Tuesday afternoon. On break from class. Not much to say. Just doing yoga with some chill people in a rainforest. Join us!

I decided to confront the British Guy last night after I wrote my blog. I’m just not the type that likes to talk about people behind their backs. I need to go say that shit to their face directly. So I took the bull by the horns and just messaged him about the weirdness. The results were… interesting.

He was definitely very defensive at first, so I had to ease him into feeling comfortable. He followed up by trying to gaslight me, saying that I am the one who asked him to do these things to me, which I most certainly did not. Then he said that the majority of the 100 women he’s slept with wanted him to do these things to them, which I highly doubt. Then he said that men do it because they think that’s what women want.

And I’m like… yeah, no… I personally don’t know anyone who actually wants to be strangled, but go off. Then suddenly he changed his story to say he doesn’t actually like violent sex, so I’m like… I don’t really know what’s happening here, but I’m already so deep into this conversation that now I feel like I have to change him. And we all know that you can’t change a man. You can’t change anyone. They have to change for themselves.

Then I got annoyed because the conversation was distracting me during class because I couldn’t turn my stupid monkey mind off. Now I’m just sitting here like… this is probably just my family’s Revolutionary War trauma coming back to haunt me and that’s why I feel the need to engage with this person. It’s like morbid curiosity. This always happens to me. I get fixated on the weirdest people. I just need to understand what’s happening in their minds. Right now I don’t understand what is happening inside of this guy’s mind and he’s now made it even more difficult.

Theoretically I should just delete and block, but I need to follow this story to its natural conclusion because that’s what I do. It’s not healthy but that’s what I do. Besides, I’m safe because I’m in a different country now, so it’s like… I can still engage without putting myself directly in harm’s way, so why the fuck not?

I don’t really feel bad writing about him because I’ve already had this conversation with him. I’m simply recounting it here as it is happening. Maybe I will tell him about it. I probably will eventually because I think it’s wrong not to. But I’m sure he’s not going to take it very well because most people don’t. It doesn’t really matter because the likelihood of me ever actually seeing him again is pretty low unless I decided to return to Bangkok. So, whatever.

Idk.

Okay, time to go back to class. Let’s do some yoga and get all this trauma out of my body and mind. Yay!