BLOG: Thai Ghost Massage

Monday morning. At the coffee stand.

I was doing really intense yoga yesterday for my back and shoulders, so now my arms are kind of numb. I released a lot of stuff I was carrying through the process, which was several hours long. I was calling it the Thai Ghost Massage, lol. It’s where a ghost comes to your apartment and gently guides you through a very slow series of yin poses on the floor and the chair. They would love that.

Now I feel like I need an actual massage. I’ve never gotten that deep into a yin practice before. The feeling is quite different. I’ve never had these muscles and nerves activated so intensely before. It was like dropping a massive weight I’ve been carrying for a very long time.

I usually do not feel Yin Yoga physically. I usually feel a mess of emotions when I do it. I could not get past that for a long, long time. Yesterday I felt very emotional, but it was not so sloppy and disorganized. I knew what I was dealing with. I knew what was going to come out based on the areas I targeted. It was not like before, where I was going into it blind and just doing whatever and letting all the garbage come out at once.

Also, I had no idea how much stress I was actually carrying in my neck, shoulders, and back. Wow. No wonder I’m so uptight all the time. Definitely explains… a lot.

Good news: finally stopped fixating on the guys. Literally, who cares? They’re just chapters in a book. I’m sure they will be all very pleased with themselves. Whatever. Who cares? Move on

One less weight to carry…

Just trying to clear everything out. It’s like… there’s just so much junk piled up in my aura. Endless amounts of junk. Every time I clear one thing out, something new pops up. It’s endless. Just an endless array of junk feelings. I’m exhausted. When is it going to end? When do I just get to be happy and feel good about life?

It’s not like I don’t feel good at all. I feel much better now that I live here, for sure. Nobody bothers me about my writing here. Nobody cares. There’s no drama. In Verm, it was always drama. Someone, somewhere always, always, always had drama. No one there knew how to just be cool. Here everyone is just level 10 chill all the time. It’s amazing. I wish I could be level 10 chill too.

My mission of the day is to get a massage and relax. Let go of all the junk. Drink some more cold-pressed fruit juice. Find a new health food spot because the one I tried last night was… inedible. I got a tofu wrap that was covered in slimy seaweed that had clearly been sitting out all day. Hell to the no. Ended up eating rice for dinner instead. Welcome to Asia.

It’s my sign to learn how to make my own tofu and rice and fried eggs and noodles, right? If I could figure out the secret to those peanut noodles I had in Bali, that would be legit. Motivation? Maybe. British Guy should pay me 10k baht per month to learn how to cook for him, lol.

Hahaha. I should do a whole series called “10 Ways to Spend 10k’s.” Hmm, okay, maybe I am still a bit fixated on him, but again, only because he’s British English. It’s those strong Anglo-Saxon genes. They’ve simply entranced me. I don’t know what it is. It is his horrible personality, or his even worse breath? Was it the fact that he licked my unshaven armpit with such animalistic excitement, like a reckless Barbarian in the middle of a raid? I know not.

I admit… I’m only in it for the endless wordplay. I just had to use a thesaurus. I love that. Any time I get to use a thesaurus when writing is very exciting. Just for this, he now has the honor of staying on the Island of Lost Guys forever. I’m thinking study full of books with dark oak cabinets and a fireplace and a bearskin rug and he’s just in there laying on top of it with a goblet.

LMFAO!

Endless entertainment for hours, truly. Oh, how these men do amuse me. At least now that I have finally taken control of my situation and started owning my Scorpio tendencies. Dating is much more fun and amusing now. In the past it was so depressing and dark and full of horror stories. Now the horror stories are like temporary amusements to be transformed into content. Hilarious.

It’s gonna be so awkward if/when I ever see this guy again. I’m gonna be like, “Wow, I wrote all this crazy shit about you and you have absolutely no idea because you’ve been paying some Thai girl half your age to fuck you. Hilarious! Hahahahahaha!”

Anyway…

I love watching the streets of Bangkok. Have you all seen the Thailand Core memes? Yeah, it’s so real. I see the craziest shit just casually passing by at full-speed down the street. They really are living in the future here. It’s funny. Sometimes I imagine the streets like they are still waterways and canals and all the cars and bikes are boats and skiffs. I imagine the waterways 500 years ago were just as busy, just as fast-paced, full of people and cargo and animals coming and going at all times of day.

Love to be in old places in the world.

Ugh, I need to get my shit together. What am I doing? Just carrying around a bunch of deadweight, apparently. I am very intensely focused on climbing up to that next stair career-wise, but it still feels so far away right now. It’s an illusion. It’s much closer than I think it is. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. I just feel like I’m reaching out for something that isn’t really there.

I’ll keep reaching for it anyway. What else is there to do? Writing is what I do when everything else in my life falls apart. All the times when school or work or relationships are going up in flames, writing has always been there for me. What else is there to do in life besides this? After all, if I was meant to do something else, I would just be doing it. I wouldn’t be sitting here at some random coffee stand on the streets of Bangkok watching traffic go by.

It is what it is. Stop panicking and just embrace it…

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