Wednesday. Finally made it down to breakfast for the first time since I got here a week ago. It’s an endless buffet of amazing dishes from all of the world. Naturally, my appetite is still painfully nonexistent, so I’m sticking with my classic coffee/croissant/fruit combo. What can I say? I prefer my déjeuner to be petit.

Didn’t get much sleep last night, of course. Extended my stay again until Sunday. Gotta catch a flight out that day or I risk missing my connecting flight to Hong Kong. Still need to sit down and take care of a bunch of administrative shit. Obviously planning to spend my day at the beach/pool instead. I earned this break. I deserve it. I just want to disconnect from the world for a little bit longer and recover from whatever the fuck it is I just left behind.

Thinking about the break-up. I got over it surprisingly quick. Meh. I guess I’m not that surprised. I did try to break up with him like 5 or 6 times before. He just refused to listen and steamrolled over me like the overgrown manchild he is. I am relieved that he is finally gone. I don’t want to take care of a child, which is what he is. I don’t want to be a mommy. I don’t want to be his English teacher. I don’t want to have the exact same fucking conversation with him for the 78th time. I don’t want to do everything or anything for him.

Ugh.

Yeah, I just dropped the extra weight. Glad I went out with the random Jordanian the other night. After dealing with a manchild, it was quite nice to just sit back and relax in the front seat while he took care of everything for me. I didn’t have to drive. I didn’t have to navigate. I didn’t have to pick out an outfit for him or tell him what to wear. I didn’t have to pick the club or book tickets or make any reservations. I didn’t have to fucking do anything but relax and take tequila shots.

Where is he now? Who the fuck knows? Still wandering around the hotel, I expect. Don’t know, don’t care, just grateful for the impromptu dinner therapy sesh and getting out to have fun for once in my life. I never get to have any fun. I always date these stupid fucking jerks who make my life 1000x harder instead of easier.

It was great after the exhausting, frustrating move to Chicago with my brother and the 48 hours of jet lag-induced torture I endured after landing here last week. I had to do everything for my brother. He was helpless. I love my brother, but I was ready to cut that cord by the end. Fly free, little bird. Your problems are yours to solve now. I can’t prop you up anymore. You’ve gotta survive the nest alone.

So to go from that straight to another fucking manbaby who needs me to do everything for him was just… yeah. I’m glad he threw a tantrum and left. I was over it!!!! And then the whole soap opera shit he tried to pull on Eid. Like, bro, it’s a major fucking holiday and you’re in a foreign country where the majority of the population celebrates it. Have some respect!

No idea what happened to him or where he is now or what he’s doing. I wish him the best, but wow do I feel like I can breathe again. I don’t want to be his mommy. People kept saying he was just trying to use me for a visa, but in reality he just wants someone to be his mommy. Heaven help the next foreign white girl he sinks his claws into. Hopefully she’ll see right though him and bounce faster than I did.

Again, I did try to break up with him several times because I knew we weren’t right for each other. He refused. So lesson for me: don’t date any more of these crazy control freaks. Don’t date anyone at all! Just give yourself space and time to find yourself again.

Thinking I should probably book that Abu Dhabi day tour at some point. I was really looking forward to going there. Maybe I’ll go tomorrow.

Meanwhile, back in the United States, checking the news everyday be like

Yeah, it’s bad. It’s so bad that I listened to the entire 1812 Overture (all 16 minutes) while imaging all of these idiot’s heads exploding. Followed it up by re- watching the Gojira performance from the Paris Olympics. Not even a metal person but the visual effects were incredible. It was extremely cathartic. I highly recommend it to anyone struggling right now.

So many thoughts drifting through my mind right now. Just tried to go back to my room to change but housekeeping is in there. Now I’m stuck by the pool with nothing but my iPad. Alas. Shouldn’t be much longer, I think.

Well, at least I finally got up before 1pm. This is an achievement. No idea how I’m going to handle Hong Kong, but I’ll manage somehow. I’ll get it worked out. I know I’ll be okay as long as I stay hydrated, take naps, and do yoga. And if I can’t sleep? Yoga Nidra all the way, baby. That’s the real secret to success. Got my mind on my money and my money on my mind. I have a goal I’m working towards. Ganesha will clear all the obstacles from my way. He always does. We be vibing hard.

Respect the gods and they will respect you. it is what it is.

Finally managed to find some humor in the situation the other night where the hotel was asking that guy if I was a sex worker. Lol. Big Brother totally failed them on that one. You’re telling me you’re watching my every move and have access to all my shit and you still can’t put two and two together to make four? Come on, man. Ridiculous.

It’s not personal, I know. Honestly it makes me wonder if this guy has been caught here doing that before. Probably. Who knows?

Anyway, that’s not me. So, whatever.

Really hope they finish my room soon so I can go change into my bikini and lounge by the pool. Not sure what to do until then. More doomscrolling, I guess.

Ugh.

Wow, I’m so glad I’m free of that guy. All the guys. Free of my ridiculous family and insane mother. Free from the glorified landfill that is Vermillion. Ugh. I hated it there. I just fucking hated it. And now I’m finally free.

Off now. Enjoy the day!