Thursday morning.

Sitting on the balcony with my coffee, croissant, and cigarette. As per usual. I woke up with some aches and pains, so I definitely need to do some yoga today.

I have a new neighbor next to me so I can’t blast my music anymore, lol. Alas. I am still playing it softly anymore. I’ve chosen a Vietnam War Protest Playlist this morning. Why? Because I’ve decided I’m going to Vietnam next week.

I found the motivation to get off my ass because I woke up this morning to a bunch of texts from my TEFL group chat checking on where we all are a year later. One of my cohort has been teaching in Vietnam and said I should come to Ho Chi Minh City. So I checked the flights and hotels and realized how absurdly cheap it is to go, so I’m gonna go.

Let’s go see the country that fucked up a whole generation of Americans and Vietnamese! Woo!

Hmm, that reminds me. Whatever happened to that troll who was threatening me with ~*~ScReEnShOtS~*~? They never resurfaced. They never emailed me the copies of the screenshots under their real name. I requested they send them to me right away so I could post them here and write an article deconstructing the concept of the “Subservient Asian Woman” Stereotype. Clearly they didn’t want to have an actual discussion about it. They just wanted to cancel me over something totally innocuous. Must be MAGA. They don’t like to learn new things or better themselves in any way. They just want to destroy everything and ruin people’s lives for the lulz.

Anyway, I’ve started running the logistics for this trip. It would be best to go to Kuala Lumpur, then Phnom Penh, then Ho Chi Minh City, aka the Artist Formerly Known as Saigon. From HCMC I can make my way north to Da Nang and Hanoi. That will lead me back to Hong Kong, where I can choose to make another go at it, or get a flight somewhere else.

I just keep getting this nagging feeling I should go back to Hong Kong. I’m not ready to give up on it yet. I liked it there! Besides, my beef was not with the Chinese. I love Chinese culture. They are what they are. It is what it is.

My beef was with the South Africans. And honestly, after traveling around and meeting various people from all over, who doesn’t have a beef with the South Africans? Ugh. They don’t represent themselves well abroad at all.

I’m definitely going to have to dump half of my clothes before I do this. I’m carrying too much. It’s a struggle. Time to prioritize. Let’s dump what doesn’t fit me anymore and create a capsule wardrobe that says “Powerful Professional Writer Extraordinaire.”

I still want to go home, but every day is more and more of a nightmare. I don’t know what to do. I’m overwhelmed. Who isn’t at this point, honestly?

I don’t know. I’m just thinking about Hong Kong now. It’s like a challenge to me. I am angry that I failed. I know that it wasn’t all my fault. That company is bullshit! But still… I was supposed to live there for a year. I want my year! The dragon hath been awakened. It’s ready to come back, bigger and stronger than before. I know I can do it. This is the Chinese way. You don’t just give up and lay your sword down at your enemy’s feet. You play the long game until your enemy is so fucked up and confused, they finally surrender to you.

I’ll also look at Shenzhen, just because. All the money is on the mainland and the cost of living is lower. It’s a quick ride to HK. Good backup option.

I had a dream last night where my deceased grandmother appeared. My father’s mother. We were close in our hearts but there was always distance put between us.

I was walking through the Chinese section of an art museum (aka her favourite place) and saw her coming down the escalator with her arms wide open. She was so happy to see me. She looked young and healthy. She said she’s just been upstairs having a tea party with all of her old friends. She took me up the escalator and showed me the table at the cafe where she has a permanent reservation. All of her friends were there, laughing and chatting and playing card games. She said she is happy again now that she isn’t all alone anymore. She said she is so proud of me and how far I’ve come. She said she is always watching over me on my journey.

Yet another reason why I am crazy enough to return to China… she taught me so much appreciation for the art and culture. I feel a connection to her through it. I want to try again. I’m not ready to give up. I know I have more to learn here in Asia before I go home. I need to give it a proper chance.

Okay, I have a new plan. Let’s get back to writing, website maintenance, and job applications. Work mode: On. Lazy piece of shit mode: Off.

First, we must do yoga and rehydrate. Maybe eat a piece of fruit instead of constantly pigging out on Indonesian chocolate. Nothing puts one’s terrible diet into perspective like three weeks at a yoga retreat. I’m living my life all wrong.

Off to check the news now. Have a good day!