Once upon a time, there was a single woman in her mid 30’s who decided to leave her shitty life behind and finally live her lifelong dream of working and living abroad.
First, she went to the Paris Writing Workshop. There she realized her vision of writing in a cramped studio apartment with a view of the rooftops and the Eiffel Tower. Then one day she woke up and realized… her stories were lame as fuck and she needed to travel the world to get some new material.
Next, she went to Mardi Gras in New Orleans. She came home sick with a mysterious illness. Three weeks after that, the entire world shut down for the Covid-19 pandemic. Shit got fucked.
Fast forward a few years into the future. This woman’s father has died, she has a bit of money saved, and she’s sick of living in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, South Dakota.
She started doing yoga and went on a magical journey to India to get her yoga teaching certificate. There she met a very handsome young man who asked for her hand in marriage. She told him they had to wait at least a year so they could get to know each other. During this time, they made a lot of plans about a very specific vision of the future together.
This motivated her to look for a job on the other side of the world. Somehow, she ended up getting a job in Hong Kong. She got together the paperwork she needed, packed the wedding dress her late aunt had gifted her, and got on a plane to meet her future husband in Dubai. By this time, a year had passed.
They met up in Dubai and it suddenly became very apparent that the difference in age, life experience, and culture was very difficult to overcome. He left her alone in a foreign country after she had just left everything behind so he could go party at a nightclub. She could never trust him again after that. That part of the story is over now. The End.
Fast forward to Hong Kong. The impossible demands of the high-speed, fast-paced work culture are too much for our heroine. She quits her job and buys a ticket to Bangkok, Thailand on a total and complete whim. She plans to stay for a week, ends up staying for two months, leaves to go to another yoga teacher training course in Bali, then stops in Malaysia, then randomly comes back to Bangkok.
Our heroine returns to Bangkok, where she begins frequenting a farang bar full of English-speaking expats from all over the world. True to the tradition of Thailand, her life becomes an episode of “Farangs Gone Wild.” She’s getting wasted, she’s doing drugs, she’s seeing the Loch Ness Monster in her kratom tea, she’s picking up random men at the bar. You know you love to watch that kind of shit on TV. It’s a whole reality tv-style mess.
One magical night, she goes to the bar and gets way too fucked up. She takes home the wrong guy and now all of a sudden all the raw footage of her living her crazy new life in Thailand is on blast for the whole world to see. Now they are all watching her more closely than ever. What does she do?
One night, she goes to the wrong party and ends up out walking the streets late at night alone. There she has a vision. A helpful doggo friend appears to guide her out from the darkness of the underworld and back to the bright lights of the BTS station.
In the vision, she is wandering through a dark forest hunting for the stags with the biggest antlers to take home as trophies. She is bragging too much about her trophies and the faeries do not like her hubris. The faeries see her for the Black Widow spider she secretly is and decide to put a stop to this mess once and for all.
One night when she is out hunting, one of the faeries appears to her in the form of a particularly handsome Irish stag. The stag befriends her and discovers she is the way she is because she has a very deep soul wound in her heart. He draws the poison from the wound and promptly disappears off into the darkness of the night, never to be seen or heard from again.
When our heroine wakes up again, she finds herself surrounded by a gang of faeries. All of them are watching her with a mixture of anger, bewilderment, and fear. She realizes she is at their mercy now and accepts her fate as their prisoner.
“You are not allowed to go stag hunting in this forest anymore,” the leader of the faeries says.
“Okay,” she says, “That’s fine. I just have one question.”
“You may ask.”
“Where can I find more handsome Irish stags?”
The faeries all laugh and lead her to a clearing in the forest. She looks down and sees a bunch of handsome beef steaks running around on a field playing some sport called rugby. They do not have this sport in her homeland. She is immediately transfixed by the manner in which the tiny shorts cling to butts of all the super hot men.
The faeries all snicker to each other as they watch her eyes sparkle at the sight of the rugby game. They bring her a blanket and a basket of potatoes and invite her to sit down at the game. She spends the rest of eternity peeling a never-ending pile of potatoes as she watches the game.
And they all lived happily ever after.
The End.