Thursday?!?!?!?!?!

What?

Okay, to be fair, it is 12:25am, so it’s only been Thursday for 25 minutes, but still. I can’t believe it’s been so long already. I’ve taken two exams already and now I’m preparing for another one on Friday. Crazy,

The first exam was written. It wasn’t perfect but I had to let it go. I just had to give up my idea of perfection and let it go. That was so hard for me, but I just let it go. The only way to fail is to not show up at all.

The second was my Yin Yoga practice teaching exam. I had it in my head but didn’t write it down until about 30 minutes before. Then I just sat down and did it. It was a vibe. It wasn’t perfect, but again, I just had to let it go. It was so different from my exam in India. If you had seen me teach then to where I am now, you would see two different people. It felt like a culmination of so many things over the course of a year. I hope I can return to my shala in India and teach a class so they can see how far I’ve come. I know they would appreciate it.

We had our exams all morning, which was tough. I was definitely done for the day, but then we had to go back for the sound bath. It’s nice to take a sound bath, but then you actually have to sit alone with all the instruments and figure it out for yourself. It was hard. Those vibrations are powerful. You can’t just sit down and do it. I tried to Sound of Music my way out of it, but it just didn’t feel right. Ultimately, I just went with the sound of the thunderstorm in the rainforest. I don’t know where it came from, but it unlocked an ancient, forgotten memory from a very long time ago.

I had to choose an instu,ent to be main sound so I just went with rain stick. I kept hearing my dad’s voice in my head like, “Betsey on the rain sticks!” No, I can ‘t compose a melody off the top of my head, but I can imitate the sounds of a thunderstorm in the rainforest. It was like… it’s not even me. It’s my dad playing the drums again through me, I felt so connected to him in that moment. After all the difficulty of my grief, I finally felt connected to my dad again. It was just like, so much, you guys. I can’t even explain it to you right now, I just knew he was there with me in that moment and it meant everything.

Needless to say, I already know I can take tomorrow off and pass my exam with flying colors. It was such a vibe.

I’m vibing now, I’m playing the Lion Sleeps Tonight. My dad and I always used to sing this together. I would dress up like the Lion and we would watch the Lion King together and now I’m crying and wah wah wah wah I want my daddy… wah wah wah… I miss my daddy 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁

In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight…

I’m crying so much right now.

So obviously my dad randomly chose to sing, “I’m your Venus, I’m your Fire, you’re my desire” from Spotify. Now I’m crying even more.

Wah wah wah, I miss my daddy, wah wah wah,

Okay, word of caution: sound baths are not a concept you can just casually mess with. The vibrations will fuck your shit up. Get ready to feel all the feelings and all the emotions and just cry and cry and cry and then somehow you’re expected to just an exam on everything you just learned while some random creature that could be a bird or a monkey is screaming at you while you’re in the shower just trying to decompress from this difficult.

Honestly not sure what that was but I was just standing there in the shower like, “Where is this screaming even coming from right now? Like, are you okay, because it definitely sounds like you’re being murdered and I’m actually concerned.”

Who knows? It was probably a tiny little gecko with a very strong throat chakra. Whatever it was, it sounded like it was coming from directly inside the walls and I was over it. The last thing I needed after today was to listen to some unknown entity inside the walls screaming at me while I’m just trying to shower, but it’s the rainforest, so like, go off, fam, I guess?

Just too much for me. I am ready to do nothing tomorrow. Absolutely fucking nothing. Just leave me alone and let me sleep in my cave. For sure.

Totally vibing with my dad right now. Hakuna Matata, Hakuna Matata, Hakuna Matata. Oh gurrrl, you should just see me perform the Lion King alone in my house. No, I haven’t watched the new version. I don’t need that shit in my life. Ugh. Don’t even talk to me about it.

Fun Fact: I actually went on a full rant about this in Paris at the Bastille Day Fireman’s Ball. I was like, “How are you gonna get all the best black actors together to do an African reinvision of Hamlet and still insist on making it into a cartoon? That’s some bullshit right there!” And I swear to god I turned around and I saw Idris fucking Elba sitting right behind me, hunched over on the stoop, looking up at me and smiling. I was so shocked. So was th person I was with. Both of us were like… omg… is that Idris Elba? Because I’m pretty sure it was actually Idris Elba. I mean, of course it was. We were at a fucking Fireman’s Ball in Paris on Bastille Day. Why wouldn’t Idris Elba just be there lurking in random corner, trying to stay out of the spotlight, just watching people for funsies?

Crazy, but true. True story!

That’s why I love Paris. You can always tell the people who belong there by how they perceive it. People who don’t belong in Paris will only look at the surface. They’ll be like, “It’s dirty and gross and ewww.” People who actually belong there see the ghosts of the past. They wander down the random alleyways and into the little cafes and watch the street and see how the history unfolded in front of them.

Like this troll who is trying to hate on me who is allegedly obsessed with Vietnam. Like, do you even know that Ho Chi Minh lived in Paris and studied to be a poet? No, of course you don’t, because all you see is the dog shit on the street. Sorry it’s not for you. Maybe you should check out Thailand instead. Seems like more your speed. Not saying it’s any lesser. Just saying, you’re not that deep, so maybe you need to go to a place that openly caters to people on your level. Just saying. You’re clearly not looking for a deep, intellectual experience when you travel, so maybe just to get a massage with a happy ending instead. The end.

Hmm.

Yeah you can tell I’m elitist East Coast asshole at heart. Not sure how anyone could ever mistake me for being a midwesterner. Ugh. Just… ugh. I am NOT NICE and very proud of that fact. Like I’ll definitely help you get to where you need to go if you’re lost on the Metro, but beyond that…. No. We are not the same. I don’t want to be associated with you and you don’t want to be associated with me. So let’s just make two separate countries and you can go be the third world shithole you already are without burdening the rest of us by sucking up our tax dollars to pay for your ignorance and stupidity. Good luck with whatever it is you think you’re winning. Rest assured, the rest of will be much better off without you.

Over it.

Confederates, am I right? Lord, if only you could meet these people and see how ridiculous they really are. 1880 Town is real AF. Like, I’m at the point where I’m done with it. I’m over it. You want to live in your regressive little shithole without medicine or science or labor protections or education? Be my guest. Do it. Just do it. Take your shithole states and leave. Just go. Do your thing. Best of luck. Have a nice life. Wish you the best. Goodbye. As for the rest of us, well… we prefer living in modern society, don’t we? So yeah, Bye Felicia! This revolution will be peaceful if you allow it. Good luck in Alligator Alcatraz. Please leave the rest of us the fuck alone.

Yeah, we’ll see how long that one lasts, lol.

Being a history major is so fun.

Hashtag, Over it. Just fucking over it.

On that note, let’s tune back in with my dad and just play some jazz.

Everybody, everybody, everybody wants to be a cat!

Everybody, everybody, everybody wants to be a cat!

Everybody, everybody, everybody wants to be a cat!

*jams with the band till we literally bring the house down*

Last question: if I had to pick one Disney song to describe my life, what would it be? No hesitation: Reflection from Mulan. Mulan is my movie. The old version, with Mushu. I am Mulan. Mulan is me. Most relatable movie ver. Truly. I just can’t get my reflection to show who I am inside…

My grandma understood me. My dad understood me. They are not here in this life anymore, but they’re here with me now, right by my side. I can just hear them singing to me right now…

True to your heart, you must be true to your heart

that’s when the heavens will part

and baby, shower you with my love

open your eyes,

your heart will tell you no lies,

and when you’re true to your heart,

I know it’s gonna lead you straight to meee…..

❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜🩷