Wednesday morning!

I woke up thinking to myself, “I don’t wanna leave Hong Kong again. I don’t want to go back to Bangkok.” I didn’t know I would feel this way, but I definitely do. Sigh.

Well, good news: British Guy texted me at 2:21am saying, “Hello.”

I knew that fookin’ wanker would show up again. I just knew it on a deep soul level. I it’s fucking knew it.

And guess what…. I AM A CHANGED WOMAN!

Sorry, bro. It’s too late. The Irish got in there and they decolonized me. Now I can never, ever look at you the same way again. All I remember is what a terrible kisser he was. He had no idea how to use his tongue. It was like making out with a lizard. I tried to coach him the French way but he wouldn’t listen.

Definitely didn’t have to do that with Irish Guy. Just saying. There’s a reason the British Guy is classified as a “wanker” and the Irish Guy gets to be the warm, comforting Hot Beef Stew I needed after being left alone out on the street in the cold, dark, rainy night.

Even though now we all know… Irish Guy is also kind of a piece of shit. But he’s also one of a whole group of Irish people who intervened in this situation and said, “No. Not him. No. Just no. You’re an Irish Faerie Princess and a real proper lady. Don’t be fucking around with this fookin’ wanker!”

And they’re right. He only wants me for my Scorpion Pimp Juice. And I don’t want to have more terrible, disappointing sex with a man who has no idea how to kiss. I don’t want to teach him. Man, ain’t nobody got time for dat. I’m not here for it.

He’s only messaging me because I’m in Hong Kong. Well, bitch, you wanted your water buffalo more, so… clearly that’s not working out for you, probably because this chick has figured out what a gross piece of shit you are and found a guy with a bigger dick and more money to take care of her. It’s Thailand. You get a deal on farangs. 2 for the price of 1. Or in my case, buy 3, get 1 free.

LMFAOOOOO!!!!!

Haha, that was a good one. How I do amuse myself so. Hahaha.

Okay, see, this is exactly what I’m talking about when I say something changed in me that night. I actually think it happened in the bar the next day when I heard the words, “He’s married with a kid.”

I was like… fuck this. I am done with all of this. I am tired of being deceived. I am tired of being used as an escape from someone or something else. I don’t want to be a side-piece or a mistress or any of that. I never wanted to be that person, but I was groomed at a young age to be that person and it wasn’t fair to me. I deserve to be loved by someone who isn’t going to step out on me and lie about it!

I’m an Irish Faerie Princess, motherfucker! You can’t treat me like that anymore!!!!!

See. That’s the change. Right there. All these men can fuck right the hell off. I am over it. I’m taking my Scorpion Pimp Juice and I’m coming back to Hong Kong.

Anyway, I got his stupid text when I woke up because I was exhausted after my epic hike up The Peak yesterday. All I wrote back was, “what do you want?” So he gets his chance to say whatever fucked up shit he wants to say, and then I’ll be like, “That’s nice. I don’t care. Eat a dick, bro.” And then we can all make fun of him together collectively on this blog.

I know, I’m a mean girl. I am. If I could be Regina George, I would be. But don’t feel too bad for this guy. He’s very, very racist, definitely a misogynist, and he just looooooooves Donald Trump. Ewwwwwww. Ick. Gross. Never again. Keep that evil, demonic energy away from me.

He only wants me because I’m in Hong Kong.

Omg… can you even imagine? I think he probably wandered in to the American Bar last night, asked about me, and heard a wholeeeee different story LMFAO!!!!!

Hahahahaha!

I can just imagine his face melting off while all those guys are ranting about me being a “security threat” to their fragile sense of masculinity and talking about my Irish Guy. Lmfaoooooo. Omg.

This is amazing. Thank you, universe. I earned this. I deserve this. House of Guinness represent, bitch! Irish Pride Strong today. I have chosen a side in this conflict and I have no regrets. You don’t get to colonize this pussy anymore! I am free! My time has come!

I feel so amazing right now. First I came to Hong Kong, then I surmounted Victoria Peak, then some random dude wearing a cravat bought me dinner, and now I get to look down at my phone and mock this dude for being pathetic enough to think he could try that shit again with me.

Amazing.

Hong Kong looks way better on me than Bangkok. Over it. This is the motivation I needed to get up off my ass and work. So here for it.

Okay, I’m off now. I have shit to do. Bye, Felicia!