Okay. So,
What?
On today’s episode of Betsey Discovers Her Irish Heritage, we chose to watch the movie Irish Wish featuring one of our favourite millennial actresses, Lindsay Lohan. Love to see her making a comeback after her epic crash out. Let’s just say… I can relate.
What did I learn from this movie?
Well. Okay. I’m American and therefore very direct, so I’m just going to come out and say it. I’m new to this whole “being Irish thing” so it’s going to sound strange, but I also walked through a coven of Hong Kong witches today, so, we’re just going with it.
This is so bizarre to write, but the older I get, the more I realize magic is real. So if you don’t believe in magic, you can stop reading right now. You’re not gonna come with me on this one, and that’s totally fine. If you can’t handle this, you definitely will not be able to handle my stories about the Lakota Sun Dance. That’s on you.
Okay, so, what I learned is that the Hot Beef Stew is basically the equivalent of the Magical Wish-Granting Irish Faerie Saint Lady in the movie. He himself is irrelevant. He’s just a vehicle to move the story along. That’s why I can’t find him. Because he doesn’t really exist.
I can come with y’all on that one. I can. My favourite Shakespeare play is A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I am 100% here for the crazy faerie shit. I totally get it. It’s A Thing.
Okay. Moving along.
The one I was wishing for was My Andrew. Forget him. Ugh. How I long to be free from My Andrew. Still, he haunts me to this day. I can’t get rid of him. I don’t need to creep on him on Facebook, or in life, or in general. His energy never leaves me!!!! It’s complicated. But it’s not. I just call him my Tulpa? I didn’t know what that was. It was an accent. I didn’t mean to make him. Other people read my stories and told me that’s what he is. I don’t even think I made him alone because I tried to get rid of him. I tried everything I could think of to make it go away but it never went away.
I mean, JFC, I am literally sitting here holding a golden retriever stuffed animal named Andrew right now. He never goes away. So I just let him be there because what else am I going to do?
Just More magic, I guess.
Anyway, so this faerie somehow resolved this? No? Yes? Maybe? I don’t know. I guess it’s like the fulfillment of the fantasy but it’s not but it is but really I was just repeating Bloody Mary’s at this bar in Thailand and I don’t know. It’s like I was caught in a loop and I was repeating that and I needed to be freed from it and that’s what happened that night.
So ever since then, shit has been crazy, and somehow my wish to return to Hong Kong has been granted. Turns out I was supposed to be here all along. Okay.
I can come with y’all on this. I can. I get it. I mean, I don’t, but I do. It is what it is.
This is all very strange, but I’ve seen a lot of very, very, very strange things that I cannot explain in this lifetime, so whatever.
Anyway, basically this faerie showed up in my apartment and reset my clock and now everything is sorted out and things are all as they should be. Maybe. I think?
What the fuck is even happening to me right now?!?!?! I don’t understand. I don’t understand any of this. I’m just sitting here letting it happen, watching it unfold live in real time. I am not an active participant in my own life. I’m just here to watch the show. It’s never been my choice. It’s never been up to me. There’s always someone else there pulling the strings. Now I have to do it all by myself and I’m just sitting here like…. What? Huh? I have no idea what I’m doing right now.
Um, anyway, so that happened today. And now I am sitting in bed watching A Castle for Christmas with a bottle of wine and a pack of butter cookies. So, yeah, whatever. It is what it is.
Something is happening to me. I don’t understand what’s happening to me. Somebody please explain what the fuck is happening to me?
Maybe I’m having a nervous breakdown? I don’t think so. You know, I’ve had those before. This isn’t like that. This feels more like… going up the escalator. I can’t explain that. But I do have extensive written records of myself documenting actual psychotic breakdowns. This is not that. I don’t know what this is, but it’s not that.
Maybe it’s Enlightenment?
Idk!
Listen, magic is real. I can’t explain that. I just think maybe that’s what is happening to me right now.
Or maybe I’m having a psychotic break from reality. But, you know, when that happened before… it wasn’t like this. That was like being locked in a psychological prison I could not escape from. There was no magic. There were no faeries. There was no joy, no love, no hope for the future. It was dark and cold and scary and lonely and I never thought I would see the light of day again.
This isn’t that.
I know this isn’t that.
It’s like being freed from something, but I don’t know what.
Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I’m from America, bitch. I have freedom of religion. I can believe whatever I want. If people can buy up doomsday bunkers in South Dakota because they think the rapture is coming any day now, I am fully within my rights to believe Irish Faerie Magic is real so there. First Amendment, bitch! Ooh rah!
So there you have it.
This post was brought to you by Yellow Tail, because it’s the only thing my broke, unemployed ass can afford right now.
That probably explains a lot…
The end.