Wednesday. Noon hour.

Spent the morning dealing with stuff. I was finally able to call my grandmother. We had a good conversation. It’s much easier to talk to her since I left. I struggled with her for a long time. She just couldn’t understand me. Now she’s finally coming around. That’s pretty awesome considering she’s in her 80’s or 90’s. Sometimes people can change.

I also tried to get my visa sorted, but the website is just fucked up. If it’s not saying I’m blocked on my mobile devices, it’s refusing to load on my laptop. So, screw it. Pick your battles, Betsey. There’s other places you can go. Time to move on from this one.

So now I get to decide where to go from here. Malaysia? Cambodia? Vietnam? I’ve been doing some research on all three. I feel like I could handle Cambodia for about three days and then I’d have to leave. Some of the things I’ve read make it seem pretty sketchy. Malaysia is beautiful but Kuala Lumpur is allegedly neither walkable nor hospitable to solo female travelers, based on what I’ve read. Vietnam has its own story. Everyone is obsessed with Da Nang right now. Maybe I should just go there and see what’s up.

Either way I am temped to return to Bangkok and stay in my first hotel just so I can do my own laundry. Stop by my favourite little American Bar and troll the British Guy, who I’m pretty sure blocked me after his epic meltdown. It would be funny. Classic jump scare moment, lol.

I’m starting to feel a desire to go home. And by home, I mean D.C. I’ve been away for so long. I feel like I’m running away. I know, it’s a shitshow, but I think that it’s time. I’ve seen what I’ve needed to see in SEA. There’s nothing left here for me to do except spend more money. It only gets more exploitive and gross from here. I have business to handle back home.

So ends my East, Pray, Love journey across the world. Wow, did that book age like milk or WHAT? LOL!

I have to say that I *knew* there was something off about her. I watched that movie again on at least one plane ride during this trip and it was ickier than ever. I’ve seen it a few times now. Sometimes I have to watch in French so she comes off as less fucking annoying. I just could never figure out why that person bothered me so much. Now that she’s gone full mask off in her new book, I get it now. Talk about a lesson learned. Yikes on bikes.

So don’t be like her. Got it.

Also I’ve now met a lot of these types here in Bali and I am sufficiently grossed out by the rampant narcissism disguised as spiritual enlightenment. Now I see it for what it is. It is what it is!!!!!

It’s also a sign that I need to stop exploiting my misadventures in love for stories. It’s not like I wanted to be this way. I just kept ending up in ridiculous situations because I have no idea how to make healthy choices. I may not be able to make a healthy choice in a partner now, but I can stop exploiting the choices I do make for “stories.” I never want to write about another man ever again. I just want to be a proper journalist and tell stories that actually matter to the world.

I can just hear my dad saying to me, “If you wanna be like Martha Gellhorn, go home. Fight your own war. They need you there now more than ever. It is time.”

It is time.

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I ended up exactly where I needed to be.

And I didn’t even have to pay some fakeass guru to “awaken my Kundalini” to do it.

Ugh, now I have to plan my trip back home. I won’t do that now. I’ll enjoy my last few days in the rainforest, buy a one-way ticket out, and figure it out from there.

We have a long road ahead. Let’s rest up and relax while we still can…