Saturday afternoon. Stewing on the troll and watching SATC to try to take my mind off it. SATC is very soothing to watch at my age (36). It’s like… remember that guy from three weeks ago you were fixating on? Here’s a cartoon version of him, LOL! Not so much fixating going on anymore.

I’m so annoyed about the troll. It’s because I am annoyed that they have been bothering me for so long and are too scared to show me who they really are. So weird.

Well, luckily they got me to dig up my old Spy Movie script. This is exactly what I needed when I was in Hong Kong. I should totally re-write this and update it to be better in general. Clyde can become a very complex character. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this documentary, it’s that Vietnamese women are pretty badass. But my friend/frenemy was always badass. That’s why she’s the main character. Duh.

One time she just walked into a 7/11 with full confidence and just grabbed a 30-pack of beer. The guy didn’t ask for ID. He just sold it to her. Right there in front of me. And I definitely looked 17, which is how old we were at the time. Then we went and drank it on the beach in the gazeebo and wrote this crazy script together. The End!

Good times. I miss being a teenager. I miss home. I just want to go back there every day. But still, I continue on my journey across the world, because this is what I’ve always wanted to do with my life. I can’t turn back now!

Anyway, who is the troll talking about again? That chick? I don’t even know her. Like, who gives a fuck? Move on with your life already. Sad.

Thanks for inspiring me anyway. Somehow I managed to salvage this strange set of events in my life, as I always do. Good thing I’m a writer!

Betsey Horton – 1

Creepy Stalker – 0

Can’t wait to see what fake name and fake picture they use next when they response to these posts. Wow, I can take you so seriously when you behave like that. What do you think this is? Four Chan? Grow up.

Whoever this person is, I’m actually embarrassed for them. Imagine you have like this whole real life built up around you and your secret basement obsession is collecting screenshots of this messy, totally dysfunctional trainwreck of a woman who calls herself “The Writer Extraordinaire?” Oof. That’s gonna hurt everyone involved, no doubt about that. I would not want to discover that flash drive in my husband’s office, that’s for damn sure.

Sounds like you’re gonna need a good lawyer, bro. Good luck with that. Make sure to take time for self-care during this difficult time. Assuming you are who I suspect you are, of course. How’s that “fresh start” working out for you, anyway?

I guess we’ll see about that one.

Of course, I could always be wrong. I guess we’ll never know as long as the mystery machine over here chooses to keep his identity a secret. I can’t wait to rip off the mask and discover it’s the great grandson of the old Mary Brothers who lost out on the property and is now hellbent on revenge against all things Bloody Mary’s forever. And he would have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for that meddling writer and that mangey old Mad Dog!

This is so dumb. None of this makes sense to me. How did I get caught up in this absurd Western sideshow? This is some Rip Van Winkle-ass shit. I am over it. I’m not on that Van Wilder shit anymore. I’ve graduated college and moved on. I don’t care about this stupid crap anymore. Leave me alone.

Absurd.

Okay I need to eat something. I’m nervous about eating more of my leftovers since my dinner last night completely liquified my insides. I don’t usually get sick from the food here, so that was a pretty big red flag. Now I don’t trust anything else in the fridge. What a lovely metaphor for my experience living and working in Hong Kong.

Haha. At least I can say… I did it. For as short-lived as it was, I did it. I went there and I did it. And now I’m gonna do it again. And again and again and again.

So excited to go to yoga school again. I will find my calm and peace again. No more being bothered about this weird troll that’s following me around.

You know, I thought to myself, if this who Andrew really is IRL, he’s not someone I like. I would never be able to trust him in a relationship after all of this. No way. All the lying and secrecy and deception and games? No way.

His character is like this bad habit that keeps showing up wherever I go. I like this version of him but not really. I’m tired of dealing with a fictional character. I want a real relationship. That’s why I’m mad about Mr. Bollywood. I thought I was in a real relationship, but I wasn’t. Again. It’s annoying.

I just want a Cinnamon Roll who is going to be there to support me through good times and bad. It’s not that complicated. It’s really not. That’s why I liked my guy a few weeks ago. He was sweet, like a Cinnamon Roll. It felt nice to be treated like I was special for once, even if it was short-lived. I always end up in these dumb, complicated, mostly imaginary relationships. It was nice to just a weekend off and enjoy the company of someone who knew how to take a girl out on a date to Coney Island, you know what I’m saying?

I’m tired of the toxicity. I need a cleanse. That’s why I’m going to yoga school in Indonesia. Detox, reset, refresh, relax. New month, new me.

I should leave the house. I’m too lazy. I’m so boring, I know, but like, once you go see all the temples and do all the touristy stuff, it’s just like being a normal person living here.

I really need to get my nails done before I go to the shala. Can’t skip that. So much to do, so much time. I am so unmotivated to go anywhere since it’s all so inconvenient. Just deliver everything straight to me.

Speaking of which, I’m going to go get delivery now. Have a nice day!