn her, naaa? She no listen. She no listen to us!”
Girl, I hear you. It’s the accent. It makes these Brits seem hotter than they actually are. This is what they do. They rope you in with their little accent and make you feel like you’re living your best Bridgerton fantasy life, and the next thing you know, you’re finding their secret girlfriend tied up in the attic. This is why I hated Jane Eyre! That book is not a love story! It’s a fucking horror story! Rochester is a monster! I refuse to buy into any propaganda that says otherwise.
Yeah because these Irish guys are so much better? You take home some hot guy thinking you’re gonna get a cushy job as a Guinness Mistress that comes with perks like a seaside cottage in Ireland, and the next thing you know you’re being stalked by the IRA. It is what it is.
This is just my life now. Hurray.
It’s funny. It really is funny! At least, I think it’s funny. If my dad was here, he would definitely NOT find it funny. He would not be amused by any of this at all. He would be having a full-blown screaming meltdown right now. “You better get your ass on a plane and get back home right now!”
Nope. I’m extending my stay. There’s more stories to be told out here in the SEA! And I am going to tell them…