Wednesday evening. Currently sitting in airport jail in Thailand. Yes, for real.

I got nailed in the visa run immigration crackdown. They told me I can come back in a few days with the right paperwork. For now they are holding me here in airport jail until the next flight back to Hong Kong leaves. They gave me a choice between deporting me back to the U.S. or Hong Kong. I chose Hong Kong.

Well, anyway, at least there’s a silver lining. I got a 2-for-1 deal on shitty immigration deals today. Once in Hong Kong, and once in Thailand. Now I can write about both, as well as describe my experience of spending the night in Thailand airport jail.

Fun.

Sometimes I’m like… am I meant to be a writer? And then something insane happens, like getting caught in a visa run crackdown and ending up in Thailand airport jail before getting deported back to Hong Kong while all of my stuff is still sitting in my apartment in Bangkok because I’m an idiot.

Anyway, somehow ended up being coached through the entire situation by my Irish Minder and the fucking British Guy, of all the people. Ugh. I sat there and engaged him in the witty banter again. I know I shouldn’t have done that. Zero boundaries. It’s a struggle for me. I wouldn’t have talked to him if I wasn’t in such a desperate, ridiculous situation.

The worst part is… he offered to go get my stuff from my hotel for me and send it to me if I can’t get back in. That was very nice of him. He didn’t have to do that. I was really surprised. Like… what’s going on with the girlfriend over there, bro?

He says it’s all ups and downs. Must be a down day because he only wants my Scorpion Pimp Juice on those occasions. It doesn’t feel very good.

Hopefully I can get everything with my visa situation sorted out so I can fix the mistake I made.

I can’t think about that right now. I’m tired, hungry, dehydrated, and trapped in airport jail. All I want is a cigarette and a warmer blanket. Specifically, my blanket.

Ugh.

This sucks. Lesson learned, I guess.

I really did not appreciate the part where the Thai Immigration Officer screamed at me that I was a stupid little girl and told me to go back to my country. I said, “Sir, with all due respect, I am not a little girl, and if you were in my country, I would not be speaking to you in this way.”

He was the biggest jerk. He was clearly on a power trip with all the shouting and insults and grandstanding. It was quite ridiculous to watch, actually. He kept screaming, “NO MERCY!” and was clearly trying to get me to cry. It almost worked, but I didn’t crack. I simply accepted my fate, got out my phone, and started texting my Irish Minder with questions.

He is very entertained by watching me vlog my experience in airport jail. He thinks it’s sooooo funny. He’s like, “Now you’ve been in prison like the rest of us criminals.” Yep, I’m practically one of the gang now. First stop: Airport Jail. Next stop: who can even imagine?

I just asked them if I could have something to eat and they ignored me. She said I could wait until I get to Hong Kong tomorrow morning. I haven’t eaten anything since the mini lunch on the plane. Then she walked away and tried to wake up someone else and ask if they were hungry. Everyone else has been given food. I kept saying I was hungry and she just ignored me. Then she just walked away. When she came back, she just gave me the stink eye.

What the fuck?

Okay, whatever. This is clearly a violation of my human rights, but whatever. I’m just going to lie down now.

This has been the most ridiculous trip I’ve ever been on in my life. I just want to go home. Too bad I don’t have one anymore. I’m homeless and trapped in Thailand airport jail.

This is not how I expected my life to turn out at all. I just wanted to have a real career and work and live in a big city and be fabulous. Instead it’s just a fucking shitshow mess.

Fuck all of this. I just want a hug.