Wednesday night.

Currently sitting at my fav Pad Thai spot after spending the evening at the American Bar. Of course I have a story to tell. Of course I do. I always have a story to tell after leaving this place.

I decided to go there because I was just sitting on my rooftop, still hung up on the British Guy for whatever the fuck reason related to the Roman Empire. I was like, “I need to leave and go talk to people and drink Big Changs and then I will forget all about this.”

Famous last words.

So I walked the two blocks it takes to get to this place, and there I experienced Old Man Wiley’s collection of books he rescued from the secondhand book shop today.

Allow me to preface this by saying, “I was trying to take my mind off of Mr. Roman Empire over here, and this bag of books did not achieve that goal.”

So as it turns out, the bag was full of Roman Empire Historical Fiction. For realz! Ya’ll, believe me when I say I was CRYING when I opened up these novels and read the pages!!!

One of them was literally like… how difficult the day in the life of this Barbarian dude is and how just longs to come home to his slave girl wife. Literally, just full detail and everything.

And then it’s followed up immediately by him eating horsemeat at dawn with a slightly stale slice of bread and a cup of ale. I was like, “Not the horsemeat!!”

And there I was, reading this shit in the middle of the bar as I got drunk on Big Changs, thinking of the British Guy sitting in his library getting off to this shit, and I was just… omg… I was laughing so hard I was crying. Literally crying!

Oh my god, it was the most hilarious shit I’ve ever read, specifically because of the time and the place and the coincidence of the universe.

I actually had to dip out of the bar way earlier than planned specifically because I could not stop laughing about the fucking books in Old Man Wiley’s bag. Like, of all the days to carry around Roman Empire smut in your fucking shopping bag.

Like, bro, what the fuck even is that?

I’m crying, I’m crying, I’m laughing so hard I’m literally actually crying. This eyeliner claims to be waterproof, but it’s not. I’ve tested it out and tonight is yet another example of the fact that the branding is full of lies. Lies, I tell you, lies.

Anyway, so now I’m the crazy person sitting in the back of the food stand, hunched over my iPad, laughing at seemingly nothing while wiping tears away from my eyes.

Ahahahahahahahahahahzhahahahahahahahaha

Sorry but that’s the funniest fucking shit I’ve ever read. Perfect timing, universe. Literally perfect timing.

Now I have eaten and thus fulfilled my hunger. Yet somehow, the events that have transpired tonight still seem especially hilarious.

The saddest part for me is that my viewpoint is that a Muse is a Muse. I will take that inspiration from this guy today. He clearly dreams of being someone’s Roman Empire someday. And now he’s done it. Whether he wants it or not, he has achieved this goal.

Meanwhile, he’s probably sitting in his condo, totally clueless that this series of stories about him is unfolding live before our very eyes somewhere on the internet, mostly because he’s too busy paying some local girl half his age to get his dick sucked.

Hilarious, indeed.

Time to head home and climb into the bed of pillows that is temporarily all mine. Until the next place…

Namaste.