Wednesday morning. Sitting out by the pool, looking out over the rainforest, enjoying my coffee. I should be writing down my script for my class today, but I’m not. Always waiting until the last minute.

We finally have a day off tomorrow. I’m planning to use it to do absolutely nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing except laundry and a practice session with the other two ladies in my Yin class for our chakra flow. Other students are planning outings. They asked me if I wanted to go and I was just like. “Nope. I’m doing nothing. I’ll save the outings for after school is done. Tomorrow I just want to do nothing.”

Hashtag boundaries. I love being here because it’s teaching me how to set boundaries around my space and time without having a meltdown. I’m used to people pushing me into doing things I don’t want to do when I don’t have the energy to do them. I feel like I can’t say no because I have to make them happy. Then I end up having a meltdown.

The most recent example of this was my roommate in Hong Kong. She never let me have any time to myself. She always wanted to eat dinner together, always came into my room when I just wanted to decompress by watching AJE and catching up on the world news and criticizing me for watching it. She wanted to do everything together all the time. I just couldn’t handle it. I need my space. I need my alone time. This is why I ended up melting down at her in the end. I just wanted her to leave me the fuck alone and stop coming into my space.

This is how I learned I’m too old to have a roommate, especially one who is 23. 23 is a great age to be codependent with your roomie, like in university. 36 is an age where you already know yourself and your habits and if you don’t enforce your boundaries, you end up getting steamrolled and forced into situations you don’t want to be in.

So now I’m here in Bali, learning how to politely say, “I don’t have the energy for this shit right now. I need to be alone. Please respect my time and space and allow me to recharge. We can plan to do something else later. Right now, I need to be alone with me.”

Sometimes I wonder how that job is working out for everyone in my cohort. I’ve already seen on Instagram that a few people have already quit. Good for them. That company sucks. Speaking of people who steamroll your boundaries and force you into an unhealthy lifestyle… what a fucking dumpster fire.

Also, yeah, I know, I’m a weirdo because I like watching the news, but only Al Jazeera English. It’s because it’s not just news. It’s deep dives on history and climate change and human rights issues. They’re always tying the past and the present together to talk about how we can change things for the future. I like the stories they feature and the interviews they acquire. I especially love watching people meltdown live on TV when challenged on their beliefs. If I ever become a real writer, my dream job would be to work for AJE. I respect the fuck out of them, and yes, I am aware that it’s funded by Qatari millionaires. So what? Where do you think the funding for news organizations comes from? Do you even know who the Hearst family is? This is nothing new. At least they’re throwing their money at stories about human rights and climate change. It’s not like Jeff Bezos, who has used his ill-gotten Amazon gains to destroy the environment, cripple labor unions, AND turn the Washington Post into a total rag. Ugh. I used to dream of writing for WashPo and now I get on there everyday and just think, “Wow, what happened?”

I’m trying to empty out my head before I have my teaching exam in two hours. Good thing this blog is here or I would not be able to teach yoga ever.

Anyway, watching the news doesn’t depress me. I like watching AJE because it makes me feel more connected to people on the other side of the world. For example, they’re covering the protests here in Indonesia right now. Most of the protestors are young people. Their grievances are similar to those of the young people in the U.S. and the West in general. Watching it makes me feel like we’re all in this together. I feel less alone when I watch the news. I feel like we are all struggling together. It gives me a sense of larger purpose in this world. It inspires me to use my voice to bring people together.

That being said, certain people featured on the news daily definitely make me angry. You know who it is. Ugh. Just… rage. Every day it’s something new and even more insane. It’s disgusting. But again, I don’t get depressed. I’m inspired to stand up and act. I’m inspired to find my purpose and use it to create change. I just need to get myself into a healthier mindset before I can really chase down that carrot, you know what I’m saying?

Anyway, I have to get ready to go back to class now. I will write down my flow on the next break. I’m going to give it a little bit more time to marinate before I put the words to the page. This is my way.

Have a good day!