Tuesday morning. Sitting at my coffee stand, as per usual. Watching the street go by. Definitely not thinking about anyone or anything else…

Last night I had dinner with a solo female travel influencer I found on YouTube. It still feels weird to meet people from the internet, but how else can one find other people to meet up with? We talked about travel and TEFL and “content creation” in SEA. She has been living here for several years, so she had some very good advice to share.

After this dinner, I ventured down to the American Bar, where I met more people who remembered me very well. Specifically my Irish Gangster friends, who I love to just casually hang out with like I’m one of the fam. The one you can look up on the internet told me that I was very hard to forget, lol. That’s a good sign. Hear that, everyone? The IRA says I’m hard to forget, lol.

Meanwhile, the British Guy apparently climbed out of whatever sinkhole he was in to casually insult me. He’s annoying. I don’t like him. But I’m still very, very attracted to him. Well, as they say in SATC, “ugly sex is hot!!”

I guess so. I think right now I mostly just want to slap him across the face for getting fresh with me. Hmm. Why does he make me want to be so violent with him? That is a strange, uncomfortable feeling for me. I’m not sure that I like it.

Anyway, yeah, no one is surprised the guy who was talking about Trump in the bedroom turned out to be an asshole. Surprise Ending! Lol! Joke’s on me, again. Look at my life, look at my choices. I came all the way to Thailand just to end up dating more jerks!

Eat, Pray, Love indeed. I have eaten all the food. I have prayed at all the temples. Now I am falling back into my oldest habit and worst addiction: dating terrible men.

Ugh, now I have to tear this one up and start all over. Again. I’m exhausted. How many more of these can one person take? I’m so old and tired. Why can’t I just write one novel? I’m so sick of the short stories and the Island of Lost Guys. Why don’t any of these losers want to make a real investment on my little plot of land? I work so hard scribbling away at my little manuscripts just for these jerks to casually discard them like yesterday’s trash.

It’s so exhausting.

I can just hear the coffee shop owner and her auntie thinking, “Girl, we hear you, our white boyfriends annoy the shit out of us too.”

lol 😂

Truth.

He’s definitely playing the psychological mind games with me. I can see it for exactly what it is. It’s definitely messing with my head. I wonder if he is getting the results he wants from me? Probably not since he is so eager to cast his judgment down upon me for how we met.

Personally, I think it’s a pretty fun, spicy story, but apparently, he is filled with shame towards himself for acting in a manner that was unbecoming of a gentleman.

Meanwhile I’m over here with my pen poised, ready to write the next Bridgerton if only he will let me, and instead he is just being cranky and mean about whatever it is that he feels.

It’s like… so not worth it, you guys. Unfortunately, now I’m invested. So I guess I just have to sit here and wait for him to just show up at his convenience (which he probably will the next time he gets drunk and horny). Good for him, I guess.

I need to stop thinking about him now. I have to work on my writing and my website and my job applications and all the things. I am very busy and important. Too busy and important for a cranky old jerk like him.

I hope I don’t see you at the American Bar. You better start going to a different location, because the one with the Old Hong Kong Lounge is mine now. It’s an elite, exclusive club. You’re not in it because you lived in Shenzhen. You’re nothing but a wannabe. You just hate me ‘cuz you ain’t me.

So there.

Have a nice life, jerk!

Ugh.

I hate him. I’m just especially annoyed now because I was actually really looking forward to banging him again, and instead he is just pulling a psychological power play to assert his so-called dominance in the relationship. It’s annoying. It’s so annoying. I’m so tired of this bullshit. I just want to slap him in the face now. So over it.

You know what is fucked up? He violated the sacred space of the yoga shala for his selfish entertainment and now I am the one stuck paying the price. That is so unfair. Why does he think he can just talk to me like that and get away with it? Who does he think he is? Why does he feel so entitled to do that?

These guys are so stupid. Why do you make me think about you if you don’t want me to think about you? I don’t understand.

I’m so over it.

I’m going to stop writing now and go do some yoga. I rented my apartment for the month so now I have one less thing to worry about. Except that I have to pack up AGAIN because they are moving me to an apartment with the same amount of space but no extra bed. I don’t know why they can’t just take the bed out of this apartment and put it in that one, but whatever. It will be good to change it up since my current loft is now haunted by the energy I have put into yet another doomed relationship with yet another terrible man.

Yeah, I definitely need to go work some of this extra energy off. I am not okay. These feathers are very ruffled right now. I am extremely annoyed by this situation. Extremely annoyed…