Tuesday afternoon.

Woke up bright and early for my interview. It went surprisingly well. I’m feeling way more confident than I was yesterday. It’s a good feeling. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna finish my application and send it off and hope for the best. That’s that. I’m totally relaxed about it. I’m not worried about the process attached to it. I am all good to go.

Delusional Confidence: Sometimes It Works!

Okay, so that will take about 6-9 months. Let’s finish that application by the end of the week, book my spot at the yoga shala in Bali, book my flight, and get out of here! Then we’ll do whatever after that! Go to a surf shala or something. Run around SEA. Whatever I decide to do.

I was worried, but it went okay. Honestly! It was great! I told them I was in Bangkok and when they asked why, I explained that I’d had a job in Hong Kong, it didn’t work out, and that’s how I landed here in Thailand. They were so impressed, actually. They were like, “Wow, when I joined I was fresh out of college and had no experience. I had never traveled before and couldn’t speak another language. If I met you in my cohort, I would have been very impressed by all of your experience.”

Wow. That was like… self-esteem boost to the max. After that I was like… yeah, I got this. No problem. I’m up at 6am Bangkok time for this interview after traveling across the entire world just to experience a bunch of ridiculous situations in rapid succession. They’re already impressed by me. I’m good.

Okay, we need to switch this brain from “You’re a worthless piece of shit” mode to “You’re a qualified, experienced candidate who is right for this job” mode. It’s so hard. It’s so deeply ingrained in me that I’m totally worthless and can’t do anything. It’s shitty. I just want to feel good about myself when I look in the mirror.

Now I am less worried about my CV and more focused on the essay. The essay is definitely in slop form at the moment, but just like this website, it will come together with time and focus and energy. In theory.

Okay, well that was the hardest part of my week. It’s all downhill from here now. I’m going to go get some delivery and watch this documentary on the Vietnam War so I can refresh my memory on how the current state of SEA came to be, and, of course, the US. Look at all this Baby Boomer shit. No wonder they’re all so messed up. Look at this live footage taken of them when they were young. No wonder they’re so bitter about us enjoying our avocado toast.

I took a class on “America in the 60’s & 70’s” in college, but it was just some old hippie spewing nostalgia with no video footage or photographs on the screen behind him. Boring! Sidenote: he turned out to be a sexual predator and was politely asked to leave his post “quietly” to avoid embarrassing the university. It didn’t work because the ex-wife went public, but they definitely tried to cover it up. True story! I was there. I saw it all go down live in real time. Hashtag, Me Too!

I know, I’m so lazy. They really enable you to be lazy and stay at home all day here, lol. It’s a thing. I know I should leave but if I leave I will just wander on down to that American Bar and get shitfaced and talk too much and too loud, so I will just stay here and veg out because it’s Tuesday and who does that on a Tuesday? Time to be an adult, whatever that means.

Off now. Ta ta!