Thursday night.

Currently sitting at the American Bar alone. I picked the wrong night to come out, apparently. No one is here except for me, lol. They are having some big party tomorrow night so I guess that’s what everyone is waiting for.

Spent the day processing… everything. Then I got on my Analytics and saw that someone from Haryana read my whole blog today. In case you don’t know, that’s where my Indian ex is from. So that bodes well…

I don’t have any bad feelings about him. I think it’s definitely fucked up how he left me in Dubai, but I don’t wish anything bad on him. Mostly because I understand what puja is, lol. Also because we just weren’t right for each other. He needs someone who is going to mommy him and cook him dinner every night. I’m not going to do that for him. It is what it is.

Everyone is getting ready for Halloween here in Bangkok. I have no plans, as per usual. I asked this chick I met in here if she wants to hang out on my bday and drink on a rooftop somewhere. Not my rooftop, obviously. I want to find a different rooftop. Preferably one with better food…

I really need to make more of a social effort beyond this one spot. I guess for me, it’s like… baby steps. Some days I wake up and I still think to myself, “I wasn’t supposed to be here. I was supposed to be in Hong Kong. I prepared everything for Hong Kong. Now I have no idea where the fuck I even am.”

I had this whole vision in my head and now instead I’m living Bloody Mary’s Version 2.0. This isn’t what I was expecting or planning. Trying to pivot has been surprisingly challenging. I’m basically back where I was in South Dakota. No change at all, except for the scenery and people. Frustrating.

I’m just trying to stay open right now. The universe has a plan, right? That plan brought me here. There must be a reason. So let’s just lean into it and try to have a good time.

Too bad I am super uptight and have zero idea how to do that. I wouldn’t know where to find a Full Moon party if anyone asked. I don’t know how to seek out those kinds of experiences. I just wait for an invitation to come to me. So here I am, manifesting an invitation to a Full Moon party for my birthday. 🙂

Nothing more to say today. It’s dead and boring. I’m getting a grilled cheese and going home. The end.