Thursday. 9/11. Let’s not relive that terrible day, shall we? Okay.

I woke up from the strangest dream. It was about The Ex. The Big, Bad Vampire Ex from my first year at university. He was a terrible person. He cheated on me with like 7,000 different girls, so I dated both of his best friends as revenge.

He was a manwhore with Dark Triad traits whose favourite hobby was playing video games and mansplaining why women don’t belong in the military. He brought out the absolute worst in me. It took me well over a decade to recover from what I went through in that relationship. I do not have fond memories of this person.

The last time I spoke to him, he was causing his most recent ex problems because she left him and took the dog. I had a very strong moment of clarity while listening to him talk that what he was doing was abusive and I needed to stay away from him forever. Not sure whatever came of that situation, but I don’t really care. I would personally be surprised if it didn’t end in murder.

His only redeeming factor was that he had a very large dick and knew how to use it. That’s about it. In hindsight, this explains the entire relationship I had with him. I was dickmatized by his ability to give me an orgasm. I actually hadn’t met anyone else who could do that for me until I met the Rare Pokémon in Bangkok, which is actually really sad when I think about it.

Anyway, this is the guy who was starring in my dream last night. I was in yoga class and he suddenly walked into the room. He smiled at me and set his mat up next to mine. I moved my mat to the other side of the room. He followed me and set his mat up next to mine again. Then he walked over to me and put his hand on my waist, pulled me in close, and whispered in my ear, “I still think about you sometimes.” It sent a shiver down my spine and woke me from my sleep.

Not sure what to make of that one. Like, cool story, bro? IDK! I don’t really think about you unless it’s to reflect on how unhealthy that entire relationship was. I’m not interested in reconnecting with that guy. I would need to see a log with at least 10,000 hours of therapy, a signed letter from his therapist clearing him to enter into a relationship, and a 200hr yoga teacher training certificate from a legitimate school. Even then, no. Probably not. No.

Unless…

He was here in Bali right now and came here specifically to me. I need to see the receipts that he spent money to come to see me and only me. I want to see the cost of the plane ticket, the cost of the hotel, the cost of the Grab ride (cash tip to the driver included), and he would have to shell out the big bucks to take me out on a nice date. It doesn’t have to be the most expensive restaurant in town. It just has to be somewhere I would like. That shows me he cares enough about my wellbeing to choose a place that I would like.

Oh, and I want a gift. A real one that I would actually like. Again, it doesn’t have be expensive. It just has to be something he put actual time and effort into thinking about that shows he understands and appreciates me as an actual person, not a bottle of cheap perfume he can just toss in the trash when he gets mad.

This would just be the bare minimum he would have to meet in order for me to even speak to him again. That’s just the entry fee, you know what I’m saying? I don’t give a fuck if you still think about me. I don’t think about you. I’m busy. You wanna play, you gotta pay. Just call me Ticket Master because I will make you pay an absurd amount in extra fees that you didn’t even see coming.

So obviously, this will never, ever happen. I’m just trying to learn the lesson my Rare Pokémon taught me, which is to value myself enough not to allow that kind of dark energy back into my life. I did tell him this story. His reaction was, “Sounds like a jerk.” I told him it taught me a lot about how not to behave in relationships, but also really fucked me up for a long time.

It’s obvious how much it affected me. Hello, where do you think my whole Area Codes persona came from? I treat men the way this guy treated me, like free entertainment that comes and goes whenever I please. I don’t take any of them seriously. I expect every guy to cheat and lie. I expect men to treat me like crap, so I enter into all exchanges with men already on defense mode. I had to work really hard to overcome my hatred of men. It all started with this guy. He was just that terrible.

Calling him a Vampire is both literal and metaphorical. I recently looked at pictures of me when I was in that relationship. I look totally drained. Zombie-like. Puffy, sad, unhappy. Empty. Eyes dark and devoid of life. This was about the time my parents dragged me off to South Dakota. It’s good that I left NOVA because I had to get away from him, but going to SD wasn’t exactly better. It just added a brand new pile of traumatic crap. I kept pursuing all these bad guys because I was reliving the trauma I endured in that relationship. I was trapped in that cycle for a long time.

When I look back on it now, I can see the patterns, the cycles, the connections between events. I was a broken person. This relationship brought out the absolute worst in me. I’m not proud of how I behaved, but still, to this day, I think he deserved it. I don’t like the person I became when I matched his energy, but he needed to be taught a lesson, and that’s exactly what I did.

Still, I am glad I am not that person anymore. I would never, ever behave like that again if given the choice. I would just let that shit go. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this life, it’s that male attention is the most abundant resource on the planet. As soon as one guy gets up and leaves the table, another one immediately appears in his place. I don’t need to obsess over or fixate on any of these guys. I just need to learn how to enjoy sampling from the international all-you-can-eat buffet. Or should I say… BANQUET! Hahahaha!

As I write this post, it doesn’t surprise me that I dreamed about him at the end of my yoga course. As we’ve seen in these blog posts, these guys have been coming and going in my dreams for weeks. It’s like a revolving door of men. So when he showed up last night, it wasn’t really a surprise. The part that surprised me was that he was doing yoga, lol. Now that’s a twist no one saw coming!

Hmm. Strange. Well, I guess I’m done writing now. I feel better after reflecting on that situation a bit. It’s definitely time to grow up and move past it. Let’s evolve, fam. Send that anger and bitterness out into the rainforest. Receive love and affection from the universe back in return. Go out into the world and spread the love around. Find my peace, blah blah blah.

Wow, I really do feel better after writing that post. I’m off to have a cigarette now to celebrate my positive growth in life.

What’s next for BetseyHorton.com? No idea. All I know is that tomorrow I get to dress up in my white outfit and graduate from yoga school for a second time. I’m proud of the work I’ve done here. I’m proud of my growth and change. I’m proud of my journey, even if I have no idea where the fuck it’s even taking me right now.

Hmph. Ultimate power move right over here. “I still think about you.” Well, rest assured that I’m definitely not thinking about you, lolololol. I’m too busy living my best life in Bali.

And, oh, by the way, this is what I look like now:

Mwahahaha! Mwa Hahahahahaha!

At last, true revenge is mine.

Feels good.