Wednesday. Sitting on the rooftop having my coffee. I was supposed to check out today but I just extended my stay again. Only for a few days to buy myself more time. I cannot stay here much longer or it will destroy my budget. This I know well.

AirBnB is… a problem. Ugh. Nothing but endless problems, to be honest. You think you’re getting a good deal on a longer stay, but what you’re really getting is problems you don’t want or need. You think you’re getting the balcony, the little yoga studio, the rooftop garden with the infinity pool. No. You’re just getting problems you don’t need or want.

I spoke to multiple hosts yesterday and every single one was shady. The most popular tactic was saying the apartment was available starting on X-day, then saying it wasn’t ready for a few more days, then coming back to offer it again for a higher price, then changing the listing on the website.

After the third variation of this scam, I remembered why I switched back to hotels and made peace with paying higher prices for guaranteed services such as a housekeeping, security, and a concierge who greets me by name every time I come downstairs.

Another issue with AirBnB was the obvious photoshopping done on many of the pictures. They would also change the decoration or furniture arrangements and take photos from multiple angles to make the space appear larger. Some of the photos had been mirrored. I encountered multiple listings of the same apartments under different names.

Then let’s say you do manage to get one of these apartments. Suddenly there are now all of these rules I didn’t know about before. I need to use my fingerprints to get in the building, I can’t use the pool unless I stay for over a month, I have to take the stairs because they’re cracking down on AirBnBs in that building and they don’t want me getting caught. It’s just a hassle.

So many problems I didn’t ask for. That’s how I ended up going downstairs and extending my stay in this monstrously expensive haunted tower. At least I’m living in a giant loft. Look at me paying Hong Kong real estate prices in Thailand while I lie around and do nothing but naval-gaze. Brilliant.

What am I doing with my life? I don’t know. I’ve been in Thailand for two weeks and all I’ve done is fuck around with ghosts. On-brand. Really getting the full culturally immersive experience here. Didn’t even need to go to the red light district to do it.

I can’t decide what I want to do or where I want to go. I can just get a visa on arrival for Bali, but I was specifically trying to apply for the remote work visa, which is longer. I guess I can always change it later. Who knows if I will even like Bali? Let’s start with a week there first and see if it’s really the digital nomad paradise it’s made out to be.

I am also still thinking about doing another yoga teacher training course. I am specifically looking into Rishikesh, the yoga capital of the world. They are more serious there. Goa was fun, but I was not very disciplined. If I go to Rishikesh, I have to do the whole thing the right way. No parties, no alcohol, no smoking, no drugs, no sex, no internet, no takeout or restaurants or cafes or bars or clubs, nothing but doing yoga in front of the mountains in front of the sacred Ganga River all day. Full focus on making the soul one with the universe.

Not easily accomplished, but I am intrigued. It would be good for me since all I know how to do is lay around dwelling on what a fuckup and failure I am. You know what make me feel better about that? A month living in the Himalayan mountains of India getting my 300hr yoga teaching certification. Then I will have 500hrs of study and something like 130hrs of teaching experience. That’s something, isn’t it?

Then maybe I will come down from the mountain top a brand new human being who can actually function and go to work like a normal person…

So that’s where my head is at right now.

Meanwhile, my ex is messaging me again. He’s using his cousin as an intermediary. Of course there’s lots of drama. He’s basically acting like the big baby he is. I’m over it. Maybe he is the one who needs to go up on the mountain top and do yoga for a month to get his head together. And actually do yoga, not skip class every day and follow me around everywhere like the lost little puppy he is.

I was being sucked back into this mess when another woman approached me on the rooftop. He friend was on a date so she sat down and started chilling with me while watching to make sure he wasn’t creeping. She was a digital nomad from the Philippines. She had been a teacher but now works remotely for a beauty company and travels all the time. Living the dream!

We were joined later by another woman, who holds the honor of being the first American I’ve met outside of the United States since I left. She is a black woman from Michigan who is currently on vacation with her family. She also travels a lot, so the three of us had a great conversation about lots of different topics. It ended up being a fun girls night out, even though all we did was sit on the rooftop and chat. We didn’t even drink, which was the craziest part for me, a person who is used to using alcohol as a crutch in social situations. The vibe was just so relaxed that I didn’t feel like I needed it. It was strange but refreshing.

It was interesting to hear about another American’s experiences traveling abroad. She told me her travels made her really appreciate growing up in the United States. She said she has experienced more racism while traveling abroad than back at home. She said she encounters some really bizarre “old world” situations, such as people asking her if she is “a house slave or a field slave.”

Wow. I mean, just wow! That’s like, literally one of the Top 3 Most Offensive Things Ever that you can say to another human being on this planet. Hello! What century is it?! I just can’t wrap my head around that mindset. Like, look at this woman. She’s well-dressed, well-groomed, educated, hardworking, traveling to fucking Thailand. What are you even thinking right now?

I don’t know how she has the patience to handle questions like that. As she says, it makes her grateful for the family and lifestyle she grew up in and for the United States in general. We have our problems, but it inspires her to keep the dream alive for the next generation. She says she doesn’t let it stop her from traveling or seeing the world. It’s just other people’s ignorant mindset at work. Love to hear it, love to see it. Inspirational.

The three of us hung out on the rooftop for some time before the Americana departed. The Filipina and I decided to venture out down the street to a dispensary. The budtender was from Myanmar, a very troubled place in the world. My new friend admitted that she had never smoked pot before because it’s illegal in her country. I said I was being a bad influence as her new American friend. The budtender gave me this weird grin and said, “And we are so grateful to you Americans for your bad influence.”

And that’s how I learned all about the Myanmar drug trade. Wow, what a rabbit hole. Wow, what a fucked up place. Yikes. More on that whole situation later on Al Jazeera English, lol.

More fun lessons on diplomacy and the true nature of this world. Who are my friends? Who are my allies? Who are my enemies? Who are we on polite, but very strained terms with? I could watch a million documentaries from the safety and comfort of home, but it could never compare to actually getting out into the world and meeting real people who answer these questions in a variety of fun and interesting ways.

Need to figure out my plan in the next four days. Can’t just be drifting along like a feather on the wind. I guess technically we all are, but I would personally love it if this feather could decide on a direction to go in that makes sense for her and provides her with a steady source of income to sustain her so she doesn’t even up sleeping on the street.

Off now. My iPad battery is going fast lately. Not sure what’s draining it so suddenly. Going to have a light breakfast while I wait for housekeeping to finish my room. Then I actually have to do something productive instead of writing throwaway trash to distract myself from my difficult, painful reality full of failure and suck.

I need to go to a park and do yoga by the river or something. Anything to get the hell out of this haunted tower…