Monday morning. New week, new me. Waiting on my coffee, watching the world pass me by.
I went out last night again. I achieved my goal of sitting in one place for a week and observing everything that goes on.
I met the two military contractor gentlemen from the other night again. One of them was British and lived in Hong Kong before the handover, and the other was the generic sort of loudmouth beefcake American type. He said I looked different from the other night. I said it was probably because I had just washed my face and done my makeup different. He said he “likes a woman that keeps a clean face.” What does that even mean? Lol!
I was like, yeah, sure, whatever, bro.
The Brit said he diffused bombs professionally and the American did whatever kind of work that took him on a full tour of the Middle East. That part got lost somewhere in his lengthy rant about AI in the military. Boring. As he was speaking, I could only think to myself that I vastly preferred the Roman Empire version of this same podcast at this same bar.
Finally, they left, and my old Irish Uncle appeared. He was a little too proud of himself for scaring Antony off the other night. He was like, “It’s a good thing I was here to stop that guy. He is a disgusting, chauvinist, misogynist pig. He is NOT the right guy for you.”
I just struggled my shoulders and said, “Yeah, sure, whatever. I don’t think there’s any man that’s right me for me on this side of the universe. “
He said he was going to find me the right guy, or at least he would if that guy existed here in Thailand, which he most definitely does not. “Don’t date men who come to Thailand. All of them are scumbags. That being said, I’ll try to see if I can find you someone who is lonely enough to spare a bit ‘o love for ya!”
I was like, “Please don’t bother. I’m good. I really don’t need yet another man distracting me and dragging me down. They really are a massive waste of time and energy.”
He just laughed and reassured me that I’ll find true love someday. Lol, yeah, sure, maybe, someday…
I don’t know if I believe in that anymore, but hey, at least I’m getting some absolutely insane stories out of it, right?
Anyway, I’m not trying to find love in this bar. I’m interviewing random people about their lives and adventures. By some stroke of luck, I’ve also managed to pull two different guys out of this same bar and into my bed. Unfortunately, both of them evaporated into thin air. It is what it is. I guess it was fun while it lasted.
Oh, Mr. Antony, you think you know everything about the world, but you don’t know the first thing about love. No wonder your heart has grown so cold and stale. It is with great pity that I gaze upon your rotten soul.
My biggest regret is that I don’t get to write more lines like this. What good are men if not to be recycled into content for my little creative writing blogs? Now I will have to make things up, and that’s just not as fun as sitting in observation of a real, living person to use as a model.
It’s just not the same. I wish one of these guys could understand that. None of them get it. It’s like they don’t see my humanity at all. All they see is a body to be used and disposed of. There is no concern for my creativity, my mind, my soul, my being. Nothing.
Nothing at all.
Oh well. No time to think about it anymore. There is much to be done today. I’m trying to be open to exploring new opportunities. Obviously I can’t spend the rest of my life sitting in a bar in Thailand collecting stories from old men. I have to do something. I just get overwhelmed by the amount of options out there. It’s hard to stick with the “plan.”
What plan? There is no plan. My plan is that I am here in Bangkok, right now, writing and trying to get my shit together. It is what it is.
Off now. Time to do some yoga and send out some job applications. Life is very boring right now. Boring but necessary. Things don’t have to be interesting all the time. Sometimes it’s good to just sit quietly and focus.