Saturday morning here in the old land of Siam.
The Queen Mother has just died, so everyone’s usual routine has been thrown off today. For example, my usual coffee stand is closed, so I had to walk up the street to another one because I still refuse to give Starbucks my money. Now I am sitting out front of my building, watching the street, looking like a total weirdo. No big deal. I am too hungover from the party last night to get any real work done anyway.
Yes, I went to a party last night at the American Bar. They were having a big retirement party for the manager. All of the usual suspects were there, except for the British Guy, who has apparently vanished into thin air.
It was really nice to walk into a party and know a bunch of people there and feel welcomed for once. I am not familiar with that feeling. It’s nice.
After many hours had passed, my Old Irish Uncle decided it was time to fix me up with a man he deemed more qualified to date me than the British Guy. He is calling me Princess now. It’s funny. That’s exactly what I am.
Who was the guy he decided to set me up with? Oh, just the owner of the entire American Bar franchise. As it turns out, he’s not even American. He’s Scandinavian! And apparently very wealthy. So that’s fun. We had a nice little conversation, traded cards, and then he left.
My Old Irish Uncle was thrilled by this. He was like, “You need to date that guy. He’s into you, I can tell. He has so much money and power. He could talk to anyone, but he wanted to talk to you, and he gave you his card!”
I was like, “Yeah, whatever, I used to be a bartender. I have a box full of cards back home buried in my closet somewhere. Show me something real.”
See? I’m learning to embrace my Scorpio ways. My new theme song is That Don’t Impress Me Much by Shania Twain. Okay, so you own a bar. That don’t impress me much, wah wah wa-hoooo. Lol I’ve already got several millionaire bar owners on my Island of Lost Guys. I’m gonna need something more substantial in terms of qualifications over here, lol.
Let’s talk Singapore oil and gas money instead. Here is my question: do you have a yacht? If so, can we take the yacht to the Full Moon Party and live our best White Lotus lives?
Furthermore, what kind of people will be at this party? Are they decent people? Like, no, of course they’re not decent people. That’s why they’re at a yacht party. It’s basically just Jabba the Hutt’s desert sail barge with less sand. Unless you want to fly me first class to Dubai on Emirates, and then we can actually be on Jabba the Hutt’s sail barge with all the sand.
I don’t like the sand. It’s course and rough and it’s gets everywhere… Not like here. Here everything is soft and… smooth.
😂😭🤣😅😁
I kid, I kid. I am just making a joke. I will personally be surprised if I ever see this dude again. They all say something. They all promise you things. Then they vanish into thin air, never to be seen or heard from ever again. And anyway, this guy didn’t promise me shit. He just gave me his card. It’s my Old Irish Uncle that is convinced he just brokered the deal of a lifetime. Meanwhile, I’m just sitting there like, “Did you just to sell me to an old rich guy?”
I have no idea what the hell is even happening right now. I’m just here to watch the show.
Speaking of the show, the English friend of The Studhorse who lived in Hong Kong just came walking down the street. He stopped and looked at me with this huge grin on his face like he’d just caught me. He walked over and said, “So you are alive.”
Hahaha, yeahhhhhh.
“Why did you ghost my friend?”
“I didn’t ghost him. I just didn’t know what to say. He took me by surprise. It was a lot.”
“You should text him back. He is going on and on about you not texting him back.”
lol.
Of course he is. *flips hair back*
Meanwhile I’m just sitting here giggling to myself over it. I’m like… I bet you 10 HKD’s the friend tries to shoot his shot with me as well, lol. There is some tension there, lol. I can feel it. Plus I can tell he actually gets me. I made a joke about how I’ve taken up residence at the American Bar and set out my web for anyone to wander into and he just started laughing.
He said, “Like the Black Widow? I knew you weren’t as innocent as you were playing. That’s why your little Englishman ran away from you. He could sense the praying mantis vibes coming from within. He didn’t want to get caught in that little web you’ve spun over there.”
I was like, “Oh, I think he already is. He just prefers to pay girls half his age to be his girlfriend. He doesn’t want to be with a real woman. He is, as your friend says, a ‘Beta Simp.’ Did I use that term correctly?”
“Yes, I know what you mean.”
Hahahaha. It’s funny. I can tell the friend is very amused by me. He said he’s been married three times and has great-grandkids. I think he’s in his 50’s or 60’s or something like that. He’s seen and done it all. Plus he’s ex-military, so he still looks good for his age. He was just on his way to the gym when he saw me. Definitely beefcake status, for certain.
What can I say? These men love me. That’s why I got so many hoes in different area codes. 😉
Like, no shit I’m not as innocent as I play. I nicknamed your friend “The Studhorse.” He’s the one that was too busy mansplaining to me how to rebuild my canal to notice he was all caught up in the Black Widow’s web. It is what it is.
I said, “I’m starting to figure out how Bangkok works now. They come and they go.”
He said, “No, you come, they go. You come, they go. You cum, they go.”
Hahahahaha I love a good pun.
This city is really funny. First we get Jabba’s Palace Party vibes, and now we get Praying Mantis Crusher Claw vibes.
Okay, I can fuck with this. Let’s just keep going and see what happens. But first… I am still in search of a good Bloody Mary. I am going to try a new place down the street.
What even is my life right now, lol. 😝
Okay, this guy is gonna need a name. What should we call him? He’s also an ex-military contractor. He worked with explosives. And he lived in Hong Kong, so member of the HKC. I don’t know what his name should be. I’ll think of something while I’m out getting my Bloody Mary.
This has been Betsey Horton, Writer Extraordinaire, reporting to you live on the dating situation for white western women in Bangkok, Thailand. As we have learned, not all cats look grey in the dark. I am also a very powerful scorpion queen.
But I am not The Queen…
All hail the Queen!