Sunday.
Not the best day today. My cat back home in the States fell sick and passed away last night. I am heartbroken. I spent an hour on the phone with my brother earlier just crying my eyes out. Then I forced myself to leave the apartment after spending two more hours just crying and scrolling and feeling completely numb. I just got on the ding-ding and took it to end of the line, then turned around and hopped on it again. I was going to take it down to Happy Valley, but I decided to hop off in Wan Chai to have an early Hanukkah dinner instead.
I just realized the table they sat me at is right next to a table full of Brits, one of which is that crazy girl from a few weeks ago who flipped out on me and called me a scammer. Awkward turtle. A city this big and I get seated next to that asshole on one of the worst days I’ve had abroad yet. Ugh. What a terrible coincidence.
I wonder if she recognizes me. Probably. Who cares? This situation is 100% her problem, not a me problem. She acted like a total asshole for no reason whatsoever. Hope she noticed I’m carrying the bag I was showing off that day and nothing else. Asshole.
I wish I could address her directly and say, “You’re a fucking asshole. You really are. Look at you out here at a Christmas party with all your friends after crying to me that you don’t have any while I’m sitting here all alone crying over my dead cat/family. You’re a cold, mean, heartless ASSHOLE. Fuck you stupid British wankers. Now I understand why Hong Kong doesn’t want you here anymore, and why the United States never wanted you in the first place. As we say in Old New York, GO FUCK YASELF!”
Anyway…
I can tell this server is new. He’s messed up like seven times already. First he gave me the wrong menu, then he brought me the Christmas set for a different table, and now he’s afraid to approach me again. So bizarre.
You know what? Let’s just go with Mac n cheese. The meat issue is clearly too much for me right now. I can’t a cheeseburger on Hanukkah. I just can’t do it. I know I don’t have to care but I do. Ridiculous.
Of course he’s making sure all the men are taken care of. Of course he is. Why wouldn’t he be?
He literally just left me hanging for way too long. So awkward. The manager approached me and asked if I was ready to order. Uhhhhhh, yeahhhhh. I said, “The service today is uncharacteristically bad.” So they apologized and gave me a free glass of wine to make up for it. Hashtag: Membership Perks.
No worries. Let it go, let it go…
I was already having a shitty day anyway. The new server fucking shit up wasn’t going to make it worse. However, a free glass of wine will always make it better. They know I shop here for my groceries. That’s half of the reason I came today. I could have gone to any of the other locations, but I chose this one because they know me here. At least, I thought they did. At least the manager does.
It’s the holidays. Let it go.
Anyway, so about the dream I had last night while my cat was dying. I was in my Irish grandmother’s house. She was teaching me about the history of Hong Kong. While I was sitting on the couch, I looked up and saw my Dad walking out of the kitchen and towards the garage. He looked young, healthy, and happy. I called out to him, saying “Daddy?! Daddy! Daddy!” He turned and looked at me and said, “I’m just going out to get ice cream. I’ll be back soon.” Then he went out through the garage door and disappeared.
A little while later, I went outside and saw everyone in my family standing out on the front lawn. It was just as it used to be. Sitting in the house with my grandma on the couch, listening to her tell me stories, waiting for everyone else to show up. Everyone was there. Even the family I didn’t know.
This dream went on all night. It wasn’t like a dream at all. It was like I was actually there, with them, back at home again with all of my family that I used to have. The family that won’t speak to me anymore. The family I won’t speak to anymore. The family that cast me out and left me alone. The family that made me want to run away in the first place.
And then I woke up to a voicemail from my brother telling me my precious little angel died while I was asleep. And now I’m here alone, in this ridiculous restaurant, getting bad service, sitting next to this weirdo asshole who had a meltdown at me for literally no reason, and that’s why I fucking hate Christmas, especially this dumb fucking song, “It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.”
Vomit. Worthy.
I knew I should have gone to the Irish Pub. I just couldn’t handle an adventure to the Kowloon side today. It was too much for me. At least now I know what Kennedy Town looks like. Not Trump-Kennedy Town. Just motherfucking Kennedy Town, you colossal, child-raping ASSHOLE. HOW DARE YOU DESECRATE THE KENNEDY CENTER THAT WAY?! WHO IN THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!
QU’ON LEUR COUPE LA TÊTE!
Sorry, lost myself there for a minute. I am not a violent person. I am not a violent person. Violence is not the answer. It’s really not. Violence is definitely not the answer. That being said, someone days I wake up and just want to bust out the guillotine on their child-raping asses.
I am not a violent person. I’m really not. But you know… it is what it is.
Definitely worth noting that the Kennedy Center is one of the places in DC where I have some of the best memories from childhood. All of the field trips, all of the times my dad took me there, watching the fireworks from the rooftop on the 4th of July, the concerts, the plays, the art displays, the parties, the Nutcracker. One of my few, precious, beautiful, good memories, and this trashy, reality TV star who is fully unworthy of the title President of the United States want to desecrate and destroy it all.
He’s a monster. I hate him. I hate them all. Disgusting. Just disgusting.
This on top of everything else. 😤😠😡🤬🤯🤢🤮
I am the calm, happy center of a cold, chaotic, indifferent universe. I really am.
Even though I am alone in the world right now and all I can feel is sadness, pain, anger, and grief, somehow I am the calm, happy center of a cold, chaotic, indifferent universe.
All I can do is shrug and say… Yoga!
I’m going to go enjoy a plate of tiramisu now. I earned it. I deserve it. Then I have to go home and light the Hanukkah lights. God knows what kind of dream/nightmare I will have tonight.
All I ask is that you send me a vision of this mystery Irish Guy revealing his true identity so I can stop obsessing over him forever. I would very much like to let that one go and move on with my life. I don’t understand why I can’t forget. The rest of them are so easy to forget. Why can’t I forget you?
Because I’m an idiot, that’s why. Also, very lonely, and constantly surrounded by death all the time. So, whatever. I’m sure I’ll meet another one to obsess over soon enough. And so the cycle continues…
On and on the wheel of fortune goes. Where it stops next, nobody knows…
Just kidding. That tiramisu sucked. So did the presentation. What is with the service here tonight? Why is everyone else getting better treatment than I am? What the fuck is even going on right now? Ugh.