Thursday. It’s Emily in Paris day. My plan for the day is to be ultra boring and binge watch Season 5 while doing laundry. I know, I need to start getting out of the house more, but it’s just… hard to do on my own.
I did go out with my local Hongkonger friend yesterday. We went up to Mong Kok to go to a hot pot place for lunch. I had never been to one before. It was really fun! All you can eat and drink for 70 minutes. It cost about $10 USD. And oh, did we eat and drink as much as we could.
If you aren’t familiar with the concept of a hot pot, it’s basically a giant pot in the middle of the table where you throw in raw meat, veggies, and noodles, let it cook, and then fish it all out and mix it up. You choose the style of broth for the table, then go to the buffet and fill up plates and bowls with whatever ingredients you want to use. Then you make your own side sauce. Voila! Amazing.
Afterward, they took me to a mall where they sell legos, trading cards, actions figures, and anime/manga memorabilia. Childhood me came alive. I did not buy anything, but I did learn that my binder full of Pokémon cards that I keep in storage is worth a lot of money. Very good to know.
My friend kept joking that my card collection is basically my retirement investment because I’m “so old” that I have all the originals from the 90’s. They are obviously Gen-Z, lol. They find it hilarious that I grew up in a world where we only got one three hour block of anime shows on TV and that’s it. We didn’t have Crunchyroll or YouTube back in those days. We got what we got. Pokémon, Card Captors, Sailor Moon, DragonBall Z, Gundam Wing, Tenchi Muyo, whatever random movie that was heavily edited to pieces to censor all the nudity. I would point at different merchandise excitedly and they would say, “Your age is showing.” Haha, it’s okay.
It was nice to spend the afternoon wandering around the toy store feeling like a kid again. I used to be so obsessed with anime and manga. I just grew out of it, I guess. Plus, ya know, some people in the community can be a little creepy sometimes.
That being said, I have watched all of the new Sailor Moon movies and shows that have come out. Sometimes I still watch old episodes of the original Pokémon series in other languages to help me learn.
Trying to navigate the Kowloon side of HK was definitely a challenge for me on my own. I cannot speak or read any Chinese at all. I get lost soooo easily. My phone also isn’t working properly, so I am basically without a map or any navigation assistance at all times. It’s very easy for me to wander in circles and lose my way fast. I actually offered to buy my friend lunch next time in exchange for helping me translate my phone plan so I can fix the problems I’m having with it.
In case you don’t know, Kowloon is the “Chinese Side” of Hong Kong, as opposed to Hong Kong Island, which is the “Expat Side.” The Expat Side is slightly easier to navigate as most people speak English or French. I can get around in French. I can’t get around in Chinese.
One of the things I find very humbling about living in Asia is that I am basically illiterate. It is such a struggle for me most days. Honestly. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed. Like, what have I gotten myself into? It’s so much easier to just hide out in my cave and not deal with it. Unfortunately, that lifestyle is not sustainable. I can’t keep living like this. I need to come out of my shell.
It’s hard with the amount of social rejection I face. It’s frustrating. But, again, it is what it is. I have become so accustomed to rejection that I move on pretty fast now. For example, yesterday I discovered my friend from the IRA blocked me after I asked him a few challenging questions he wasn’t ready to answer. At first I was mad, then I was annoyed, and then I felt a weird sense of relief because he was the one who was initially Following/Stalking/“Minding After” me. Now I’m just like… meh. There’s a pretty strong chance he’ll find his way back. They always do.
It reminded me of an interview I watched on Al Jazeera English with a former leader of the IRA. He really did not like some of the questions that were being asked and would become visibly irritated by them. The journalists at AJE are pretty good at challenging people directly to their faces. I’ve seen so many meltdowns live on TV. It’s amazing, actually.
I really don’t know how to feel about the entire situation. As an aspiring journalist, I’ve learned the best opinion to have about these situations is to have no opinion. I like the quote from Derry Girls, “They aren’t right, but they aren’t wrong either. It’s not always black and white.”
Truth.
I expressed my frustration about the situation to my HongKonger friend. They simply said, “You challenged everything he understands his identity to be. This is all he has. That’s why he approached you randomly and introduced himself the way that he did. You said that he is telling any random stranger off the street these stories in spite of the fact that he’s been gone for over a decade now. This is the only identity he knows. He’s not ready to deprogram from it yet.”
Truth.
The conversation continued on to cults and brainwashing. My friend told me a story about a friend of theirs disappearing off the face of the earth and cutting all contact with everyone they knew, only to resurface as the member of a weird religious cult.
It reminded me of a very old friend of mine who behaved in a similar manner. They were MIA for over a decade until they randomly resurfaced on LinkedIn this year as part of some weird “artist collective.” My HK friend thinks it’s a cult. I’m starting to wonder if maybe they are right. I blamed myself for so long because I thought it was my fault that they cut off contact with me. Now I am not so sure…
I’ll definitely be chewing on that one for awhile.
Both my HK friend and I are feeling very frustrated on the career front. I had yet another triple whammy of dead end leads and rejections pop up on the writing front. Meanwhile, they have sent out hundreds of job applications and gotten nothing back. Both of us are feeling really lost at the moment. It’s nice to have a friend to share the sentiment over the comfort of the hot pot. Hopefully things get better for us both.
Ultimately, I choose to stay positive about the writing thing. If I can’t get the career I want, I can still live my life in such a way as to make a fascinating story to read/watch. I want to write my own Netflix show someday. This dream is still alive inside of me. I know I can do it. I want to create something that will inspire people to get up off their asses and change their shitty lives for the better. I know I can.
I just out out a post I wrote back in February about my experiences with the Troubled Teen Industry. It had 50 page views within 48 hours. People want to read these stories. Why? Because they know that if I can go from surviving that shitshow to traveling across the world and starting a new life for myself, then so can they. Another survivor can read my story and see hope for the future. That’s what matters the most to me.
Yeah I know, my readership is still relatively small and limited to my own network, but it’s consistent over time and can grow with the right format, editing, and support. I know it. I just know it. I still believe it, even if other people don’t. I just need to find the right support system. It’s simply unrealistic to expect myself to do all of this on my own.
I will find my place in this world. I just need to believe in myself, believe in the magic of this world, and stay positive through it all. Hashtag Law of Attraction, or whatever.
So much to do, so little energy. I need some fresh Parisian inspiration from my fictional bestie Emily to boost my motivation levels back up.
Off now. Have a lovely day!