Update from the cave: I have evolved back into my natural dragon self. This is my natural state of being. I was born a dragon (under the Chinese Zodiac), I will die a dragon. I am the dragon.

I forgot I was a dragon. I forgot my nature, I forgot myself. For far too long, I have allowed anyone and everyone to just wander into my cave and slay me. Over and over and over it goes. I’ve been slayed a thousand times, but I keep regenerating and appearing in this cave.

This is my root. This is my foundation. I am the dragon. I am beauty and power all in one. I can be kind and generous and giving, or I can burn down your village and eat everyone in it. I prefer not to. I’m actually vegetarian. A friend to the other animals in the zodiac. I’m perfectly happy to just snack on banana leaves all day so long as you don’t give me a reason to do otherwise.

I forgot I was a dragon. I didn’t remember until this errant fuckboy knight tried to invade my cave and turn me into his little pet he can use for entertainment. Yes, the story has reached its natural conclusion now. That conclusion was for me to use my breath of fire to burn him to a crisp and send him running right back to whatever little village he came from.T

He was right when he texted me last week. This cave is way, way, way too deep for him for him to just casually go spelunking around. This cave has no interest in being “discovered” so he can put it on his little map.

Hiding somewhere deep down in the depths of this cave is a sleeping dragon who just woke up and isn’t very happy to see him. This dragon doesn’t want to be a pet. It doesn’t want to be held captive in a zoo and trained to entertain the gross, dingy masses. This dragon is very tired of being raped and watching its cave be pillaged by knights like him who only want to steal its precious treasures. This dragon wants nothing to do with his dumb quest for power and glory and immortality. Both this cave and this dragon would very much like to be excluded from this narrative.

Yeah, so I basically told him to go find a local girl he can pay to cook and clean and jerk him off whenever he wants. He needs to stay on the surface. He’s in way too deep over here. He needs to get out before he falls to his death or gets burnt to a crisp. It’s not worth it, bro. You can’t slay this dragon and mount it up on your wall as a trophy. It doesn’t want to play that game anymore. It’s old and tired and just wants to sit on its gold in peace.

I wrote him all of this. His response? “Wow, okay.” Lol. Classic.

Wow, okay, thanks, have a nice day, bye Felicia! Have fun googling my name in three weeks when you can’t sleep at night and finding this blog with your fake name all over it. Now you’ll really fit it at Bloody Mary’s. They won’t care that you’re an outsider. They’ll accept you in with open arms. You’re one of them now. Welcome to the club!

No more distractions. There is only the cave.

What have I learned from this? Hmm. I can make friends with my Bloody Mary’s manuscript, but I don’t really want to return to it again. Been there, done that, over it now. I told that story already. I want to tell a different story now. I can befriend my enemy. I can take the wisdom and knowledge and experience living in South Dakota gave me and carry it with me wherever I go, but I don’t want to go back there again. I don’t want to rewrite it. I don’t want to edit it. I don’t even want to put it up on this website. I don’t want anything to do with it anymore. I don’t care if this random guy on the other side of the world dreams of playing pool and drinking Coors at a place like Bloody Mary’s. I don’t want to go back there anymore and I’m not going to let anyone drag me back there. Not him, not this dumbass fucking creepy stalker troll who won’t leave me alone, not Andrew, not anybody.

It’s over. It’s done. I’m finished with it forever. The End.

The past is the past. I do not live there anymore. I live here, in the present, in this cave, where I am regenerating my life force while I try to find some solid ground upon which to build a strong foundation.

I am here now. The question is… where do I go from here? It doesn’t matter. If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.

I don’t need to go anywhere right now. I don’t need to have an answer. I just need to lay here in the darkness and let the magical healing powers of my cave help me regenerate the parts of myself I’ve lost in battle. I can heal. I can grow. I can change. I can be here now.

I am reborn again.

I must find the strength inside of me and take back my power.

I am the dragon. Hear me roar!