Friday morning. At the coffee stand. Here with my laptop today, which is a first. I haven’t touched my laptop in… I don’t even know how long. Usually I just jot down whatever is in my head on my iPad. When I show up with my laptop, it means I’m here to work, bitch.

So far I’ve spent the morning going through my WordPress and Blogging Bootcamp notes trying to get this mess together. It’s a whole thing. I’ve been so disorganized. The vision is there but the website is chaos. Just massive chaos. Trying to just take it all one step at a time, but it’s like… ugh. What am I doing?

I spent some time looking around at other blogs today. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. In the past I could barely look because the jealousy and anger at my own situation would overwhelm me. Now I’ve been to 11 countries and dealt with my anger problems, so I can be more objective when I look at what other people create on the internet. Like, okay, I see what they did there. This looks good, this looks generic, this layout is well-chosen, this one is disorganized, all five of these look generally the same, this one looks like it’s from 1999, etc. I ask myself questions like, How do I stand out? What can I offer that’s different? What are the people I’ve met on my journey looking for from a travel blog? These types of things. Some of them are clearly vanity projects, others are more outwardly focused. It’s good to just roam around and look for inspiration.

I notice I get caught up on such small, insignificant details. Things like the handle for my email address I plan to use for affiliate links, or the typography featured on the blog, or the name of the project, or how the logo will look. There’s not enough focus on the Big Stuff. Affiliate marketing, SEO, AdSense, money, traffic, sales funnels, digital products, all that crap. I need to get out of my own head and stop worrying about my stupid feelings all the time. Focus on transforming this blog into the project it deserves to be. The website is the key. Once we can transform this page from The Notorious BetseyHorton.com to a Successful Solo Female Digital Nomad Blog, I will feel much better about life, the universe, and everything.

Then this massive project that has taken six years to manifest will finally be off-the-ground and I can finally start checking things off my business plan list. Then I can move onto all the other things on said list. Then maybe I can make money and get a better job and travel more and live my life the way I want.

Okay.

No pressure. I’ve already put in six years of work on this. It’s okay. No problem. I am a professional writer. I’ve been doing this shit for as long as I can remember. I’ve been making websites and writing on the internet since the year 2000. I can still do it in 2025, even if the entire landscape has changed. Keep that steam rolling, or whatever the phrase is I can’t think of at the moment.

In meditation I am thinking of it like… I am the dragonfly. One of my wings is broken. We’re currently working on repairing it so I can fly again. I’m trying to lift off the ground again. It’s not easy. I’ve been doing the most intense Yin Yoga routine focused around the concept of regrowing the wing. All the pain is focused in my left upper back and shoulder right now, so it often feels like a new wing is trying to burst forth from my back. It’s very… intense and actually quite painful.

Some guy just went past on the back of a scooter and pointed at me and waved with a huge grin on his face like he knew me. I have absolutely no idea who it was. One of my many gentleman callers, no doubt. Who even knows anymore? Who cares? They’re all going to eventually vanish into the night anyway. What do I care if one of them is waving to me while going by on the street?

I didn’t wave back. I just turned my head and stared back with my head tilted to the side and a discerning look like, “Who is this?”

Probably just some rando. Maybe it was the British Guy. I hope so. Then he can walk around all day like, “Why didn’t she wave back at me?”

Because you’ve caused me a rather massive headache, that’s why. Now why don’t you run along to your little Muay Thai gym and take out all of your Daddy issues on a punching bag?

Anyway, my laptop has just died, which means it’s time to go back to my loft now. So much to do, so little time. Just trying to climb out from underneath the pile of anxiety and overwhelm and leftover trauma and low self-esteem.

What am I doing? I have no idea. I have some semblance of an idea but mostly I’m just like… fuck.

Off now. Have a nice day.