Monday night. Interview tomorrow morning. I was sure to eat very healthy today and spend time alone with my thoughts. I got a vegan carrot and ginger soup with a chicken and Thai holy basil pesto sandwich with peach oolong tea. I also got myself a fruit and yogurt bowl for my pre-interview morning snack. Lots of different fruits from SEA featured in the mix. Excited to try it! I’m obsessed with all the healthy snacks and foods.
That all being said, I really don’t know how I feel about this. It used to mean so much to me. It used to be this distant thing I aspired to. Now it’s attached to that monster and it feels more like dancing around a pile of radioactive waste the closer I get to it.
I am conflicted. I guess it’s a good thing I will never pass the mental health check, lol. Nothing to worry about. This is just about me having the courage to do something I’ve always wanted to do, even if I fall flat on my face and fail, which I am pretty confident I will. Something about that feels very freeing, you know?
What comes next after this ridiculousness? Hmm, I’m definitely thinking yoga shala. I can’t keep living my life like this. Like, okay, this summer was a bust. First time flying out of the nest and I landed on my ass hard. No biggie! We’ll just go hit the reset button and start all over again. Dust off these wings and try to learn how to fly again. That’s all we can do.
Yoga shala it is. Then who knows? I’ll just do workaways or something and bum around with a bunch of surfers on the beach. This is a different trip than I planned. Time to stop sitting on my ass and feeling sorry for myself and bumming around Thailand and go bum around Bali instead, lol. I won’t be bumming. I’ll be doing a YTTC. It’s valuable. I just desperately need some discipline and good character-building stuff. Get all this leftover garbage out of my system, hit refresh, and then start all over again with a brand new perspective and mindset. Then I will finally be able to move forward.
Maybe.
Time to go to sleep so I can wake up at 4am and enjoy my smoothie bowl. Wish me luck! Haha!