Friday. Had an unexpectly great night. Now I get to dedicate the following post to my idiot ex, who left me alone in Dubai and thinks he can just waltz back into my life like it never happened. Guess what? You can’t.

Now for the story.

Yesterday started out pretty basic. Went to the store and stocked up on supplies for India. Tried a new dish from a vegan food stand and bought another pair of elephant pants. Made plans to meet up with the Krewe later. No big deal.

10:00pm comes and goes. There I am, sitting in my apartment, all dressed up with nowhere to go. None of the girls are texting me back. I still have more errands to run before the neighborhood closes up shop. I’m getting impatient. Finally, I head out to make my rounds. On the way back, I decide to stop at this random American bar that might as well just have been Bloody Mary’s with food. So,show, I’ve ended up right back where I started again.

I connect to the wifi and the messages starts coming through. One of the girls is on a date that she didn’t tell anyone about and the other two already had dinner and want to go to a midnight club. At this point, I was just hungry, so I angrily ordered my grilled cheese and stewed over my Corona in silence.

Luckily, right at that moment, this totally random hot guy sat down next to me. He was so hot! Total beefcake. Had all the tattoos and piercings. His clothes fit him the right way. He was just… hot.

At first I was worried he might be Indian, but as it turns out, he was American! Specifically Californian, more specifically Mexican-American. Living in NYC. Some kind of bad boy tortured artist type, specifically a drummer. Oh no, not another musician. I mean… Hell yeah! What a dreamboat.

So obviously, we were vibing big time. Therefore, I did what any rational woman in this situation would do: I brought this total stranger back to my apartment and banged the shit out him multiple times. It was great! I’m super happy right now! 🙂 The End!

Yep, that’s it. That’s the story. Maybe I’ll see him again. Maybe I won’t. Who knows? It’s Thailand! Who knows what could happen?

Shoutout to the city of Dubai for inspiring this minor moment of character development. It’s not all bad, after all. Some of it is pretty bad, yeah, but some of it’s not. Whatever this is… it’s not…

So pretty grateful that happened. It’s nice to know that the guys I date are progressively hotter. I’ve dated some real cave trolls in the past, some of whom were covered in moss. Now that I’m in the prime of my life, it’s just beefcakes on parade. What can I say? I like my rice brown and spicy. It is what it is!

Anyway, don’t judge me too hard. I’m not normally like this, except for when I am. Some pretty glaring examples come to mind, but this time I actually enjoyed myself. It was fun! I didn’t know it could be fun! Why don’t any of these guys ever just want to have fun? Why did I have to come all the way to Thailand?

Also, we did what we did for the good of America. It was very political. Future generations will look back on this moment when we came together in a moment of difficulty and shared this beautiful message of hope, love, and peace.

*giggles*

I guess this is what happens when you order takeout in front of your new Ganesha statue without clarifying your prayer is finished. Clearly he heard, “Please help me get laid. What’s my type? …. Brown, spicy, extra everything on the side, ooooh Mexican, my favourite!”

And may I just say, the delivery time here is so fast. I prayed to get laid at sunset and by midnight I was making out with some rando. And I didn’t even have to pay for it. Neither did he! We are all winners here. Clearly, this statue is lucky AF.

Wow, I’m in such a great mood right now. I love Thailand! It was a great life choice to come here. I definitely spent way too much money, but I had a marvelous experience. Good times, good times.

Okay, now I get to go lock myself in a yoga shala in India for a month with no sex, no luxuries, no smoking, no alcohol, no drugs, no takeout, nothing. Get that mind and body disciplined right. Then I need to find a job fast and make money so I don’t go broke, lol.

My last wish for Thailand is a breakfast brunch with bottomless mimosas and Hong Kong style French toast, which I never got to eat while I was there. Ugh, I’m still so disappointed in myself that HK didn’t work out. That job was just not it… I would try again if the real estate weren’t so outrageously priced. And if the political climate wasn’t so… icky.

Anyway, glad I landed in Thailand. What’s next, I wonder? Who knows? This story just keeps getting better….