Hello, world! Nei Hou from Hong Kong! Or should I say… 你好!

Made it to Hong Kong safe and sound, in spite of a few bumps along the way. Definitely spent the entirety of the first day passed out in my new bed, recovering from both the jet lag and the crazy intense Ayurvedic spa treatment I did in New Delhi. Woke up very disoriented, hungry, and dehydrated. Obviously had a meltdown as a result. Promptly went back to sleep.

Woke up in the morning and got my shit together. Met my roommate, who is chill AF, did some unpacking, then we both went out into the world together to explore. Found my two new grocery spots, stocked up on toiletries (though I must say the lack of curly hair products is VERY noticeable and there are some weird vibes around asking for “black hair products”), and walked around my neighborhood. So we will see how the generic skin/hair products I bought work, but I definitely want to try out some of those Korean skincare products. Are they worth the hype? I don’t know. When was the last time you saw an East Asian woman who didn’t have perfect, flawless skin? They definitely know something we don’t.

The most difficult problem I’ve run into so far is in regards to my American iPhone. Some “genius” had the dumb fucking idea to remove the SIM card slot, so you can’t actually go to a store and just buy a fucking SIM card. This is how I learned that everyone over here hates Apple, and the go-to advice for this situation is, “Apple products are Apple’s problem. So if you have a problem, you make it their problem.”

Like, wow, weirdly here for the hostility. I also hate Apple products. My last phone was an iPhone 6 that I kept for like 7 years. Then I upgraded to an iPhone 16 and discovered they took ten generations to somehow made a worse product. What is that?

Ugh, anyway, Apple was like, “Fuck this American bullshit phone. This is China Mobile’s problem.” So I made it China Mobile’s problem and thankfully, there was a local hero on call today who came to my rescue. I was extremely grateful to him. Everyone in the store agreed that American iPhones are bullshit, Apple is bullshit, and I can do better with my electronic purchases in the future. Lesson learned!

After that, I set out to find some Western grocery stores. I found two very excellent options. One has lots of Western imported goods such as bread, cheese, wine, and generally goes hard on the European goods. They also have a restaurant that we tried out for lunch. I finally got my hands on steak frites and IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT! Omg. Amazing. Obviously took the time to introduce myself to the staff, sign up for a rewards account, and shop for my late-night charcuterie snack tray.

The other store was a mix of Western imports and local Chinese products. Omg. The pasta aisle was legend… wait for it… dary! Holy crap. I am specifically going to shop for all the OG Chinese pastas. Fuck Italian pasta. These are the OG pastas that Marco Polo brought back on the Silk Road and made Italian cuisine what it is today. Low-key obsessed with the infinite pasta options.

They also had a wine cellar that was ALL French wine. Tariff fucking free! They offered me a coupon, gave me a great deal on a bulk buy, and the best part is… they deliver! Yasssss! I don’t have to carry my own groceries home! They just bring them right over. Amazing. Game changer. I actually went down to meet the delivery guy and the elevator door opened up right to him asking where my apartment was. Wow! They just deliver straight to the door. Wow. I’ve never seen this before. Now it’s like… okay… these two spots are my new favourites. Are we about to be best friends? Because I think we are about to be best friends.

Otherwise, I am in concrete jungle central. Crazy. There are 7-11’s and buckets of chicken as far as the eye can see. Everything I could ever need is within a few blocks of me. It’s like a dream.

The language barrier isn’t so much of an issue, especially at 7-11. To me, it’s just like being at 7-11 back home in NOVA. Sometimes they speak English, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they do but pretend they don’t and ignore you until you go away. Just smile and be polite. No worries. Just say Nei Hau! It goes a long way.

Otherwise, the apartment is surprisingly nice. I heard some horror stories, so I didn’t know what to expect. I guess the main issue I have is that my bed is lofted and like… I’m a 36-year-old woman. Loft beds are for children and university students. I don’t have the energy to constantly climb up and down these tiny little stairs. But, whatever. At least I know I’m guaranteed to get at least one workout in per day. I just need to invest in a menu of pillows and better sheets and I’ll be good.

Starting my first day of work tomorrow. It’s just orientation day. Mostly boring stuff like how to get a bank account, how to get your HKID, how to get around, how the company works, etc. My roommate and I are assigned to different centers and have different schedules, but we both have to be at the same place at the same time tomorrow, so we can just go together. I’m glad she is here because we both feel more comfortable venturing out together to find our way around. It really takes a lot of the stress and pressure off when you’re forced to navigate a new, unfamiliar place with someone else who is in the same situation.

She’s pretty cool. She’s very straightforward, which I appreciate. The first thing she said to me was, “I don’t like doing anything alone. Would you be up to go to the beach or go hiking or shopping or go to a club or exploring the city? Can we go to the grocery store together?” Like, uh, yes, obviously! Finally, someone who actually wants to have some fun. I know she’s fun because I let her look out my bedroom window at the view and the first thing she pointed out was that there was a gym right across the street where a bunch of hot guys were working out. Damn, girl! Good eye! I didn’t even notice that! Needless to say we watched that show for awhile, lol.

Definitely the complete opposite of pretty much everyone I’ve ever met in South Dakota, who were mean for no reason and would sell you down the river in an instant if it meant they would personally benefit somehow. Just look at Kristi Noem. That’s all you need to know about those people. I wish I could say the normal, everyday citizen was different, but they’re not. They don’t care about anyone except for themselves. Just a bunch of close-minded, short-sighted jerks.

I recall the other USD student I met when I was studying in France during uni and how fucking rude and mean she was. We were in that shitty situation together, and she just bailed on me and left me alone to fend for myself. I will never, ever forget her or how fucking shitty she was to me in one of the most difficult moments of my life. I vowed at that moment in time that if I was ever in that situation again, I would not just leave the other person behind. Now, here I am, 15 years later, and I have already shown I am nothing like her.

Seriously, she was one of the worst people I’ve ever met, that’s saying a lot because I met some truly terrible people in South Dakota. I will never, ever, ever treat another person the way that bitch treated me. Some people are just ugly, deep, deep down in their souls. Thanks for teaching me a valuable lesson about life and the world. Fuck you, Heather! You don’t deserve the dignity of having your shitty name changed.

I am SO GRATEFUL every day I finally got out of that miserable fucking shithole. Oh my god. I already feel like myself again. I don’t think people realize how much being there was weighing on me. I mean, everyone was so terrible to me all the time. It was just a constant stream of negative, nasty energy directed at me for daring to be an “outsider.” Literally the most inhospitable people in the most inhospitable place. I knew it was bad, but I really saw it for what it was after I experience both Emirati and Indian hospitality back-to-back. White supremacy is such a fucking joke. Ugh. There is no world in which South Dakotans are superior to anyone. As far as I’m concerned, they are the lowest of the low.

This is not meant to disparage the Native American community, of course. We are obviously speaking of the colonial forces occupying the land. No wonder they’re so nasty. They know they’re sitting on stolen land. That’s why they’re so fucking hostile towards everyone else.

Anyway, yeah, that shit is not my problem anymore. Good luck living in 1890 with your contaminated water and lack of vaccines. I’ll be over here in China, living in the future. Next stop: Star Wars!

Still thinking about my last night in Dubai. That was one of the weirdest experiences I’ve ever had, and you know me, so that’s saying A LOT. Like, wow, what was that? That was some White Lotus-ass shit, and I was there for it all. Loved it.

Favourite part? As I was checking out, the staff sat me down at a random table next to what I thought was some random Emirati guy. Pro-tip: There is no such thing. It’s always someone important. They like to be out and about among the people.

As I quickly found out, this man was the owner of the hotel and wanted to speak to me personally. He said he loves Americans and wanted to hear from me about my experience staying in his hotel for two weeks. He wanted to know what I thought of Dubai, the staff, the hospitality, everything. I was quite impressed that he valued my opinion so much. It made me like Dubai even more. I felt like they really value their customers.

Also, as we know from my experiences in South Dakota, I’m used to business owners having screaming meltdowns, threatening to ruin my life, and calling the cops on me for daring to question their pathetic little egos. So, yeah, again, white supremacy is a joke. I’m investing my time and money in the U.A.E. But only on the condition that they work on improving conditions for LGBTQIA+. If they want to be the city of the future, they can’t be stuck living in the past. It was very clear to me that women there are free, but that’s not where it stops when it comes to progress. Everyone should be free, regardless of who they are, where they come from, and how they choose to express themselves.

It’s hard for me to write about my last night there. It was soooooo weird! I don’t even know what to think about it. I can only tell you that that specific experience will stay with me for a long time.

Basically, I went out looking to dance, and ended up joining this group of people who were… I don’t even know what. Were they swingers, or was it some guy out to pimp out his harem? Were they sex workers? I didn’t ask. I didn’t want to assume anything. All I know is that the vibe was WEIRD!!!!

On this night, I learned that in Dubai, V.I.P. stands for “Very Important Plastics.” I don’t think I saw a single woman there who hadn’t been surgically enhanced to full Barbie doll status. Honestly, it was kind of weird and a little creepy. It definitely made me stop and think. I went home, looked in the mirror, and realized the only thing I would change about myself is my teeth. I would just prefer them to be straight so I feel more comfortable smiling in pictures. Otherwise, I don’t want the fish lips or the puffy cheeks or the fake tits or the BBL. I’d rather just escape to the remote jungles of South India and do yoga until I transcend this body and mind and exist purely as my soul, unified with the singularity of the universe. Vibes.

Also, what was with that weird guy who kept asking me how Bill O’Reilly is doing? Girl, what? He got cancelled 10 years ago! All the people in America and you want to know how the fucking Loofah Guy is doing? Come on, man! Stop living in the past and Keep Up!

He also asked me who my favourite president is. Like, what? I was like, “I mean, honestly none. They’re all genocidal, misogynistic slave owners.” He was like, “Oh come ON!” and rolled his eyes.

I just said, “Well, I guess I’m just gonna have to Mount Rushmore it.” And proceeded to explain why each head is important. Then he asked who my favourite modern president was. Obviously, I said Obama. I’d vote for him again. Finally, a president with some sense and decorum.

Then he asked me about Trump. I just made a face and was like, “Allow me to be polite so I don’t have to go down this rabbit hole with you. I don’t care for him.” He kept trying to push, but I just didn’t want to go there. I just came from MAGAland and I’m not going back. I just kept repeating “I don’t care for him.” over and over and over until he finally stopped.

Then he wanted to know who my other least favourite president was. Obviously, the award goes to Andrew Jackson, state sponsor of the genocidal campaign against the Native Americans known as the Trail of Tears. He stopped asking me questions about America after that.

It just got weirder from there. Anyway, I hope he learned his lesson about being brainwashed by Fox News propaganda. Ugh. This guy was Emirati, btw. Who knows whose son he really was?

There was more that happened, but it’s hard to describe. Like… what was even going on with this guy? Are the Straights okay? He noticed I was being shy about talking to random men and was like, “You gotta be a lioness.” I just looked at him point blank and said, “I have no idea how to do that.” Mostly because men in South Dakota fucking freak out and have nuclear meltdowns when I do, so I’ve been hiding my true nature for awhile. Regardless, that situation was not the time nor the place for this lioness to unleash her roar, so I chose to climb up a nearby tree like a leopard and scope out the situation stealthily instead.

His response was to try to pimp me out, I think? He was like, “You wanna fuck him? You wanna fuck him? You wanna fuck him?” Like, no, bro. What? Ugh. My hotel totally misled me. I just wanted to go out and dance. Now I’m suddenly part of a harem full of Plastics wearing Louboutins. What is even happening right now?

So we go to the next club, which is where I met a Transperson. I am specifically being vague on their identity for their own protection. I don’t know how I knew, we just automatically gravitated towards each other. They were *so* excited to meet an American. They told me their dream is to come to the United States so they can finally be free to live their best life. It was heartbreaking in a way, because they had a dream and a vision of FREEDOM and the reality is sooooo ugly right now. It really solidified my mission to act as a goodwill ambassador on behalf of my country and keep the American Dream alive. I’m still thinking about it. Their story will stick with me for awhile…

We clinked glasses and wished each other “Happy Pride!” Believe me when I say every single person in that room stopped and stared at us like the fucking Scream emoji. 😱😱😱

This is about the time Loofah Jr. came over and exclaimed, “This is why I LOVE Americans! You will talk to ANYBODY!”

I was just like, “Well you know us. We like to stake the underdog in a fight.” That’s when I finally saw the wheels starting to turn in his head.

At least, I thought I did. Turns out the wheels were turning in the wrong direction. He was like, “Ohhhh, I get it now! You like girls! You wanna fuck her? You wanna fuck her? You wanna fuck her?”

Like, bro, enough with the meaningless fucking. I am not an object for you or anyone else to use and throw away for a meaningless night of sex. Ugh! This is why Pride exists. These Straights are crazy and always trying to drag us into their weird Hugh-Hefner-Playboy-Bunny-PDiddy-freak-off-orgy-haram situations. We need a safe space!!!!!!

Anyway, somehow got out of that situation alive and unmolested. Luckily, it’s very easy to get a taxi at 4am in Dubai. All you have to do is go down the escalator and there’s a line of cabs waiting for you. Needless to say, I spent the entire ride thanking the cabbie for getting me out of that crazy situation. He may or may not have understood what I was saying. Either way, he never said anything or even responded at all.

Anyway, yeah, somehow that was real and that was a thing that happened. Okay. Now I’ve written it down. So, yeah.

Moving on…

Sooo yeah, definitely supposed to be up in a half hour. I was being optimistic thinking I would get a full-night’s sleep without interruption. It’s okay. At least tonight I didn’t have a full-on meltdown from a combination of exhaustion and hunger. I got dem snacks on snacks on snacks. No problems.

So grateful I finally got out. Ugh. Time to go do some Yoga Nidra so I can rest my body and mind before I start my new job tomorrow. I’m not even worried about it. Just go with the flow. All the hard stuff is taken care of now. The phone works, the internet works, there’s food in the fridge, the laundry is done, and the bed is made. I have a new home here in this fabulous Chinese Mansion. I am the luckiest girl in the world. Everything else is downhill from here… maybe.

Off now. Bai bai! Or should I say… 拜拜!