Saturday morning.

Here I am in Bali, living my best Instagram life by the pool at my villa. I spent the whole pandemic locked in a house manifesting this very specific vision.

Now I’m here and I’m still me, lol.

That’s the catch, isn’t it?

Well, my current self got up at sunrise, did yoga by the pool, jumped in for a swim, had a coffee, and now I’m sitting here relaxing. Good Vibes Only.

Not sure what I’m going to do today. Wander around town. Get a massage. Maybe do a body scrub treatment. Definitely get my nails done. Maybe get that tattoo I’m thinking about. Lots of options.

Whatever I do, I have to decide where I’m going for the next week. I’m thinking I might go to Canggu just for a change of scenery. Still not sure. My deadline is 6am tomorrow morning so I’ll figure it out.

I spent way too much time thinking about my ex yesterday. It was a strange experience. I haven’t thought about him in a really, really long time, which honestly just feels so great to say. I think the last time I thought about him, I outlined an entire screenplay, which I have yet to write. I have so many outlines of scripts I haven’t written yet.

Thinking about him was not a pleasant experience. I visualized myself back in his dorm room watching him play video games and I was immediately just like, “Ew.” I didn’t even want to relive any of those memories. I was not turned on by the memory of sleeping with him at all. I just sat there watching the movie of myself in that moment shaking my head and rolling my eyes like, “Gurl, no, what is you doing? Ick.”

It wasn’t great, but it was necessary. I didn’t want to be angry or relive it or judge myself for it. I just sat and observed the movie playing in my head with no emotional attachment to it whatsoever. Then I turned the movie off and went about my day.

I knew I would have to take the motorbike back to the villa, so I spent time mentally preparing for it. I just imagined him as the Grab driver on the driver, taking me for a ride. It was kind of a funny story moment, actually. I imagined him rolling up, flipping up the helmet, and saying, “Im here to take Betsey Horton for a ride.”

I just laughed and said, “Seriously? Are you kidding me right now?”

He just shrugged and said with a perfectly straight face, “I think I saw a porno like this once.”

And then I hopped on the bike and we took off down the road.

I’m still not 100% loving the motorcycle thing, but there was something very peaceful about imagining him as the driver. Like I just had this feeling of, “I know now that I’m not crazy or psycho or whatever else you tried to make me out to be. I’m better than you. And I know that because I can create this moment in my head and see you at your best instead of your worst and find forgiveness towards you through it.”

Powerful.

I am the motherfucking dragon. Slay, Queen!

Anyway, had a dream last night I was staying in a luxury hotel. Definitely ready for that vision to manifest. I would enjoy it even more if I met a guy there who was not any of my exes and was just really, really good in bed. That would be nice, yeah.

Hmm, well, I’m gonna keep relaxing by the pool now. Done with this topic for the foreseeable future. No need to live in the past when the present is so very lovely. You know, aside from the sound of constant drilling coming from the street construction directly outside. It is what it is.

For now, I’m just relaxing here by the pool, enjoying a quiet moment, watching the butterflies gather around the flowers in the garden. So beautiful.

I <3 Bali!