Monday morning.

My coffee stand is closed again today. She is getting a fabulous renovation makeover. Thrilled for her. Meanwhile, I’ve found a cozy spot by the train station where I can watch as many people as possible pass me by without notice. Love that for me.

I spent the rest of yesterday wrapped up in my blanket. I tried to watch TV but the wifi wasn’t working after the storm. I was left alone with my thoughts again, which is never a very good thing.

This is how I came to the conclusion that Ye Olde Irish Bog Witch gets a bad rap. I mean, look at this story. This hot married guy made of muscles just comes into her house and sweeps her off her feat, totally lies straight to her face, and then gets mad when she turns him into a pot of hot beef stew.

Girl, I see you. I hear you. I validate your struggle. I totally get why you live alone in a charming little cottage at the edge of the swamp with a bunch of birds and cats.

This has been a truly classic Irish fairytale. This is the story of the Irishman who got so drunk, he forgot he had a wife. When he showed up to build his new mistress’s house, he forgot all of the supplies and none of the equipment worked. All this poor woman was left with was a single blanket and a pot of hot beef stew to keep her warm through the long, cold, lonely nights.

And that’s why my ancestors got on a boat and left Irelend. They were like, “Fuck this shite! I’ve had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane! I’m going to America to live my best Young Money Millionaire Dream.”

And they all lived happily ever after.

The End.

Telling my kids this is why we celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. Americaaaaa, fuck yeah! Cut to shot of my Irish ancestors on a yacht in Thailand singing,

“I’m on a boat, and

it’s going fast, and

I got a nautical-themed pashmina afghan

I’m the king of the world

on a boat like Leo

if you’re on the shore

then you’re sho’ not me-ohhhhh

Get the fuck up! This boat is REAL!”

I’m finally starting to understand all the hype about the USA. Too bad I’m only just discovering this now as I’m watching it all go down the drain. Ughhhh.

This story of a fabulously fashionable farang reconnecting with her Irish heritage brought to you by the great nation of Thailand! You never know who you’ll run into at these expat bars. Truly amazing decisions have been made here in Bangkok today.

Amazing decisions, folks. Simply amazing.

Wow, what was that?